REDEMPTION
(A screen play in progress)
Stuart Silverstein
wgaw #973094.
.
[email protected]
47 Pleasantdale Ave.
Waterville, ME 04901
In the State of Maine, one may return certain empty beverage containers and receive 5 or 10 cents per bottle or can. This is a type of recycling. Grocery stores take back the containers, but also in rural areas there are redemption centers, which in addition, do the recycling. Because there are so many little churches in rural areas, and because of signage issues, it is not terribly difficult to confuse a building that redeems souls with one that redeems beverage containers.
Synopsis
The power of music and sermon allow a man who is highly creative, but filled with angst and a sense of self righteousness, to enter altered states of consciousness. In a parallel universe, he confronts his fears, hopes, fantasies and much that he cannot explain. Set in rural and urban locations, the protagonist experiences fantastical adventures while returning bottles to the redemption center and through the power of music and sermon he enters altered states of consciousness. Fantastical adventures are the result and his life is transformed.
FADE IN:
EXT. SADDLEBACK MOUNTAIN, MAINE -- DAY
A mountain biker struggles to pedal up a trail. Then he
heads down, around breakneck curves, and up again through
the rugged landscape. His dirty 24 speed bike scatters gravel
as he brushes up against tree branches. The trail is
extremely challenging, and he nearly falls a couple of times.
He’s breathing hard, getting a good workout. It's a clear
summer's day and then we hear a voice.
PULL BACK TO REVEAL
that the image is from a giant monitor directly in front of
a man on an exercycle in his studio.
INT. MANNY'S STUDIO -- DAY
SYLVIE
Honey, honey, my turn.
Sylvie is in her 30's, strikingly attractive, always dresses
in black with various accessories. Good smile.
MANNY reluctantly gets off the exercycle. His studio is
filled with paintings, sculptures, tools, paints, computers.
Lots of art, many projects half finished.
MANNY
(bored)
Where do you want to go?
Manny is in his 40's. He's trim and could be attractive,
but he doesn't smile much and ALWAYS has a TROUBLED LOOK.
SYLVIE
Acadia, Loop Road.
MANNY
Hills or no hills?
SYLVIE
Hills.
Manny adjusts a display on top of the exercycle and Sylvie
gets on and begins to pedal.
EXT. ACADIA NATIONAL PARK -- DAY
Sylvie's breathing hard and we see spectacular views of the
Maine coast as she pedals along a coastal trail. The surf
come crashing in and it immediately gets sucked back out
revealing seaweed incrusted rocks. Gulls cry, enveloped in
sea foam. A man is jogging along Sand Beach. He looks like
Manny.
2.
SYLVIE
What a blast, but I'm gonna flatten
this hill out a bit. It's too much
for me.
Sylvie touches a button on the top of the exercycle and we
see the hill flatten on the monitor. Her breathing becomes
less pronounced.
SYLVIE (CONT'D)
That's more like it.
INT. MANNY'S STUDIO -- CONTINUOUS
Pull back to reveal that once again, the images are from a
giant monitor. After a short while she gets off the
exercycle.
MANNY
Hey, you want to check out the new
video I made where you have to pedal
like mad to get away from an urban
gang?
SYLVIE
But do I really need to get away
from an urban gang?
MANNY
You never know.
Manny runs the video of an urban gang chasing someone through
the streets. Video continues.
SYLVIE
Jesus, you're so obsessive about
this stuff. Can't you ever kick
back?
MANNY
Me? I'm kicked back.
SYLVIE
(clearly unimpressed)
Sure Manny, sure.
Urban video still playing in background.
SYLVIE (CONT'D)
You are really serious about this
aren't you? Listen, can you please
just shut off that monitor for...oh
what the hell, it doesn't matter.
(Sylvie looking at Manny seductively)
Manny, I've just got this little
problem today. Do you think we could?
Sylvie lures Manny over to the coach.
MANNY
Yeah, all right.
They start taking their clothes off. Manny is on top of
Sylvie, huffing and puffing. The urban video continues in
the background. While making love, Manny is sneaking a peek
at a led display by the bed. The display's bar graph rises
and falls depending the strength of the "groan." Each time
the meter peaks out, we hear a loud "BING." Sylvie opens
her eyes startled. She turns around and sees the meter.
SYLVIE
(Outraged, she jumps off the couch)
What the hell. Oh Manny, fuck you,
fuck you. Can't you just let it go?
Get out of your head for a change
and just be in the present moment.
Sylvie quickly dresses and storms out. Manny starts gathering
up all the beer and soft drink bottles in his studio. He
tosses them in a plastic bag.
MANNY
(mumbling)
This relationship is never going to
work. What's the sense. It's never
going to work. What the hell do I
want anyway. All I'm trying to do
is to FEEL GOOD. Is that asking for
too much?
EXT. MANNY'S STUDIO -- DAY
Manny loads the bag into his compact car and returns to the
studio where he has several more bags leaning against an
outside wall. He stuffs the car with bottles, leaving barely
enough room for himself.
MANNY
(mumbling)
Why is it all so complicated?
Everything is so heavy. Couldn't it
just be simple. What the hell is
wrong with me?
EXT. RURAL MAINE ROAD -- CONTINUOUS
Manny drives down a RURAL MAINE ROAD in a depressed area.
Lots of little houses with old refrigerators on the side and
some with scalloped truck tires used for planters on front
lawns. He passes trailers with rusted sides and dead autos
on front lawns. Those autos will never start again. Laundry
hangs in front of houses.
4.
INT. MANNY'S CAR -- CONTINUOUS
MANNY (V.O.)
Where the hell is this bottle
redemption center, anyway? A nickel
a bottle. Is it really worth it?
Manny pulls up to a ramshackle building with a large, crudely
painted sign that says "REDEMPTION CENTER." He gets out of
the car, stumbles and hauls a bag of bottles to the redemption
center door.
He enters, and is astounded by what he sees.
INT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- CONTINUOUS
The redemption center is a large space filled with blacks,
whites, Muslims, Hasidic Jews, straights, women with burkas,
freaks, bikers, drag queens, bag ladies, gays, lesbians,
geeks. Everyone is either dancing, singing, drumming, smoking
dope, hugging, kissing, visiting or sorting bottles and cans.
The atmosphere is frenetic, hypnotic, and friendly. Manny
gets drawn in. All at once there's music coming from a band.
A choir is practicing.
SOME OF THE ACTORS AND ACTRESSES WHO INHABIT THE REDEMPTION CENTER TAKE MULTIPLE ROLES THROUGHOUT THE MOVIE. They are
SLIGHTLY RECOGNIZABLE IN SUBSEQUENT SCENES.
MANNY
(to BIKER)
Oh, my god. What IS this place
anyway? I just came to return
bottles. What the hell is going on
here? Is this some kind of fake
time warp or hokey parallel universe?
I don't believe in that shit. Maybe
you're part of that kookie theater
group that performs in the gravel
pit on the 4th of July.
BIKER
(passing a joint to
Manny)
Come on man, take a toke.
MANNY
No thanks, don't want to hurt my
lungs.
BIKER
Do what HIPPIE GIRL does.
(gesturing to Hippie
Girl)
Why not show him.
5.
HIPPIE GIRL
Don't inhale. Just swallow the smoke
and keep it down. You'll get high.
HASIDIC JEW
Maybe President Clinton was telling
the truth when he said he didn't
inhale.
BIKER
Yeah, somebody should've asked him
what he did with the smoke.
Manny takes a toke and swallows the smoke.
MANNY
(to smiling biker)
Is this where I return my bottles?
BIKER
Yeah, sort of.
MANNY
What the hell does that mean?
People beckon Manny to join in bottle sorting. Those sorting
bottles are also musicians and singers. Some are juggling
the bottles and cans. They trade off roles. With trepidation
Manny slowly complies, but he's too uptight to dance and
sing. Everyone seems to be in some sort of ecstatic state.
A neatly dressed BLACK MAN climbs up on a chair. He's in
his 50's and commands the attention of everyone.
PREACHER
My brothers, my sisters, I'm here to
tell 'ya about somethin 'ya need
just as much as 'ya need air, or
water or food or good lovin. Are
'ya ready to hear me?
The CONGREGATION cheers loudly.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
I say, are 'ya ready to hear me?
The congregation goes wild with foot stomping, high 5's,
yelling.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Sisters and brothers, mothers and
fathers, I'm gonna tell 'ya what we
need is RESPECT. Oh yeah. You hear
folks goin on about tolerance.
Tolerance?
(MORE)
6.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
That the best we can do, just tolerate
each other, just tolerate God's
creatures? Hell no. I don't think
so. That ain't enough, and y'all
know it. Not only you gotta respect
each other, but you gotta respect
everything that's here on this earth.
The congregation stamps and whistles approvingly. A
collection plate is going around and it passes by Manny.
It's overflowing with change. He fumbles in his pocket but
the next person takes the plate before he can add any money
to it.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
(He points at the
collection plate)
Now y'all just wait a minute. Do
'ya remember what DADDY GRACE used
to say?
BODYBUILDER
Tell us.
PREACHER
Ain't any of you remember?
BLACK WOMAN
Oh, I do. I went to his church once.
Daddy Grace, he say he don't want to
hear no JINGLING when the plate is
passed.
PREACHER
That's right sister, and y'all know
what he meant by that, don't 'ya?
He didn't want to see no change. He
wanted to see them green bills floatin
down into the plate. 'Ya hear, be
generous now.
Congregation whoops and stamps in approval. Lots of high
5's.
TOUGH WOMAN
Who's this Daddy Grace, dude?
PREACHER
Tell her sister.
BLACK WOMAN
Daddy Grace was this preacher man,
and he had lots of churches.
(MORE)
7.
BLACK WOMAN (CONT'D)
He used to drive up to his churches in a big, white Cadillac, and Daddy Grace, he had dem long fingernails painted red, white and blue.
PREACHER
What was we talkin about. It was respect wasn't it?
TOUGH WOMAN
It sure was.
PREACHER
There are some of you who don't respect God's work, and 'ya know who you are.
Manny suddenly looks startled.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
So I want you to listen to me. Listen real close now. Come get closer to me. Every creature, live or dead is holy. And I mean every single animal, and it don't matter if they smell sweet or foul.
BLACK WOMAN
Oh that's right lord.
PREACHER
We gotta get off this lord stuff. I ain't the lord.
BLACK WOMAN
Then what do we all call 'ya?
PREACHER
Well, let's see here now. How about, yeah, how about CAPTAIN. I think I like that.
Lots of whooping and high 5's from the congregation.
WOMAN IN BIKINI
Why not?
DRAG QUEEN
We can go with that.
BIKER
Yeah captain.
PREACHER
Now let's get back to business here.
(MORE)
8.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Listen to me. I want y'all to go
outside and find something dead.
Yeah, that's right brothers and
sisters. You heard me. Go on out
there and find something dead.
Don't be afraid of it now cause it
ain't gonna hurt 'ya. Here's what
'ya do. You contemplate that
creature. You meditate on it. Look
real hard at it.
FEMALE BEAUTY
That's gross Captain.
PREACHER
No it ain't. Now here's the lesson,
and it was brother WALTER who said
it so well. Y'all remember brother
Walter?
BODYBUILDER
Sure we do.
PREACHER
Brother Walter, he said nothing is
wasted in the plan of nature.
That dead creature is gonna be food
for somethin. Same as y'all be when
you die.
WOMAN IN BIKINI
That IS GROSS captain.
BIKER
What's wrong with that? It ain't
gross, is it captain?
PREACHER
No way. It ain't gross. No, there
ain't nothin wrong with it. That's
the point. Nothin goes to waste.
No nothin. Watch that dead creature
from a distance and y'all see the
birds starting to peck at it. Now
get up closer so's y'all don't miss
nothin. Listen here.
TOUGH WOMAN
Oh, we're listening captain.
PREACHER
Yeah, get up real close and you'll
see the bugs eatin at it. We're
talkin about respect here. Yes we
are. We are respectin god's design.
9.
A man hoots from the back of the congregation
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Hey now ! Here! what's this? Brother,
'ya think I'm playin? 'Ya think
maybe it's a joke?
(pause)
That dead creature is as beautiful
as you are. Life, death, it's all
god's work. He never made nothin
ugly. That stuff is all in your
mind.
(pause)
Someday you gonna be dead too. 'Ya
better get used to that notion. 'Ya
gonna be all bloated and smelly and
decayed too. Now tell me. Tell me
truly. Y'all want to be free?
The congregation roars in agreement.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
To be free, 'ya gotta respect
everything on this world and 'ya
gotta find out who 'ya really are.
But to do that, well, 'ya got MANY
RIVERS TO CROSS, and 'ya gotta do
some serious HOUSE CLEANIN.
HIPPIE GIRL
Tell it! Tell it captain
PREACHER
Oh, ma'am, 'ya know I will. Well,
brother, 'ya can walk away laughin
now, but I say to 'ya, you're gonna
find out the hard way. When your
last day comes, God's gonna remember
who respected his work and who didn't.
You go out there and kneel before a
dead animal because that animal is
full of God's GLORY and MAJESTY.
And if 'ya don't recognize that,
then when your time comes and that
'OL BOY taps you on the shoulder,
'ya might have to go somewhere 'ya
don't want to go, but 'ya ain't gonna
have no choice. You're just gonna
go along. That's what I'm tellin
'ya.
The congregation erupts in cheers. Manny finds himself in
the midst of a clapping, swaying group. Some people fall to
the floor and thrash in religious ecstasy, foaming at the
mouth.
10.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Listen to me now. Y'all listen.
I'm tellin 'ya to respect every man,
woman and child and all the animals,
big and small. But I'm also tellin
'ya to respect every plant, rock and
dead branch. Just whatever exists
on this planet, you need to respect
it all. I know, I know it's hard to
comprehend, but that's because your
head is just filled up with so much
stupid stuff. Yeah, and I mean just
so filled up. Like it's stuffed.
HASIDIC JEW
Where does all this stuff come from?
PREACHER
Nobody knows, but 'ya just have to
live through everything. Don't be
afraid about what goes on in your
head because they be just thoughts,
and they ain't gonna hurt 'ya. You
just got to accept the good with the
bad. Ya gotta learn to respect
yourself and everyone else.
MANNY (V.O.)
Is this really happening to me? Who
ARE these people? He's telling us
to look inside our heads and Sylvie
is telling me to get out of my head.
I've got to get out of here. I don't
belong to this.
Preacher begins to speak over the music which starts up again.
PREACHER
As I was sayin, if you know what's
good for you, you'll see that life
and death are both sacred. Oh, you'll
see. Now tell me y'all. When it
comes right down to it, besides MUSIC
and DANCE, what's the most important
thing you got to know about?
BLACK WOMAN
LOVE, captain, LOVE. That's all 'ya
really need to know about.
Choir begins to sing, and Manny appears to go into a trance.
EXT. RURAL ROADSIDE -- DAY
Manny is kneeling, staring at a dead cat on the shoulder of
a rural Maine road. Obvious road kill. Cat seems to be
staring back at him.
11.
Manny finds a stick and pokes gently at the cat.
Finding a plastic bag on the side of the road, Manny gingerly
eases the cat into the bag and walks down the road with it.
Manny comes upon an emaciated, grizzled MAN. The man gets
off a battered bicycle to pick up a couple of discarded beer
cans which he puts in a bulging plastic bag.
MAN ON BIKE
See any empties? Nickel a piece.
MANNY
No.
MAN ON BIKE
Whatcha gonna do with that cat? I
seen 'ya put it in the bag.
MANNY
I don't know.
MAN ON BIKE
Must be good for somethin.
Manny stares at man as he pedals away slowly.
INT. MANNY AND SYLVIE'S HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS
Manny enters the kitchen carrying the bag. He fills a pot
with water and puts it on the stove to boil.
EXT. MANNY AND SYLVIE'S HOUSE. BACK PORCH -- CONTINUOUS
Sylvie is sitting at her computer working on graphics.
Their cat is prowling around her ankles. Suddenly Sylvie
sniffs the air.
INT. MANNY AND SYLVIE'S HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS
SYLVIE
Manny is that you? What are you
doing?
Sylvie enters, followed by the cat.
Manny is busily stirring the bubbling pot on the stove. The
slimy plastic bag at his feet is conspicuously empty.
SYLVIE (CONT'D)
Jesus, what the hell IS that?
MANNY
I'm just recycling.
SYLVIE
I said what the hell is that?
12.
Sylvie tries covering her nose and mouth with the neck of
her sweater. The cat sniffs the air and vanishes into another
room.
MANNY
I'm just showing respect for all
creatures.
SYLVIE
It smells like something died. Ohh...
MANNY
Exactly.
Manny stirs a little too vigorously and the barely
recognizable remnants of a tail flops over the side of the
pot.
SYLVIE
(shrieking)
What is that? What is it? I want
it out of my house.
MANNY
It's a cat.
SYLVIE
(backing away)
Oh no. Oh no you don't. You crazy
fuck.
MANNY
It's-
SYLVIE
I don't want to hear it. I don't
want to hear about it. Are you insane?
That's the most disgusting thing
I've ever...
MANNY
(interrupting)
Please, honey, please. Show a little
respect.
SYLVIE
You've lost your fucking mind.
She hurls an oven mitt at him, which splashes into the stewing
pot. Manny ducks and keeps stirring the concoction. Sylvie
storms out.
INT. MANNY'S STUDIO -- LATER
Several large monitors playing simultaneously. Urban chase
tape, Acadia tape and mountain biking tape.
13.
Manny, wearing a respirator, is ladling the contents of the
pot from the kitchen into several cans. All the cans are
labeled "Cat In A Can." Manny's cat rubs against the cans.
MANNY (V.O.)
Just have to cap and pressurize these
cans and I'm out of here.
EXT. HOUSE RURAL MAINE -- DAY
Manny knocks on door while holding a basket filled with Cat
In A Can.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
Hello?
MANNY
Hello, ma'am, I'm selling CAT IN A
CAN. Do you have a rodent problem?
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
Actually we do, but you'd better
keep your voice down. My mother's
resting.
MANNY
Say, you don't happen to read the,
ah, the United States Journal of
Medical Discoveries, do you?
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
No. Are you selling subscriptions?
MANNY
No, no, I want to tell you about a
study in the American Journal of
Medical Discoveries, and it found a
link between rodent exposure and
Alzheimer's disease.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
Oh my goodness! I had no idea.
There are mice in the basement. I
saw one just yesterday when I went
down to box up our book collection.
Do you think I should call an
exterminator?
MANNY
No. Don't do that.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
Why not?
14.
MANNY
Well, because, see, that's- the
exterminators, they use toxins too.
They kill the toxic mice with
additional toxins and it's just more
toxins, you understand, and it makes
it worse!
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
Really?
MANNY
Really! But you know what, there's
an easier way to get rid of mice.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
There is?
MANNY
There is. It's called CAT IN A CAN.
Manny produces the can from the basket, and the woman inspects
it.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
This isn't toxic?
MANNY
No, it's cat.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
Cat? What do you mean cat? How do
you put a cat in a can? Anyway,
does it work?
MANNY
Does it work, does it work. Of course
it works!
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
I'll tell you what. If you can take
that stuff down into the basement
and kill a mouse with it, I'll buy
it from you.
MANNY
Show me the way.
INT. HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS
Woman leads Manny through the living room to the door to the
basement. Her MOTHER is half-asleep on the couch.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
Don't worry, Mom. This nice gentleman
is going to take care of everything.
15.
MOTHER
Hmm? Well, he can suck my dick.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
M o t h e r.
(to Manny)
Right this way. Please don't listen
to her.
They open the basement door and go down the steps.
INT. BASEMENT -- CONTINUOUS
Woman and Manny prowl around the dusty basement. She shines
a large flashlight into a corner. There is a scurrying sound.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
There! There's one!
Manny lunges forward and sprays CAT IN A CAN in the general
direction of the mouse. Woman reels backward.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN (CONT'D)
(puts hand over mouth
and nose)
Oh, my God, it stinks!
MANNY
Yes, but it works.
Manny lets loose with another spray. There is rapid scurrying
in the corner. He sprays again. We see a mouse who appears
to be intoxicated. He topples over on his back, legs
twitching in the air. Manny raises his hand triumphantly
holding CAT IN A CAN.
MANNY (CONT'D)
Yes, yes, it works!
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
Well it appears to, but isn't there
another way, that's not just so
smelly?
MANNY
Actually there is. I could take a
live mouse from someone else's house
and let it go in your house...
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
(interrupting)
Why would you want to do that?
MANNY
You see, ma'am, mice are extremely
territorial so when you introduce an
(MORE)
16.
MANNY (CONT'D)
alien mouse into an established
household, well the females get so
upset that they become barren.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
What an incredible thing. You're
such a wealth of information.
MANNY
Naturally barren mice can't produce
offspring, so the mice in your house
will just die out.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
I've just never heard of such a thing.
Do you have any mice with you?
MANNY
No I don't. I'm just afraid we'll
have to go with CAT IN A CAN.
Woman's mother has tottered part way down the basement stairs.
She calls out to them.
MOTHER
Hello, hello. What's going on?
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
(to Manny)
It really does work, doesn't it?
(to mother)
It's all right, mother this nice man
is just showing me how to kill mice
homeopathically.
MANNY
Did I say homeopathically? I like
that. Yes ma'am, 100% natural cat.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
(to mother)
100% natural cat.
MOTHER
Tell that man to go and fuck himself.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
Never mind, mother, go back upstairs.
MOTHER
What am I smelling?
MANNY
I realize the odor is, ah, distinct.
But it does fade.
(MORE)
17.
MANNY (CONT'D)
The important thing is, Cat In A Can
is guaranteed effective.
MOTHER
What in a can?
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
Cat, mother. Cat In A Can.
MOTHER
(looking directly at
Manny)
Nonsense. Young man, Did you want
to fuck my daughter?
Manny is absolutely shocked.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
(to Manny)
I'm really sorry, but mother has
trouble controlling herself.
(to mother)
Mother, we've talked about this.
Please try to control yourself.
(pause)
No, mother, it's not nonsense. It
was written up in the American Journal
of...
MANNY
Medical Journal of American
Discoveries.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
Medical Journal of American News
(to Manny)
Is that what you said?
MANNY
I think so.
MOTHER
And you heard what I asked before
young man. Now how do you like this?
Mother pulls up her blouse revealing her breasts.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
I'm afraid her mind isn't what it
used to be. I just can't make her
behave.
MANNY
That's why it's so important to get
rid of the mice.
(MORE)
18.
MANNY (CONT'D)
The medical journal drew the link
between rodent exposure and
Alzheimer's disease.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
I'm really so lucky you stopped by.
MOTHER
(loudly to Manny)
If you're a swindler, and all salesmen
are swindlers if you ask me. Well,
God help you, that's all I have to
say. Now I'm going to take all my
clothes off for you, young man.
Mother starts taking her clothes off.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
Shush, mother, shush! And leave
your clothes on.
(to Manny)
I do apologize, how much did you say
your mouse-killer costs per can?
I'll take three.
MANNY
(nervous, staring at
mother)
Uhh, you can have the first one free,
we'll call it a sample. The other
two are $10.00 each, with tax you
owe me $21.00.
EXT. FRONT OF HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
(handing Manny the
money)
It's a bargain.
MOTHER
I call it theft, and I think you
should haul your ass out of here.
Mother throws a bucket of dish water at Manny.
MOTHER (CONT'D)
911, 911, 911, 911
Manny, soaking wet, leaps off the porch. He finds a tall
stepladder which stands in the yard for no apparent purpose.
He climbs the ladder, but just before he reaches the top, he
loses his step and begins to slid down.
MANNY
Oh, what the...
19.
INT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- CONTINUOUS
Manny finishes his slide down the ladder which is now on the
redemption center floor, and he lands standing up. Everything
is the same. Folks are sorting bottles, juggling, laughing
and the choir is practicing. It's as if he never left.
MANNY (V.O.)
That was just absolutely
extraordinary. It was real, but it
couldn't have been. My god, that
cat was truly disgusting. If that's
what recycling is about, then I'm
not into it. What am I, some kind
of freakin salesman? Too weird.
Too weird.
Woman edges up to him seductively. She closely resembles
his wife, Sylvie. He shows a mild interest, but he's still
very bewildered. Manny helps her a little with the bottle
sorting.
PREACHER
(climbing up on a
chair)
I'm back. Do y'all hear? 'Ya with
me now?
FEMALE BEAUTY
Of course we're with you captain.
BLACK WOMAN
Sure enough.
PREACHER
I gotta tell y'all, there is such
goodness in the world. Why it's all
around us, but I gotta tell 'ya
something else, and 'ya ain't gonna
want to hear it, but 'ya must.
FEMALE BEAUTY
Come on captain. Just tell us.
PREACHER
But can you handle it?
BIKER
We can handle anything, cap.
PREACHER
All right, y'all know there's goodness
and love, but there's EVIL too, and
I mean evil, and that's with a capital
E.
Lots of foot stomping from the congregation.
20.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
The sad thing is nobody knows where
evil comes from.
WOMAN IN BIKINI
Well, I do. When I used to go to
catholic school, captain, the nuns
said evil comes from the devil and
rock and roll music.
Riotous laughter from the congregation.
PREACHER
Well, I don't know about that, but
now listen here. I do know that
evil is all around us too. Let me
tell 'ya, there is some bad shit out
there, and I mean some REAL bad shit.
We gotta learn how to control it.
'Ya don't mess with evil. Do 'ya
now?
BLACK WOMAN
No sireee.
PREACHER
Don't y'all get mixed up now. I
ain't sayin you're evil, but I AM
sayin evil is inside you. It's in
all of us. And I say, could be you're
here to get rid of it.
BODYBUILDER
But how did it get there Captain?
PREACHER
Nobody knows that, but don't y'all
be embarrassed by it. Just accept
the fact that it's there. We is
very complicated.
BODYBUILDER
So what do we do?
PREACHER
You gotta avoid it, but sometimes we
gotta go through it so we'll know
what to avoid later.
INT. HOSPITAL OPERATING ROOM -- DAY
MANNY, in hospital attire, is a cardiologist who is finishing
up an operation where he has just installed a pacemaker in a
woman. Lot's of nurses and other doctors cluster around
him. Students and professionals in viewing gallery above.
21.
MANNY
That went well. Let me just
interrogate the pacemaker and we're
out of here.
Manny aims a device that looks like a TV remote at the patient
who is on the operating table. He presses some buttons on
the device. Audible tones are heard. BINK, BONG, BINK.
MANNY (CONT'D)
To those of you up in the viewing
gallery who have never seen this
before. This little device is a
portable programmer, and by
interrogating, god I love that term,
the pacemaker with the remote, I can
tell the implant how to regulate the
heartbeat. Hey, we've had enough for
today. Let's all get out of her.
Uh NURSE, will you finish dressing
the incision, please? Thank you.
NURSE 1
Of course, doctor.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM -- LATER
NURSE 2
How are we doing today MISS MADDEN?
Miss Madden is an elderly woman in her 70's who just received
the pacemaker.
MISS MADDEN
I, I just don't feel so well. It's
my heart, and it seems to beat a
little too fast and then it slows
down.
NURSE 2
Probably we should get in touch with
DR. RIVERS. He's off today, but he
instructed that if you experienced
any problems you could reach him on
his cell phone.
(smiling)
Usually he doesn't give his number
out, but since you were his elementary
school teacher he wanted to take
extra good care of you.
MISS MADDEN
He really is such a nice man, isn't
he?
NURSE 2
Why don't you call him.
22.
Nurse leaves room.
MISS MADDEN
(picks up phone)
EXT. CITY STREET -- NIGHT
Sleek, black Porsche glides in and out of traffic. Manny
answers his cell phone.
MANNY
Yes?
MISS MADDEN (PHONE VOICE)
Manny. This is Marjorie Madden.
MANNY
Oh yes, Marjorie. Let me just pull
off the road here.
Manny pulls off road.
MANNY (CONT'D)
How are you feeling, Marjorie?
MISS MADDEN (PHONE VOICE)
Well Manny, I'm not feeling so well.
MANNY
What's the problem, Marjorie?
MISS MADDEN (PHONE VOICE)
It's my heartbeat. It seems to be
irregular. Sometimes it speeds up
and then I think it slows down.
MANNY
Probably we can do something about
this Marjorie. Tell me Marjorie, do
you ever masturbate?
MISS MADDEN
(absolutely shocked)
Manny... What...I just, I just don't
understand. What did you say?
MANNY (PHONE VOICE)
Well, let's put it this way. Have
you ever masturbated, Marjorie?
MISS MADDEN
Manny, just how could you ask
something like that?
MANNY (PHONE VOICE)
Just joking.
(MORE)
23.
MANNY (PHONE VOICE) (CONT'D)
Marjorie, you were my 6th grade
teacher at Roger Sherman elementary
school. You do remember, don't you?
And Miss Fitzsimmons was the
principal.
MISS MADDEN
Why yes, Manny. I do remember.
MANNY (PHONE VOICE)
You know, Marjorie, you used to
humiliate me in class. I always
thought you were looking down on me.
In fact, Marjorie, you treated me
like DOG POOP.
MISS MADDEN
Oh, that's not true Manny.
MANNY
Aw heck, Marjorie, you're probably
right. Let bygones be bygones. You
say the pacemaker is making your
heart beat too fast and then too
slow?
MISS MADDEN (PHONE VOICE)
Uh, yes.
MANNY
Marjorie, I think I can fix you right
up. I have my remote with me, and I
can interrogate your pacemaker over
the phone.
Manny holds the remote by his cell phone and pushes some
buttons. BINK-BONG-BINK.
MANNY (CONT'D)
Marjorie, are you there? How does
that feel now?
MISS MADDEN
Well, if I feel my heart with my
hand, it seems like it's not beating
fast enough.
MANNY (PHONE VOICE)
OK Marjorie, we just need to establish
some parameters here. Let's try
this.
Once again Manny presses the remote. BINK-BINK-BONG-BINKBONG.
24.
MANNY (PHONE VOICE)
Now how does that feel, Marjorie?
MISS MADDEN
Manny, can't you just come in to do
this? I really think my heart is
beating a little too fast now.
MANNY (PHONE VOICE)
Oh really.
Once again Manny presses the remote. BONG-BONG-BING.
MISS MADDEN
Manny, I know for sure my heart is
beating too fast now.
MANNY (PHONE VOICE)
Just one more time Marjorie and we'll
have it.
BINK-BONG-BINK.
MANNY (PHONE VOICE) (CONT'D)
Now that should do it. How are you
Marjorie
MISS MADDEN
Manny, Manny, please make it stop.
My heart is beating so fast. Please
fix it. Please.
Miss Madden is convulsed with pain, shaking on the bed and
her voice fades away.
MANNY
(smiles slyly)
Yes, I can make it stop. Sorry
Marjorie.
Manny blasts off into the night. When he comes to a red
light, he points the remote at the light. BINK-BONG.
Instantly the light TURNS to green.
MANNY (CONT'D)
YES. Hee, Hee.
He disappears into the city light, laughing softly. Car
comes to a SCREECHING stop. Manny gets out and finds his
tall step ladder on the sidewalk and begins his ascent.
Near the top he stumbles and begins his slide down.
INT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- CONTINUOUS
Manny slides to the bottom of ladder which is standing in
the redemption center. Same as it ever was. People are
sorting the empties, laughing, singing, dancing, hugging.
25.
Seductive woman gives Manny a hug. He seems oblivious.
MANNY (V.O.)
My god I murdered that woman. I
know, I know I hated that old bitch,
but what have I done? Could I really
have done such a thing? Am I really
capable of something like this?
PREACHER
Gather round y'all. Do 'ya hear?
BODYBUILDER
We hear you captain.
PREACHER
Y'all know, some folks are just too
damn big for their britches.
BLACK WOMAN
Now ain't that the truth.
PREACHER
Some folks just have to step on other
people's toes to get where they are,
but it ain't fair, is it now?
The congregation nods and exclaims in agreement.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Lord no, it just ain't fair.
TOUGH WOMAN
No it's not.
PREACHER
Y'all know, they are selfish people,
they who have all that wealth.
HIPPIE GIRL
That's right, they have nothing to
share. They feel no love.
PREACHER
Y'all remember what brother Bob said
about that Aristotle O'Nassar?
Congregation goes wild. High 5's, stamping feet, hugs.
DRAG QUEEN
Oh we do, we do, but tell us anyway
cause we just love to hear it.
WOMAN IN BIKINI
Yeah, it makes us feel so good inside.
26.
BLACK WOMAN
Please captain. Tell us what brother
Bob said about that O'Nassar guy.
PREACHER
Now you're really asking for it,
ain't 'ya?
More foot stomping from congregation.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Brother Bob, he said no man ever
made that much money and made it
honestly. Course if it was left to
Mr. O'Nassar that was all right, but
whoever left Mr. O'Nassar that much
money, then HE was dishonest.
Congregation roars. Man in tie and jacket falls to floor
and twitches in a fit of ecstasy. MAN with large SNAKE holds
it near the face of twitching man.
Manny looks on, astonished.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Brother Bob said no man ever made
that much money. He stole it by
hook or by crook from some little
guy. He stepped on a lot of little
fellow's toes. You think it's
possible to make that much money,
then you go ahead and try.
TOUGH GUY
No way. No way. Tell us more
captain. What else did Brother Bob
say?
PREACHER
He said, well if I had as much money
as that O'Nassar, I'd just drive
down the road and toss a few dollars
to all the poor folks I saw, and
there are plenty of 'em. Yeah, that's
what brother Bob said.
BLACK WOMAN
We LOVE brother Bob, oh yes we do.
Choir begins to sing a gospel song in the background. The
congregation smiles and hugs in agreement.
PREACHER
Well, he ain't here now is he? He
used to live up there in The Forks,
but he's gone now.
27.
BIKER
No captain, he ain't no longer here.
PREACHER
Now let's get back to what I'm gettin
at. You see, all these rich folks
get together and make what they call
gonglomerates. Y'all know what
gonglomerates is?
BLACK WOMAN
Oh we do captain, and they is evil.
PREACHER
That's right, they is evil. And for
some of you who don't know what a
gonglomerate is, I'm gonna tell ya.
A gonglomerate is when a whole bunch
of them rich people get together and
they put all their money in a big
stinkin pot and start a business.
And because they is so big, they
swallow up all the little businesses
until there ain't none left.
Sadness pervades the congregation. Tears are shed.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Oh yes, because that's what happens.
Why 'ya wake up one fine morning and
look around, and 'ya say to yourself.
My, things have really changed around
here.
EXT. BIG BOX RETAILER -- DAY
Vast parking lot. Bright, huge sign proclaims BIG BOX.
People with long faces trudge to the Big Box.
INT. BIG BOX -- CONTINUOUS
Incredibly crowded with shoppers. Everyone seems sad. They
push carts overfilled with plastic items. Manny, in tie and
jacket sits in MEMBERSHIP KIOSK. He looks like a used car
salesman. Couple in their 60's approach kiosk.
MANNY
(smiling)
Welcome, welcome. Come in and have
a seat.
(shakes hands with
couple)
I'm Manny Rivers, membership
coordinator. And you are?
28.
JOHN
I'm JOHN MASKELL and this is my wife,
ALICE MASKELL.
MANNY
So...I assume you're hear because
you're interested in membership, and
we ARE running a special this week.
ALICE
Oh, we are Mr. Rivers. I know it's
a new service, but we've already
heard so much about it.
MANNY
And you'd like to get in on the ground
floor, so to speak. By the way, you
can call me Manny.
JOHN
Well sure, we would. After all, we
know the price can only go up.
ALICE
Oh, John.
MANNY
That's all right, Alice, John is
certainly correct.
JOHN
See.
MANNY
Since the program is still new, let
me review the highlights with you.
We at Big Box recognize how
complicated life has become so we
have decided to consolidate all of
your basic necessities under one
roof.
ALICE
Well that certainly makes sense.
JOHN
And we shop here all the time anyway
because, you know, there's really
nowhere else to go now, is there?
ALICE
Actually no one else seems to be in
business these days.
MANNY
You could say we are very efficient
folks.
(MORE)
29.
MANNY (CONT'D)
(pause)
Seems to me we should start at the
beginning, Alice. That way the three
of us can decide which plan would be
best. Now let's get the ball rolling
here. First off, for women who are
pregnant, we have a brand new birthing
center.
JOHN
(laughing)
The old gal, I'm afraid is past her
prime, Manny.
MANNY
Yes, but if you have children they
might be interested. We don't do
any reproductive counseling because
we love babies and feel it's
completely natural for women to have
as many children as the good lord
allows.
JOHN
You mean women have babies right in
the store?
MANNY
Come on, let's take a little walk.
Manny puts on a hat that says TOUR GUIDE and John and Alice
follow behind.
MANNY (CONT'D)
John, we really prefer not to say
store. We like to say facility. We
really have an incredibly trained
staff in the birthing center. They're
mostly from Uzbekistan and they have
the latest in medical equipment.
ALICE
Oh John, wait till MARSHA hears this.
They continue their tour through the store past the BURGER
BOY concession, where people are eating enormous burgers
about 10" across. Goo is dripping off them. The burgers are
served without buns. They turn down a hallway. Manny flips
a switch and a shade comes up revealing a room with lots of
women about to give birth and giving birth. We hear muffled
screams and cries. Doctors and nurses running around, just
winging it, not knowing what they're doing.
JOHN
Jesus, don't they get any privacy?
30.
MANNY
Oh sure they do. We're looking
through a one way mirror.
JOHN
But I mean in the room? It's like
if some guy is watching me, there's
no way I can take a leak.
ALICE
But, oh dear. There are so many
women in that room.
MANNY
Could you just say birthing center,
Alice?
ALICE
Oh.
MANNY
We have learned that when women are
together and without their husbands,
they can share experiences, and the
birthing process really goes more
smoothly.
JOHN
Keeps the costs down too.
ALICE
John.
MANNY
Probably you noticed our day care
and preschool when you came in.
Manny flips the switch again, and the shade comes down.
They continue their tour through the store.
JOHN
Is that what that was? It looked
like about 100 kids playing with big
toys.
ALICE
You know, uh Manny, it really looked
like some of those kids had injuries.
MANNY
Well, we need to test safety features
and consumer desirability, so what
better place is there? We actually
only mark up these toys 70% for
members.
31.
ALICE
But Manny, our children have long
flew the coop.
JOHN
Yeah, what's really in this membership
for us?
MANNY
Well, here's something for you. I
don't know what church you attend,
but I can say to you confidentially
that we at Big Box are about to close
on a deal with the world's largest
church.
JOHN
You don't say.
MANNY
Yes, this is very exciting time for
us. This will be a remarkable
integration of shopping and
worshipping.
ALICE
Now that IS wonderful.
MANNY
And there's more. As you must know,
Big Box really encourages our shoppers
to park their campers on our campuses
while they travel. Believe me, a
feature film was actually made a
couple years ago about the good folks
who do just that. We were very proud
of that movie.
(pause)
Speaking of parking, with membership,
you're given preferential parking
permits so you can park or camp closer
to our facility.
JOHN
Sure, that makes sense. I just hate
those long walks from way back in
the parking lot to the store.
ALICE
I really do think that's a benefit,
John. Mr. Rivers, we actually buy
everything here you know. We think
the deli department is wonderful.
John, well he just loves your
kielbasa.
32.
MANNY
Membership also includes free
admission to our rec. room and social
club.
JOHN
That should be fun.
MANNY
And there's lots more, but before I
ask you to sign the membership
contract, I'd like to show you some
other things
They walk back to the membership kiosk. There's a long line
of people waiting their turn to get into the kiosk. Nobody
smiles except employees of Big Box. Manny rings a bell and
another associate appears. Female, very perky. Manny speaks
to people waiting in line.
MANNY (CONT'D)
Folks, I'll be back shortly. In the
meantime, HEATHER will be able to
help you.
ALICE
Manny, I have a question.
MANNY
Shoot, Alice.
ALICE
Why do so many of the people who
work here appear to be so thin?
MANNY
They're thin because they skip lunch
because we at Big Box encourage
associates to eat only two meals a
day. That means less down time,
more productivity and lower prices
for you. Also to keep costs down
and to avoid SHRINKAGE we lock our
associate night shift in the store.
JOHN
Shrinkage?
MANNY
Theft.
ALICE
Oh dear.
MANNY
Shall we continue on our little tour.
33.
John and Alice follow Manny through the store. Time seems
to have slowed down a little. It's still very crowded in
Big Box. Patrons are loading their carts in a mesmerized
state. They're not paying attention to what they're buying.
Shopping carts are being filled and layered with plastic,
food, underwear, Wayne Newton cd's, marshmallows, incontinence
diapers, kielbasa and more plastic. Manny leads John and
Alice to a door, punches an access code, and they wait by
the open door.
MANNY (CONT'D)
Before we go in, I need to tell you
both a little story.
ALICE
A story? I just love stories.
MANNY
A few years ago, Big Box became very
concerned that our customers were
spending too much money for burial
services. The caskets were priced
right through the roof, and
folks...well, we thought there was
an injustice.
JOHN
TELL US about it. We're still paying
the funeral director from when Barbara
died...What was it Alice?
ALICE
Five years ago.
MANNY
So, We had these low-cost caskets
made for our facilities. They were
in very good taste, and they were
made out of fiberglass. So, to make
a long story short, excuse my French,
but we sold a shitload of them.
JOHN
Well, what's wrong with that?
MANNY
Our facility in New Orleans took
about 1000 fiberglass caskets, and
they sold them all. No, John, nothing
is wrong with it, but try to visualize
this. Here we have 1000 newly
deceased shoppers, all in Big Box
caskets and in the Spring the
Mississippi came up real high like
she always does.
(MORE)
34.
MANNY (CONT'D)
Well the river flooded the cemetery
and because those caskets were so
watertight and so well-built...
JOHN
(interrupting)
Come on Manny.
MANNY
Sooooo those caskets popped right
out of the ground. People actually
saw it happening. Ever try to hold
a balloon underwater? Well it was
sort of like that.
ALICE
Oh that's terrible.
MANNY
Yes it was Alice. We had 1000 caskets
with human remains floating down the
Ole Miss to the Gulf Of Mexico.
JOHN
Yeah, that must have cost you guys a
pretty penny.
MANNY
It sure did John, so we came up with
plan B, which if you think about it,
it makes a lot more sense. You know,
I think it's time to go in.
INT. URN ROOM -- CONTINUOUS
JOHN
Just what the hell is this?
The room is large, dimly lit, but we can clearly see that
small boxes fill the perimeter of the space, floor to ceiling.
MANNY
John, I should tell you in all
fairness that this space takes a
little getting used to, but this is
our urn room. The urns hold the
ashes of our deceased members.
ALICE
(gasping)
What?
JOHN
You mean those are little coffins,
those boxes?
35.
MANNY
John, we prefer to call them urns.
JOHN
Well Jesus, whatever.
MANNY
They're much more compact, and we
don't have to worry about them
floating away down the Mississippi.
ALICE
Oh that's just dreadful.
MANNY
But, now here's the kicker. I think
it's time to go out back.
EXT. BEHIND BIG BOX -- CONTINUOUS
Walking through another door, they are outside behind Big
Box. Two medium sized dumpsters have been retrofitted with
smoke stacks. Black smoke is belching out of one, and we
see a corpse covered with a sheet emblazoned with the company
logo being loaded into the other by a conveyor.
JOHN
Jesus fucking Christ. What's that
smell?
Alice holds a scarf against her nose and mouth, eyes bulging.
MANNY
Folks, with membership and for a
small additional fee, this is where
we do discreet cremations.
John and Alice with a look of horror do nothing but stare.
Manny walks over to his stepladder. He starts climbing,
slips and begins his descent.
INT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- CONTINUOUS
Manny finishes his slide down the ladder and he is now
standing on redemption center floor, dazed and confused.
The congregation is sorting bottles, dancing, singing,
visiting, quite oblivious to Manny.
MANNY (V.O.)
That was just disgusting. It was
horrible. How could I ever do such
a thing. My god, is this the world
to come, or are we already there.
How fuckin creepy can you get? You
just can't imagine what I've been
through.
36.
BIKER
It don't matter.
MANNY
What do you mean it DON'T matter?
Don't you even want to know where
I've been?
BIKER
Listen man, we've been there already
and probably to worse places. It
don't matter because it ain't real.
Those are just thoughts in your head.
Just recognize that, and it will
help to get you to where you're goin.
A good place.
Manny, very perplexed, stares at the biker.
The preacher climbs up on his chair.
PREACHER
Hey y'all, hey y'all. Come gather
round me. Remember we talked about
them gonglomerates and how bad they
are.
BIKER
Sure we remember.
PREACHER
So if a simple man wants to get ahead,
he better be real smart.
BLACK WOMAN LAWYER
(carefully dressed)
What about the ladies, captain?
PREACHER
Sorry sister. Didn't mean to leave
the ladies out. Just out of curiosity
sake, what is it you do?
BLACK WOMAN LAWYER
I'm an attorney who works for the
environmental organization, ONE EARTH.
Lots of foot stomping and whooping from the congregation.
BLACK WOMAN LAWYER (CONT'D)
Bet you didn't think black people
worked for environmental
organizations, captain.
37.
PREACHER
I ain't too old to learn sister, but
you is definitely in the minority.
Black people first gotta get jobs so
they can put bread on the table. In
the meantime, we'll let the white
folks work on the environment. After
all, they is the ones who messed it
all up.
The congregation hoops and stamps feet.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Just joking with 'ya sister. All
right now. As I was sayin, if you
brothers and sisters want to get
ahead in life, 'ya got to be creative.
'Ya gotta start thinkin for yourself.
Now, is that somethin you can all
do?
The congregation totally agrees with the preacher. Lots of
foot stomping and high fives.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
I know you can think for yourselfs,
but 'ya must resist them
gonglomerates. They will temp you.
They will promise you. They will
lure you and they will even seduce
you. But do 'ya know what they will
really do to 'ya?
DRAG QUEEN
You have to tell us captain. Please
tell us.
PREACHER
But can 'ya stand it. Can 'ya handle
it.
HASIDIC JEW
Of course we can.
PREACHER
Sisters and brothers, them
gonglomerates will steal your very
souls. They will make you less than
human.
Folks in the congregation hang their heads in sadness.
BLACK WOMAN
Well, I think that's just terrible.
38.
PREACHER
Oh yes. I tell 'ya, those
gonglomerates are making zombies out
of us. So 'ya gotta do your own
thing. It don't matter what it is,
just do it, and be kind to others,
'ya here. Them gonglomerates don't
even know who 'ya are. They just
want to control you and get your
money. That's all they care about.
And if 'ya work for them, they still
don't know who 'ya are. They want
'ya to produce, and when 'ya stop
producin, they turn 'ya out. To
them, you ain't no better then a cow
who stops giving milk, or a horse
who is lame. And you know what a
farmer does with them.
TOUGH WOMAN
We know captain, but it's not going
to happen to us.
PREACHER
That's the spirit, brother. sorry...I
means sister.
EXT. BELGRADE LAKES REGION, MAINE -- DAY
Large box type truck moves slowly down gravel road. Sign on
side of truck says CAMP CONSULTANTS. Truck stops in front
of a beautiful summer home on a lake.
Manny and HENRY descend. Both are wearing blue uniforms
with a CAMP CONSULTANT logo on the front with their names
embroidered by logo.
DR. Sims,(50's) prosperous looking, wearing deck clothes
eagerly greets Manny and assistant.
DR.SIMS
Hi, I'm Dr. Sims...uh, aren't you
boys a little warm in those uniforms?
MANNY
We are, but in this line of work,
appearances mean everything. I'm
Manny Rivers and this is my assistant,
Henry.
DR. SIMS
Manny, you were recommended to me by
Dr. Roberts who has a camp on the
other side of the pond.
MANNY
Oh sure, I remember him.
(MORE)
39.
MANNY (CONT'D)
(to Henry)
You remember him, Henry, don't you?
HENRY
Yup, he offered me a lemonade. Real
nice gentleman.
MANNY
So, Dr. Sims, what can we do for you
today?
DR. SIMS
I'm having a jet ski problem.
MANNY
Yeah, we've heard that before.
DR. SIMS
No really. Just look at that.
He gestures to some jet skiers doing water gyrations close
to his home.
DR.SILVER
And listen to them. How the hell
can anyone stand the noise?
MANNY
They sort of sound like aquatic chain
saws.
DR. SIMS
That's right, that's right. Exactly.
They're out there all day churning
water, and they come so close to our
shore they scare the hell out of the
ducks, and we're afraid to swim.
And the lake association is too
chicken shit to ban them. We come
up from the city... and the Summer
is being spoiled for my family.
(pause)
You know, you can get used to the
noise in Manhattan, but in such a
beautiful place like this.
(Pause)
Well shit, I just can't make my peace
with them.
(Dr. Sims lowers his
voice and speaks in
a confidential tone
to Manny)
Manny, I've heard about the SOFT
ROCKS, and I just have to have some.
40.
MANNY
No problem, Dr. Sims. Henry, let's
get some off the truck. How many do
you suppose we'll need here?
HENRY
I'd say about 25 should do it.
Manny and Henry climb into the back of the truck and they
start unloading styrofoam rocks which look exactly like real
rocks. After unloading, Henry and Manny attach thin cables
with little anchors to each virtual rock.
DR. SIMS
This is incredible. How did you
ever think of this?
MANNY
Let's just say we have vivid
imaginations.
(Manny gestures towards
the jet skis)
Let's wait for a lull in the activity,
and then we'll get the rocks out
there for you. I see you already
have a couple of real ones in the
water.
DR. SIMS
Yeah, but it's not enough. The jet
skiers have their location memorized
so those rocks don't slow 'em down
one bit.
MANNY
Dr. Sims, I think we'll be able to
confuse them a little bit. You just
wait and see.
DR. SIMS
Have a beer while we wait?
MANNY
Sure I'll have one but how about a
lemonade for Henry.
DR. SIMS
Come on up to the deck.
They go up to the deck of Dr. Sims' summer home. Clean,
neat, spacious. Lot's of comfortable deck chairs, tables
with umbrellas. Excellent views of the lake. Kids playing
frisbee on the lawn by the shore.
DR. SIMS (CONT'D)
Choose any seat you like. I'll be
right back.
41.
Dr. Sims returns with the drinks and sits down next to Manny
and henry.
MANNY
Sure is nice here, Dr. Sims. Tell
me, I'm just a little curious. What
kind of doctor are you?
DR. SIMS
Let's just say I help people with
their weight issues.
HENRY
You mean you tell people how to lose
weight?
DR. SIMS
Yeah that's right, but just between
us, you wouldn't believe what people
pay me for consultations and pills.
It's just such bullshit. I'm gonna
tell you something. Most people are
fat because of two reasons. They
eat too much and they don't exercise.
That's all there is to it. It's
simple. Eat less and exercise, and
you'll lose weight. But they don't
want to hear it. They want me to
put them on some kind of customized
diet and then prescribe the
amphetamines. So I do it. They
just won't hear the truth.
MANNY
(looking out over the
lake)
What do you say Henry? They seem to
be taking a lunch break. Let's get
the boat out and load up.
Manny and Henry unload a small boat, and they start filling
it up with soft rocks.
DR. SIMS
You guys sure this will work?
MANNY
It always does.
Manny and Henry load up the boat, climb aboard, and row off
shore. They begin tossing the foam rocks over, and they are
held in place by the cable and anchors. It takes them a few
trips to get all the rocks in place. They are anchored in
random out from Dr. Sims' Property. Completing their mission,
they return to shore for payment.
42.
DR. SIMS
This is amazing. I can't tell the
soft rocks from the real thing.
MANNY
That's the point Dr. Sims. They
should discourage the jet skiers
from coming close to your shore. Oh
by the way, if you come up in the
winter and are bothered by the
snowmobilers, just put some soft
rocks in the trails around your house.
DR. SIMS
So how much do I owe you boys?
MANNY
Let's see. 25 softies at $50.00
each. That's $1,250.00. And with
sales tax, you owe us $1,312.50.
DR. SIMS
(writing a check)
It's a bargain. Thanks boys.
EXT. GRAVEL ROAD -- CONTINUOUS
Manny and Henry load up the boat and drive off down the road.
INT. TRUCK -- CONTINUOUS
HENRY
What's next boss?
MANNY
A Mr. and Mrs. Colman. They're over
on fire Road #12
Manny and Henry continue along gravel roads by lovely fields,
wooded glens and spectacular views of the lake.
EXT. COLMAN RESIDENCE -- CONTINUOUS
They pull up in front of the Colman residence which is as
equally impressive as Dr. Sims' home. Mr. and Mrs. Colman
come out the back door to greet the Camp Consultants. They
are casually dressed and in their 60's.
MR. COLMAN
Hi boys. I'm Steve Colman and this
is my wife Rebecca.
MANNY
I'm Manny Rivers and this is my
assistant, Henry. Please to meet
you.
43.
MR. COLMAN
Let's go up to the deck so we can
talk about our little problem.
(pause)
Aren't you boys a little hot in those
uniforms?
MANNY
Oh, we're ok.
Everyone sits on comfortable deck chairs overlooking the
lake.
MRS. COLMAN
Let's have something to drink. What
would you all like?
MANNY
I'll have a beer and Henry will have
a lemonade if you have it.
MRS. COLMAN
Sure, no problem.
MR. COLMAN
Honey, why don't you bring us a couple
of those micro brews. That ok?
MANNY
Sure.
Mrs. Colman leaves to get the drinks.
MANNY (CONT'D)
So, what's going on Mr. Colman?
MR. COLMAN
Well Manny, it's like this. We've
had this home on the pond for many,
many years, but recently the Dept.
of Environmental Protection said we
have to do something immediately
about our toilet or they would take
us to court.
Mrs. Colman returns with the drinks and distributes them.
MRS. COLMAN
And we've never, ever had any problem
before.
MR. COLMAN
In a nutshell, this is the problem.
The DEP says our septic system is
too close to the lake, but we can't
move it farther away because we don't
own the land.
44.
MANNY
Ah, ha.
MR. COLMAN
They're not concerned about the grey
water, they're concerned about
(glancing at his wife)
The other stuff.
HENRY
I know what you mean Mr. Colman.
MANNY
I think we have just the unit for
you.
MRS. COLMAN
Unit?
MR. COLMAN
Really.
MANNY
The beauty of this unit, and it really
is beautiful, is that it doesn't
even have to go into the bathroom.
In fact, it's going to be a real
conversation piece.
MR. COLMAN
Just what the hell is it?
MANNY
We in the trade call it a FF.
HENRY
Fecal Fryer.
MRS. COLMAN
What?
MANNY
Don't mind Henry. Mrs. Colman, this
unit is designed to vaporize the
products of elimination.
MRS. COLMAN
Vaporize the products of elimination?
MANNY
And you'll never have another toilet
to clean.
MR. COLMAN
What's it going to cost?
45.
MANNY
$5,000.00 plus tax. That's $5,250.00
exactly.
MR. COLMAN
Well, we gotta have it, don't we?
MANNY
I don't know what the alternative
would be.
MRS. COLMAN
Is this something we order from you?
MANNY
Oh no, Mrs. Colman, that's not
necessary. Henry and I always keep
a couple of units on the truck. I
assure you, your problem is not
unique.
HENRY
We got three of 'em.
MANNY
We'd be happy to install one right
now, and that would solve your legal
issues.
MRS. COLMAN
Fantastic. Where should we put it?
MANNY
Well, I'm sure you don't have enough
room in the bathroom.
(pause)
Let's go into the house and find a
spot.
INT. COLMAN RESIDENCE -- CONTINUOUS
Everyone goes into a large rustic living room with fireplace
and windows looking out on the lake. This is a place to
die for.
MANNY
There's a perfect spot.
(Manny points to a
corner location)
It's right by an electric outlet and
close to an outside wall. Just what
we need.
MRS. COLMAN
But does it really have to go in the
living room? Can't it go somewhere
else?
46.
HENRY
It could, but Manny likes lots of
people to see it.
MANNY
Sure, it's good advertising, but the
FF is really a sight to behold.
Listen, Let's try it where I think
it should go, and if you're not happy,
we'll move it.
MR. COLMAN
Sounds like a plan to me. What do
you think Becca?
MRS. COLMAN
(reluctantly)
All right.
MANNY
Come on Hank old boy, lets get to
work.
EXT. COLMAN RESIDENCE -- CONTINUOUS
Manny and Hank go out to the truck and expend great amounts
of energy removing what looks like a telephone booth.
INT. COLMAN RESIDENCE -- CONTINUOUS
Struggling with it, they finally manage to move the FF into
the living room.
MRS. COLMAN
My god, that looks something like a
telephone booth.
MR. COLMAN
Actually it looks like that thing
Dr. what's his name, used to get
into to go time traveling.
MRS. COHEN
That's right. It was a show we used
to watch with ALAN. I think he called
it a TARDIS or some such thing. It
was DR. WHO.
(pause)
Manny, does it really have to go
there?
Mrs. Colman gestures to the spot where the FF has been
maneuvered to.
47.
MANNY
It really does, and like I said, we
need an outside wall and electricity
close by.
MR. COLMAN
Well, that's going to be one hell of
a conversation piece.
Manny and Hank get out their tools and start work in ernest.
Lots of noise from power tools and dust begins to accumulate
as they cut a hole through the living room wall and run an
exhaust pipe from the FF through the wall to the outside of
the house. Then they hook up an old fashioned, large knife
switch to the wall next to the FF and run a wire with a plug
to a wall receptacle. Another wire is run from the knife
switch to the FF.
MRS. COHEN
Do you really have to have the switch
on the wall?
MANNY
It's a must Mrs. Colman. You don't
want to be inside the FF when you
set it off. You really don't. Trust
me. It's a safety feature.
MR. COLMAN
But somebody outside could throw the
switch by mistake while you're still
in there.
MANNY
Not to worry. See the little key
pad by the switch? You have to enter
an access code before the switch
will work.
MR. COLMAN
Like what kind of code?
MANNY
Just some easy to remember numbers
or name. How about your mother-inlaw's
name, Mr. Colman.
MR. COLMAN
No problem. Oh yes. I like that.
Her name is FERN.
Manny programs in the name.
MANNY
Done. How about a check Mr. Colman?
48.
MRS. COLMAN
Aren't we even going to try it,
Steven, before we write a check?
MANNY
Anybody have to go?
HENRY
Not me boss.
MRS. COHEN
Well actually I do but...Oh, Steven,
just write the check.
Mr. Colman writes the check. Manny takes it.
EXT. COLMAN RESIDENCE -- CONTINUOUS
Manny and Hank head out to the truck.
INT. COLMAN RESIDENCE -- CONTINUOUS
MRS. COLMAN
Yes, Steven I really do have to go.
MR.COLMAN
I think I'll go out and trim the
hedges to give you more privacy.
Mrs. Colman enters the FF.
EXT. THE COLMAN HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS
Mr. Colman is now outside with his electric hedge trimmers,
manicuring the shrubbery.
INT. THE COLMAN HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS
Mrs. Colman emerges from the FF with a big smile. She enters
the code and throws the knife switch. We hear an enormous
WHUNK and the FF VIBRATES and BLINDING light is visible
through the molding around the FF door.
MRS. COLMAN
(hand to mouth)
My God!
EXT. THE COLMAN HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS
Mr. Colman is trimming hedges by the exhaust pipe. At the
moment of detonation, a black cloud of noxious vapors is
vented through the pipe. Mr. Colman falls to his knees,
stricken and begins to vomit.
INT. TRUCK -- CONTINUOUS
Manny and Hank drive off, oblivious.
49.
They continue past the Sims' residence and watch a jet skier
doing slalom turns around the soft rocks. The skier actually
hits a couple of them, but they just bounce off the boat.
Apparently encouraged by his escapades, he mistakenly zooms
into a real rock, and his boat EXPLODES.
Manny and Henry look at each other.
Manny gets out of the truck, finds his tall step ladder on
the side of the road. He begins to climb the ladder, but
before he reaches the top, he slips and starts to slide down.
INT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- CONTINUOUS
Manny finishes his slide down the ladder and lands on the
redemption center floor. The scene has not changed. Bottles
and cans are being sorted. People are laughing, dancing,
passing around a little reefer. The choir is rehearsing.
MANNY (V.O.)
This is getting more and more bizarre.
That toilet was really outrageous,
but those rocks. Was it my fault
that the jet skier was killed? Why
am I doing this? Aren't I taking
responsibility for my actions? Am I
supposed to feel guilty for something
that never happened and isn't even
real? How could I have all this
shit in my head?
Preacher gets up on his chair.
PREACHER
Gather 'round y'all. Come, gather
'round. I got a question for 'ya,
but I need to know if 'ya want to
hear it.
BODYBUILDER
Course we do.
PREACHER
Y'all know why God gave us the seven
seas and all those beautiful lakes
and rivers?
TOUGH WOMAN
Why not just tell us captain and not
beat around the bush?
PREACHER
Don't get snippety with me sister.
WOMAN IN BIKINI
Tell us captain. Oh yes, tell us.
50.
PREACHER
Well, he gave us all that blue water
so he could fill it up with fishes.
Now brothers and sisters, who do 'ya
suppose all those fishes is for?
BIKER
They're for us. They belong to us.
PREACHER
I just knew you was goin to say that.
I just knew it. Now listen here.
Those fish are for themselves. They
don't belong to nobody, no sir, just
like you don't belong to nobody.
BIKER
But we gotta eat captain.
PREACHER
Course you gotta eat. Nobody said
nothin about that. Nobody said 'ya
needed to starve. 'Ya know what I'm
getting at here. Well I'm gonna
tell 'ya. I want 'ya to respect
those fish. Y'all know about
respectin the dead creatures, but
'ya gotta respect the living ones as
well. Like I said, those fish are
here for themselves. They ain't
here for our amusement. If 'ya go
out and catch 'em, just make damn
sure you eat 'em.
The congregation stomps the floor and yells in agreement.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Who ever heard of catchin 'em and
then throwin 'em back. The government
calls it CATCH and RELEASE. Whoever
heard of such a thing? Why that is
the most sick and twisted thing I
ever did hear of. 'Ya think your
black brothers in Africa threw 'em
back after they caught 'em?
BLACK WOMAN
Course not. No way. Plain stupid.
PREACHER
Course they didn't. And you think
the Red Paint Indians did that?
DRAG QUEEN
No way.
51.
PREACHER
And the Israelites. You think they
caught dem gefilte fish and let 'em
go?
TOUGH WOMAN
We get the drift, Captain.
PREACHER
Y'all listen to me now. What did
those good folks do with the fish
they caught?
CONGREGATION
They ate 'em.
PREACHER
Oh yes they did. They didn't play
around with 'em. Did they now? It
weren't no sport for them. They ate
'em up. Why catch God's creatures
on them sharp steel hooks if 'ya
ain't gonna eat 'em?
(pause)
Catch 'em for fun. For fun. Why
that's torturing creatures that are
less fortunate than you.
More foot stomping from the congregation.
RASTAFARIAN
Right on captain. Oh yes, you're
right.
PREACHER
Now here's a little quiz for y'all.
Who out there knows who wrote the
words "The salmon falls, the mackerel-
crowded seas?" Just a little puzzler.
Don't mean nothin.
Silence in the congregation, and then Manny sheepishly raises
his hand.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
You there in back, brother. Who was
it?
MANNY
William Butler Yeats.
PREACHER
Now I tell ya, that brother who's a
little different then us, well, he
knows some stuff. And y'all didn't
think I knew about such things, did
'ya?
52.
HASIDIC JEW
We knew, oh yes, we knew.
Congregation goes wild. Foot stomping. Manny gets some
high 5's. Lot's of smiles. Music, choir begins to sing.
EXT. DEAD RIVER -- DAY
Boulder strewn river. Lush vegetation. Raw beauty. We see
a FISHERMAN in his 40's wading in the river gracefully casting
flies. All is well. Then. Sound of someone nosily
approaching the river. It's Manny. He is a fly fisherman,
with vest, waders, fly rod, hat with flies. When Manny
reaches the river, he attempts to move quietly along the
trail by the river. He sees the fisherman casting not far
from shore, and Manny wades out to him.
MANNY
Sorry to bother you, but could I
talk to you for just a minute?
FISHERMAN
(answers hesitantly,
mildly annoyed)
All right. What is it?
MANNY
Look, you're a fly fisherman, and
probably you've been doing this a
long time. See, I'm a fly fisherman
too, but I really want to tell you
about what I've found.
FISHERMAN
I'm listening.
MANNY
Tell me, what do you do with the
fish you catch?
FISHERMAN
What are you, a game warden?
MANNY
No, no nothing like that.
FISHERMAN
Every fish I catch I return to the
river. It's called Catch and Release.
Where have you been? Besides, even
if I could keep 'em I wouldn't. All
the fish are contaminated with mercury
and other heavy metals from those
coal fired plants and cars. You
have to be crazy to eat 'em.
53.
MANNY
Sure I know all that, but better
yet, you shouldn't catch them in the
first place. You...
FISHERMAN
(interrupting)
Hey, I've been a fly fisherman for
30 years. You have no right to tell
me to stop fishing.
MANNY
No, no. I need to explain. I didn't
say to stop fishing, but I'm telling
you, you don't have to catch them at
all.
FISHERMAN
Huh?
MANNY
It's simple really. Listen, what's
your name?
FISHERMAN
My name's HARVEY.
They both watch as a woman paddles a kayak upstream.
MANNY
Listen, Harvey. It's really easy.
You simply go fishing without a hook.
FISHERMAN
You want me to catch 'em with my
hands?
(pause)
Wait, I see what you mean. You're
talking about barbless hooks.
MANNY
Nope, you watch this.
Manny takes a beautiful fly from his box and with his cutting
pliers, he cuts the hook right off. This leaves only the
fly with absolutely no means to catch the fish.
FISHERMAN
(amazed)
Well, that makes no sense. How the
hell am I going to catch any fish?
MANNY
You're not, and that's the point.
FISHERMAN
The point! What's the point?
54.
MANNY
The point is, since you don't eat
the fish, why do you catch them then?
FISHERMAN
Why catch them? Because I want to.
I catch them for pleasure. It's
exciting. It's a challenge and
they're beautiful to look at.
MANNY
Just look at it this way. Your fly
floats on the water, same as it's
ever done. A gorgeous trout swims
up and explodes all over your fly.
WHAMO. He takes it into his mouth
and you feel the electrifying jolt
through the fly line. The energy
resounds into the very core of your
being, and then nothing. Absolutely
nothing. It's profoundly incredible.
Harvey, you tricked the fish into
thinking you had a meal for him, and
for the briefest of moments you felt
him on the end of your line. You
won, Harvey, you really did. You
caused no pain, and that wonderful
trout will grow wiser and bigger and
maybe you can challenge him again.
He's alive, totally unhurt, you're
alive, and nothing has been taken
from you, and you've taken nothing.
Harvey, just look at what you've
gained.
The fisherman is totally speechless. He can only stare at
Manny as he wades to shore. Harvey continues to stare until
Manny is out of sight.
EXT. RIVERSIDE -- CONTINUOUS
Manny continues along trail and comes to 3 FISHERMAN sitting
around a campfire. They are slightly drunk and a little
rough.
MANNY
Mind if I join you guys?
LOU
Sure. Want a beer?
MANNY
Hey, thanks, don't mind if I do.
BIAGIO
How're they biting?
55.
STOSH
(to Biagio)
Hey, what's the matter with you?
Huh. He's a fly fisherman, can't
'ya see, and fish don't bite on flies.
BIAGIO
Sorrrry. Ok. Did you get any
nibbles?
LOU
(to Biagio)
Don't be such a wise ass.
BIAGIO
(to Manny)
Sorry buddy. Just joking. I know
about fly fishing. Used to do it,
but I couldn't catch very much.
Anyway, you get any strikes or hits?
And how many fish you catch?
STOSH
That's better.
MANNY
Well, I don't ever catch any fish,
but I get lots of strikes.
LOU
Yeah, that's the problem with fly
fishing. The fish are hard to catch.
You should try spin fishing like us.
Me, I like to fish with meatballs.
Just look at these.
Fisherman reaches into his bait can and holds up a gob of
night crawlers.
LOU (CONT'D)
My kid goes out at night after a
rain and just picks em up off the
lawn. Pay him .02 cents each. I
think the worms come out at night to
screw each other. Ha. Now when I
get a bite, like I'm real patient.
I wait for the fish to swallow the
bait, and let me tell you man, he
ain't never comin off the hook.
(he gestures to the
other two fisherman)
Biagio and Stosh here, they like to
fish with lures.
BIAGIO AND STOSH
Right on.
56.
LOU
I think that's fucked. I call these
guys dredgers because they're always
snagging shit that's lying on the
bottom.
Lou laughs and mimics the spin fisherman by putting his hands
together and pretending to be struggling with an enormous
fish.
LOU (CONT'D)
And you want to know what I've latched
onto?
MANNY
Sure.
LOU
Somebody's goddamn radial tire. One
big mudder.
Everybody laughs.
STOSH
(gestures to Lou)
Hey, toss me another beer.
(looks at Manny)
You want another?
MANNY
No thanks, I'm all set.
STOSH
You know, catching these trout, well
that's fine, but they're so goddamn
small. I don't think they grow to
more than 18". I've put as many as
four of 'em in a frying pan and there
was still space left over. Somebody
really ought to dump some pike in.
Just love those water wolves. Now
there's a fish for you. They can
get so friggin mean and big...
(pause)
Hope the game warden ain't listenin.
LOU
Yeah, if you're not careful, they
could swim up and bite your dick
off.
BIAGIO
Very funny.
(pause)
You guys ever hear about Snakeheads?
57.
MANNY
I've heard of them.
BIAGIO
(gesturing to other
fisherman)
What about you guys?
LOU
Nope.
STOSH
What the fuck are they?
BIAGIO
They're just about the ugliest fish
I've ever seen in my life. What do
you think Manny?
MANNY
I would not call them attractive.
BIAGIO
They have this huge head with
barracuda like teeth, and you can't
tell where the head ends and the
body begins. They really look like
enormous, fat snakes. I think they
even have a whole bunch of little
feet.
LOU
No shit?
STOSH
Why haven't I heard of them?
BIAGIO
It's a Chinese fish. Seems like the
Chinese like to eat those ugly
fuckers, and they've been letting
'em go down south so they'll
reproduce. Might be too cold for
'em up here.
STOSH
So what's wrong with that?
BIAGIO
I'll tell 'ya what's wrong. Manny,
did you see that special on tv?
MANNY
Nope.
58.
BIAGIO
Well, they interviewed this guy who
caught a monster snakehead. Must
have been at least 6 feet long.
LOU
How the hell did he land it?
BIAGIO
I dunno, but anyway, when he got it
ashore there was no way he was gonna
try and get the hook out.
STOSH
Good thing he didn't try to haul it
into his boat.
BIAGIO
Yeah it's a good thing. Just let me
finish here. Seems like he found a
big rock and he had to bash it over
the head half dozen times to kill
it. So he sits down to take a break
and he sees another snakehead with
just its head out of the water and
its mouth wide open starrin at him.
STOSH
Biagio, You're so full of shit.
BIAGIO
Think what you want.
LOU
Biagio, You're shittin us.
BIAGIO
It gets better. So the guy really
had enough for one day.
MANNY
Yeah, I can believe that.
BIAGIO
So, he goes back to the cabin.
LOU
Did he eat the snakehead or at least
some of it?
BIAGIO
Lou, are ya crazy? Only the Chinese
would do that. Sushi or something.
Now listen you guys. That night...
STOSH
Biagio, I can't stand this.
59.
BIAGIO
So Stosh, that night the fisherman
was sound asleep, but he heard this
scratchin noise near his bed. He
wakes up, and there's this humongous
snakehead just a few feet from his
bed, and it's comin at him. He jumps
out of bed, bollicky bare ass, grabs
his gun and shoots the fucker dead.
STOSH
Come on, come on, tell me it ain't
so.
BIAGIO
Hey, I'm just tellin you what the
guy said on the tv special. It looks
like the snakehead's mate followed
him home on those puny little feet
and waited for a quiet time to attack
him.
STOSH
Biagio, you're are just so very full
of shit.
LOU
Is this true Manny?
MANNY
I can only tell you, Lou, that
snakeheads are real fish, and you
don't want to meet up with one.
BIAGIO
To change the subject here, I got
some questions for Manny. Listen,
I'm just curious. I know it really
takes a lot of skill to catch fish
with flies, but are you shitting us
or what? You must hook some and
land 'em. No?
MANNY
Well, I get lots of strikes, Biagio,
but I never catch any fish.
BIAGIO
Maybe you're striking too soon.
Manny, maybe you should get yourself
a spinning rod. Then you'd get 'em.
MANNY
But I don't want to get 'em.
60.
LOU
Then what the hell are you fishing
for?
STOSH
Besides, you said you get a lot of
strikes.
MANNY
Sure, I get the strikes, but I cut
the hooks off my flies so there's no
way I can catch any fish.
STOSH
You say you cut the hooks off? Manny,
that is just so TWACKED. It's
completely fucked up.
LOU
(putting his arm around
Manny's shoulder)
Manny, you're all right. You just
don't want to hurt 'em do you?
MANNY
No I don't.
LOU
Can't you just play 'em and release
'em?
MANNY
No, because that still hurts them.
I just like being outdoors trying to
outwit the trout. That's enough for
me.
LOU
Well, don't that just frustrate 'em?
STOSH
You're a fuckin saint, Manny.
BIAGIO
Me. I love putting those little
fuckers in a greasy frying pan and
then eatin 'em.
Biagio is frying some trout on a greasy, sputtering frying
pan over the camp fire. All the men turn their heads as a
man on a mountain bike pedals by and disappears into the
forest.
LOU
Well I'll be damned. That guy on
the bike looked somethin like you,
Manny. You got a brother or somethin?
61.
BIAGIO
Hey Manny, do you want to eat some
fish with us? Hope the friggin game
warden don't come by.
MANNY
Sure.
LOU
I told you guys he was all right.
Manny, I bet you don't even have a
fishing license.
MANNY
No I don't.
LOU
But wouldn't you need one anyway?
MANNY
I guess the game warden and judge
will have to decide that.
Laughter and good feelings. They're all sitting around the
fire, eating and drinking beer.
BIAGIO
Hey, what a life.
(pause)
Manny, you ever get anyone to fish
like that?
MANNY
Sometimes.
Manny gestures over by the river and we see about a dozen
buddhist monks in saffron robes fly casting. The three
fisherman are stupefied.
MANNY (CONT'D)
See you guys.
Manny finds his stepladder and climbs almost to the top, but
then starts sliding down.
INT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- CONTINUOUS
Manny slides down the rest of the way and is now standing on
the floor of the redemption center. Just like before.
Bottles and cans being sorted, choir practicing, folks dancing
and hugging. Reefer being passed around. Preacher gets up
on his chair.
MANNY (V.O.)
Well, that's one hell of a way to
fish, but why not? I think I like
it.
62.
PREACHER
Gather round y'all. Get up real
close. 'Ya know why you're here.
BODYBUILDER
Yes we do captain.
PREACHER
We all talked about the fish in the
seas. Didn't we now?
BODYBUILDER
We did, Captain.
PREACHER
But now we have got to talk about
the animals. Don't we?
BODYBUILDER
Why captain?
PREACHER
Cause we is killin 'em, and there
ain't no need for it. Is there now?
BLACK WOMAN LAWYER
Of Course not. Hell no.
PREACHER
Then why in god's name are we doin
this? Y'all tell me now?
BODYBUILDER
Because we need meat to make us
strong.
TOUGH GUY
And we like to eat meat.
HASIDIC JEW
Just as long as it's kosher.
BLACK WOMAN
Captain, the good lord gave us those
animals to eat. Don't you like dem
ham hocks, captain?
PREACHER
Yes sister, I do like dem ham hocks,
but I'm tryin to tell y'all the good
lord didn't put these animals here
for us. No sir, he did no such thing.
He put all those animals here cause
he wanted to, but they ain't for us.
Tell me now, why do 'ya suppose he
put US here?
63.
FEMALE BEAUTY
He put us here captain because he
wanted to.
PREACHER
That's right sister. He put us here
because he wanted to. It pleased
him. But in God's eyes, we ain't no
better than the animals. Everything
is equal.
FEMALE BEAUTY
But we have to live, captain. What
shall we eat?
PREACHER
Get closer y'all. Now get closer to
me, and listen very carefully.
The congregation crowds in real close. They wait with a
look of anticipation.
FEMALE BEAUTY
But we need our meat captain. It
makes us healthy.
PREACHER
It don't do no such thing, sister.
I say the answer is TOFU PUPS.
Groans, hoots, shouts of dismay, some BEAT on their HEADS
with FISTS.
BLACK WOMAN
Oh lord, I don't like tofu pups, and
I dare say nobody here 'cept you
likes 'em. You probably afraid of
that BAD cow disease.
BIKER
But the bible says, every moving
thing that liveth shall be meat for
you.
PREACHER
No matter. I say eat tofu pups.
DRAG QUEEN
But we don't like tofu pups, captain.
Besides, you're really a strange
kind of preacher.
BODYBUILDER
Captain, where does it say in the
good book to eat tofu pups?
64.
PREACHER
It don't. But in all fairness, I
gotta tell 'ya, I'm still partial to
chitlins cause my mother used to
make 'em for me.
FEMALE BEAUTY
There, you see.
PREACHER
But it don't matter. No it don't.
BLACK WOMAN
Why don't it matter, Captain?
PREACHER
I'll tell you why it don't matter.
It don't matter because our good
book is just one of many good books.
And our good book ain't no better
than anyone else's good book.
HASIDIC JEW
That's right. They're just books.
PREACHER
You're learnin brother.
INT. HUNTING LODGE, NORTHERN MAINE-- DAWN
Rustic hunting lodge. Mounted deer heads and stuffed fish
on knotty pine walls. Large stone fireplace. Early morning.
Late Autumn.
Opening day deer hunting season. Expectation in the air.
Breakfast time. Mostly men, eating quickly, huddled over
steaming cups of coffee, wolfing down ham and eggs. Lots of
tables.
Manny is sitting with two other hunters.
MANNY
(to MARK)
You going up in that tree again?
MARK
Sure. I checked yesterday, and my
blind is still there.
BILL
Just don't get buck fever and fall
out of the tree.
All three hunters laugh.
65.
MARK
Yeah, I'd probably fall on my rifle
and shoot myself.
BILL
And then it's curtains for you baby.
MARK
This is my third season, and I've
never even taken a shot. Only twice
have I seen a deer, but they were
too far away. You know, I take coffee
and sandwiches with me and just space
out. Sometimes I even fall asleep.
I just love being out there.
BILL
(to Manny)
And we know what you'll be doing,
Manny.
He and Mark laugh quietly and snort, but smiling.
BILL (CONT'D)
You ever think of really hunting
again?
(pause)
Now don't be a wise fuck, you know
what I mean. Like really hunting
again?
MANNY
No not really. Seriously, you guys
ought to try it. You never know,
but maybe I'll have something to
show you guys later.
MARK
Hey, it's getting light. I'm outta
here.
BILL
Me too. Yeah, see you later. .
MANNY
Meet you guys later.
EXT. FOREST -- CONTINUOUS
Manny is dressed in blaze orange, carrying a hi-tech style
rifle with a small video camera mounted to the top. Manny
turns the switch on. IGUN speaks to Manny in a lobotomized
voice. LED display blinks when Igun speaks.
IGUN
Good morning Manny.
(MORE)
66.
IGUN (CONT'D)
The makers of the iGun video
recognition system wish to thank you
again for your purchase. Peripherals
may be ordered direct from the
manufacturer or at your local Big
Box.
MANNY
Listen, is there any way to shut off
the ad? Every time I turn you on
you say the same thing to me.
IGUN
Sorry Manny but I'm programmed to
repeat this public service
announcement, and for the record, we
prefer not to call it an ad.
MANNY
Sure, sure whatever.
IGUN
But Manny, you CAN turn the volume
down, and I'd like you to address me
as HAL. Based on your profile, we
knew you'd get the reference.
MANNY
Can we just forget the Hal business?
IGUN
That's all right Manny, we won't
insist.
MANNY
But if I turn the volume down, then
I won't be able to hear you.
IGUN
That's true.
MANNY
Let's go hunting.
IGUN
Don't forget to put your headset on
or my voice could startle the deer.
Manny puts his headset on. Points his iGun ahead of him and
walks slowly into the forest.
IGUN (CONT'D)
Manny, don't you just love hunting
in the Jackman region of Maine?
67.
MANNY
I do, and I especially like not having
to deal with black flies in November.
(pause)
Tell me Hal, how do you know all
this shit anyway?
IGUN
It's all in my memory, stored there
by the programmers. You could say
I'm a talking Google.
(pause)
Oh, I like that. I have everything
memorized, and when you plug me in
at night, I download the latest
updates. And frankly Manny, I'm
very sensitive to your profile.
MANNY
This is really creepy. It's almost
like you're alive.
IGUN
I'm not, but it does seem that way,
doesn't it?
(pause)
Manny I hear something. Point me to
the right.
Manny swings Igun to the right and we hear the crunch and
snapping of branches.
MANNY
(softly)
You're right, Hal. I hear something.
It sounds like a large animal.
Manny points iGun in the direction of the noise.
IGUN
Don't shoot, Manny. I can see that
it's not a deer. Remember, my eye
is better than both of yours.
MANNY
Then what the hell is it? I can
almost see it, and I know it's not a
deer or moose.
The animal comes into view.
MANNY (CONT'D)
Huh, what the hell. It's a fucking
cow. It's a goddamn Holstein. Am
I losing my mind?
The cow walks past Manny.
68.
IGUN
I agree, this is not exactly cow
country, Manny, but there IS one
dairy farm left in Moose River, and
no doubt, the cow must be lost.
MANNY
Unfuckingbelievable. Let's go
hunting.
Manny and iGun continue their journey through the beautiful
forest.
IGUN
Manny, with just a small upgrade, I
could give you a running commentary
about the unique features in this
area.
MANNY
No thanks.
IGUN
Really Manny, for example, did you
know that there used to be a German
prisoner of war camp, close to where
we are right now.
MANNY
Hal, is that really true?
IGUN
Oh yes, Manny. During the war, that
is the Second World War, there were
over two hundred Germans kept there.
The only things left from the camps
are a couple of shacks where these
trappers live. Very colorful
characters these men are. And I might
add...
MANNY
(interrupting)
Did you hear that?
IGUN
I did, and you don't have to worry
about hurting my feelings.
(pause)
There are a group of hunters coming
our way. And Manny you might want
to consider taking aim.
MANNY
What? Huh?
69.
IGUN
Yes. I think they could be
Republicans.
MANNY
That's not funny, and you know it.
IGUN
You should try to lighten up Manny.
Your profile suggested you would
find my remark humorous, but I'll
have to make a notation about this.
Four hunters dressed in blaze orange approach Manny on the
trail.
HUNTER
See anything?
MANNY
(taking off his headset)
Yeah, a Holstein.
HUNTER
A Holstein?
MANNY
Yup.
HUNTER
See you around, buddy.
Hunters laugh and continue on the trail. Manny puts his
headset back on.
MANNY
Let's walk in the direction of Spencer
Lake.
IGUN
Why not, I'm just here for the ride.
They continue their search for deer in the forest.
IGUN (CONT'D)
Seriously Manny, I really think you
should get an iGun upgrade. Your
life as a hunter would be more
rewarding if...
(pause)
Manny, there's a deer coming. It's
a buck with a large rack, and it's a
beauty. I suggest we hide behind
that hemlock tree. The wind is to
our advantage.
70.
MANNY
I see him. I see him.
Manny steps quietly behind the hemlock and watches the deer
approach through iGun's telescopic sight.
MANNY (CONT'D)
God, he's gorgeous.
IGUN
Try to control your buck fever, Manny.
The deer comes within range. Manny steps out from behind
the hemlock and fires iGun. We hear an electronic tone which
sounds like FEEP, and simultaneously see an intense laser
flash (like a laser pointer) on the chest of the deer. The
deer senses human presence and bolts, unharmed into the woods.
MANNY
Oh, thank you deer.
IGUN
Don't get maudlin, Manny.
MANNY
Hal, is everything recorded?
IGUN
Of course.
INT. HUNTING LODGE -- EVENING
It's after dinner and Manny, Mark and Bill are watching the
ending of the documentary movie, Dead River Rough Cut.
EXT. SPENCER LAKE MAINE WOODS -- DAY
On the monitor, we see a man paddling a canoe across a large
lake and then in front of his cabin, he is feeding a Canada
Jay from his hand.
WALTER
(speaking to the Canada
Jay)
Here Gorby, here Gorby. Oh, there
he goes.
The end credits appear on the screen and the bird flies off.
INT. HUNTING LODGE -- EVENING
Everyone's really relaxed drinking beer.
MARK
You gotta hand it to those guys.
What a way to live.
71.
BILL
They're incredible, but I could never
live like that. What would the old
lady think?
MARK
What's the matter, couldn't you eat
beaver every night?
BILL
Shit, they didn't eat beaver.
(pause)
Hey, spin it back to where that guy,
BOB, is in his underwear and talks
about always lookin for a woman.
EXT. MAINE WOODS -- MORNING
On the monitor, they watch the short sequence. We see BOB
in his grubby long johns carrying a bucket down to the brook,
walking on the hard snow. He dips the bucket in the brook
for his drinking water. Bob looks at the camera.
BOB
Well, I'm always lookin for a woman
but she gotta live my way. It's an
awful rough life and she ain't gonna
have a spring bed under her, but if
there's one out there, I wish she'd
show herself up, but she's got to
live my way.
INT. HUNTING LODGE -- EVENING
MANNY
(interrupting)
You guys ready to see what I got
today?
Manny turns off the video with the remote.
BILL
Manny, you got squat.
MARK
Come on, Bill. It's more than what
we got.
BILL
(indignantly)
I did jump that deer today.
MARK
Yeah, and I saw a flamingo. Come on
Manny, play it for us.
72.
MANNY
Before I show you what I got today,
I want to know if any of you guys
heard of Catch and Release taxidermy?
MARK
Oh Manny, you're so fuckin weird.
Now tell us, what the hell is Catch
and Release taxidermy?
MANNY
Well, if you're fishing and you reel
in a trophy, you take a picture of
the fish before you release it. You
can then e-mail the photo to a
participating taxidermist and he or
she can render the photo in 3d on
the computer. Based on the rendering,
you get a stuffed fish mailed to you
to hang on the wall.
BILL
No shit.
MANNY
Course if you're hunting, Catch and
Release Taxidermy will only work if
you're using iGun.
(pause)
You guys ready?
BILL
Sure.
Manny gets up form the soft chair, pulls out the documentary
they had been watching and puts in his tape. Other guys in
the lodge crowd around in the lodge to watch.
MANNY
Listen you guys, I didn't have much
time to do any real editing, so this
is a real rough cut.
He starts the tape.
EXT. MAINE WOODS -- DAY
On the monitor we see a sweeping panorama of the Maine woods.
The title comes up: MANNY'S HUNTING ADVENTURE IN THE MAINE
WOODS. This is a very cheesy tape with very cheesy music.
We see some stock footage of the white-tailed deer. A
NARRATOR'S voice with a BRITISH ACCENT. Very pedantic style.
NARRATOR
The white-tailed deer is named for
its most distinctive feature, the
(MORE)
73.
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
large white tail or "flag" that is
often all you see as the animal bounds
away through tall grass and into the
bush. The color of the deer's upper
body and sides changes with the
season, from generally reddish-brown
in summer to buff in winter. Its
belly and the underside of its tail
are completely white, and it has a
white patch on the throat. The
deer sheds its hair twice a year,
the heavy winter coat giving way to
a lighter one in spring which is
replaced again in early fall. A
fawn's coat is similar to the adult's
but has several hundred white spots
which gradually disappear when the
deer is three to four months old.
The narrator's voice ends and then we see Manny behind the
hemlock tree as the buck deer approaches. The video ends
with the buck deer being struck with the laser flash and
then bolting, unharmed into the forest.
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
Well that's it folks. Hope you
enjoyed MANNY'S HUNTING ADVENTURE IN
THE MAINE WOODS. Since Manny has
already e-mailed a photo of the buck
to his catch and release taxidermist,
he'll have the gorgeous, stuffed
deer head waiting for him when he
returns home. And I might add, that's
more than you other ASS HOLES will
have.
INT. HUNTING LODGE -- CONTINUOUS
Manny finds his tall step ladder, climbs it to nearly the
top and begins to slide down.
INT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- CONTINUOUS
Manny completes his slide down the ladder and lands standing
up in the familiar redemption center. Folks are still bottle
sorting, juggling bottles, drumming. joking, hugging, making
out, choir is practicing, band is practicing. Very chaotic.
MANNY (V.O.)
Hell, that wasn't so bad. Not bad
at all. Actually, it was good. I
wonder if there really is such a
thing as iGun? If not, somebody
ought to make one.
Preacher gets up on his chair.
74.
PREACHER
I know 'ya want to hear it. Oh yes
I do. Tell me I'm right. Oh yes,
tell me I'm right.
BODYBUILDER
You're right captain.
BIKER
Sure captain, you're always right.
BLACK WOMAN
Ain't that the truth.
PREACHER
Let's get serious now because we're
going talk about honesty.
The congregations whoops and hollers. Lots of foot stamping
and high 5's.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
I tell 'ya, it pays to be honest. I
know you heard it a million times,
but it's really true. If 'ya start
lying, you're gonna get caught.
Those lies just seem to multiply all
by themselves and y'all never be
able to stop. And you're gonna get
caught cause you'll never remember
which lie 'ya just told. It just
don't make no sense to lie because
you is only deceiving yourself.
Want a word of advice?
DRAG QUEEN
Course we do, Captain.
PREACHER
If you live with a liar, just get
out. If you don't get out, then you
is no better than the person telling
all them lies.
DRAG QUEEN
So true, so true.
PREACHER
Now y'all, refresh my memory here.
I have another little test for 'ya.
What was the name of the story about
the black man telling the white boy
about marijuana?
75.
HIPPIE GIRL
I know captain, cause it's one of my
favorites. It's called "RED DIRT
MARIJUANA."
PREACHER
You're right sister you're right.
Lot's of high 5's and clapping from the congregation.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Now y'all tell me who wrote the story.
Manny raises his hand smiling.
MANNY
It was Terry Southern.
PREACHER
DANG, I told 'ya that brother knows
some shit.
Congregation whoops it up for Manny who is thoroughly enjoying
the attention. He's starting to SMILE a lot more and
apparently he's beginning to FEEL BETTER.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
'Ya see, the black man was telling
the boy that reefer helped people to
see the truth, but them people in
power don't want 'ya to see the truth.
So's they make it against the law.
No sir, they don't want 'ya to see
the truth. Do they now?
The congregation cheers and stomps the floor in agreement.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Hear me now. 'Ya tell a truth. 'Ya
tell a lie. Why they don't disappear,
do they? Everything you say is being
recording somewhere.
HIPPIE GIRL
So true, so true. It just
reverberates around the universe.
PREACHER
You just might be right, sister.
Now y'all have to try to comprehend
this. Everything we say and do is
remembered somewhere. Now, BROTHER
WALTER, he used to believe that on
judgment day you would present to
God a video tape and God would play
it. And 'ya know what?
76.
HIPPIE GIRL
Tell us captain.
PREACHER
Brother Walter said your whole life
was recorded on this video tape and...
WOMAN IN BIKINI
What about a DVD?
PREACHER
You think I'm foolin with 'ya now,
that what 'ya think?
WOMAN IN BIKINI
Oh no captain, just jokin.
PREACHER
Get serious now sister. Brother
Walter said God would watch this
video and it was a video of your
whole life. All the good stuff was
there, but the bad stuff was too.
HASIDIC JEW
Then what captain?
PREACHER
Well then, Walter believed that god
would make his judgment and decide
your soul's fate.
BLACK WOMAN
Oh, Lord save me.
PREACHER
Now I ain't sayin that I believe it,
but I will tell you this. Why take
a chance. It's better to walk the
straight and narrow. That way, if
brother Walter was right, then 'ya
got nothing to worry about now. Do
'ya?
HASIDIC JEW
No we don't.
PREACHER
Let's recapitulate here. If people
could see the truth, cause it's all
around us, then they wouldn't be
afraid no more cause they would know
we all come from the same place and
there would be no more room for lies
and hatred, just room for LOVE.
77.
Pandemonium in the congregation. Some people fall and squirm
on the floor in states of religious ecstasy. The choir begins
to sing, the band plays.
INT. SOUND STUDIO/LAB -- DAY
Lot's of high tech equipment. Monitors, recording devices,
but also several potter's wheels, slowly spinning with ancient
pots.
Manny is a highly renowned scientific researcher. He works
with his LAB ASSISTANT, LOUISE HARRIS. Louise is very
professional, very sexy, horned rim glasses, self assured,
pleasantly assertive.
MANNY
He should be here any moment. Do
you think we're ready?
LAB ASSISTANT
Sure, it works all the time. There's
nothing to be nervous about.
They tinker with some equipment. A buzzer rings.
MANNY
There he is.
LAB ASSISTANT
I'll let him in.
MICHAEL RABIN enters. He is a reporter from the New York
Times. He's in his 30's, casually dressed.
REPORTER
Hello, I'm Michael Rabin from the
Times.
LAB ASSISTANT
Hi, I'm Louise Harris, Dr. Rivers'
assistant, and this is Dr. Rivers.
They all shake hands.
LAB ASSISTANT (CONT'D)
Why don't I show you around. Get
you a designer water?
REPORTER
Sure... Sure.
(pause)
You know, your phone message was
somewhat oblique, but I did find it
intriguing, and you, Dr. Rivers, you
certainly have a reputation, and not
a small one at that. Ok. So what's
this really about?
78.
MANNY
Without getting very technical, at
least for now, Louise and I have
been examining the nature of sound
recordings. The very early discs
such as 78's, LP's and 45-rpm records
were all made using a similar process.
The original recording was made on a
wax master. Then, a hard copy was
made from this and multiple copies
were literally stamped out and sold.
How the sound became embedded into
the wax, well, we don't have to go
into that now.
LAB ASSISTANT
No. We don't have to go into that
at all. We've simply discovered
that all solid matter is able to
absorb sound waves.
REPORTER
What exactly does that mean?
Reporter writes in notebook without looking up.
LAB ASSISTANT
(smiling)
What it means, Mr. Rabin, is that
there's a complete auditory history
of human civilization availing itself
to us.
REPORTER
This is a little confusing to say
the least. I didn't think that sound
recording was older than 100 years.
MANNY
Well, that's not exactly true.
LAB ASSISTANT
Ready now for a little field trip
around the lab, Mr. Rabin.
REPORTER
Sure.
They start walking around the lab, and the reporter seems
intrigued by the spinning pots on the wheels. They stop in
front of one of the wheels.
LAB ASSISTANT
Watch this.
(pause)
No, listen to this.
79.
She points a high tech looking device, like a hand scanner
very close to the pot which is spinning on the wheel.
REPORTER
What's that sound? It actually sounds
like some kind of language.
LAB ASSISTANT
It IS a language. In fact it's
ancient Egyptian.
REPORTER
What?
MANNY
Mr. Rabin. That pot which you see
spinning on the wheel was made about
3000 years ago in Egypt by a potter.
As the pot was spinning, the potter
was incising designs, and those
designs were recording a conversation
taking place at the exact moment the
pot was being decorated.
LAB ASSISTANT
Just like a recording is made on a
vinyl record.
REPORTER
My God, do you know what this means?
LAB ASSISTANT
Oh, we think we do, Mr. Rabin.
REPORTER
Do you know what's being said?
LAB ASSISTANT
The translator says it's an Egyptian
telling the potter that he was on
his way home because his wife was
baking bread and he was hungry.
REPORTER
Play that again, will you.
Once again the lab assistant points the device and we hear
the conversation.
MANNY
All these computers you see help to
enhance the sound quality.
LAB ASSISTANT
Would you like to see some more?
80.
REPORTER
I just can't believe this.
LAB ASSISTANT
But we're afraid you'll have to.
Here, check this out.
They walk over to another spinning pot.
LAB ASSISTANT (CONT'D)
Listen.
She points the device again, and they're able to hear another
conversation in a different language.
REPORTER
What's that?
Lab assistant plays the brief conversation again.
LAB ASSISTANT
You're listening to two men talking
about war casualties during a war in
ancient Greece.
REPORTER
Does anyone else know what you're
doing?
MANNY
Only two linguists who specialize in
very old languages, and a few other
people.
(pause)
Mr. Rabin, we have done our best to
contain this knowledge, at least for
now, because we're afraid that certain
governmental agencies would take a
very, very serious interest and deny
the existence of this research.
LAB ASSISTANT
Instead of trying to contain this
any longer, we feel that it would be
best if our research became known
and verified.
MANNY
Then our government could not easily
deny its existence if this story
were published in the New York Times.
LAB ASSISTANT
As you might have noticed, Mr. Rabin,
our government has some veracity
issues.
81.
REPORTER
This is all just so remarkable, but
am I missing something here? Why
would the government be so interested
in brief, mundane conversations that
took place a couple of thousand years
ago? Wouldn't this be most
interesting to historians?
LAB ASSISTANT
Mr. Rabin, there's more.
REPORTER
More?
MANNY
We've also discovered that not only
is sound being recorded on spinning
pots, but every time you write on a
page of paper, paint a picture or
draw a line in the sand, or mark
with chalk on the sidewalk, or even
step on the floor, sound is being
recorded.
REPORTER
This is just wonderful.
Reporter continues to write furiously in his notebook.
MANNY
Here, let me illustrate. Louise,
can we scan the reporter's notebook.
REPORTER
Hey, be my guest.
Lab assistant slowly scans the page the reporter had been
writing on. We hear, somewhat garbled, the conversation
that had just taken place.
MANNY (RECORDED VOICE)
We've also discovered that not only
is sound being recorded on spinning
pots, but every time you write on a
page of paper, paint a picture or
draw a line in the sand, or mark
with chalk on the sidewalk, or even
step on the floor, sound is being
recorded.
REPORTER (RECORDED VOICE)
This is just wonderful.
Lab assistant clicks off the scanner.
82.
REPORTER
Can I sit down?
flabbergasted reporter plops down on chair.
LAB ASSISTANT
The more pressure on the surface,
the better the recording quality.
Writing with pencils and cheap
ballpoint pens encourage better sound
recording then say a painter who
lightly paints on the surface of a
canvas. However, as the technology
progresses.
(pause)
Well, you can imagine.
REPORTER
This is big.
MANNY
We're just beginning to explore the
possibilities here, but can you now
see why the government might be mildly
interested in our project? We were
even afraid to try to publish this
in scientific journals.
Lab assistant goes to cooler and hands reporter more water.
REPORTER
Yeah, thanks.
LAB ASSISTANT
We thought the Times was the best
and most creditable way of getting
the story out.
MANNY
Because once it's out, the government
would have trouble putting a lid on
it.
REPORTER
I just need a little bit of time to
process this. Really, I actually
feel like I could faint. Yes, you're
right.
(pause)
The government would never allow
this.
LAB ASSISTANT
Dr. Rivers, why don't we take Mr.
Rabin over to MAGGIE'S studio.
83.
MANNY
She's an artist friend of Louise.
LAB ASSISTANT
And she's always there working.
EXT. STREET -- CONTINUOUS
They walk a short distance down an urban street. Traffic,
pedestrians, noise.
INT. ART STUDIO BUILDING -- CONTINUOUS
They enter an industrial style building. Downstairs in hall,
lab assistant pushes button.
MAGGIE (INTERCOM VOICE)
Yes.
LAB ASSISTANT
It's Louise.
MAGGIE (INTERCOM VOICE)
Hi, I'll buzz you up.
They start up the stairs and Maggie has studio door open to
welcome them.
INT. HALLWAY -- CONTINUOUS
LAB ASSISTANT
Hi sweetheart.
They hug each other.
LAB ASSISTANT (CONT'D)
This is Mr.Rabin from the Times and
this is Maggie.
MAGGIE
Hi. How's is going Manny?
MANNY
Fine.
INT. ART STUDIO -- CONTINUOUS
Large art studio with abstract paintings on wall. Very
casual, somewhat funky. Soft chairs, couches, desk with
computer. Tables with art supplies.
MAGGIE
Is this a show and tell or show and
hear or whatever you want to call
it?
84.
LAB ASSISTANT
Maggie, can we scan the one we scanned
last week?
MAGGIE
Sure.
MANNY
Mr. Rabin, it's important to remember
that it's not the paint that records,
but rather, when the surface tension
on the support is being disturbed,
that's what's recording the sounds.
Older sound impressions seem to get
erased by the new stuff. Maybe some
day we'll be able to hear the
different layers.
Lab assistant starts to scan painting leaning up against
wall, and again we hear garbled voices.
MAGGIE
Listen, you can hear me talking with
my DAUGHTER. She's asking if she
can make a painting too.
DAUGHTER (RECORDED VOICE)
Mommy, can I make a painting too?
MANNY
Of course the sound quality isn't
very good because our jazzy equipment
is in the lab, but it's good enough.
REPORTER
Truly, truly amazing. Well did she?
MAGGIE
Did she what?
REPORTER
Make a painting?
MAGGIE
Actually she did. She made a large
thing with finger paints.
LAB ASSISTANT
Oh, I remember because I was here
that day. Is it here?
MAGGIE
I'll bring it out.
She lays the painting out on a table. It's vividly colored,
quite detailed.
85.
REPORTER
Are you going to scan it?
Lab assistant starts to scan painting and we hear two women
off in the distance laughing and probably making out.
MAGGIE
Stop, stop.
LAB ASSISTANT
What was that? It sounds like...
MAGGIE
Yeah, like us. Remember, we were
behind the screen when LISA was
painting. Hope lisa wasn't listening.
A kid can't understand that stuff.
LAB ASSISTANT
Oh, shit. Sorry everyone.
REPORTER
Now I have to figure out how to write
this up.
EXT. STREET -- LATER
Manny, lab assistant and reporter are back on street, walking
by an alley. Crime scene, cops, patrol cars, flashing blue
lights. Taped off area. Woman lying in pool of blood.
LAB ASSISTANT
Should we try to help?
MANNY
I don't know about this.
(pause)
What the hell. Sure, go ahead.
They walk to the roped off area and a patrolman approaches
them.
LAB ASSISTANT
OFFICER, who's in charge?
OFFICER
LT. MORRIS. He's over there.
Lt. Morris overhears and walks over.
LT. MORRIS
This is a crime scene. What is it
you want?
LAB ASSISTANT
Do you have any witnesses?
86.
LT. MORRIS
We're looking for some, lady. Did
you see anything?
LAB ASSISTANT
We didn't see anything lieutenant,
but we might be able to hear something
for you.
LT. MORRIS
Huh? Did you say hear something for
me?
LAB ASSISTANT
I did say that.
LT. MORRIS
Lady, I'm very busy, and I don't
know what you're talking about.
LAB ASSISTANT
See this device I'm holding?
The lieutenant nods.
LAB ASSISTANT (CONT'D)
Well, it records things. Let's slowly
walk up to that dead woman together.
A crowd of bystanders press up against the crime scene tape.
LT. MORRIS
Just don't touch anything.
Lab assistant scans the sidewalk as they approach the victim.
They hear a desperate female voice in staccato tones.
MURDER VICTIM RECORDED VOICE
Ralphie...no...no...pleas...don't..
.bas...tard...no...Ral...go...back.
..no..
MANNY
(to reporter)
See what happening? The scanner is
picking up the recording each time
the perpetrator's shoe touches the
ground. There's no recording between
steps. That's why we're getting the
staccato effect.
REPORTER
Do you know how big this is?
87.
MANNY
I fully understand what you must be
experiencing. In fact, it's too
much for me too.
Manny finds his stepladder and begins his ascent. He slips
before he reaches the top and starts to slide down.
INT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- CONTINUOUS
Manny completes his slide down the ladder and now is standing
upright in the redemption center. The scene is the same, as
if he never left. Folks sorting bottles, others singing,
drumming, dancing, hugging, smoking a little reefer. Great
feelings abound.
MANNY (V.O.)
This is getting more and more
interesting. Well shit, maybe my
imagination isn't so fucked up. Why
not go wherever it takes me? I think
I'm even starting to LIKE all this
music.
The preacher ambles over to his chair and climbs up on it.
PREACHER
I'm back folks, 'ya hear?
DRAG QUEEN
Oh yeah, Captain. We're listenin.
PREACHER
And are 'ya ready for more?
TOUGH GUY
Yeah, we're ready.
DRAG QUEEN
Sure we are.
TOUGH WOMAN
Hey, I'm always ready.
FEMALE BEAUTY
Oh, let's hear it captain.
PREACHER
Let's talk about men. What is it
about them? What is their problem?
DRAG QUEEN
Oh, they got problems all right.
TOUGH WOMAN
Yeah, they sure do.
88.
FEMALE BEAUTY
Come on captain. Just tell us.
PREACHER
I'm gonna tell 'ya the god awful
truth about men, but it's gonna be
hard for me to do it, cause I'm one
of 'em too.
BLACK WOMAN
You sure are captain.
The congregation roars with pleasure.
BIKER
You can do it captain, just tell us.
PREACHER
I'm gonna talk to 'ya about man's
guiding force.
BLACK WOMAN
I bet I know what that is.
BIKER
I bet you do sister.
Again the congregation roars.
PREACHER
'Ya see, men have trouble thinking
sometimes. That thing they got
between their legs tells 'em what to
do.
FEMALE BEAUTY
How true.
WOMAN IN BIKINI
Now why is that?
PREACHER
Why men are so weak they can't seem
to help themselves.
BIKER
They sure can't.
PREACHER
It's like men have to have a
consultation with that little tootsie
roll guy before they can do anything.
It's just unreal.
HASIDIC JEW
True, so true.
89.
PREACHER
Want to hear what a brother told me
the other day?
DRAG QUEEN
Course we do.
PREACHER
You sure now?
TOUGH WOMAN
Don't tease us captain. We can take
it.
PREACHER
All right now. Here's what he told
me. He said he had been smokin some
of that wacky weed, and he closed
his eyes and he was lying on his
back, buck naked, on the bottom of a
clear stream. He opened his eyes,
he said, and he could see those
salmons swimmin up the stream to
make babies. He was lookin up at
'em, and he told me he wanted to
make babies with the salmons too.
BLACK WOMAN
Oh lordy.
PREACHER
I ain't done yet. No way. Then he
said he grabbed on to one of them
fish and it was a real big one, and
he said he had intercourse with the
fish.
BLACK WOMAN
Oh sweet Jesus.
PREACHER
I ain't done yet. No ma'am. So he
says he's in the water on his back
with the salmon on top of him. Well,
he wraps his legs and arms around
the salmon and puts his wanger inside.
BLACK WOMAN
Lord, lord, lord, ain't you somethin
captain.
PREACHER
Then he says that salmon was so tight
he couldn't pull out of her. So
she's swimming upstream, and he has
no choice but to go along for the
ride.
90.
TOUGH WOMAN
Is this true captain?
PREACHER
Course it is, now here's the best
part. Suddenly he says the salmon
is goin all over the place like it's
been hooked or somethin. Well sure
enough he's still stuck inside the
salmon and the two of 'em gets hauled
out of the water by a fisherwoman
who is the man's wife.
The congregation explodes. Band begins to play. Two Women
fall to the floor in a state of religious ecstasy and thrash
about, frothing at the mouth.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
And then the man who had the fish,
why he says to me, how could I do
such a thing? How could I or anybody
have them conjugal relations with a
goddamn fish?
BIKER
Did you tell 'em captain?
Riotous laughter from the congregation.
PREACHER
No I did not.
RASTAFARIAN
Just what kind of ganga was he smokin,
captain? I sure don't want any of
that stuff.
More riotous laughter from the congregation.
PREACHER
Listen to me now. Men are under the
influence of a powerful force. Y'all
know that don't 'ya now?
BLACK WOMAN LAWYER
What about women, captain? Aren't
they under the same force?
PREACHER
I just knew you was going to ask
that, sister, but it ain't the same
for women. It just ain't the same.
(pause)
But it's a good force. It's a
necessary one. That's why we is all
here.
(MORE)
91.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
(pause)
Men just need to control it.
BODYBUILDER
But why captain.
BIKER
You don't think I want to hump a
fish, captain, do you?
Laughter and foot stomping from the congregation.
PREACHER
Don't be so smart, brother.
(pause)
Because if 'ya don't control this
force, it will lead you to some places
'ya don't want to go, even though
you think you do.
(pause)
Learn to be happy with what 'ya got.
Learn to be in the present. Be RIGHT
HERE, RIGHT NOW, not somewhere else.
If 'ya ain't really here, you is
gonna suffer and so is everyone around
you. 'Ya here me?
INT. OLD BUILDING, CITY -- DAY
Manny climbs steps in old building. Small sign on door says
"Virtual Services."
INT. RECEPTION ROOM, OLD BUILDING -- CONTINUOUS
Manny enters a waiting room. There is a MALE RECEPTIONIST
behind a desk. Receptionist is young, alert, well groomed
and smiling. Three people sit in chairs waiting. Two men
and one woman. All three look very depressed and avert their
eyes when Manny enters. He also looks very depressed. Manny
goes to the receptionist.
MANNY
I'm Manny Rivers.
RECEPTIONIST
Yes, Mr. Rivers, I see you have an
appointment. It will just be a few
minutes. Why not take a seat.
Manny takes a seat, picks up a couple of magazines, glances
at them and then puts them down. Manny seems to stare at
nothing.
Receptionist picks up the phone.
92.
RECEPTIONIST (CONT'D)
Dr. Rivers is here.
(pause)
You can go in now Dr. Rivers.
Manny gets up, crosses past the depressed looking people who
show no emotion. He enters a room.
INT. MARTIN SMITH'S OFFICE -- CONTINUOUS
MARTIN SMITH sits behind a desk. Smith, 50's, casually
dressed, paunch belly, slightly unkempt appearance. He is
surrounded by monitors, projectors, large screens, LED
displays, very hi-tech, but also soft chairs and couches.
MARTIN SMITH
Welcome Dr. Rivers. Right off, just
to get this out of the way, I really
am honored to be of service to you.
I do find it utterly extraordinary
that twice in the past year there
were major stories about you in the
New York Times.
(pause)
Yes, it truly is an honor.
MANNY
(uninterested)
Well, it's the work I do.
MARTIN SMITH
I know, I know, but your discovery
of the "intolerance gene," why the
implications are...
(pause)
And, why I don't even have the words
to describe what the future could
hold. I believe you said that it's
a bad gene and that it should never
even be present, but because of some
anomaly in nature, it's in all of
us. And you have found a way to
eliminate the gene.
MANNY
Yeah, that's right.
MARTIN SMITH
You mean the Arabs and the Israelis
and...
MANNY
(interrupting)
Yeah, it's possible.
93.
MARTIN SMITH
So someday soon, people will live
harmoniously with their neighbors?
MANNY
Well, that's the theory. Now Dr.
Smith...
MARTIN SMITH
(interrupting)
You don't have to call me Dr. Smith,
Dr. Rivers, and I know why you're
here, but really Dr. Rivers, you're
an incredible person and I sincerely
mean that.
MANNY
Mr. Smith...
MARTIN SMITH
(interrupting)
And that word processing program
that writes stories and novels for
you. Isn't that actually a little
bit over the top?
(pause)
Oh, I know you're here for special
services, but can you just clarify
for me how it works?
MANNY
All right. My program knows every
word in the English language. The
trick to writing a story is knowing
which words to ELIMINATE and then
how to ARRANGE all the words you
have left. You enter your personality
profile and what type of story you'd
like to write. Based on your
profile, certain themes come up on
the screen. You or the software
choose a theme. But it's basically
your detailed profile that allows
the software to interact with you,
the writer. The software gets in
your head.
(pause)
Ok. Enough.
MARTIN SMITH
I'm just very, very impressed.
MANNY
(exasperated)
Can we please talk about why I'm
here.
94.
MARTIN SMITH
I'm sorry, but I have just one more
question. I promise.
MANNY
Oh, all right.
MARTIN SMITH
Please tell me what you're working
on now.
MANNY
Actually, I'm working on a sex aid
for women.
MARTIN SMITH
Oh.
MANNY
Men already have their Viagra and
related compounds, but there's really
nothing out there for women. I can
tell you that I'm very close to
developing a ...how should I say
this? "An illusion of intimacy"
pill for women. So, a half hour
before sex, he takes his Viagra and
she takes an "illusion of intimacy"
pill. O.k. that's it.
MARTIN SMITH
Wow. Sorry Dr. Rivers. Now please
tell me why you're here.
MANNY
I'm just going to spill it all, Mr.
Smith.
MARTIN SMITH
Don't worry, it's strictly
confidential.
MANNY
It's my love life, Mr. Smith. I'm
miserable. I love my wife and she
says she loves me, but we don't have
a sex life that's rewarding. I find
it incredibly unnatural. She shows
an interest...but maybe the problem
is with me. She thinks I'm always
somewhere else, not present. I don't
think I turn her on even when she
says she wants to make love. Well,
shit, I really think she'd be happier
with someone else. And I know I'm
not being very coherent, and I just
think about sex all the time.
95.
MARTIN SMITH
Is she seeing someone else?
MANNY
I don't think so, but it's possible.
My marriage is important to me, Mr.
Smith, and I don't want to have an
affair, but there's so much missing.
MARTIN SMITH
Dr. Rivers, you want a virtual woman,
don't you?
MANNY
Yes, I think so.
MARTIN SMITH
It's nothing to be embarrassed about
Dr. Rivers. We perform these services
all the time. Look at it this way.
It's one step above imagination, but
it still is your imagination.
MANNY
But it's one hell of a step though,
isn't it?
MARTIN SMITH
Let me get ready here. Why don't
you sit on that soft chair and you'll
have a good view of the large screen.
MANNY
Ok.
Manny switches over to the soft chair, and Smith gets up and
moves to a table with a key board. His back is to Manny.
MARTIN SMITH
I'll just ask you some questions and
you answer as best you can. Don't
worry, you can change your mind at
any time about a detail.
MANNY
Ok.
MARTIN SMITH
You shouldn't have any trouble with
this. In a sense, it's somewhat
analogous to your enhanced word
processing program. Shall we begin?
MANNY
Please Mr. Smith.
Smith starts working on his keyboard while asking questions.
96.
MARTIN SMITH
Let's start with a prototype. Race?
MANNY
White.
MARTIN SMITH
Height?
MANNY
Tall.
MARTIN SMITH
Weight?
MANNY
Uh, 125 pounds.
MARTIN SMITH
Ok. Here we go. Don't be alarmed
by what you see on the screen. What
you'll be looking at is a woman under
construction.
On the large screen a woman slowly appears, naked, with
undefined face and body.
MANNY
But there's no face.
MARTIN SMITH
Not yet. Help me out here. Describe
her face to me.
MANNY
Glossy, black hair, medium length.
Large blue eyes, full lips. Medium
nose. High cheek bones. Sort of
statuesque.
MARTIN SMITH
That's enough for now. Let me rough
it in.
Image on screen becomes more fully defined.
MANNY
(becoming animated)
Jesus Christ, she's a knock out.
Uh, can you make the lips a little
fuller, and the hair slightly longer?
MARTIN SMITH
Sure.
MANNY
Fantastic.
97.
MARTIN SMITH
Dr. Rivers, I should tell you, that
with our software you'll be able to
manipulate the image as well, whenever
you want.
MANNY
Ok, but can we continue and work on,
uh, the body. Uh, long arms and
long legs, medium size breasts with
large nipples. And not too much
pubic hair. Slim hips.
Smith works at the keyboard and the woman is transformed
once again.
MANNY (CONT'D)
God, this is really something. Uh,
can you make the nipples a little
darker?
MARTIN SMITH
Can do.
The screen changes again.
MANNY
That's better. Can you rotate her
on the screen so I can see a back
view.
The woman rotates on the screen
MANNY (CONT'D)
Do you think you could make her tushie
just a little bigger?
MARTIN SMITH
How's that?
MANNY
Oh my god.
The image continues to rotate on the screen and Manny stares
in wonderment.
MANNY (CONT'D)
You know I just have to tell you,
but this is the first time in a long
time that I've had an erection.
MARTIN SMITH
Dr. Rivers, that is not at all
uncommon.
MANNY
But can she do anything?
98.
Of course.
mind?
MARTIN SMITH
What did you have in
MANNY
Well, uh, can she have sex?
MARTIN SMITH
Dr. Rivers, there are some things
which I have to make clear to you.
The fee you are paying us includes a
home video or DVD, and you'll be
able to interact with your creation
in a somewhat limited way. However,
since you're in my studio now, I
think it's time to take this to a
higher level.
MANNY
Like how high?
MARTIN SMITH
What we shall do is take your creation
off the screen and shall we say,
bring her more to life.
MANNY
Now what does that mean?
MARTIN SMITH
See that box over there?
Martin Smith gestures to a small black box sitting on the
floor.
MANNY
Yes.
MARTIN SMITH
Well, that box generates a microscopic
fog that you can't see and neither
can I. But with our advanced system
that I have to take the credit for
inventing, we project the image of
your creation on the microscopic
water particles or fog if you want
to call it that.
MANNY
Yes, yes and what will I see?
MARTIN SMITH
(very dramatically)
Dr. Rivers, she will be here for
you.
Smith works at his keyboard.
99.
MANNY
But I don't see anything.
MARTIN SMITH
Oh, you will. I'm just activating
the field.
(pause)
There.
MANNY
Oh my God.
The woman Manny has created stands in the room before him.
She is not transparent, but translucent and totally naked.
MANNY (CONT'D)
But can she have sex?
MARTIN SMITH
I know you asked me that a few moments
ago, but I wanted to tell you about
this other stuff first.
(pause)
The answer to your question is yes.
She can masturbate, have sex with
another woman, a guy or yourself,
since I've already scanned you into
the program.
MANNY
With me? That certainly seems weird.
How about having her masturbate a
little and then I arrive on the scene
and have sex with her.
MARTIN SMITH
Watch this.
The woman walks over to the coach, partially covers herself
with a sheet and begins to masturbate. Manny watches himself
appear in the room and get on the couch with the woman.
They begin to make love.
MANNY
Please stop this.
Smith keys in some more commands and the image freezes.
MARTIN SMITH
I do know what you're going through.
MANNY
I didn't think I was asking for a
sex slave.
MARTIN SMITH
Are you sure?
100.
MANNY
I don't know, but I seem to think
about sex all the time. I'm still
checking out every single woman.
MARTIN SMITH
Dr. Rivers, it's called testosterone.
You know that, but you do have some
options. For example, you could go
to a TEC or...
MANNY
(interrupting)
What's that?
MARTIN SMITH
A TEC stands for TESTOSTERONE
EXTRACTION CENTER. Clearly Dr.
Rivers, you have a high testosterone
level, and if you don't like who you
are, your testosterone level could
be lowered. Then you wouldn't be
looking up every skirt, but your
creativity might diminish also.
MANNY
Shit, I think I'll stay with who I
am and continue to look up every
skirt.
MARTIN SMITH
Dr. Rivers, take all the software
with you. Use it, and I believe
your life is going to improve.
MANNY
But Mr. Smith, I want all this to
happen in 3D, just like now.
MARTIN SMITH
We can do that Dr. Rivers, but you'll
have to come here and rent one of
our private suites or a VB, as some
folks like to call them. You pay by
the hour. You can then be as creative
as you like.
MANNY
VB?
MARTIN SMITH
Virtual Brothel.
Manny walks up slowly to the frozen image of the woman on
the couch and stares at her.
101.
MANNY
Mr. Smith, this woman actually
resembles my wife, Sylvie.
Manny finds his stepladder, climbs it but slips before
reaching the top.
INT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- CONTINUOUS
Manny finishes his slide down the ladder and once again lands
on the floor of the redemption center. Same as it ever was.
Bottle sorting. Music, dance, animated discussions, joints
being passed.
MANNY (V.O.)
Jesus Christ, I haven't been this
turned on in years. It's like every
chemical in my body has been
activated. I wish Sylvie were here.
PREACHER
Come on y'all. Gather round. You
ain't done with me yet. You know
what, and I hope you already know
this, but America is a great place.
Yes sireee, she's a very fine place
indeed.
Congregation whoops it up.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Now where else would you have this
kind of freedom?
VIETNAM WAR VET
Nowhere else captain.
PREACHER
That's true 'ya know. Just look at
all of you. I see blacks, whites,
yellow and red people. Some of 'ya
are religious and some of 'ya ain't.
But it don't matter. Does it now?
DRAG QUEEN
No, it doesn't matter. Oh, we got
our problems here, but it's still
the best place to be.
The congregation stomps the floor in agreement.
PREACHER
But we shouldn't get carried away
here. No we should not.
102.
BLACK WOMAN LAWYER
That's right captain. Our country
is not always honorable.
PREACHER
Now sister, I know you'll have no
trouble comprehending what I'm gonna
say next. Y'all remember we talked
about them gonglomerates. Well,
sure you do.
VIETNAM WAR VET
Sure we remember.
PREACHER
Well 'ya know them gonglomerates and
our American Dee-fense Dept., why
they share the same bed.
BLACK WOMAN LAWYER
That's right captain. They do.
PREACHER
Since they share the same bed, we
gotta assume they want the same stuff.
Why, they both want to be on top at
the same time.
The congregation roars.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
But in this matter, it's really
possible. And y'all know who's on
the bottom?
VIETNAM WAR VET
Come on captain, tell us.
PREACHER
Yeah, I'll tell 'ya. It's the rest
of the world that ends up on the
bottom.
BLACK WOMAN
Now that ain't fair, is it now?
PREACHER
No sister it ain't fair at all. 'Ya
know, them gonglomerates and our Deefense
Dept. why, they sometimes act
like big, fat Georgia hogs. Come on
y'all, give me some SNORTS AND OINKS.
The congregation obliges with SNORTS,OINKS and lots of
laughter. Some folks get down on their hands and knees and
root around like swine.
103.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Why do y'all suppose these presidents
of ours cares so much about the Middle
East?
BODYBUILDER
We know captain, but we want you to
tell us anyway.
PREACHER
I will brother, I will. All those
folks in Washington, the Dee-fense
Dept. and the gonglomerates, what
they care about is oil. That's right
it's very simple. They care about
oil. It be black gold to them. And
that's what we need to make gasoline
so's we can drive them big, big
vehicles and heat them big homes.
The congregation yells and screams in agreement.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Y'all think for a minute if the Middle
East didn't have oil, but instead
had poke salad, black eyed peas and
collard greens, 'ya think we'd be
over there killin our brothers and
sisters? Course not. We is talkin
about energy and power here, and we
is stealing it from the rest of the
world.
The congregation screams in agreement. Music begins. The
choir begins to sing. Some folks fall to the floor in
religious ecstasy.
EXT. CITY STREET -- NIGHT
A modern building self-contained. Vivid neon sign CRACKLING
with energy proclaims "THE POWERHOUSE." Stark contrast to
the black, night sky.
INT. CAFE/JUICE BAR -- CONTINUOUS
JULIE AND SUSAN, middle aged, both professionals and
overweight, enter. Very upbeat atmosphere, relaxed. Good
lighting, jazz music. Juice bar, coffee and espresso machine
to one side. Round tables with chairs, couches, crowded.
Everybody seems to be in a very good mood. People dressed
casually, some in exercise outfits, some in jeans.
Manny sits at a desk with a computer in the cafe. Sign on
desk says "CHECK IN / CHECK OUT." He sips an espresso, and
he looks pleased.
Julie and Susan approach Manny.
104.
JULIE
Hi, is this where we sign up?
MANNY
Never been here before, have you?
SUSAN
Never.
MANNY
Why don't you both get something to
drink, and then come back and I'll
explain the policies and give you
cards.
SUSAN
(to Julie)
Good idea. What do you think?
JULIE
Fine with me.
Susan and Julie walk over to the counter, pick up a couple
of coffees and return to Manny's desk and sit down.
SUSAN
So what's the deal? Do we pay by
the month?
JULIE
Can we see the equipment and do we
get a trainer?
BERNIE, 20's, approaches Manny.
BERNIE
Sorry for interrupting guys, but I
need to check out.
Bernie hands Manny a plastic card, and Manny slides card
through the computer.
MANNY
Well, I know where you went today,
but why not tell...uh what did you
say your names were?
SUSAN
I'm Susan and this is Julie.
BERNIE
Hi to both of you. Anyway, I did
some kayaking up the Dead River in
The Forks. One hell of a workout.
105.
SUSAN
You mean you went kayaking and then
you came here to work out. Pretty
dedicated, huh.
BERNIE
It's not exactly like that. Manny
will explain. Sorry, but I gotta
change and run. Manny, how much did
I make today?
MANNY
(looking at the
computer screen)
.05 cents.
BERNIE
Cool. See 'ya.
SUSAN
OK Manny, what was that about?
MANNY
I won't give you the whole spiel
now, but The Powerhouse is the first
gym of its kind in the country. We
actually pay you to exercise here.
JULIE
I like that, but it's bullshit.
SUSAN
You're joking?
MANNY
Nope. All our exercise equipment is
hooked up to the electrical power
grid. The more you exercise, the
more power you generate, hence, the
more money you make.
SUSAN
Sounds kookie to me.
Three COLLEGE FRATERNITY BROTHERS come up to Manny. They're
wearing t-shirts with Greek lettering.
BROTHER 1
(with anticipation)
How much did we make today, Manny?
Manny slides the card.
MANNY
.11 cents.
106.
BROTHER 2
How much is in our account now?
MANNY
$4.27.
BROTHER 3
We're gonna get that six pack soon.
The brothers leave The Powerhouse, laughing.
JULIE
(sarcastically)
And where did those college boys go?
MANNY
They climbed Mt. Katahdin. Come on
you two skeptics, let's check out
The Powerhouse, but first I have to
get CAROL to fill in.
Manny walks over to Carol who is sitting in the cafe and he
points to his desk. She smiles at him, gets up and takes
his place at the desk.
MANNY (CONT'D)
Thanks, CAROL, back in a flash.
(to Julie and Susan)
Ok. Let's go.
INT. THE POWERHOUSE -- CONTINUOUS
Passing through a door we enter The Powerhouse. Lots of
exercise equipment with extra large monitors in front of
each piece of equipment. Most of the equipment is in use
and we see dramatic shots of outdoor scenes on the monitors.
There is a strange silence except for the mechanical sounds
the exercise equipment makes.
Small LED displays are mounted to each piece of equipment.
They show dollars and cents, same as a gas pump at the filling
station. Most display only cents, while some display nothing.
Everyone who is exercising wears earphones.
SUSAN
Well, this is pretty cool. What are
the earphones for?
MANNY
It's best to just try something out.
SUSAN
I'm not exactly dressed for it.
107.
MANNY
We won't notice. Just choose
something.
Susan contemplates her choices for a moment, then chooses
something that looks like a Nordic Trak.
MANNY (CONT'D)
Cross country skier, huh?
SUSAN
I've done a little.
MANNY
Do you want to see how much money
you're making?
SUSAN
Why shouldn't I?
MANNY
Cause you're going to make so little
some people don't want to know until
they check out.
JULIE
You should find out, Susan, it will
be fun.
SUSAN
Sure.
Manny touches a button and the LED comes to life, registering
a lot of zeros.
MANNY
Ok. Get on, slide your card and
choose the cross country trip you
want to take by touching the display.
Susan touches, "DEEP FOREST-MAINE WOODS."
MANNY (CONT'D)
Now decide if you want only natural
winter sounds and of yourself skiing
or if you want to add music to the
background. Just touch the display
and you'll be prompted.
Susan touches, "NATURAL WINTER SOUNDS."
MANNY (CONT'D)
One more thing. You're going to
come to some hills. Adjust the
steepness with the button on your
left.
(MORE)
108.
MANNY (CONT'D)
The steeper the hill, the harder
you're going to work, but the more
money you're going to make. Ok.
You're off. Put on your ear phones
SUSAN
I'm psyched.
JULIE
Me too.
MANNY
Hey, you're not getting off so easy.
You have to choose something too.
JULIE
I was hoping you'd ask. I want to
kayak up the Dead River too.
MANNY
All right. That's a pretty wild trip.
Manny and Julie walk over to a verifiable kayak. Julie slides
her card, chooses to see the money she's earning and puts
her earphones on. She chooses classical music and white
water audio. Then she grabs her paddle which is hooked up
to a device which translates the energy she produces into
electric power.
Manny gets on a variable pitch treadmill and he's off.
EXT. DESERTED BEACH -- DAY
Manny's POV. Pristine day. He's running along the ocean
edge, sometimes a little in the surf and sometimes in the
dry sand which make running more difficult. Mostly he glides
along on the surf washed, hard packed sand. The surf comes
booming in, but we are still able to hear the shore birds.
Manny starts up a cliff trail and the treadmill inclines to
make running much more difficult. He sees a woman pedaling
a mountain bike on a road above him. The woman looks like
Sylvie.
EXT. CROSS COUNTRY SKI TRAIL -- DAY
Susan's POV. Crisp, cold day. Conifers burdened with snow.
Chickadees on branches. Sometimes we see Susan's ski tips,
sometimes not. We hear the swish of her skies as she travels
along the serpentine trail. A deer crosses her path. She
sees a man in long underwear getting water from a brook.
EXT. DEAD RIVER -- DAY
Julie's POV. Summertime. Julie is paddling her Kayak up
the Dead River. She weaves in and out of the rapids, around
giant boulders. Julie almost swamps, but regains.
109.
The sound of rushing waters is overwhelming. A family of
otter swim by. An osprey dives for fish. She passes a group
of Buddhist monks dressed in saffron, fly fishing.
INT. CAFE/JUICE BAR -- LATER
Julie, Susan and Manny are drinking juice at a table. Both
women are incredibly animated.
JULIE
That was just amazing. I've never
experienced anything quite like it.
It was so weird too. I saw these
Buddhist looking guys fishing.
SUSAN
Yeah, I know what you mean. Like I
was really there. I'm not even
sure if what I did made the movie
change or if I was just keeping up
with the movie. Through the trees, I
even saw this guy wearing long johns
getting water out of a brook.
MANNY
Sounds like you gals had a gratifying
experience.
(pause)
Did you make any money?
SUSAN
I made .04 cents. How about you
Julie?
JULIE
Yeah, well I broke the bank and made
.05 cents. Hey, but what the hell.
Who gives a shit anyway, it was great.
SUSAN
Manny did you really dream this thing
up?
MANNY
Yeah, I did. Now if this catches on,
we hope to have a POWERHOUSE in every
major city.
JULIE
Were we really producing electricity?
MANNY
Yeah you were. All the equipment is
wired to the electric meter outside,
and we actually make the meter spin
backwards.
(MORE)
110.
MANNY (CONT'D)
The electricity you produced is
electricity that doesn't have to be
made by nuclear, coal or oil.
SUSAN
But we made such a tiny amount.
MANNY
Doesn't matter. If just a small
percentage of people who like to
work out come to a POWERHOUSE...well
you do the math cause I'm terrible
at it. Besides, there's a place I
have to go. See you around guys.
Manny finds his ladder and begins his climb, but slips before
reaching the top.
MANNY FINISHES HIS SLIDE DOWN THE LADDER, BUT NOW FINDS
HIMSELF IN LINE WITH OTHER PEOPLE WAITING TO REDEEM THEIR
BOTTLES. THE REDEMPTION CENTER HAS NOW TRANSFORMED ITSELF
INTO A VERIFIABLE BOTTLE REDEMPTION CENTER WHERE PEOPLE RETURN
THEIR EMPTIES FOR MONEY BACK.
COUNTRY MUSIC is playing on a cheap desktop radio. Most of
the congregation is gone except for the workers (who were
part of the congregation)but who are now sorting bottles.
They are busy at work.
The woman who Manny was attracted to is one of the bottle
sorters. She gives him a smile and he smiles back at her.
Manny looks around, sensing that all is not quite right.
His bottles are sorted and he is given a receipt which he
takes to the man sitting at a desk.
The man at the desk is the preacher. Manny hands his receipt
to the preacher. The preacher takes the receipt and hands
Manny a couple of dollars.
PREACHER
Why thank you sir, and y'all have a
nice day.
MANNY
Uh, you're welcome.
EXT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- DAY
Manny gets into his car.
INT. CAR -- CONTINUOUS
Manny tunes in the same country station, and slowly drives
off. A smile forms on his face.
111.
FADE OUT:
THE END
(A screen play in progress)
Stuart Silverstein
wgaw #973094.
.
[email protected]
47 Pleasantdale Ave.
Waterville, ME 04901
In the State of Maine, one may return certain empty beverage containers and receive 5 or 10 cents per bottle or can. This is a type of recycling. Grocery stores take back the containers, but also in rural areas there are redemption centers, which in addition, do the recycling. Because there are so many little churches in rural areas, and because of signage issues, it is not terribly difficult to confuse a building that redeems souls with one that redeems beverage containers.
Synopsis
The power of music and sermon allow a man who is highly creative, but filled with angst and a sense of self righteousness, to enter altered states of consciousness. In a parallel universe, he confronts his fears, hopes, fantasies and much that he cannot explain. Set in rural and urban locations, the protagonist experiences fantastical adventures while returning bottles to the redemption center and through the power of music and sermon he enters altered states of consciousness. Fantastical adventures are the result and his life is transformed.
FADE IN:
EXT. SADDLEBACK MOUNTAIN, MAINE -- DAY
A mountain biker struggles to pedal up a trail. Then he
heads down, around breakneck curves, and up again through
the rugged landscape. His dirty 24 speed bike scatters gravel
as he brushes up against tree branches. The trail is
extremely challenging, and he nearly falls a couple of times.
He’s breathing hard, getting a good workout. It's a clear
summer's day and then we hear a voice.
PULL BACK TO REVEAL
that the image is from a giant monitor directly in front of
a man on an exercycle in his studio.
INT. MANNY'S STUDIO -- DAY
SYLVIE
Honey, honey, my turn.
Sylvie is in her 30's, strikingly attractive, always dresses
in black with various accessories. Good smile.
MANNY reluctantly gets off the exercycle. His studio is
filled with paintings, sculptures, tools, paints, computers.
Lots of art, many projects half finished.
MANNY
(bored)
Where do you want to go?
Manny is in his 40's. He's trim and could be attractive,
but he doesn't smile much and ALWAYS has a TROUBLED LOOK.
SYLVIE
Acadia, Loop Road.
MANNY
Hills or no hills?
SYLVIE
Hills.
Manny adjusts a display on top of the exercycle and Sylvie
gets on and begins to pedal.
EXT. ACADIA NATIONAL PARK -- DAY
Sylvie's breathing hard and we see spectacular views of the
Maine coast as she pedals along a coastal trail. The surf
come crashing in and it immediately gets sucked back out
revealing seaweed incrusted rocks. Gulls cry, enveloped in
sea foam. A man is jogging along Sand Beach. He looks like
Manny.
2.
SYLVIE
What a blast, but I'm gonna flatten
this hill out a bit. It's too much
for me.
Sylvie touches a button on the top of the exercycle and we
see the hill flatten on the monitor. Her breathing becomes
less pronounced.
SYLVIE (CONT'D)
That's more like it.
INT. MANNY'S STUDIO -- CONTINUOUS
Pull back to reveal that once again, the images are from a
giant monitor. After a short while she gets off the
exercycle.
MANNY
Hey, you want to check out the new
video I made where you have to pedal
like mad to get away from an urban
gang?
SYLVIE
But do I really need to get away
from an urban gang?
MANNY
You never know.
Manny runs the video of an urban gang chasing someone through
the streets. Video continues.
SYLVIE
Jesus, you're so obsessive about
this stuff. Can't you ever kick
back?
MANNY
Me? I'm kicked back.
SYLVIE
(clearly unimpressed)
Sure Manny, sure.
Urban video still playing in background.
SYLVIE (CONT'D)
You are really serious about this
aren't you? Listen, can you please
just shut off that monitor for...oh
what the hell, it doesn't matter.
(Sylvie looking at Manny seductively)
Manny, I've just got this little
problem today. Do you think we could?
Sylvie lures Manny over to the coach.
MANNY
Yeah, all right.
They start taking their clothes off. Manny is on top of
Sylvie, huffing and puffing. The urban video continues in
the background. While making love, Manny is sneaking a peek
at a led display by the bed. The display's bar graph rises
and falls depending the strength of the "groan." Each time
the meter peaks out, we hear a loud "BING." Sylvie opens
her eyes startled. She turns around and sees the meter.
SYLVIE
(Outraged, she jumps off the couch)
What the hell. Oh Manny, fuck you,
fuck you. Can't you just let it go?
Get out of your head for a change
and just be in the present moment.
Sylvie quickly dresses and storms out. Manny starts gathering
up all the beer and soft drink bottles in his studio. He
tosses them in a plastic bag.
MANNY
(mumbling)
This relationship is never going to
work. What's the sense. It's never
going to work. What the hell do I
want anyway. All I'm trying to do
is to FEEL GOOD. Is that asking for
too much?
EXT. MANNY'S STUDIO -- DAY
Manny loads the bag into his compact car and returns to the
studio where he has several more bags leaning against an
outside wall. He stuffs the car with bottles, leaving barely
enough room for himself.
MANNY
(mumbling)
Why is it all so complicated?
Everything is so heavy. Couldn't it
just be simple. What the hell is
wrong with me?
EXT. RURAL MAINE ROAD -- CONTINUOUS
Manny drives down a RURAL MAINE ROAD in a depressed area.
Lots of little houses with old refrigerators on the side and
some with scalloped truck tires used for planters on front
lawns. He passes trailers with rusted sides and dead autos
on front lawns. Those autos will never start again. Laundry
hangs in front of houses.
4.
INT. MANNY'S CAR -- CONTINUOUS
MANNY (V.O.)
Where the hell is this bottle
redemption center, anyway? A nickel
a bottle. Is it really worth it?
Manny pulls up to a ramshackle building with a large, crudely
painted sign that says "REDEMPTION CENTER." He gets out of
the car, stumbles and hauls a bag of bottles to the redemption
center door.
He enters, and is astounded by what he sees.
INT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- CONTINUOUS
The redemption center is a large space filled with blacks,
whites, Muslims, Hasidic Jews, straights, women with burkas,
freaks, bikers, drag queens, bag ladies, gays, lesbians,
geeks. Everyone is either dancing, singing, drumming, smoking
dope, hugging, kissing, visiting or sorting bottles and cans.
The atmosphere is frenetic, hypnotic, and friendly. Manny
gets drawn in. All at once there's music coming from a band.
A choir is practicing.
SOME OF THE ACTORS AND ACTRESSES WHO INHABIT THE REDEMPTION CENTER TAKE MULTIPLE ROLES THROUGHOUT THE MOVIE. They are
SLIGHTLY RECOGNIZABLE IN SUBSEQUENT SCENES.
MANNY
(to BIKER)
Oh, my god. What IS this place
anyway? I just came to return
bottles. What the hell is going on
here? Is this some kind of fake
time warp or hokey parallel universe?
I don't believe in that shit. Maybe
you're part of that kookie theater
group that performs in the gravel
pit on the 4th of July.
BIKER
(passing a joint to
Manny)
Come on man, take a toke.
MANNY
No thanks, don't want to hurt my
lungs.
BIKER
Do what HIPPIE GIRL does.
(gesturing to Hippie
Girl)
Why not show him.
5.
HIPPIE GIRL
Don't inhale. Just swallow the smoke
and keep it down. You'll get high.
HASIDIC JEW
Maybe President Clinton was telling
the truth when he said he didn't
inhale.
BIKER
Yeah, somebody should've asked him
what he did with the smoke.
Manny takes a toke and swallows the smoke.
MANNY
(to smiling biker)
Is this where I return my bottles?
BIKER
Yeah, sort of.
MANNY
What the hell does that mean?
People beckon Manny to join in bottle sorting. Those sorting
bottles are also musicians and singers. Some are juggling
the bottles and cans. They trade off roles. With trepidation
Manny slowly complies, but he's too uptight to dance and
sing. Everyone seems to be in some sort of ecstatic state.
A neatly dressed BLACK MAN climbs up on a chair. He's in
his 50's and commands the attention of everyone.
PREACHER
My brothers, my sisters, I'm here to
tell 'ya about somethin 'ya need
just as much as 'ya need air, or
water or food or good lovin. Are
'ya ready to hear me?
The CONGREGATION cheers loudly.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
I say, are 'ya ready to hear me?
The congregation goes wild with foot stomping, high 5's,
yelling.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Sisters and brothers, mothers and
fathers, I'm gonna tell 'ya what we
need is RESPECT. Oh yeah. You hear
folks goin on about tolerance.
Tolerance?
(MORE)
6.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
That the best we can do, just tolerate
each other, just tolerate God's
creatures? Hell no. I don't think
so. That ain't enough, and y'all
know it. Not only you gotta respect
each other, but you gotta respect
everything that's here on this earth.
The congregation stamps and whistles approvingly. A
collection plate is going around and it passes by Manny.
It's overflowing with change. He fumbles in his pocket but
the next person takes the plate before he can add any money
to it.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
(He points at the
collection plate)
Now y'all just wait a minute. Do
'ya remember what DADDY GRACE used
to say?
BODYBUILDER
Tell us.
PREACHER
Ain't any of you remember?
BLACK WOMAN
Oh, I do. I went to his church once.
Daddy Grace, he say he don't want to
hear no JINGLING when the plate is
passed.
PREACHER
That's right sister, and y'all know
what he meant by that, don't 'ya?
He didn't want to see no change. He
wanted to see them green bills floatin
down into the plate. 'Ya hear, be
generous now.
Congregation whoops and stamps in approval. Lots of high
5's.
TOUGH WOMAN
Who's this Daddy Grace, dude?
PREACHER
Tell her sister.
BLACK WOMAN
Daddy Grace was this preacher man,
and he had lots of churches.
(MORE)
7.
BLACK WOMAN (CONT'D)
He used to drive up to his churches in a big, white Cadillac, and Daddy Grace, he had dem long fingernails painted red, white and blue.
PREACHER
What was we talkin about. It was respect wasn't it?
TOUGH WOMAN
It sure was.
PREACHER
There are some of you who don't respect God's work, and 'ya know who you are.
Manny suddenly looks startled.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
So I want you to listen to me. Listen real close now. Come get closer to me. Every creature, live or dead is holy. And I mean every single animal, and it don't matter if they smell sweet or foul.
BLACK WOMAN
Oh that's right lord.
PREACHER
We gotta get off this lord stuff. I ain't the lord.
BLACK WOMAN
Then what do we all call 'ya?
PREACHER
Well, let's see here now. How about, yeah, how about CAPTAIN. I think I like that.
Lots of whooping and high 5's from the congregation.
WOMAN IN BIKINI
Why not?
DRAG QUEEN
We can go with that.
BIKER
Yeah captain.
PREACHER
Now let's get back to business here.
(MORE)
8.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Listen to me. I want y'all to go
outside and find something dead.
Yeah, that's right brothers and
sisters. You heard me. Go on out
there and find something dead.
Don't be afraid of it now cause it
ain't gonna hurt 'ya. Here's what
'ya do. You contemplate that
creature. You meditate on it. Look
real hard at it.
FEMALE BEAUTY
That's gross Captain.
PREACHER
No it ain't. Now here's the lesson,
and it was brother WALTER who said
it so well. Y'all remember brother
Walter?
BODYBUILDER
Sure we do.
PREACHER
Brother Walter, he said nothing is
wasted in the plan of nature.
That dead creature is gonna be food
for somethin. Same as y'all be when
you die.
WOMAN IN BIKINI
That IS GROSS captain.
BIKER
What's wrong with that? It ain't
gross, is it captain?
PREACHER
No way. It ain't gross. No, there
ain't nothin wrong with it. That's
the point. Nothin goes to waste.
No nothin. Watch that dead creature
from a distance and y'all see the
birds starting to peck at it. Now
get up closer so's y'all don't miss
nothin. Listen here.
TOUGH WOMAN
Oh, we're listening captain.
PREACHER
Yeah, get up real close and you'll
see the bugs eatin at it. We're
talkin about respect here. Yes we
are. We are respectin god's design.
9.
A man hoots from the back of the congregation
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Hey now ! Here! what's this? Brother,
'ya think I'm playin? 'Ya think
maybe it's a joke?
(pause)
That dead creature is as beautiful
as you are. Life, death, it's all
god's work. He never made nothin
ugly. That stuff is all in your
mind.
(pause)
Someday you gonna be dead too. 'Ya
better get used to that notion. 'Ya
gonna be all bloated and smelly and
decayed too. Now tell me. Tell me
truly. Y'all want to be free?
The congregation roars in agreement.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
To be free, 'ya gotta respect
everything on this world and 'ya
gotta find out who 'ya really are.
But to do that, well, 'ya got MANY
RIVERS TO CROSS, and 'ya gotta do
some serious HOUSE CLEANIN.
HIPPIE GIRL
Tell it! Tell it captain
PREACHER
Oh, ma'am, 'ya know I will. Well,
brother, 'ya can walk away laughin
now, but I say to 'ya, you're gonna
find out the hard way. When your
last day comes, God's gonna remember
who respected his work and who didn't.
You go out there and kneel before a
dead animal because that animal is
full of God's GLORY and MAJESTY.
And if 'ya don't recognize that,
then when your time comes and that
'OL BOY taps you on the shoulder,
'ya might have to go somewhere 'ya
don't want to go, but 'ya ain't gonna
have no choice. You're just gonna
go along. That's what I'm tellin
'ya.
The congregation erupts in cheers. Manny finds himself in
the midst of a clapping, swaying group. Some people fall to
the floor and thrash in religious ecstasy, foaming at the
mouth.
10.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Listen to me now. Y'all listen.
I'm tellin 'ya to respect every man,
woman and child and all the animals,
big and small. But I'm also tellin
'ya to respect every plant, rock and
dead branch. Just whatever exists
on this planet, you need to respect
it all. I know, I know it's hard to
comprehend, but that's because your
head is just filled up with so much
stupid stuff. Yeah, and I mean just
so filled up. Like it's stuffed.
HASIDIC JEW
Where does all this stuff come from?
PREACHER
Nobody knows, but 'ya just have to
live through everything. Don't be
afraid about what goes on in your
head because they be just thoughts,
and they ain't gonna hurt 'ya. You
just got to accept the good with the
bad. Ya gotta learn to respect
yourself and everyone else.
MANNY (V.O.)
Is this really happening to me? Who
ARE these people? He's telling us
to look inside our heads and Sylvie
is telling me to get out of my head.
I've got to get out of here. I don't
belong to this.
Preacher begins to speak over the music which starts up again.
PREACHER
As I was sayin, if you know what's
good for you, you'll see that life
and death are both sacred. Oh, you'll
see. Now tell me y'all. When it
comes right down to it, besides MUSIC
and DANCE, what's the most important
thing you got to know about?
BLACK WOMAN
LOVE, captain, LOVE. That's all 'ya
really need to know about.
Choir begins to sing, and Manny appears to go into a trance.
EXT. RURAL ROADSIDE -- DAY
Manny is kneeling, staring at a dead cat on the shoulder of
a rural Maine road. Obvious road kill. Cat seems to be
staring back at him.
11.
Manny finds a stick and pokes gently at the cat.
Finding a plastic bag on the side of the road, Manny gingerly
eases the cat into the bag and walks down the road with it.
Manny comes upon an emaciated, grizzled MAN. The man gets
off a battered bicycle to pick up a couple of discarded beer
cans which he puts in a bulging plastic bag.
MAN ON BIKE
See any empties? Nickel a piece.
MANNY
No.
MAN ON BIKE
Whatcha gonna do with that cat? I
seen 'ya put it in the bag.
MANNY
I don't know.
MAN ON BIKE
Must be good for somethin.
Manny stares at man as he pedals away slowly.
INT. MANNY AND SYLVIE'S HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS
Manny enters the kitchen carrying the bag. He fills a pot
with water and puts it on the stove to boil.
EXT. MANNY AND SYLVIE'S HOUSE. BACK PORCH -- CONTINUOUS
Sylvie is sitting at her computer working on graphics.
Their cat is prowling around her ankles. Suddenly Sylvie
sniffs the air.
INT. MANNY AND SYLVIE'S HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS
SYLVIE
Manny is that you? What are you
doing?
Sylvie enters, followed by the cat.
Manny is busily stirring the bubbling pot on the stove. The
slimy plastic bag at his feet is conspicuously empty.
SYLVIE (CONT'D)
Jesus, what the hell IS that?
MANNY
I'm just recycling.
SYLVIE
I said what the hell is that?
12.
Sylvie tries covering her nose and mouth with the neck of
her sweater. The cat sniffs the air and vanishes into another
room.
MANNY
I'm just showing respect for all
creatures.
SYLVIE
It smells like something died. Ohh...
MANNY
Exactly.
Manny stirs a little too vigorously and the barely
recognizable remnants of a tail flops over the side of the
pot.
SYLVIE
(shrieking)
What is that? What is it? I want
it out of my house.
MANNY
It's a cat.
SYLVIE
(backing away)
Oh no. Oh no you don't. You crazy
fuck.
MANNY
It's-
SYLVIE
I don't want to hear it. I don't
want to hear about it. Are you insane?
That's the most disgusting thing
I've ever...
MANNY
(interrupting)
Please, honey, please. Show a little
respect.
SYLVIE
You've lost your fucking mind.
She hurls an oven mitt at him, which splashes into the stewing
pot. Manny ducks and keeps stirring the concoction. Sylvie
storms out.
INT. MANNY'S STUDIO -- LATER
Several large monitors playing simultaneously. Urban chase
tape, Acadia tape and mountain biking tape.
13.
Manny, wearing a respirator, is ladling the contents of the
pot from the kitchen into several cans. All the cans are
labeled "Cat In A Can." Manny's cat rubs against the cans.
MANNY (V.O.)
Just have to cap and pressurize these
cans and I'm out of here.
EXT. HOUSE RURAL MAINE -- DAY
Manny knocks on door while holding a basket filled with Cat
In A Can.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
Hello?
MANNY
Hello, ma'am, I'm selling CAT IN A
CAN. Do you have a rodent problem?
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
Actually we do, but you'd better
keep your voice down. My mother's
resting.
MANNY
Say, you don't happen to read the,
ah, the United States Journal of
Medical Discoveries, do you?
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
No. Are you selling subscriptions?
MANNY
No, no, I want to tell you about a
study in the American Journal of
Medical Discoveries, and it found a
link between rodent exposure and
Alzheimer's disease.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
Oh my goodness! I had no idea.
There are mice in the basement. I
saw one just yesterday when I went
down to box up our book collection.
Do you think I should call an
exterminator?
MANNY
No. Don't do that.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
Why not?
14.
MANNY
Well, because, see, that's- the
exterminators, they use toxins too.
They kill the toxic mice with
additional toxins and it's just more
toxins, you understand, and it makes
it worse!
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
Really?
MANNY
Really! But you know what, there's
an easier way to get rid of mice.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
There is?
MANNY
There is. It's called CAT IN A CAN.
Manny produces the can from the basket, and the woman inspects
it.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
This isn't toxic?
MANNY
No, it's cat.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
Cat? What do you mean cat? How do
you put a cat in a can? Anyway,
does it work?
MANNY
Does it work, does it work. Of course
it works!
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
I'll tell you what. If you can take
that stuff down into the basement
and kill a mouse with it, I'll buy
it from you.
MANNY
Show me the way.
INT. HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS
Woman leads Manny through the living room to the door to the
basement. Her MOTHER is half-asleep on the couch.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
Don't worry, Mom. This nice gentleman
is going to take care of everything.
15.
MOTHER
Hmm? Well, he can suck my dick.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
M o t h e r.
(to Manny)
Right this way. Please don't listen
to her.
They open the basement door and go down the steps.
INT. BASEMENT -- CONTINUOUS
Woman and Manny prowl around the dusty basement. She shines
a large flashlight into a corner. There is a scurrying sound.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
There! There's one!
Manny lunges forward and sprays CAT IN A CAN in the general
direction of the mouse. Woman reels backward.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN (CONT'D)
(puts hand over mouth
and nose)
Oh, my God, it stinks!
MANNY
Yes, but it works.
Manny lets loose with another spray. There is rapid scurrying
in the corner. He sprays again. We see a mouse who appears
to be intoxicated. He topples over on his back, legs
twitching in the air. Manny raises his hand triumphantly
holding CAT IN A CAN.
MANNY (CONT'D)
Yes, yes, it works!
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
Well it appears to, but isn't there
another way, that's not just so
smelly?
MANNY
Actually there is. I could take a
live mouse from someone else's house
and let it go in your house...
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
(interrupting)
Why would you want to do that?
MANNY
You see, ma'am, mice are extremely
territorial so when you introduce an
(MORE)
16.
MANNY (CONT'D)
alien mouse into an established
household, well the females get so
upset that they become barren.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
What an incredible thing. You're
such a wealth of information.
MANNY
Naturally barren mice can't produce
offspring, so the mice in your house
will just die out.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
I've just never heard of such a thing.
Do you have any mice with you?
MANNY
No I don't. I'm just afraid we'll
have to go with CAT IN A CAN.
Woman's mother has tottered part way down the basement stairs.
She calls out to them.
MOTHER
Hello, hello. What's going on?
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
(to Manny)
It really does work, doesn't it?
(to mother)
It's all right, mother this nice man
is just showing me how to kill mice
homeopathically.
MANNY
Did I say homeopathically? I like
that. Yes ma'am, 100% natural cat.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
(to mother)
100% natural cat.
MOTHER
Tell that man to go and fuck himself.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
Never mind, mother, go back upstairs.
MOTHER
What am I smelling?
MANNY
I realize the odor is, ah, distinct.
But it does fade.
(MORE)
17.
MANNY (CONT'D)
The important thing is, Cat In A Can
is guaranteed effective.
MOTHER
What in a can?
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
Cat, mother. Cat In A Can.
MOTHER
(looking directly at
Manny)
Nonsense. Young man, Did you want
to fuck my daughter?
Manny is absolutely shocked.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
(to Manny)
I'm really sorry, but mother has
trouble controlling herself.
(to mother)
Mother, we've talked about this.
Please try to control yourself.
(pause)
No, mother, it's not nonsense. It
was written up in the American Journal
of...
MANNY
Medical Journal of American
Discoveries.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
Medical Journal of American News
(to Manny)
Is that what you said?
MANNY
I think so.
MOTHER
And you heard what I asked before
young man. Now how do you like this?
Mother pulls up her blouse revealing her breasts.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
I'm afraid her mind isn't what it
used to be. I just can't make her
behave.
MANNY
That's why it's so important to get
rid of the mice.
(MORE)
18.
MANNY (CONT'D)
The medical journal drew the link
between rodent exposure and
Alzheimer's disease.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
I'm really so lucky you stopped by.
MOTHER
(loudly to Manny)
If you're a swindler, and all salesmen
are swindlers if you ask me. Well,
God help you, that's all I have to
say. Now I'm going to take all my
clothes off for you, young man.
Mother starts taking her clothes off.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
Shush, mother, shush! And leave
your clothes on.
(to Manny)
I do apologize, how much did you say
your mouse-killer costs per can?
I'll take three.
MANNY
(nervous, staring at
mother)
Uhh, you can have the first one free,
we'll call it a sample. The other
two are $10.00 each, with tax you
owe me $21.00.
EXT. FRONT OF HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
(handing Manny the
money)
It's a bargain.
MOTHER
I call it theft, and I think you
should haul your ass out of here.
Mother throws a bucket of dish water at Manny.
MOTHER (CONT'D)
911, 911, 911, 911
Manny, soaking wet, leaps off the porch. He finds a tall
stepladder which stands in the yard for no apparent purpose.
He climbs the ladder, but just before he reaches the top, he
loses his step and begins to slid down.
MANNY
Oh, what the...
19.
INT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- CONTINUOUS
Manny finishes his slide down the ladder which is now on the
redemption center floor, and he lands standing up. Everything
is the same. Folks are sorting bottles, juggling, laughing
and the choir is practicing. It's as if he never left.
MANNY (V.O.)
That was just absolutely
extraordinary. It was real, but it
couldn't have been. My god, that
cat was truly disgusting. If that's
what recycling is about, then I'm
not into it. What am I, some kind
of freakin salesman? Too weird.
Too weird.
Woman edges up to him seductively. She closely resembles
his wife, Sylvie. He shows a mild interest, but he's still
very bewildered. Manny helps her a little with the bottle
sorting.
PREACHER
(climbing up on a
chair)
I'm back. Do y'all hear? 'Ya with
me now?
FEMALE BEAUTY
Of course we're with you captain.
BLACK WOMAN
Sure enough.
PREACHER
I gotta tell y'all, there is such
goodness in the world. Why it's all
around us, but I gotta tell 'ya
something else, and 'ya ain't gonna
want to hear it, but 'ya must.
FEMALE BEAUTY
Come on captain. Just tell us.
PREACHER
But can you handle it?
BIKER
We can handle anything, cap.
PREACHER
All right, y'all know there's goodness
and love, but there's EVIL too, and
I mean evil, and that's with a capital
E.
Lots of foot stomping from the congregation.
20.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
The sad thing is nobody knows where
evil comes from.
WOMAN IN BIKINI
Well, I do. When I used to go to
catholic school, captain, the nuns
said evil comes from the devil and
rock and roll music.
Riotous laughter from the congregation.
PREACHER
Well, I don't know about that, but
now listen here. I do know that
evil is all around us too. Let me
tell 'ya, there is some bad shit out
there, and I mean some REAL bad shit.
We gotta learn how to control it.
'Ya don't mess with evil. Do 'ya
now?
BLACK WOMAN
No sireee.
PREACHER
Don't y'all get mixed up now. I
ain't sayin you're evil, but I AM
sayin evil is inside you. It's in
all of us. And I say, could be you're
here to get rid of it.
BODYBUILDER
But how did it get there Captain?
PREACHER
Nobody knows that, but don't y'all
be embarrassed by it. Just accept
the fact that it's there. We is
very complicated.
BODYBUILDER
So what do we do?
PREACHER
You gotta avoid it, but sometimes we
gotta go through it so we'll know
what to avoid later.
INT. HOSPITAL OPERATING ROOM -- DAY
MANNY, in hospital attire, is a cardiologist who is finishing
up an operation where he has just installed a pacemaker in a
woman. Lot's of nurses and other doctors cluster around
him. Students and professionals in viewing gallery above.
21.
MANNY
That went well. Let me just
interrogate the pacemaker and we're
out of here.
Manny aims a device that looks like a TV remote at the patient
who is on the operating table. He presses some buttons on
the device. Audible tones are heard. BINK, BONG, BINK.
MANNY (CONT'D)
To those of you up in the viewing
gallery who have never seen this
before. This little device is a
portable programmer, and by
interrogating, god I love that term,
the pacemaker with the remote, I can
tell the implant how to regulate the
heartbeat. Hey, we've had enough for
today. Let's all get out of her.
Uh NURSE, will you finish dressing
the incision, please? Thank you.
NURSE 1
Of course, doctor.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM -- LATER
NURSE 2
How are we doing today MISS MADDEN?
Miss Madden is an elderly woman in her 70's who just received
the pacemaker.
MISS MADDEN
I, I just don't feel so well. It's
my heart, and it seems to beat a
little too fast and then it slows
down.
NURSE 2
Probably we should get in touch with
DR. RIVERS. He's off today, but he
instructed that if you experienced
any problems you could reach him on
his cell phone.
(smiling)
Usually he doesn't give his number
out, but since you were his elementary
school teacher he wanted to take
extra good care of you.
MISS MADDEN
He really is such a nice man, isn't
he?
NURSE 2
Why don't you call him.
22.
Nurse leaves room.
MISS MADDEN
(picks up phone)
EXT. CITY STREET -- NIGHT
Sleek, black Porsche glides in and out of traffic. Manny
answers his cell phone.
MANNY
Yes?
MISS MADDEN (PHONE VOICE)
Manny. This is Marjorie Madden.
MANNY
Oh yes, Marjorie. Let me just pull
off the road here.
Manny pulls off road.
MANNY (CONT'D)
How are you feeling, Marjorie?
MISS MADDEN (PHONE VOICE)
Well Manny, I'm not feeling so well.
MANNY
What's the problem, Marjorie?
MISS MADDEN (PHONE VOICE)
It's my heartbeat. It seems to be
irregular. Sometimes it speeds up
and then I think it slows down.
MANNY
Probably we can do something about
this Marjorie. Tell me Marjorie, do
you ever masturbate?
MISS MADDEN
(absolutely shocked)
Manny... What...I just, I just don't
understand. What did you say?
MANNY (PHONE VOICE)
Well, let's put it this way. Have
you ever masturbated, Marjorie?
MISS MADDEN
Manny, just how could you ask
something like that?
MANNY (PHONE VOICE)
Just joking.
(MORE)
23.
MANNY (PHONE VOICE) (CONT'D)
Marjorie, you were my 6th grade
teacher at Roger Sherman elementary
school. You do remember, don't you?
And Miss Fitzsimmons was the
principal.
MISS MADDEN
Why yes, Manny. I do remember.
MANNY (PHONE VOICE)
You know, Marjorie, you used to
humiliate me in class. I always
thought you were looking down on me.
In fact, Marjorie, you treated me
like DOG POOP.
MISS MADDEN
Oh, that's not true Manny.
MANNY
Aw heck, Marjorie, you're probably
right. Let bygones be bygones. You
say the pacemaker is making your
heart beat too fast and then too
slow?
MISS MADDEN (PHONE VOICE)
Uh, yes.
MANNY
Marjorie, I think I can fix you right
up. I have my remote with me, and I
can interrogate your pacemaker over
the phone.
Manny holds the remote by his cell phone and pushes some
buttons. BINK-BONG-BINK.
MANNY (CONT'D)
Marjorie, are you there? How does
that feel now?
MISS MADDEN
Well, if I feel my heart with my
hand, it seems like it's not beating
fast enough.
MANNY (PHONE VOICE)
OK Marjorie, we just need to establish
some parameters here. Let's try
this.
Once again Manny presses the remote. BINK-BINK-BONG-BINKBONG.
24.
MANNY (PHONE VOICE)
Now how does that feel, Marjorie?
MISS MADDEN
Manny, can't you just come in to do
this? I really think my heart is
beating a little too fast now.
MANNY (PHONE VOICE)
Oh really.
Once again Manny presses the remote. BONG-BONG-BING.
MISS MADDEN
Manny, I know for sure my heart is
beating too fast now.
MANNY (PHONE VOICE)
Just one more time Marjorie and we'll
have it.
BINK-BONG-BINK.
MANNY (PHONE VOICE) (CONT'D)
Now that should do it. How are you
Marjorie
MISS MADDEN
Manny, Manny, please make it stop.
My heart is beating so fast. Please
fix it. Please.
Miss Madden is convulsed with pain, shaking on the bed and
her voice fades away.
MANNY
(smiles slyly)
Yes, I can make it stop. Sorry
Marjorie.
Manny blasts off into the night. When he comes to a red
light, he points the remote at the light. BINK-BONG.
Instantly the light TURNS to green.
MANNY (CONT'D)
YES. Hee, Hee.
He disappears into the city light, laughing softly. Car
comes to a SCREECHING stop. Manny gets out and finds his
tall step ladder on the sidewalk and begins his ascent.
Near the top he stumbles and begins his slide down.
INT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- CONTINUOUS
Manny slides to the bottom of ladder which is standing in
the redemption center. Same as it ever was. People are
sorting the empties, laughing, singing, dancing, hugging.
25.
Seductive woman gives Manny a hug. He seems oblivious.
MANNY (V.O.)
My god I murdered that woman. I
know, I know I hated that old bitch,
but what have I done? Could I really
have done such a thing? Am I really
capable of something like this?
PREACHER
Gather round y'all. Do 'ya hear?
BODYBUILDER
We hear you captain.
PREACHER
Y'all know, some folks are just too
damn big for their britches.
BLACK WOMAN
Now ain't that the truth.
PREACHER
Some folks just have to step on other
people's toes to get where they are,
but it ain't fair, is it now?
The congregation nods and exclaims in agreement.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Lord no, it just ain't fair.
TOUGH WOMAN
No it's not.
PREACHER
Y'all know, they are selfish people,
they who have all that wealth.
HIPPIE GIRL
That's right, they have nothing to
share. They feel no love.
PREACHER
Y'all remember what brother Bob said
about that Aristotle O'Nassar?
Congregation goes wild. High 5's, stamping feet, hugs.
DRAG QUEEN
Oh we do, we do, but tell us anyway
cause we just love to hear it.
WOMAN IN BIKINI
Yeah, it makes us feel so good inside.
26.
BLACK WOMAN
Please captain. Tell us what brother
Bob said about that O'Nassar guy.
PREACHER
Now you're really asking for it,
ain't 'ya?
More foot stomping from congregation.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Brother Bob, he said no man ever
made that much money and made it
honestly. Course if it was left to
Mr. O'Nassar that was all right, but
whoever left Mr. O'Nassar that much
money, then HE was dishonest.
Congregation roars. Man in tie and jacket falls to floor
and twitches in a fit of ecstasy. MAN with large SNAKE holds
it near the face of twitching man.
Manny looks on, astonished.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Brother Bob said no man ever made
that much money. He stole it by
hook or by crook from some little
guy. He stepped on a lot of little
fellow's toes. You think it's
possible to make that much money,
then you go ahead and try.
TOUGH GUY
No way. No way. Tell us more
captain. What else did Brother Bob
say?
PREACHER
He said, well if I had as much money
as that O'Nassar, I'd just drive
down the road and toss a few dollars
to all the poor folks I saw, and
there are plenty of 'em. Yeah, that's
what brother Bob said.
BLACK WOMAN
We LOVE brother Bob, oh yes we do.
Choir begins to sing a gospel song in the background. The
congregation smiles and hugs in agreement.
PREACHER
Well, he ain't here now is he? He
used to live up there in The Forks,
but he's gone now.
27.
BIKER
No captain, he ain't no longer here.
PREACHER
Now let's get back to what I'm gettin
at. You see, all these rich folks
get together and make what they call
gonglomerates. Y'all know what
gonglomerates is?
BLACK WOMAN
Oh we do captain, and they is evil.
PREACHER
That's right, they is evil. And for
some of you who don't know what a
gonglomerate is, I'm gonna tell ya.
A gonglomerate is when a whole bunch
of them rich people get together and
they put all their money in a big
stinkin pot and start a business.
And because they is so big, they
swallow up all the little businesses
until there ain't none left.
Sadness pervades the congregation. Tears are shed.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Oh yes, because that's what happens.
Why 'ya wake up one fine morning and
look around, and 'ya say to yourself.
My, things have really changed around
here.
EXT. BIG BOX RETAILER -- DAY
Vast parking lot. Bright, huge sign proclaims BIG BOX.
People with long faces trudge to the Big Box.
INT. BIG BOX -- CONTINUOUS
Incredibly crowded with shoppers. Everyone seems sad. They
push carts overfilled with plastic items. Manny, in tie and
jacket sits in MEMBERSHIP KIOSK. He looks like a used car
salesman. Couple in their 60's approach kiosk.
MANNY
(smiling)
Welcome, welcome. Come in and have
a seat.
(shakes hands with
couple)
I'm Manny Rivers, membership
coordinator. And you are?
28.
JOHN
I'm JOHN MASKELL and this is my wife,
ALICE MASKELL.
MANNY
So...I assume you're hear because
you're interested in membership, and
we ARE running a special this week.
ALICE
Oh, we are Mr. Rivers. I know it's
a new service, but we've already
heard so much about it.
MANNY
And you'd like to get in on the ground
floor, so to speak. By the way, you
can call me Manny.
JOHN
Well sure, we would. After all, we
know the price can only go up.
ALICE
Oh, John.
MANNY
That's all right, Alice, John is
certainly correct.
JOHN
See.
MANNY
Since the program is still new, let
me review the highlights with you.
We at Big Box recognize how
complicated life has become so we
have decided to consolidate all of
your basic necessities under one
roof.
ALICE
Well that certainly makes sense.
JOHN
And we shop here all the time anyway
because, you know, there's really
nowhere else to go now, is there?
ALICE
Actually no one else seems to be in
business these days.
MANNY
You could say we are very efficient
folks.
(MORE)
29.
MANNY (CONT'D)
(pause)
Seems to me we should start at the
beginning, Alice. That way the three
of us can decide which plan would be
best. Now let's get the ball rolling
here. First off, for women who are
pregnant, we have a brand new birthing
center.
JOHN
(laughing)
The old gal, I'm afraid is past her
prime, Manny.
MANNY
Yes, but if you have children they
might be interested. We don't do
any reproductive counseling because
we love babies and feel it's
completely natural for women to have
as many children as the good lord
allows.
JOHN
You mean women have babies right in
the store?
MANNY
Come on, let's take a little walk.
Manny puts on a hat that says TOUR GUIDE and John and Alice
follow behind.
MANNY (CONT'D)
John, we really prefer not to say
store. We like to say facility. We
really have an incredibly trained
staff in the birthing center. They're
mostly from Uzbekistan and they have
the latest in medical equipment.
ALICE
Oh John, wait till MARSHA hears this.
They continue their tour through the store past the BURGER
BOY concession, where people are eating enormous burgers
about 10" across. Goo is dripping off them. The burgers are
served without buns. They turn down a hallway. Manny flips
a switch and a shade comes up revealing a room with lots of
women about to give birth and giving birth. We hear muffled
screams and cries. Doctors and nurses running around, just
winging it, not knowing what they're doing.
JOHN
Jesus, don't they get any privacy?
30.
MANNY
Oh sure they do. We're looking
through a one way mirror.
JOHN
But I mean in the room? It's like
if some guy is watching me, there's
no way I can take a leak.
ALICE
But, oh dear. There are so many
women in that room.
MANNY
Could you just say birthing center,
Alice?
ALICE
Oh.
MANNY
We have learned that when women are
together and without their husbands,
they can share experiences, and the
birthing process really goes more
smoothly.
JOHN
Keeps the costs down too.
ALICE
John.
MANNY
Probably you noticed our day care
and preschool when you came in.
Manny flips the switch again, and the shade comes down.
They continue their tour through the store.
JOHN
Is that what that was? It looked
like about 100 kids playing with big
toys.
ALICE
You know, uh Manny, it really looked
like some of those kids had injuries.
MANNY
Well, we need to test safety features
and consumer desirability, so what
better place is there? We actually
only mark up these toys 70% for
members.
31.
ALICE
But Manny, our children have long
flew the coop.
JOHN
Yeah, what's really in this membership
for us?
MANNY
Well, here's something for you. I
don't know what church you attend,
but I can say to you confidentially
that we at Big Box are about to close
on a deal with the world's largest
church.
JOHN
You don't say.
MANNY
Yes, this is very exciting time for
us. This will be a remarkable
integration of shopping and
worshipping.
ALICE
Now that IS wonderful.
MANNY
And there's more. As you must know,
Big Box really encourages our shoppers
to park their campers on our campuses
while they travel. Believe me, a
feature film was actually made a
couple years ago about the good folks
who do just that. We were very proud
of that movie.
(pause)
Speaking of parking, with membership,
you're given preferential parking
permits so you can park or camp closer
to our facility.
JOHN
Sure, that makes sense. I just hate
those long walks from way back in
the parking lot to the store.
ALICE
I really do think that's a benefit,
John. Mr. Rivers, we actually buy
everything here you know. We think
the deli department is wonderful.
John, well he just loves your
kielbasa.
32.
MANNY
Membership also includes free
admission to our rec. room and social
club.
JOHN
That should be fun.
MANNY
And there's lots more, but before I
ask you to sign the membership
contract, I'd like to show you some
other things
They walk back to the membership kiosk. There's a long line
of people waiting their turn to get into the kiosk. Nobody
smiles except employees of Big Box. Manny rings a bell and
another associate appears. Female, very perky. Manny speaks
to people waiting in line.
MANNY (CONT'D)
Folks, I'll be back shortly. In the
meantime, HEATHER will be able to
help you.
ALICE
Manny, I have a question.
MANNY
Shoot, Alice.
ALICE
Why do so many of the people who
work here appear to be so thin?
MANNY
They're thin because they skip lunch
because we at Big Box encourage
associates to eat only two meals a
day. That means less down time,
more productivity and lower prices
for you. Also to keep costs down
and to avoid SHRINKAGE we lock our
associate night shift in the store.
JOHN
Shrinkage?
MANNY
Theft.
ALICE
Oh dear.
MANNY
Shall we continue on our little tour.
33.
John and Alice follow Manny through the store. Time seems
to have slowed down a little. It's still very crowded in
Big Box. Patrons are loading their carts in a mesmerized
state. They're not paying attention to what they're buying.
Shopping carts are being filled and layered with plastic,
food, underwear, Wayne Newton cd's, marshmallows, incontinence
diapers, kielbasa and more plastic. Manny leads John and
Alice to a door, punches an access code, and they wait by
the open door.
MANNY (CONT'D)
Before we go in, I need to tell you
both a little story.
ALICE
A story? I just love stories.
MANNY
A few years ago, Big Box became very
concerned that our customers were
spending too much money for burial
services. The caskets were priced
right through the roof, and
folks...well, we thought there was
an injustice.
JOHN
TELL US about it. We're still paying
the funeral director from when Barbara
died...What was it Alice?
ALICE
Five years ago.
MANNY
So, We had these low-cost caskets
made for our facilities. They were
in very good taste, and they were
made out of fiberglass. So, to make
a long story short, excuse my French,
but we sold a shitload of them.
JOHN
Well, what's wrong with that?
MANNY
Our facility in New Orleans took
about 1000 fiberglass caskets, and
they sold them all. No, John, nothing
is wrong with it, but try to visualize
this. Here we have 1000 newly
deceased shoppers, all in Big Box
caskets and in the Spring the
Mississippi came up real high like
she always does.
(MORE)
34.
MANNY (CONT'D)
Well the river flooded the cemetery
and because those caskets were so
watertight and so well-built...
JOHN
(interrupting)
Come on Manny.
MANNY
Sooooo those caskets popped right
out of the ground. People actually
saw it happening. Ever try to hold
a balloon underwater? Well it was
sort of like that.
ALICE
Oh that's terrible.
MANNY
Yes it was Alice. We had 1000 caskets
with human remains floating down the
Ole Miss to the Gulf Of Mexico.
JOHN
Yeah, that must have cost you guys a
pretty penny.
MANNY
It sure did John, so we came up with
plan B, which if you think about it,
it makes a lot more sense. You know,
I think it's time to go in.
INT. URN ROOM -- CONTINUOUS
JOHN
Just what the hell is this?
The room is large, dimly lit, but we can clearly see that
small boxes fill the perimeter of the space, floor to ceiling.
MANNY
John, I should tell you in all
fairness that this space takes a
little getting used to, but this is
our urn room. The urns hold the
ashes of our deceased members.
ALICE
(gasping)
What?
JOHN
You mean those are little coffins,
those boxes?
35.
MANNY
John, we prefer to call them urns.
JOHN
Well Jesus, whatever.
MANNY
They're much more compact, and we
don't have to worry about them
floating away down the Mississippi.
ALICE
Oh that's just dreadful.
MANNY
But, now here's the kicker. I think
it's time to go out back.
EXT. BEHIND BIG BOX -- CONTINUOUS
Walking through another door, they are outside behind Big
Box. Two medium sized dumpsters have been retrofitted with
smoke stacks. Black smoke is belching out of one, and we
see a corpse covered with a sheet emblazoned with the company
logo being loaded into the other by a conveyor.
JOHN
Jesus fucking Christ. What's that
smell?
Alice holds a scarf against her nose and mouth, eyes bulging.
MANNY
Folks, with membership and for a
small additional fee, this is where
we do discreet cremations.
John and Alice with a look of horror do nothing but stare.
Manny walks over to his stepladder. He starts climbing,
slips and begins his descent.
INT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- CONTINUOUS
Manny finishes his slide down the ladder and he is now
standing on redemption center floor, dazed and confused.
The congregation is sorting bottles, dancing, singing,
visiting, quite oblivious to Manny.
MANNY (V.O.)
That was just disgusting. It was
horrible. How could I ever do such
a thing. My god, is this the world
to come, or are we already there.
How fuckin creepy can you get? You
just can't imagine what I've been
through.
36.
BIKER
It don't matter.
MANNY
What do you mean it DON'T matter?
Don't you even want to know where
I've been?
BIKER
Listen man, we've been there already
and probably to worse places. It
don't matter because it ain't real.
Those are just thoughts in your head.
Just recognize that, and it will
help to get you to where you're goin.
A good place.
Manny, very perplexed, stares at the biker.
The preacher climbs up on his chair.
PREACHER
Hey y'all, hey y'all. Come gather
round me. Remember we talked about
them gonglomerates and how bad they
are.
BIKER
Sure we remember.
PREACHER
So if a simple man wants to get ahead,
he better be real smart.
BLACK WOMAN LAWYER
(carefully dressed)
What about the ladies, captain?
PREACHER
Sorry sister. Didn't mean to leave
the ladies out. Just out of curiosity
sake, what is it you do?
BLACK WOMAN LAWYER
I'm an attorney who works for the
environmental organization, ONE EARTH.
Lots of foot stomping and whooping from the congregation.
BLACK WOMAN LAWYER (CONT'D)
Bet you didn't think black people
worked for environmental
organizations, captain.
37.
PREACHER
I ain't too old to learn sister, but
you is definitely in the minority.
Black people first gotta get jobs so
they can put bread on the table. In
the meantime, we'll let the white
folks work on the environment. After
all, they is the ones who messed it
all up.
The congregation hoops and stamps feet.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Just joking with 'ya sister. All
right now. As I was sayin, if you
brothers and sisters want to get
ahead in life, 'ya got to be creative.
'Ya gotta start thinkin for yourself.
Now, is that somethin you can all
do?
The congregation totally agrees with the preacher. Lots of
foot stomping and high fives.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
I know you can think for yourselfs,
but 'ya must resist them
gonglomerates. They will temp you.
They will promise you. They will
lure you and they will even seduce
you. But do 'ya know what they will
really do to 'ya?
DRAG QUEEN
You have to tell us captain. Please
tell us.
PREACHER
But can 'ya stand it. Can 'ya handle
it.
HASIDIC JEW
Of course we can.
PREACHER
Sisters and brothers, them
gonglomerates will steal your very
souls. They will make you less than
human.
Folks in the congregation hang their heads in sadness.
BLACK WOMAN
Well, I think that's just terrible.
38.
PREACHER
Oh yes. I tell 'ya, those
gonglomerates are making zombies out
of us. So 'ya gotta do your own
thing. It don't matter what it is,
just do it, and be kind to others,
'ya here. Them gonglomerates don't
even know who 'ya are. They just
want to control you and get your
money. That's all they care about.
And if 'ya work for them, they still
don't know who 'ya are. They want
'ya to produce, and when 'ya stop
producin, they turn 'ya out. To
them, you ain't no better then a cow
who stops giving milk, or a horse
who is lame. And you know what a
farmer does with them.
TOUGH WOMAN
We know captain, but it's not going
to happen to us.
PREACHER
That's the spirit, brother. sorry...I
means sister.
EXT. BELGRADE LAKES REGION, MAINE -- DAY
Large box type truck moves slowly down gravel road. Sign on
side of truck says CAMP CONSULTANTS. Truck stops in front
of a beautiful summer home on a lake.
Manny and HENRY descend. Both are wearing blue uniforms
with a CAMP CONSULTANT logo on the front with their names
embroidered by logo.
DR. Sims,(50's) prosperous looking, wearing deck clothes
eagerly greets Manny and assistant.
DR.SIMS
Hi, I'm Dr. Sims...uh, aren't you
boys a little warm in those uniforms?
MANNY
We are, but in this line of work,
appearances mean everything. I'm
Manny Rivers and this is my assistant,
Henry.
DR. SIMS
Manny, you were recommended to me by
Dr. Roberts who has a camp on the
other side of the pond.
MANNY
Oh sure, I remember him.
(MORE)
39.
MANNY (CONT'D)
(to Henry)
You remember him, Henry, don't you?
HENRY
Yup, he offered me a lemonade. Real
nice gentleman.
MANNY
So, Dr. Sims, what can we do for you
today?
DR. SIMS
I'm having a jet ski problem.
MANNY
Yeah, we've heard that before.
DR. SIMS
No really. Just look at that.
He gestures to some jet skiers doing water gyrations close
to his home.
DR.SILVER
And listen to them. How the hell
can anyone stand the noise?
MANNY
They sort of sound like aquatic chain
saws.
DR. SIMS
That's right, that's right. Exactly.
They're out there all day churning
water, and they come so close to our
shore they scare the hell out of the
ducks, and we're afraid to swim.
And the lake association is too
chicken shit to ban them. We come
up from the city... and the Summer
is being spoiled for my family.
(pause)
You know, you can get used to the
noise in Manhattan, but in such a
beautiful place like this.
(Pause)
Well shit, I just can't make my peace
with them.
(Dr. Sims lowers his
voice and speaks in
a confidential tone
to Manny)
Manny, I've heard about the SOFT
ROCKS, and I just have to have some.
40.
MANNY
No problem, Dr. Sims. Henry, let's
get some off the truck. How many do
you suppose we'll need here?
HENRY
I'd say about 25 should do it.
Manny and Henry climb into the back of the truck and they
start unloading styrofoam rocks which look exactly like real
rocks. After unloading, Henry and Manny attach thin cables
with little anchors to each virtual rock.
DR. SIMS
This is incredible. How did you
ever think of this?
MANNY
Let's just say we have vivid
imaginations.
(Manny gestures towards
the jet skis)
Let's wait for a lull in the activity,
and then we'll get the rocks out
there for you. I see you already
have a couple of real ones in the
water.
DR. SIMS
Yeah, but it's not enough. The jet
skiers have their location memorized
so those rocks don't slow 'em down
one bit.
MANNY
Dr. Sims, I think we'll be able to
confuse them a little bit. You just
wait and see.
DR. SIMS
Have a beer while we wait?
MANNY
Sure I'll have one but how about a
lemonade for Henry.
DR. SIMS
Come on up to the deck.
They go up to the deck of Dr. Sims' summer home. Clean,
neat, spacious. Lot's of comfortable deck chairs, tables
with umbrellas. Excellent views of the lake. Kids playing
frisbee on the lawn by the shore.
DR. SIMS (CONT'D)
Choose any seat you like. I'll be
right back.
41.
Dr. Sims returns with the drinks and sits down next to Manny
and henry.
MANNY
Sure is nice here, Dr. Sims. Tell
me, I'm just a little curious. What
kind of doctor are you?
DR. SIMS
Let's just say I help people with
their weight issues.
HENRY
You mean you tell people how to lose
weight?
DR. SIMS
Yeah that's right, but just between
us, you wouldn't believe what people
pay me for consultations and pills.
It's just such bullshit. I'm gonna
tell you something. Most people are
fat because of two reasons. They
eat too much and they don't exercise.
That's all there is to it. It's
simple. Eat less and exercise, and
you'll lose weight. But they don't
want to hear it. They want me to
put them on some kind of customized
diet and then prescribe the
amphetamines. So I do it. They
just won't hear the truth.
MANNY
(looking out over the
lake)
What do you say Henry? They seem to
be taking a lunch break. Let's get
the boat out and load up.
Manny and Henry unload a small boat, and they start filling
it up with soft rocks.
DR. SIMS
You guys sure this will work?
MANNY
It always does.
Manny and Henry load up the boat, climb aboard, and row off
shore. They begin tossing the foam rocks over, and they are
held in place by the cable and anchors. It takes them a few
trips to get all the rocks in place. They are anchored in
random out from Dr. Sims' Property. Completing their mission,
they return to shore for payment.
42.
DR. SIMS
This is amazing. I can't tell the
soft rocks from the real thing.
MANNY
That's the point Dr. Sims. They
should discourage the jet skiers
from coming close to your shore. Oh
by the way, if you come up in the
winter and are bothered by the
snowmobilers, just put some soft
rocks in the trails around your house.
DR. SIMS
So how much do I owe you boys?
MANNY
Let's see. 25 softies at $50.00
each. That's $1,250.00. And with
sales tax, you owe us $1,312.50.
DR. SIMS
(writing a check)
It's a bargain. Thanks boys.
EXT. GRAVEL ROAD -- CONTINUOUS
Manny and Henry load up the boat and drive off down the road.
INT. TRUCK -- CONTINUOUS
HENRY
What's next boss?
MANNY
A Mr. and Mrs. Colman. They're over
on fire Road #12
Manny and Henry continue along gravel roads by lovely fields,
wooded glens and spectacular views of the lake.
EXT. COLMAN RESIDENCE -- CONTINUOUS
They pull up in front of the Colman residence which is as
equally impressive as Dr. Sims' home. Mr. and Mrs. Colman
come out the back door to greet the Camp Consultants. They
are casually dressed and in their 60's.
MR. COLMAN
Hi boys. I'm Steve Colman and this
is my wife Rebecca.
MANNY
I'm Manny Rivers and this is my
assistant, Henry. Please to meet
you.
43.
MR. COLMAN
Let's go up to the deck so we can
talk about our little problem.
(pause)
Aren't you boys a little hot in those
uniforms?
MANNY
Oh, we're ok.
Everyone sits on comfortable deck chairs overlooking the
lake.
MRS. COLMAN
Let's have something to drink. What
would you all like?
MANNY
I'll have a beer and Henry will have
a lemonade if you have it.
MRS. COLMAN
Sure, no problem.
MR. COLMAN
Honey, why don't you bring us a couple
of those micro brews. That ok?
MANNY
Sure.
Mrs. Colman leaves to get the drinks.
MANNY (CONT'D)
So, what's going on Mr. Colman?
MR. COLMAN
Well Manny, it's like this. We've
had this home on the pond for many,
many years, but recently the Dept.
of Environmental Protection said we
have to do something immediately
about our toilet or they would take
us to court.
Mrs. Colman returns with the drinks and distributes them.
MRS. COLMAN
And we've never, ever had any problem
before.
MR. COLMAN
In a nutshell, this is the problem.
The DEP says our septic system is
too close to the lake, but we can't
move it farther away because we don't
own the land.
44.
MANNY
Ah, ha.
MR. COLMAN
They're not concerned about the grey
water, they're concerned about
(glancing at his wife)
The other stuff.
HENRY
I know what you mean Mr. Colman.
MANNY
I think we have just the unit for
you.
MRS. COLMAN
Unit?
MR. COLMAN
Really.
MANNY
The beauty of this unit, and it really
is beautiful, is that it doesn't
even have to go into the bathroom.
In fact, it's going to be a real
conversation piece.
MR. COLMAN
Just what the hell is it?
MANNY
We in the trade call it a FF.
HENRY
Fecal Fryer.
MRS. COLMAN
What?
MANNY
Don't mind Henry. Mrs. Colman, this
unit is designed to vaporize the
products of elimination.
MRS. COLMAN
Vaporize the products of elimination?
MANNY
And you'll never have another toilet
to clean.
MR. COLMAN
What's it going to cost?
45.
MANNY
$5,000.00 plus tax. That's $5,250.00
exactly.
MR. COLMAN
Well, we gotta have it, don't we?
MANNY
I don't know what the alternative
would be.
MRS. COLMAN
Is this something we order from you?
MANNY
Oh no, Mrs. Colman, that's not
necessary. Henry and I always keep
a couple of units on the truck. I
assure you, your problem is not
unique.
HENRY
We got three of 'em.
MANNY
We'd be happy to install one right
now, and that would solve your legal
issues.
MRS. COLMAN
Fantastic. Where should we put it?
MANNY
Well, I'm sure you don't have enough
room in the bathroom.
(pause)
Let's go into the house and find a
spot.
INT. COLMAN RESIDENCE -- CONTINUOUS
Everyone goes into a large rustic living room with fireplace
and windows looking out on the lake. This is a place to
die for.
MANNY
There's a perfect spot.
(Manny points to a
corner location)
It's right by an electric outlet and
close to an outside wall. Just what
we need.
MRS. COLMAN
But does it really have to go in the
living room? Can't it go somewhere
else?
46.
HENRY
It could, but Manny likes lots of
people to see it.
MANNY
Sure, it's good advertising, but the
FF is really a sight to behold.
Listen, Let's try it where I think
it should go, and if you're not happy,
we'll move it.
MR. COLMAN
Sounds like a plan to me. What do
you think Becca?
MRS. COLMAN
(reluctantly)
All right.
MANNY
Come on Hank old boy, lets get to
work.
EXT. COLMAN RESIDENCE -- CONTINUOUS
Manny and Hank go out to the truck and expend great amounts
of energy removing what looks like a telephone booth.
INT. COLMAN RESIDENCE -- CONTINUOUS
Struggling with it, they finally manage to move the FF into
the living room.
MRS. COLMAN
My god, that looks something like a
telephone booth.
MR. COLMAN
Actually it looks like that thing
Dr. what's his name, used to get
into to go time traveling.
MRS. COHEN
That's right. It was a show we used
to watch with ALAN. I think he called
it a TARDIS or some such thing. It
was DR. WHO.
(pause)
Manny, does it really have to go
there?
Mrs. Colman gestures to the spot where the FF has been
maneuvered to.
47.
MANNY
It really does, and like I said, we
need an outside wall and electricity
close by.
MR. COLMAN
Well, that's going to be one hell of
a conversation piece.
Manny and Hank get out their tools and start work in ernest.
Lots of noise from power tools and dust begins to accumulate
as they cut a hole through the living room wall and run an
exhaust pipe from the FF through the wall to the outside of
the house. Then they hook up an old fashioned, large knife
switch to the wall next to the FF and run a wire with a plug
to a wall receptacle. Another wire is run from the knife
switch to the FF.
MRS. COHEN
Do you really have to have the switch
on the wall?
MANNY
It's a must Mrs. Colman. You don't
want to be inside the FF when you
set it off. You really don't. Trust
me. It's a safety feature.
MR. COLMAN
But somebody outside could throw the
switch by mistake while you're still
in there.
MANNY
Not to worry. See the little key
pad by the switch? You have to enter
an access code before the switch
will work.
MR. COLMAN
Like what kind of code?
MANNY
Just some easy to remember numbers
or name. How about your mother-inlaw's
name, Mr. Colman.
MR. COLMAN
No problem. Oh yes. I like that.
Her name is FERN.
Manny programs in the name.
MANNY
Done. How about a check Mr. Colman?
48.
MRS. COLMAN
Aren't we even going to try it,
Steven, before we write a check?
MANNY
Anybody have to go?
HENRY
Not me boss.
MRS. COHEN
Well actually I do but...Oh, Steven,
just write the check.
Mr. Colman writes the check. Manny takes it.
EXT. COLMAN RESIDENCE -- CONTINUOUS
Manny and Hank head out to the truck.
INT. COLMAN RESIDENCE -- CONTINUOUS
MRS. COLMAN
Yes, Steven I really do have to go.
MR.COLMAN
I think I'll go out and trim the
hedges to give you more privacy.
Mrs. Colman enters the FF.
EXT. THE COLMAN HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS
Mr. Colman is now outside with his electric hedge trimmers,
manicuring the shrubbery.
INT. THE COLMAN HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS
Mrs. Colman emerges from the FF with a big smile. She enters
the code and throws the knife switch. We hear an enormous
WHUNK and the FF VIBRATES and BLINDING light is visible
through the molding around the FF door.
MRS. COLMAN
(hand to mouth)
My God!
EXT. THE COLMAN HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS
Mr. Colman is trimming hedges by the exhaust pipe. At the
moment of detonation, a black cloud of noxious vapors is
vented through the pipe. Mr. Colman falls to his knees,
stricken and begins to vomit.
INT. TRUCK -- CONTINUOUS
Manny and Hank drive off, oblivious.
49.
They continue past the Sims' residence and watch a jet skier
doing slalom turns around the soft rocks. The skier actually
hits a couple of them, but they just bounce off the boat.
Apparently encouraged by his escapades, he mistakenly zooms
into a real rock, and his boat EXPLODES.
Manny and Henry look at each other.
Manny gets out of the truck, finds his tall step ladder on
the side of the road. He begins to climb the ladder, but
before he reaches the top, he slips and starts to slide down.
INT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- CONTINUOUS
Manny finishes his slide down the ladder and lands on the
redemption center floor. The scene has not changed. Bottles
and cans are being sorted. People are laughing, dancing,
passing around a little reefer. The choir is rehearsing.
MANNY (V.O.)
This is getting more and more bizarre.
That toilet was really outrageous,
but those rocks. Was it my fault
that the jet skier was killed? Why
am I doing this? Aren't I taking
responsibility for my actions? Am I
supposed to feel guilty for something
that never happened and isn't even
real? How could I have all this
shit in my head?
Preacher gets up on his chair.
PREACHER
Gather 'round y'all. Come, gather
'round. I got a question for 'ya,
but I need to know if 'ya want to
hear it.
BODYBUILDER
Course we do.
PREACHER
Y'all know why God gave us the seven
seas and all those beautiful lakes
and rivers?
TOUGH WOMAN
Why not just tell us captain and not
beat around the bush?
PREACHER
Don't get snippety with me sister.
WOMAN IN BIKINI
Tell us captain. Oh yes, tell us.
50.
PREACHER
Well, he gave us all that blue water
so he could fill it up with fishes.
Now brothers and sisters, who do 'ya
suppose all those fishes is for?
BIKER
They're for us. They belong to us.
PREACHER
I just knew you was goin to say that.
I just knew it. Now listen here.
Those fish are for themselves. They
don't belong to nobody, no sir, just
like you don't belong to nobody.
BIKER
But we gotta eat captain.
PREACHER
Course you gotta eat. Nobody said
nothin about that. Nobody said 'ya
needed to starve. 'Ya know what I'm
getting at here. Well I'm gonna
tell 'ya. I want 'ya to respect
those fish. Y'all know about
respectin the dead creatures, but
'ya gotta respect the living ones as
well. Like I said, those fish are
here for themselves. They ain't
here for our amusement. If 'ya go
out and catch 'em, just make damn
sure you eat 'em.
The congregation stomps the floor and yells in agreement.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Who ever heard of catchin 'em and
then throwin 'em back. The government
calls it CATCH and RELEASE. Whoever
heard of such a thing? Why that is
the most sick and twisted thing I
ever did hear of. 'Ya think your
black brothers in Africa threw 'em
back after they caught 'em?
BLACK WOMAN
Course not. No way. Plain stupid.
PREACHER
Course they didn't. And you think
the Red Paint Indians did that?
DRAG QUEEN
No way.
51.
PREACHER
And the Israelites. You think they
caught dem gefilte fish and let 'em
go?
TOUGH WOMAN
We get the drift, Captain.
PREACHER
Y'all listen to me now. What did
those good folks do with the fish
they caught?
CONGREGATION
They ate 'em.
PREACHER
Oh yes they did. They didn't play
around with 'em. Did they now? It
weren't no sport for them. They ate
'em up. Why catch God's creatures
on them sharp steel hooks if 'ya
ain't gonna eat 'em?
(pause)
Catch 'em for fun. For fun. Why
that's torturing creatures that are
less fortunate than you.
More foot stomping from the congregation.
RASTAFARIAN
Right on captain. Oh yes, you're
right.
PREACHER
Now here's a little quiz for y'all.
Who out there knows who wrote the
words "The salmon falls, the mackerel-
crowded seas?" Just a little puzzler.
Don't mean nothin.
Silence in the congregation, and then Manny sheepishly raises
his hand.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
You there in back, brother. Who was
it?
MANNY
William Butler Yeats.
PREACHER
Now I tell ya, that brother who's a
little different then us, well, he
knows some stuff. And y'all didn't
think I knew about such things, did
'ya?
52.
HASIDIC JEW
We knew, oh yes, we knew.
Congregation goes wild. Foot stomping. Manny gets some
high 5's. Lot's of smiles. Music, choir begins to sing.
EXT. DEAD RIVER -- DAY
Boulder strewn river. Lush vegetation. Raw beauty. We see
a FISHERMAN in his 40's wading in the river gracefully casting
flies. All is well. Then. Sound of someone nosily
approaching the river. It's Manny. He is a fly fisherman,
with vest, waders, fly rod, hat with flies. When Manny
reaches the river, he attempts to move quietly along the
trail by the river. He sees the fisherman casting not far
from shore, and Manny wades out to him.
MANNY
Sorry to bother you, but could I
talk to you for just a minute?
FISHERMAN
(answers hesitantly,
mildly annoyed)
All right. What is it?
MANNY
Look, you're a fly fisherman, and
probably you've been doing this a
long time. See, I'm a fly fisherman
too, but I really want to tell you
about what I've found.
FISHERMAN
I'm listening.
MANNY
Tell me, what do you do with the
fish you catch?
FISHERMAN
What are you, a game warden?
MANNY
No, no nothing like that.
FISHERMAN
Every fish I catch I return to the
river. It's called Catch and Release.
Where have you been? Besides, even
if I could keep 'em I wouldn't. All
the fish are contaminated with mercury
and other heavy metals from those
coal fired plants and cars. You
have to be crazy to eat 'em.
53.
MANNY
Sure I know all that, but better
yet, you shouldn't catch them in the
first place. You...
FISHERMAN
(interrupting)
Hey, I've been a fly fisherman for
30 years. You have no right to tell
me to stop fishing.
MANNY
No, no. I need to explain. I didn't
say to stop fishing, but I'm telling
you, you don't have to catch them at
all.
FISHERMAN
Huh?
MANNY
It's simple really. Listen, what's
your name?
FISHERMAN
My name's HARVEY.
They both watch as a woman paddles a kayak upstream.
MANNY
Listen, Harvey. It's really easy.
You simply go fishing without a hook.
FISHERMAN
You want me to catch 'em with my
hands?
(pause)
Wait, I see what you mean. You're
talking about barbless hooks.
MANNY
Nope, you watch this.
Manny takes a beautiful fly from his box and with his cutting
pliers, he cuts the hook right off. This leaves only the
fly with absolutely no means to catch the fish.
FISHERMAN
(amazed)
Well, that makes no sense. How the
hell am I going to catch any fish?
MANNY
You're not, and that's the point.
FISHERMAN
The point! What's the point?
54.
MANNY
The point is, since you don't eat
the fish, why do you catch them then?
FISHERMAN
Why catch them? Because I want to.
I catch them for pleasure. It's
exciting. It's a challenge and
they're beautiful to look at.
MANNY
Just look at it this way. Your fly
floats on the water, same as it's
ever done. A gorgeous trout swims
up and explodes all over your fly.
WHAMO. He takes it into his mouth
and you feel the electrifying jolt
through the fly line. The energy
resounds into the very core of your
being, and then nothing. Absolutely
nothing. It's profoundly incredible.
Harvey, you tricked the fish into
thinking you had a meal for him, and
for the briefest of moments you felt
him on the end of your line. You
won, Harvey, you really did. You
caused no pain, and that wonderful
trout will grow wiser and bigger and
maybe you can challenge him again.
He's alive, totally unhurt, you're
alive, and nothing has been taken
from you, and you've taken nothing.
Harvey, just look at what you've
gained.
The fisherman is totally speechless. He can only stare at
Manny as he wades to shore. Harvey continues to stare until
Manny is out of sight.
EXT. RIVERSIDE -- CONTINUOUS
Manny continues along trail and comes to 3 FISHERMAN sitting
around a campfire. They are slightly drunk and a little
rough.
MANNY
Mind if I join you guys?
LOU
Sure. Want a beer?
MANNY
Hey, thanks, don't mind if I do.
BIAGIO
How're they biting?
55.
STOSH
(to Biagio)
Hey, what's the matter with you?
Huh. He's a fly fisherman, can't
'ya see, and fish don't bite on flies.
BIAGIO
Sorrrry. Ok. Did you get any
nibbles?
LOU
(to Biagio)
Don't be such a wise ass.
BIAGIO
(to Manny)
Sorry buddy. Just joking. I know
about fly fishing. Used to do it,
but I couldn't catch very much.
Anyway, you get any strikes or hits?
And how many fish you catch?
STOSH
That's better.
MANNY
Well, I don't ever catch any fish,
but I get lots of strikes.
LOU
Yeah, that's the problem with fly
fishing. The fish are hard to catch.
You should try spin fishing like us.
Me, I like to fish with meatballs.
Just look at these.
Fisherman reaches into his bait can and holds up a gob of
night crawlers.
LOU (CONT'D)
My kid goes out at night after a
rain and just picks em up off the
lawn. Pay him .02 cents each. I
think the worms come out at night to
screw each other. Ha. Now when I
get a bite, like I'm real patient.
I wait for the fish to swallow the
bait, and let me tell you man, he
ain't never comin off the hook.
(he gestures to the
other two fisherman)
Biagio and Stosh here, they like to
fish with lures.
BIAGIO AND STOSH
Right on.
56.
LOU
I think that's fucked. I call these
guys dredgers because they're always
snagging shit that's lying on the
bottom.
Lou laughs and mimics the spin fisherman by putting his hands
together and pretending to be struggling with an enormous
fish.
LOU (CONT'D)
And you want to know what I've latched
onto?
MANNY
Sure.
LOU
Somebody's goddamn radial tire. One
big mudder.
Everybody laughs.
STOSH
(gestures to Lou)
Hey, toss me another beer.
(looks at Manny)
You want another?
MANNY
No thanks, I'm all set.
STOSH
You know, catching these trout, well
that's fine, but they're so goddamn
small. I don't think they grow to
more than 18". I've put as many as
four of 'em in a frying pan and there
was still space left over. Somebody
really ought to dump some pike in.
Just love those water wolves. Now
there's a fish for you. They can
get so friggin mean and big...
(pause)
Hope the game warden ain't listenin.
LOU
Yeah, if you're not careful, they
could swim up and bite your dick
off.
BIAGIO
Very funny.
(pause)
You guys ever hear about Snakeheads?
57.
MANNY
I've heard of them.
BIAGIO
(gesturing to other
fisherman)
What about you guys?
LOU
Nope.
STOSH
What the fuck are they?
BIAGIO
They're just about the ugliest fish
I've ever seen in my life. What do
you think Manny?
MANNY
I would not call them attractive.
BIAGIO
They have this huge head with
barracuda like teeth, and you can't
tell where the head ends and the
body begins. They really look like
enormous, fat snakes. I think they
even have a whole bunch of little
feet.
LOU
No shit?
STOSH
Why haven't I heard of them?
BIAGIO
It's a Chinese fish. Seems like the
Chinese like to eat those ugly
fuckers, and they've been letting
'em go down south so they'll
reproduce. Might be too cold for
'em up here.
STOSH
So what's wrong with that?
BIAGIO
I'll tell 'ya what's wrong. Manny,
did you see that special on tv?
MANNY
Nope.
58.
BIAGIO
Well, they interviewed this guy who
caught a monster snakehead. Must
have been at least 6 feet long.
LOU
How the hell did he land it?
BIAGIO
I dunno, but anyway, when he got it
ashore there was no way he was gonna
try and get the hook out.
STOSH
Good thing he didn't try to haul it
into his boat.
BIAGIO
Yeah it's a good thing. Just let me
finish here. Seems like he found a
big rock and he had to bash it over
the head half dozen times to kill
it. So he sits down to take a break
and he sees another snakehead with
just its head out of the water and
its mouth wide open starrin at him.
STOSH
Biagio, You're so full of shit.
BIAGIO
Think what you want.
LOU
Biagio, You're shittin us.
BIAGIO
It gets better. So the guy really
had enough for one day.
MANNY
Yeah, I can believe that.
BIAGIO
So, he goes back to the cabin.
LOU
Did he eat the snakehead or at least
some of it?
BIAGIO
Lou, are ya crazy? Only the Chinese
would do that. Sushi or something.
Now listen you guys. That night...
STOSH
Biagio, I can't stand this.
59.
BIAGIO
So Stosh, that night the fisherman
was sound asleep, but he heard this
scratchin noise near his bed. He
wakes up, and there's this humongous
snakehead just a few feet from his
bed, and it's comin at him. He jumps
out of bed, bollicky bare ass, grabs
his gun and shoots the fucker dead.
STOSH
Come on, come on, tell me it ain't
so.
BIAGIO
Hey, I'm just tellin you what the
guy said on the tv special. It looks
like the snakehead's mate followed
him home on those puny little feet
and waited for a quiet time to attack
him.
STOSH
Biagio, you're are just so very full
of shit.
LOU
Is this true Manny?
MANNY
I can only tell you, Lou, that
snakeheads are real fish, and you
don't want to meet up with one.
BIAGIO
To change the subject here, I got
some questions for Manny. Listen,
I'm just curious. I know it really
takes a lot of skill to catch fish
with flies, but are you shitting us
or what? You must hook some and
land 'em. No?
MANNY
Well, I get lots of strikes, Biagio,
but I never catch any fish.
BIAGIO
Maybe you're striking too soon.
Manny, maybe you should get yourself
a spinning rod. Then you'd get 'em.
MANNY
But I don't want to get 'em.
60.
LOU
Then what the hell are you fishing
for?
STOSH
Besides, you said you get a lot of
strikes.
MANNY
Sure, I get the strikes, but I cut
the hooks off my flies so there's no
way I can catch any fish.
STOSH
You say you cut the hooks off? Manny,
that is just so TWACKED. It's
completely fucked up.
LOU
(putting his arm around
Manny's shoulder)
Manny, you're all right. You just
don't want to hurt 'em do you?
MANNY
No I don't.
LOU
Can't you just play 'em and release
'em?
MANNY
No, because that still hurts them.
I just like being outdoors trying to
outwit the trout. That's enough for
me.
LOU
Well, don't that just frustrate 'em?
STOSH
You're a fuckin saint, Manny.
BIAGIO
Me. I love putting those little
fuckers in a greasy frying pan and
then eatin 'em.
Biagio is frying some trout on a greasy, sputtering frying
pan over the camp fire. All the men turn their heads as a
man on a mountain bike pedals by and disappears into the
forest.
LOU
Well I'll be damned. That guy on
the bike looked somethin like you,
Manny. You got a brother or somethin?
61.
BIAGIO
Hey Manny, do you want to eat some
fish with us? Hope the friggin game
warden don't come by.
MANNY
Sure.
LOU
I told you guys he was all right.
Manny, I bet you don't even have a
fishing license.
MANNY
No I don't.
LOU
But wouldn't you need one anyway?
MANNY
I guess the game warden and judge
will have to decide that.
Laughter and good feelings. They're all sitting around the
fire, eating and drinking beer.
BIAGIO
Hey, what a life.
(pause)
Manny, you ever get anyone to fish
like that?
MANNY
Sometimes.
Manny gestures over by the river and we see about a dozen
buddhist monks in saffron robes fly casting. The three
fisherman are stupefied.
MANNY (CONT'D)
See you guys.
Manny finds his stepladder and climbs almost to the top, but
then starts sliding down.
INT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- CONTINUOUS
Manny slides down the rest of the way and is now standing on
the floor of the redemption center. Just like before.
Bottles and cans being sorted, choir practicing, folks dancing
and hugging. Reefer being passed around. Preacher gets up
on his chair.
MANNY (V.O.)
Well, that's one hell of a way to
fish, but why not? I think I like
it.
62.
PREACHER
Gather round y'all. Get up real
close. 'Ya know why you're here.
BODYBUILDER
Yes we do captain.
PREACHER
We all talked about the fish in the
seas. Didn't we now?
BODYBUILDER
We did, Captain.
PREACHER
But now we have got to talk about
the animals. Don't we?
BODYBUILDER
Why captain?
PREACHER
Cause we is killin 'em, and there
ain't no need for it. Is there now?
BLACK WOMAN LAWYER
Of Course not. Hell no.
PREACHER
Then why in god's name are we doin
this? Y'all tell me now?
BODYBUILDER
Because we need meat to make us
strong.
TOUGH GUY
And we like to eat meat.
HASIDIC JEW
Just as long as it's kosher.
BLACK WOMAN
Captain, the good lord gave us those
animals to eat. Don't you like dem
ham hocks, captain?
PREACHER
Yes sister, I do like dem ham hocks,
but I'm tryin to tell y'all the good
lord didn't put these animals here
for us. No sir, he did no such thing.
He put all those animals here cause
he wanted to, but they ain't for us.
Tell me now, why do 'ya suppose he
put US here?
63.
FEMALE BEAUTY
He put us here captain because he
wanted to.
PREACHER
That's right sister. He put us here
because he wanted to. It pleased
him. But in God's eyes, we ain't no
better than the animals. Everything
is equal.
FEMALE BEAUTY
But we have to live, captain. What
shall we eat?
PREACHER
Get closer y'all. Now get closer to
me, and listen very carefully.
The congregation crowds in real close. They wait with a
look of anticipation.
FEMALE BEAUTY
But we need our meat captain. It
makes us healthy.
PREACHER
It don't do no such thing, sister.
I say the answer is TOFU PUPS.
Groans, hoots, shouts of dismay, some BEAT on their HEADS
with FISTS.
BLACK WOMAN
Oh lord, I don't like tofu pups, and
I dare say nobody here 'cept you
likes 'em. You probably afraid of
that BAD cow disease.
BIKER
But the bible says, every moving
thing that liveth shall be meat for
you.
PREACHER
No matter. I say eat tofu pups.
DRAG QUEEN
But we don't like tofu pups, captain.
Besides, you're really a strange
kind of preacher.
BODYBUILDER
Captain, where does it say in the
good book to eat tofu pups?
64.
PREACHER
It don't. But in all fairness, I
gotta tell 'ya, I'm still partial to
chitlins cause my mother used to
make 'em for me.
FEMALE BEAUTY
There, you see.
PREACHER
But it don't matter. No it don't.
BLACK WOMAN
Why don't it matter, Captain?
PREACHER
I'll tell you why it don't matter.
It don't matter because our good
book is just one of many good books.
And our good book ain't no better
than anyone else's good book.
HASIDIC JEW
That's right. They're just books.
PREACHER
You're learnin brother.
INT. HUNTING LODGE, NORTHERN MAINE-- DAWN
Rustic hunting lodge. Mounted deer heads and stuffed fish
on knotty pine walls. Large stone fireplace. Early morning.
Late Autumn.
Opening day deer hunting season. Expectation in the air.
Breakfast time. Mostly men, eating quickly, huddled over
steaming cups of coffee, wolfing down ham and eggs. Lots of
tables.
Manny is sitting with two other hunters.
MANNY
(to MARK)
You going up in that tree again?
MARK
Sure. I checked yesterday, and my
blind is still there.
BILL
Just don't get buck fever and fall
out of the tree.
All three hunters laugh.
65.
MARK
Yeah, I'd probably fall on my rifle
and shoot myself.
BILL
And then it's curtains for you baby.
MARK
This is my third season, and I've
never even taken a shot. Only twice
have I seen a deer, but they were
too far away. You know, I take coffee
and sandwiches with me and just space
out. Sometimes I even fall asleep.
I just love being out there.
BILL
(to Manny)
And we know what you'll be doing,
Manny.
He and Mark laugh quietly and snort, but smiling.
BILL (CONT'D)
You ever think of really hunting
again?
(pause)
Now don't be a wise fuck, you know
what I mean. Like really hunting
again?
MANNY
No not really. Seriously, you guys
ought to try it. You never know,
but maybe I'll have something to
show you guys later.
MARK
Hey, it's getting light. I'm outta
here.
BILL
Me too. Yeah, see you later. .
MANNY
Meet you guys later.
EXT. FOREST -- CONTINUOUS
Manny is dressed in blaze orange, carrying a hi-tech style
rifle with a small video camera mounted to the top. Manny
turns the switch on. IGUN speaks to Manny in a lobotomized
voice. LED display blinks when Igun speaks.
IGUN
Good morning Manny.
(MORE)
66.
IGUN (CONT'D)
The makers of the iGun video
recognition system wish to thank you
again for your purchase. Peripherals
may be ordered direct from the
manufacturer or at your local Big
Box.
MANNY
Listen, is there any way to shut off
the ad? Every time I turn you on
you say the same thing to me.
IGUN
Sorry Manny but I'm programmed to
repeat this public service
announcement, and for the record, we
prefer not to call it an ad.
MANNY
Sure, sure whatever.
IGUN
But Manny, you CAN turn the volume
down, and I'd like you to address me
as HAL. Based on your profile, we
knew you'd get the reference.
MANNY
Can we just forget the Hal business?
IGUN
That's all right Manny, we won't
insist.
MANNY
But if I turn the volume down, then
I won't be able to hear you.
IGUN
That's true.
MANNY
Let's go hunting.
IGUN
Don't forget to put your headset on
or my voice could startle the deer.
Manny puts his headset on. Points his iGun ahead of him and
walks slowly into the forest.
IGUN (CONT'D)
Manny, don't you just love hunting
in the Jackman region of Maine?
67.
MANNY
I do, and I especially like not having
to deal with black flies in November.
(pause)
Tell me Hal, how do you know all
this shit anyway?
IGUN
It's all in my memory, stored there
by the programmers. You could say
I'm a talking Google.
(pause)
Oh, I like that. I have everything
memorized, and when you plug me in
at night, I download the latest
updates. And frankly Manny, I'm
very sensitive to your profile.
MANNY
This is really creepy. It's almost
like you're alive.
IGUN
I'm not, but it does seem that way,
doesn't it?
(pause)
Manny I hear something. Point me to
the right.
Manny swings Igun to the right and we hear the crunch and
snapping of branches.
MANNY
(softly)
You're right, Hal. I hear something.
It sounds like a large animal.
Manny points iGun in the direction of the noise.
IGUN
Don't shoot, Manny. I can see that
it's not a deer. Remember, my eye
is better than both of yours.
MANNY
Then what the hell is it? I can
almost see it, and I know it's not a
deer or moose.
The animal comes into view.
MANNY (CONT'D)
Huh, what the hell. It's a fucking
cow. It's a goddamn Holstein. Am
I losing my mind?
The cow walks past Manny.
68.
IGUN
I agree, this is not exactly cow
country, Manny, but there IS one
dairy farm left in Moose River, and
no doubt, the cow must be lost.
MANNY
Unfuckingbelievable. Let's go
hunting.
Manny and iGun continue their journey through the beautiful
forest.
IGUN
Manny, with just a small upgrade, I
could give you a running commentary
about the unique features in this
area.
MANNY
No thanks.
IGUN
Really Manny, for example, did you
know that there used to be a German
prisoner of war camp, close to where
we are right now.
MANNY
Hal, is that really true?
IGUN
Oh yes, Manny. During the war, that
is the Second World War, there were
over two hundred Germans kept there.
The only things left from the camps
are a couple of shacks where these
trappers live. Very colorful
characters these men are. And I might
add...
MANNY
(interrupting)
Did you hear that?
IGUN
I did, and you don't have to worry
about hurting my feelings.
(pause)
There are a group of hunters coming
our way. And Manny you might want
to consider taking aim.
MANNY
What? Huh?
69.
IGUN
Yes. I think they could be
Republicans.
MANNY
That's not funny, and you know it.
IGUN
You should try to lighten up Manny.
Your profile suggested you would
find my remark humorous, but I'll
have to make a notation about this.
Four hunters dressed in blaze orange approach Manny on the
trail.
HUNTER
See anything?
MANNY
(taking off his headset)
Yeah, a Holstein.
HUNTER
A Holstein?
MANNY
Yup.
HUNTER
See you around, buddy.
Hunters laugh and continue on the trail. Manny puts his
headset back on.
MANNY
Let's walk in the direction of Spencer
Lake.
IGUN
Why not, I'm just here for the ride.
They continue their search for deer in the forest.
IGUN (CONT'D)
Seriously Manny, I really think you
should get an iGun upgrade. Your
life as a hunter would be more
rewarding if...
(pause)
Manny, there's a deer coming. It's
a buck with a large rack, and it's a
beauty. I suggest we hide behind
that hemlock tree. The wind is to
our advantage.
70.
MANNY
I see him. I see him.
Manny steps quietly behind the hemlock and watches the deer
approach through iGun's telescopic sight.
MANNY (CONT'D)
God, he's gorgeous.
IGUN
Try to control your buck fever, Manny.
The deer comes within range. Manny steps out from behind
the hemlock and fires iGun. We hear an electronic tone which
sounds like FEEP, and simultaneously see an intense laser
flash (like a laser pointer) on the chest of the deer. The
deer senses human presence and bolts, unharmed into the woods.
MANNY
Oh, thank you deer.
IGUN
Don't get maudlin, Manny.
MANNY
Hal, is everything recorded?
IGUN
Of course.
INT. HUNTING LODGE -- EVENING
It's after dinner and Manny, Mark and Bill are watching the
ending of the documentary movie, Dead River Rough Cut.
EXT. SPENCER LAKE MAINE WOODS -- DAY
On the monitor, we see a man paddling a canoe across a large
lake and then in front of his cabin, he is feeding a Canada
Jay from his hand.
WALTER
(speaking to the Canada
Jay)
Here Gorby, here Gorby. Oh, there
he goes.
The end credits appear on the screen and the bird flies off.
INT. HUNTING LODGE -- EVENING
Everyone's really relaxed drinking beer.
MARK
You gotta hand it to those guys.
What a way to live.
71.
BILL
They're incredible, but I could never
live like that. What would the old
lady think?
MARK
What's the matter, couldn't you eat
beaver every night?
BILL
Shit, they didn't eat beaver.
(pause)
Hey, spin it back to where that guy,
BOB, is in his underwear and talks
about always lookin for a woman.
EXT. MAINE WOODS -- MORNING
On the monitor, they watch the short sequence. We see BOB
in his grubby long johns carrying a bucket down to the brook,
walking on the hard snow. He dips the bucket in the brook
for his drinking water. Bob looks at the camera.
BOB
Well, I'm always lookin for a woman
but she gotta live my way. It's an
awful rough life and she ain't gonna
have a spring bed under her, but if
there's one out there, I wish she'd
show herself up, but she's got to
live my way.
INT. HUNTING LODGE -- EVENING
MANNY
(interrupting)
You guys ready to see what I got
today?
Manny turns off the video with the remote.
BILL
Manny, you got squat.
MARK
Come on, Bill. It's more than what
we got.
BILL
(indignantly)
I did jump that deer today.
MARK
Yeah, and I saw a flamingo. Come on
Manny, play it for us.
72.
MANNY
Before I show you what I got today,
I want to know if any of you guys
heard of Catch and Release taxidermy?
MARK
Oh Manny, you're so fuckin weird.
Now tell us, what the hell is Catch
and Release taxidermy?
MANNY
Well, if you're fishing and you reel
in a trophy, you take a picture of
the fish before you release it. You
can then e-mail the photo to a
participating taxidermist and he or
she can render the photo in 3d on
the computer. Based on the rendering,
you get a stuffed fish mailed to you
to hang on the wall.
BILL
No shit.
MANNY
Course if you're hunting, Catch and
Release Taxidermy will only work if
you're using iGun.
(pause)
You guys ready?
BILL
Sure.
Manny gets up form the soft chair, pulls out the documentary
they had been watching and puts in his tape. Other guys in
the lodge crowd around in the lodge to watch.
MANNY
Listen you guys, I didn't have much
time to do any real editing, so this
is a real rough cut.
He starts the tape.
EXT. MAINE WOODS -- DAY
On the monitor we see a sweeping panorama of the Maine woods.
The title comes up: MANNY'S HUNTING ADVENTURE IN THE MAINE
WOODS. This is a very cheesy tape with very cheesy music.
We see some stock footage of the white-tailed deer. A
NARRATOR'S voice with a BRITISH ACCENT. Very pedantic style.
NARRATOR
The white-tailed deer is named for
its most distinctive feature, the
(MORE)
73.
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
large white tail or "flag" that is
often all you see as the animal bounds
away through tall grass and into the
bush. The color of the deer's upper
body and sides changes with the
season, from generally reddish-brown
in summer to buff in winter. Its
belly and the underside of its tail
are completely white, and it has a
white patch on the throat. The
deer sheds its hair twice a year,
the heavy winter coat giving way to
a lighter one in spring which is
replaced again in early fall. A
fawn's coat is similar to the adult's
but has several hundred white spots
which gradually disappear when the
deer is three to four months old.
The narrator's voice ends and then we see Manny behind the
hemlock tree as the buck deer approaches. The video ends
with the buck deer being struck with the laser flash and
then bolting, unharmed into the forest.
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
Well that's it folks. Hope you
enjoyed MANNY'S HUNTING ADVENTURE IN
THE MAINE WOODS. Since Manny has
already e-mailed a photo of the buck
to his catch and release taxidermist,
he'll have the gorgeous, stuffed
deer head waiting for him when he
returns home. And I might add, that's
more than you other ASS HOLES will
have.
INT. HUNTING LODGE -- CONTINUOUS
Manny finds his tall step ladder, climbs it to nearly the
top and begins to slide down.
INT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- CONTINUOUS
Manny completes his slide down the ladder and lands standing
up in the familiar redemption center. Folks are still bottle
sorting, juggling bottles, drumming. joking, hugging, making
out, choir is practicing, band is practicing. Very chaotic.
MANNY (V.O.)
Hell, that wasn't so bad. Not bad
at all. Actually, it was good. I
wonder if there really is such a
thing as iGun? If not, somebody
ought to make one.
Preacher gets up on his chair.
74.
PREACHER
I know 'ya want to hear it. Oh yes
I do. Tell me I'm right. Oh yes,
tell me I'm right.
BODYBUILDER
You're right captain.
BIKER
Sure captain, you're always right.
BLACK WOMAN
Ain't that the truth.
PREACHER
Let's get serious now because we're
going talk about honesty.
The congregations whoops and hollers. Lots of foot stamping
and high 5's.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
I tell 'ya, it pays to be honest. I
know you heard it a million times,
but it's really true. If 'ya start
lying, you're gonna get caught.
Those lies just seem to multiply all
by themselves and y'all never be
able to stop. And you're gonna get
caught cause you'll never remember
which lie 'ya just told. It just
don't make no sense to lie because
you is only deceiving yourself.
Want a word of advice?
DRAG QUEEN
Course we do, Captain.
PREACHER
If you live with a liar, just get
out. If you don't get out, then you
is no better than the person telling
all them lies.
DRAG QUEEN
So true, so true.
PREACHER
Now y'all, refresh my memory here.
I have another little test for 'ya.
What was the name of the story about
the black man telling the white boy
about marijuana?
75.
HIPPIE GIRL
I know captain, cause it's one of my
favorites. It's called "RED DIRT
MARIJUANA."
PREACHER
You're right sister you're right.
Lot's of high 5's and clapping from the congregation.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Now y'all tell me who wrote the story.
Manny raises his hand smiling.
MANNY
It was Terry Southern.
PREACHER
DANG, I told 'ya that brother knows
some shit.
Congregation whoops it up for Manny who is thoroughly enjoying
the attention. He's starting to SMILE a lot more and
apparently he's beginning to FEEL BETTER.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
'Ya see, the black man was telling
the boy that reefer helped people to
see the truth, but them people in
power don't want 'ya to see the truth.
So's they make it against the law.
No sir, they don't want 'ya to see
the truth. Do they now?
The congregation cheers and stomps the floor in agreement.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Hear me now. 'Ya tell a truth. 'Ya
tell a lie. Why they don't disappear,
do they? Everything you say is being
recording somewhere.
HIPPIE GIRL
So true, so true. It just
reverberates around the universe.
PREACHER
You just might be right, sister.
Now y'all have to try to comprehend
this. Everything we say and do is
remembered somewhere. Now, BROTHER
WALTER, he used to believe that on
judgment day you would present to
God a video tape and God would play
it. And 'ya know what?
76.
HIPPIE GIRL
Tell us captain.
PREACHER
Brother Walter said your whole life
was recorded on this video tape and...
WOMAN IN BIKINI
What about a DVD?
PREACHER
You think I'm foolin with 'ya now,
that what 'ya think?
WOMAN IN BIKINI
Oh no captain, just jokin.
PREACHER
Get serious now sister. Brother
Walter said God would watch this
video and it was a video of your
whole life. All the good stuff was
there, but the bad stuff was too.
HASIDIC JEW
Then what captain?
PREACHER
Well then, Walter believed that god
would make his judgment and decide
your soul's fate.
BLACK WOMAN
Oh, Lord save me.
PREACHER
Now I ain't sayin that I believe it,
but I will tell you this. Why take
a chance. It's better to walk the
straight and narrow. That way, if
brother Walter was right, then 'ya
got nothing to worry about now. Do
'ya?
HASIDIC JEW
No we don't.
PREACHER
Let's recapitulate here. If people
could see the truth, cause it's all
around us, then they wouldn't be
afraid no more cause they would know
we all come from the same place and
there would be no more room for lies
and hatred, just room for LOVE.
77.
Pandemonium in the congregation. Some people fall and squirm
on the floor in states of religious ecstasy. The choir begins
to sing, the band plays.
INT. SOUND STUDIO/LAB -- DAY
Lot's of high tech equipment. Monitors, recording devices,
but also several potter's wheels, slowly spinning with ancient
pots.
Manny is a highly renowned scientific researcher. He works
with his LAB ASSISTANT, LOUISE HARRIS. Louise is very
professional, very sexy, horned rim glasses, self assured,
pleasantly assertive.
MANNY
He should be here any moment. Do
you think we're ready?
LAB ASSISTANT
Sure, it works all the time. There's
nothing to be nervous about.
They tinker with some equipment. A buzzer rings.
MANNY
There he is.
LAB ASSISTANT
I'll let him in.
MICHAEL RABIN enters. He is a reporter from the New York
Times. He's in his 30's, casually dressed.
REPORTER
Hello, I'm Michael Rabin from the
Times.
LAB ASSISTANT
Hi, I'm Louise Harris, Dr. Rivers'
assistant, and this is Dr. Rivers.
They all shake hands.
LAB ASSISTANT (CONT'D)
Why don't I show you around. Get
you a designer water?
REPORTER
Sure... Sure.
(pause)
You know, your phone message was
somewhat oblique, but I did find it
intriguing, and you, Dr. Rivers, you
certainly have a reputation, and not
a small one at that. Ok. So what's
this really about?
78.
MANNY
Without getting very technical, at
least for now, Louise and I have
been examining the nature of sound
recordings. The very early discs
such as 78's, LP's and 45-rpm records
were all made using a similar process.
The original recording was made on a
wax master. Then, a hard copy was
made from this and multiple copies
were literally stamped out and sold.
How the sound became embedded into
the wax, well, we don't have to go
into that now.
LAB ASSISTANT
No. We don't have to go into that
at all. We've simply discovered
that all solid matter is able to
absorb sound waves.
REPORTER
What exactly does that mean?
Reporter writes in notebook without looking up.
LAB ASSISTANT
(smiling)
What it means, Mr. Rabin, is that
there's a complete auditory history
of human civilization availing itself
to us.
REPORTER
This is a little confusing to say
the least. I didn't think that sound
recording was older than 100 years.
MANNY
Well, that's not exactly true.
LAB ASSISTANT
Ready now for a little field trip
around the lab, Mr. Rabin.
REPORTER
Sure.
They start walking around the lab, and the reporter seems
intrigued by the spinning pots on the wheels. They stop in
front of one of the wheels.
LAB ASSISTANT
Watch this.
(pause)
No, listen to this.
79.
She points a high tech looking device, like a hand scanner
very close to the pot which is spinning on the wheel.
REPORTER
What's that sound? It actually sounds
like some kind of language.
LAB ASSISTANT
It IS a language. In fact it's
ancient Egyptian.
REPORTER
What?
MANNY
Mr. Rabin. That pot which you see
spinning on the wheel was made about
3000 years ago in Egypt by a potter.
As the pot was spinning, the potter
was incising designs, and those
designs were recording a conversation
taking place at the exact moment the
pot was being decorated.
LAB ASSISTANT
Just like a recording is made on a
vinyl record.
REPORTER
My God, do you know what this means?
LAB ASSISTANT
Oh, we think we do, Mr. Rabin.
REPORTER
Do you know what's being said?
LAB ASSISTANT
The translator says it's an Egyptian
telling the potter that he was on
his way home because his wife was
baking bread and he was hungry.
REPORTER
Play that again, will you.
Once again the lab assistant points the device and we hear
the conversation.
MANNY
All these computers you see help to
enhance the sound quality.
LAB ASSISTANT
Would you like to see some more?
80.
REPORTER
I just can't believe this.
LAB ASSISTANT
But we're afraid you'll have to.
Here, check this out.
They walk over to another spinning pot.
LAB ASSISTANT (CONT'D)
Listen.
She points the device again, and they're able to hear another
conversation in a different language.
REPORTER
What's that?
Lab assistant plays the brief conversation again.
LAB ASSISTANT
You're listening to two men talking
about war casualties during a war in
ancient Greece.
REPORTER
Does anyone else know what you're
doing?
MANNY
Only two linguists who specialize in
very old languages, and a few other
people.
(pause)
Mr. Rabin, we have done our best to
contain this knowledge, at least for
now, because we're afraid that certain
governmental agencies would take a
very, very serious interest and deny
the existence of this research.
LAB ASSISTANT
Instead of trying to contain this
any longer, we feel that it would be
best if our research became known
and verified.
MANNY
Then our government could not easily
deny its existence if this story
were published in the New York Times.
LAB ASSISTANT
As you might have noticed, Mr. Rabin,
our government has some veracity
issues.
81.
REPORTER
This is all just so remarkable, but
am I missing something here? Why
would the government be so interested
in brief, mundane conversations that
took place a couple of thousand years
ago? Wouldn't this be most
interesting to historians?
LAB ASSISTANT
Mr. Rabin, there's more.
REPORTER
More?
MANNY
We've also discovered that not only
is sound being recorded on spinning
pots, but every time you write on a
page of paper, paint a picture or
draw a line in the sand, or mark
with chalk on the sidewalk, or even
step on the floor, sound is being
recorded.
REPORTER
This is just wonderful.
Reporter continues to write furiously in his notebook.
MANNY
Here, let me illustrate. Louise,
can we scan the reporter's notebook.
REPORTER
Hey, be my guest.
Lab assistant slowly scans the page the reporter had been
writing on. We hear, somewhat garbled, the conversation
that had just taken place.
MANNY (RECORDED VOICE)
We've also discovered that not only
is sound being recorded on spinning
pots, but every time you write on a
page of paper, paint a picture or
draw a line in the sand, or mark
with chalk on the sidewalk, or even
step on the floor, sound is being
recorded.
REPORTER (RECORDED VOICE)
This is just wonderful.
Lab assistant clicks off the scanner.
82.
REPORTER
Can I sit down?
flabbergasted reporter plops down on chair.
LAB ASSISTANT
The more pressure on the surface,
the better the recording quality.
Writing with pencils and cheap
ballpoint pens encourage better sound
recording then say a painter who
lightly paints on the surface of a
canvas. However, as the technology
progresses.
(pause)
Well, you can imagine.
REPORTER
This is big.
MANNY
We're just beginning to explore the
possibilities here, but can you now
see why the government might be mildly
interested in our project? We were
even afraid to try to publish this
in scientific journals.
Lab assistant goes to cooler and hands reporter more water.
REPORTER
Yeah, thanks.
LAB ASSISTANT
We thought the Times was the best
and most creditable way of getting
the story out.
MANNY
Because once it's out, the government
would have trouble putting a lid on
it.
REPORTER
I just need a little bit of time to
process this. Really, I actually
feel like I could faint. Yes, you're
right.
(pause)
The government would never allow
this.
LAB ASSISTANT
Dr. Rivers, why don't we take Mr.
Rabin over to MAGGIE'S studio.
83.
MANNY
She's an artist friend of Louise.
LAB ASSISTANT
And she's always there working.
EXT. STREET -- CONTINUOUS
They walk a short distance down an urban street. Traffic,
pedestrians, noise.
INT. ART STUDIO BUILDING -- CONTINUOUS
They enter an industrial style building. Downstairs in hall,
lab assistant pushes button.
MAGGIE (INTERCOM VOICE)
Yes.
LAB ASSISTANT
It's Louise.
MAGGIE (INTERCOM VOICE)
Hi, I'll buzz you up.
They start up the stairs and Maggie has studio door open to
welcome them.
INT. HALLWAY -- CONTINUOUS
LAB ASSISTANT
Hi sweetheart.
They hug each other.
LAB ASSISTANT (CONT'D)
This is Mr.Rabin from the Times and
this is Maggie.
MAGGIE
Hi. How's is going Manny?
MANNY
Fine.
INT. ART STUDIO -- CONTINUOUS
Large art studio with abstract paintings on wall. Very
casual, somewhat funky. Soft chairs, couches, desk with
computer. Tables with art supplies.
MAGGIE
Is this a show and tell or show and
hear or whatever you want to call
it?
84.
LAB ASSISTANT
Maggie, can we scan the one we scanned
last week?
MAGGIE
Sure.
MANNY
Mr. Rabin, it's important to remember
that it's not the paint that records,
but rather, when the surface tension
on the support is being disturbed,
that's what's recording the sounds.
Older sound impressions seem to get
erased by the new stuff. Maybe some
day we'll be able to hear the
different layers.
Lab assistant starts to scan painting leaning up against
wall, and again we hear garbled voices.
MAGGIE
Listen, you can hear me talking with
my DAUGHTER. She's asking if she
can make a painting too.
DAUGHTER (RECORDED VOICE)
Mommy, can I make a painting too?
MANNY
Of course the sound quality isn't
very good because our jazzy equipment
is in the lab, but it's good enough.
REPORTER
Truly, truly amazing. Well did she?
MAGGIE
Did she what?
REPORTER
Make a painting?
MAGGIE
Actually she did. She made a large
thing with finger paints.
LAB ASSISTANT
Oh, I remember because I was here
that day. Is it here?
MAGGIE
I'll bring it out.
She lays the painting out on a table. It's vividly colored,
quite detailed.
85.
REPORTER
Are you going to scan it?
Lab assistant starts to scan painting and we hear two women
off in the distance laughing and probably making out.
MAGGIE
Stop, stop.
LAB ASSISTANT
What was that? It sounds like...
MAGGIE
Yeah, like us. Remember, we were
behind the screen when LISA was
painting. Hope lisa wasn't listening.
A kid can't understand that stuff.
LAB ASSISTANT
Oh, shit. Sorry everyone.
REPORTER
Now I have to figure out how to write
this up.
EXT. STREET -- LATER
Manny, lab assistant and reporter are back on street, walking
by an alley. Crime scene, cops, patrol cars, flashing blue
lights. Taped off area. Woman lying in pool of blood.
LAB ASSISTANT
Should we try to help?
MANNY
I don't know about this.
(pause)
What the hell. Sure, go ahead.
They walk to the roped off area and a patrolman approaches
them.
LAB ASSISTANT
OFFICER, who's in charge?
OFFICER
LT. MORRIS. He's over there.
Lt. Morris overhears and walks over.
LT. MORRIS
This is a crime scene. What is it
you want?
LAB ASSISTANT
Do you have any witnesses?
86.
LT. MORRIS
We're looking for some, lady. Did
you see anything?
LAB ASSISTANT
We didn't see anything lieutenant,
but we might be able to hear something
for you.
LT. MORRIS
Huh? Did you say hear something for
me?
LAB ASSISTANT
I did say that.
LT. MORRIS
Lady, I'm very busy, and I don't
know what you're talking about.
LAB ASSISTANT
See this device I'm holding?
The lieutenant nods.
LAB ASSISTANT (CONT'D)
Well, it records things. Let's slowly
walk up to that dead woman together.
A crowd of bystanders press up against the crime scene tape.
LT. MORRIS
Just don't touch anything.
Lab assistant scans the sidewalk as they approach the victim.
They hear a desperate female voice in staccato tones.
MURDER VICTIM RECORDED VOICE
Ralphie...no...no...pleas...don't..
.bas...tard...no...Ral...go...back.
..no..
MANNY
(to reporter)
See what happening? The scanner is
picking up the recording each time
the perpetrator's shoe touches the
ground. There's no recording between
steps. That's why we're getting the
staccato effect.
REPORTER
Do you know how big this is?
87.
MANNY
I fully understand what you must be
experiencing. In fact, it's too
much for me too.
Manny finds his stepladder and begins his ascent. He slips
before he reaches the top and starts to slide down.
INT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- CONTINUOUS
Manny completes his slide down the ladder and now is standing
upright in the redemption center. The scene is the same, as
if he never left. Folks sorting bottles, others singing,
drumming, dancing, hugging, smoking a little reefer. Great
feelings abound.
MANNY (V.O.)
This is getting more and more
interesting. Well shit, maybe my
imagination isn't so fucked up. Why
not go wherever it takes me? I think
I'm even starting to LIKE all this
music.
The preacher ambles over to his chair and climbs up on it.
PREACHER
I'm back folks, 'ya hear?
DRAG QUEEN
Oh yeah, Captain. We're listenin.
PREACHER
And are 'ya ready for more?
TOUGH GUY
Yeah, we're ready.
DRAG QUEEN
Sure we are.
TOUGH WOMAN
Hey, I'm always ready.
FEMALE BEAUTY
Oh, let's hear it captain.
PREACHER
Let's talk about men. What is it
about them? What is their problem?
DRAG QUEEN
Oh, they got problems all right.
TOUGH WOMAN
Yeah, they sure do.
88.
FEMALE BEAUTY
Come on captain. Just tell us.
PREACHER
I'm gonna tell 'ya the god awful
truth about men, but it's gonna be
hard for me to do it, cause I'm one
of 'em too.
BLACK WOMAN
You sure are captain.
The congregation roars with pleasure.
BIKER
You can do it captain, just tell us.
PREACHER
I'm gonna talk to 'ya about man's
guiding force.
BLACK WOMAN
I bet I know what that is.
BIKER
I bet you do sister.
Again the congregation roars.
PREACHER
'Ya see, men have trouble thinking
sometimes. That thing they got
between their legs tells 'em what to
do.
FEMALE BEAUTY
How true.
WOMAN IN BIKINI
Now why is that?
PREACHER
Why men are so weak they can't seem
to help themselves.
BIKER
They sure can't.
PREACHER
It's like men have to have a
consultation with that little tootsie
roll guy before they can do anything.
It's just unreal.
HASIDIC JEW
True, so true.
89.
PREACHER
Want to hear what a brother told me
the other day?
DRAG QUEEN
Course we do.
PREACHER
You sure now?
TOUGH WOMAN
Don't tease us captain. We can take
it.
PREACHER
All right now. Here's what he told
me. He said he had been smokin some
of that wacky weed, and he closed
his eyes and he was lying on his
back, buck naked, on the bottom of a
clear stream. He opened his eyes,
he said, and he could see those
salmons swimmin up the stream to
make babies. He was lookin up at
'em, and he told me he wanted to
make babies with the salmons too.
BLACK WOMAN
Oh lordy.
PREACHER
I ain't done yet. No way. Then he
said he grabbed on to one of them
fish and it was a real big one, and
he said he had intercourse with the
fish.
BLACK WOMAN
Oh sweet Jesus.
PREACHER
I ain't done yet. No ma'am. So he
says he's in the water on his back
with the salmon on top of him. Well,
he wraps his legs and arms around
the salmon and puts his wanger inside.
BLACK WOMAN
Lord, lord, lord, ain't you somethin
captain.
PREACHER
Then he says that salmon was so tight
he couldn't pull out of her. So
she's swimming upstream, and he has
no choice but to go along for the
ride.
90.
TOUGH WOMAN
Is this true captain?
PREACHER
Course it is, now here's the best
part. Suddenly he says the salmon
is goin all over the place like it's
been hooked or somethin. Well sure
enough he's still stuck inside the
salmon and the two of 'em gets hauled
out of the water by a fisherwoman
who is the man's wife.
The congregation explodes. Band begins to play. Two Women
fall to the floor in a state of religious ecstasy and thrash
about, frothing at the mouth.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
And then the man who had the fish,
why he says to me, how could I do
such a thing? How could I or anybody
have them conjugal relations with a
goddamn fish?
BIKER
Did you tell 'em captain?
Riotous laughter from the congregation.
PREACHER
No I did not.
RASTAFARIAN
Just what kind of ganga was he smokin,
captain? I sure don't want any of
that stuff.
More riotous laughter from the congregation.
PREACHER
Listen to me now. Men are under the
influence of a powerful force. Y'all
know that don't 'ya now?
BLACK WOMAN LAWYER
What about women, captain? Aren't
they under the same force?
PREACHER
I just knew you was going to ask
that, sister, but it ain't the same
for women. It just ain't the same.
(pause)
But it's a good force. It's a
necessary one. That's why we is all
here.
(MORE)
91.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
(pause)
Men just need to control it.
BODYBUILDER
But why captain.
BIKER
You don't think I want to hump a
fish, captain, do you?
Laughter and foot stomping from the congregation.
PREACHER
Don't be so smart, brother.
(pause)
Because if 'ya don't control this
force, it will lead you to some places
'ya don't want to go, even though
you think you do.
(pause)
Learn to be happy with what 'ya got.
Learn to be in the present. Be RIGHT
HERE, RIGHT NOW, not somewhere else.
If 'ya ain't really here, you is
gonna suffer and so is everyone around
you. 'Ya here me?
INT. OLD BUILDING, CITY -- DAY
Manny climbs steps in old building. Small sign on door says
"Virtual Services."
INT. RECEPTION ROOM, OLD BUILDING -- CONTINUOUS
Manny enters a waiting room. There is a MALE RECEPTIONIST
behind a desk. Receptionist is young, alert, well groomed
and smiling. Three people sit in chairs waiting. Two men
and one woman. All three look very depressed and avert their
eyes when Manny enters. He also looks very depressed. Manny
goes to the receptionist.
MANNY
I'm Manny Rivers.
RECEPTIONIST
Yes, Mr. Rivers, I see you have an
appointment. It will just be a few
minutes. Why not take a seat.
Manny takes a seat, picks up a couple of magazines, glances
at them and then puts them down. Manny seems to stare at
nothing.
Receptionist picks up the phone.
92.
RECEPTIONIST (CONT'D)
Dr. Rivers is here.
(pause)
You can go in now Dr. Rivers.
Manny gets up, crosses past the depressed looking people who
show no emotion. He enters a room.
INT. MARTIN SMITH'S OFFICE -- CONTINUOUS
MARTIN SMITH sits behind a desk. Smith, 50's, casually
dressed, paunch belly, slightly unkempt appearance. He is
surrounded by monitors, projectors, large screens, LED
displays, very hi-tech, but also soft chairs and couches.
MARTIN SMITH
Welcome Dr. Rivers. Right off, just
to get this out of the way, I really
am honored to be of service to you.
I do find it utterly extraordinary
that twice in the past year there
were major stories about you in the
New York Times.
(pause)
Yes, it truly is an honor.
MANNY
(uninterested)
Well, it's the work I do.
MARTIN SMITH
I know, I know, but your discovery
of the "intolerance gene," why the
implications are...
(pause)
And, why I don't even have the words
to describe what the future could
hold. I believe you said that it's
a bad gene and that it should never
even be present, but because of some
anomaly in nature, it's in all of
us. And you have found a way to
eliminate the gene.
MANNY
Yeah, that's right.
MARTIN SMITH
You mean the Arabs and the Israelis
and...
MANNY
(interrupting)
Yeah, it's possible.
93.
MARTIN SMITH
So someday soon, people will live
harmoniously with their neighbors?
MANNY
Well, that's the theory. Now Dr.
Smith...
MARTIN SMITH
(interrupting)
You don't have to call me Dr. Smith,
Dr. Rivers, and I know why you're
here, but really Dr. Rivers, you're
an incredible person and I sincerely
mean that.
MANNY
Mr. Smith...
MARTIN SMITH
(interrupting)
And that word processing program
that writes stories and novels for
you. Isn't that actually a little
bit over the top?
(pause)
Oh, I know you're here for special
services, but can you just clarify
for me how it works?
MANNY
All right. My program knows every
word in the English language. The
trick to writing a story is knowing
which words to ELIMINATE and then
how to ARRANGE all the words you
have left. You enter your personality
profile and what type of story you'd
like to write. Based on your
profile, certain themes come up on
the screen. You or the software
choose a theme. But it's basically
your detailed profile that allows
the software to interact with you,
the writer. The software gets in
your head.
(pause)
Ok. Enough.
MARTIN SMITH
I'm just very, very impressed.
MANNY
(exasperated)
Can we please talk about why I'm
here.
94.
MARTIN SMITH
I'm sorry, but I have just one more
question. I promise.
MANNY
Oh, all right.
MARTIN SMITH
Please tell me what you're working
on now.
MANNY
Actually, I'm working on a sex aid
for women.
MARTIN SMITH
Oh.
MANNY
Men already have their Viagra and
related compounds, but there's really
nothing out there for women. I can
tell you that I'm very close to
developing a ...how should I say
this? "An illusion of intimacy"
pill for women. So, a half hour
before sex, he takes his Viagra and
she takes an "illusion of intimacy"
pill. O.k. that's it.
MARTIN SMITH
Wow. Sorry Dr. Rivers. Now please
tell me why you're here.
MANNY
I'm just going to spill it all, Mr.
Smith.
MARTIN SMITH
Don't worry, it's strictly
confidential.
MANNY
It's my love life, Mr. Smith. I'm
miserable. I love my wife and she
says she loves me, but we don't have
a sex life that's rewarding. I find
it incredibly unnatural. She shows
an interest...but maybe the problem
is with me. She thinks I'm always
somewhere else, not present. I don't
think I turn her on even when she
says she wants to make love. Well,
shit, I really think she'd be happier
with someone else. And I know I'm
not being very coherent, and I just
think about sex all the time.
95.
MARTIN SMITH
Is she seeing someone else?
MANNY
I don't think so, but it's possible.
My marriage is important to me, Mr.
Smith, and I don't want to have an
affair, but there's so much missing.
MARTIN SMITH
Dr. Rivers, you want a virtual woman,
don't you?
MANNY
Yes, I think so.
MARTIN SMITH
It's nothing to be embarrassed about
Dr. Rivers. We perform these services
all the time. Look at it this way.
It's one step above imagination, but
it still is your imagination.
MANNY
But it's one hell of a step though,
isn't it?
MARTIN SMITH
Let me get ready here. Why don't
you sit on that soft chair and you'll
have a good view of the large screen.
MANNY
Ok.
Manny switches over to the soft chair, and Smith gets up and
moves to a table with a key board. His back is to Manny.
MARTIN SMITH
I'll just ask you some questions and
you answer as best you can. Don't
worry, you can change your mind at
any time about a detail.
MANNY
Ok.
MARTIN SMITH
You shouldn't have any trouble with
this. In a sense, it's somewhat
analogous to your enhanced word
processing program. Shall we begin?
MANNY
Please Mr. Smith.
Smith starts working on his keyboard while asking questions.
96.
MARTIN SMITH
Let's start with a prototype. Race?
MANNY
White.
MARTIN SMITH
Height?
MANNY
Tall.
MARTIN SMITH
Weight?
MANNY
Uh, 125 pounds.
MARTIN SMITH
Ok. Here we go. Don't be alarmed
by what you see on the screen. What
you'll be looking at is a woman under
construction.
On the large screen a woman slowly appears, naked, with
undefined face and body.
MANNY
But there's no face.
MARTIN SMITH
Not yet. Help me out here. Describe
her face to me.
MANNY
Glossy, black hair, medium length.
Large blue eyes, full lips. Medium
nose. High cheek bones. Sort of
statuesque.
MARTIN SMITH
That's enough for now. Let me rough
it in.
Image on screen becomes more fully defined.
MANNY
(becoming animated)
Jesus Christ, she's a knock out.
Uh, can you make the lips a little
fuller, and the hair slightly longer?
MARTIN SMITH
Sure.
MANNY
Fantastic.
97.
MARTIN SMITH
Dr. Rivers, I should tell you, that
with our software you'll be able to
manipulate the image as well, whenever
you want.
MANNY
Ok, but can we continue and work on,
uh, the body. Uh, long arms and
long legs, medium size breasts with
large nipples. And not too much
pubic hair. Slim hips.
Smith works at the keyboard and the woman is transformed
once again.
MANNY (CONT'D)
God, this is really something. Uh,
can you make the nipples a little
darker?
MARTIN SMITH
Can do.
The screen changes again.
MANNY
That's better. Can you rotate her
on the screen so I can see a back
view.
The woman rotates on the screen
MANNY (CONT'D)
Do you think you could make her tushie
just a little bigger?
MARTIN SMITH
How's that?
MANNY
Oh my god.
The image continues to rotate on the screen and Manny stares
in wonderment.
MANNY (CONT'D)
You know I just have to tell you,
but this is the first time in a long
time that I've had an erection.
MARTIN SMITH
Dr. Rivers, that is not at all
uncommon.
MANNY
But can she do anything?
98.
Of course.
mind?
MARTIN SMITH
What did you have in
MANNY
Well, uh, can she have sex?
MARTIN SMITH
Dr. Rivers, there are some things
which I have to make clear to you.
The fee you are paying us includes a
home video or DVD, and you'll be
able to interact with your creation
in a somewhat limited way. However,
since you're in my studio now, I
think it's time to take this to a
higher level.
MANNY
Like how high?
MARTIN SMITH
What we shall do is take your creation
off the screen and shall we say,
bring her more to life.
MANNY
Now what does that mean?
MARTIN SMITH
See that box over there?
Martin Smith gestures to a small black box sitting on the
floor.
MANNY
Yes.
MARTIN SMITH
Well, that box generates a microscopic
fog that you can't see and neither
can I. But with our advanced system
that I have to take the credit for
inventing, we project the image of
your creation on the microscopic
water particles or fog if you want
to call it that.
MANNY
Yes, yes and what will I see?
MARTIN SMITH
(very dramatically)
Dr. Rivers, she will be here for
you.
Smith works at his keyboard.
99.
MANNY
But I don't see anything.
MARTIN SMITH
Oh, you will. I'm just activating
the field.
(pause)
There.
MANNY
Oh my God.
The woman Manny has created stands in the room before him.
She is not transparent, but translucent and totally naked.
MANNY (CONT'D)
But can she have sex?
MARTIN SMITH
I know you asked me that a few moments
ago, but I wanted to tell you about
this other stuff first.
(pause)
The answer to your question is yes.
She can masturbate, have sex with
another woman, a guy or yourself,
since I've already scanned you into
the program.
MANNY
With me? That certainly seems weird.
How about having her masturbate a
little and then I arrive on the scene
and have sex with her.
MARTIN SMITH
Watch this.
The woman walks over to the coach, partially covers herself
with a sheet and begins to masturbate. Manny watches himself
appear in the room and get on the couch with the woman.
They begin to make love.
MANNY
Please stop this.
Smith keys in some more commands and the image freezes.
MARTIN SMITH
I do know what you're going through.
MANNY
I didn't think I was asking for a
sex slave.
MARTIN SMITH
Are you sure?
100.
MANNY
I don't know, but I seem to think
about sex all the time. I'm still
checking out every single woman.
MARTIN SMITH
Dr. Rivers, it's called testosterone.
You know that, but you do have some
options. For example, you could go
to a TEC or...
MANNY
(interrupting)
What's that?
MARTIN SMITH
A TEC stands for TESTOSTERONE
EXTRACTION CENTER. Clearly Dr.
Rivers, you have a high testosterone
level, and if you don't like who you
are, your testosterone level could
be lowered. Then you wouldn't be
looking up every skirt, but your
creativity might diminish also.
MANNY
Shit, I think I'll stay with who I
am and continue to look up every
skirt.
MARTIN SMITH
Dr. Rivers, take all the software
with you. Use it, and I believe
your life is going to improve.
MANNY
But Mr. Smith, I want all this to
happen in 3D, just like now.
MARTIN SMITH
We can do that Dr. Rivers, but you'll
have to come here and rent one of
our private suites or a VB, as some
folks like to call them. You pay by
the hour. You can then be as creative
as you like.
MANNY
VB?
MARTIN SMITH
Virtual Brothel.
Manny walks up slowly to the frozen image of the woman on
the couch and stares at her.
101.
MANNY
Mr. Smith, this woman actually
resembles my wife, Sylvie.
Manny finds his stepladder, climbs it but slips before
reaching the top.
INT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- CONTINUOUS
Manny finishes his slide down the ladder and once again lands
on the floor of the redemption center. Same as it ever was.
Bottle sorting. Music, dance, animated discussions, joints
being passed.
MANNY (V.O.)
Jesus Christ, I haven't been this
turned on in years. It's like every
chemical in my body has been
activated. I wish Sylvie were here.
PREACHER
Come on y'all. Gather round. You
ain't done with me yet. You know
what, and I hope you already know
this, but America is a great place.
Yes sireee, she's a very fine place
indeed.
Congregation whoops it up.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Now where else would you have this
kind of freedom?
VIETNAM WAR VET
Nowhere else captain.
PREACHER
That's true 'ya know. Just look at
all of you. I see blacks, whites,
yellow and red people. Some of 'ya
are religious and some of 'ya ain't.
But it don't matter. Does it now?
DRAG QUEEN
No, it doesn't matter. Oh, we got
our problems here, but it's still
the best place to be.
The congregation stomps the floor in agreement.
PREACHER
But we shouldn't get carried away
here. No we should not.
102.
BLACK WOMAN LAWYER
That's right captain. Our country
is not always honorable.
PREACHER
Now sister, I know you'll have no
trouble comprehending what I'm gonna
say next. Y'all remember we talked
about them gonglomerates. Well,
sure you do.
VIETNAM WAR VET
Sure we remember.
PREACHER
Well 'ya know them gonglomerates and
our American Dee-fense Dept., why
they share the same bed.
BLACK WOMAN LAWYER
That's right captain. They do.
PREACHER
Since they share the same bed, we
gotta assume they want the same stuff.
Why, they both want to be on top at
the same time.
The congregation roars.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
But in this matter, it's really
possible. And y'all know who's on
the bottom?
VIETNAM WAR VET
Come on captain, tell us.
PREACHER
Yeah, I'll tell 'ya. It's the rest
of the world that ends up on the
bottom.
BLACK WOMAN
Now that ain't fair, is it now?
PREACHER
No sister it ain't fair at all. 'Ya
know, them gonglomerates and our Deefense
Dept. why, they sometimes act
like big, fat Georgia hogs. Come on
y'all, give me some SNORTS AND OINKS.
The congregation obliges with SNORTS,OINKS and lots of
laughter. Some folks get down on their hands and knees and
root around like swine.
103.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Why do y'all suppose these presidents
of ours cares so much about the Middle
East?
BODYBUILDER
We know captain, but we want you to
tell us anyway.
PREACHER
I will brother, I will. All those
folks in Washington, the Dee-fense
Dept. and the gonglomerates, what
they care about is oil. That's right
it's very simple. They care about
oil. It be black gold to them. And
that's what we need to make gasoline
so's we can drive them big, big
vehicles and heat them big homes.
The congregation yells and screams in agreement.
PREACHER (CONT'D)
Y'all think for a minute if the Middle
East didn't have oil, but instead
had poke salad, black eyed peas and
collard greens, 'ya think we'd be
over there killin our brothers and
sisters? Course not. We is talkin
about energy and power here, and we
is stealing it from the rest of the
world.
The congregation screams in agreement. Music begins. The
choir begins to sing. Some folks fall to the floor in
religious ecstasy.
EXT. CITY STREET -- NIGHT
A modern building self-contained. Vivid neon sign CRACKLING
with energy proclaims "THE POWERHOUSE." Stark contrast to
the black, night sky.
INT. CAFE/JUICE BAR -- CONTINUOUS
JULIE AND SUSAN, middle aged, both professionals and
overweight, enter. Very upbeat atmosphere, relaxed. Good
lighting, jazz music. Juice bar, coffee and espresso machine
to one side. Round tables with chairs, couches, crowded.
Everybody seems to be in a very good mood. People dressed
casually, some in exercise outfits, some in jeans.
Manny sits at a desk with a computer in the cafe. Sign on
desk says "CHECK IN / CHECK OUT." He sips an espresso, and
he looks pleased.
Julie and Susan approach Manny.
104.
JULIE
Hi, is this where we sign up?
MANNY
Never been here before, have you?
SUSAN
Never.
MANNY
Why don't you both get something to
drink, and then come back and I'll
explain the policies and give you
cards.
SUSAN
(to Julie)
Good idea. What do you think?
JULIE
Fine with me.
Susan and Julie walk over to the counter, pick up a couple
of coffees and return to Manny's desk and sit down.
SUSAN
So what's the deal? Do we pay by
the month?
JULIE
Can we see the equipment and do we
get a trainer?
BERNIE, 20's, approaches Manny.
BERNIE
Sorry for interrupting guys, but I
need to check out.
Bernie hands Manny a plastic card, and Manny slides card
through the computer.
MANNY
Well, I know where you went today,
but why not tell...uh what did you
say your names were?
SUSAN
I'm Susan and this is Julie.
BERNIE
Hi to both of you. Anyway, I did
some kayaking up the Dead River in
The Forks. One hell of a workout.
105.
SUSAN
You mean you went kayaking and then
you came here to work out. Pretty
dedicated, huh.
BERNIE
It's not exactly like that. Manny
will explain. Sorry, but I gotta
change and run. Manny, how much did
I make today?
MANNY
(looking at the
computer screen)
.05 cents.
BERNIE
Cool. See 'ya.
SUSAN
OK Manny, what was that about?
MANNY
I won't give you the whole spiel
now, but The Powerhouse is the first
gym of its kind in the country. We
actually pay you to exercise here.
JULIE
I like that, but it's bullshit.
SUSAN
You're joking?
MANNY
Nope. All our exercise equipment is
hooked up to the electrical power
grid. The more you exercise, the
more power you generate, hence, the
more money you make.
SUSAN
Sounds kookie to me.
Three COLLEGE FRATERNITY BROTHERS come up to Manny. They're
wearing t-shirts with Greek lettering.
BROTHER 1
(with anticipation)
How much did we make today, Manny?
Manny slides the card.
MANNY
.11 cents.
106.
BROTHER 2
How much is in our account now?
MANNY
$4.27.
BROTHER 3
We're gonna get that six pack soon.
The brothers leave The Powerhouse, laughing.
JULIE
(sarcastically)
And where did those college boys go?
MANNY
They climbed Mt. Katahdin. Come on
you two skeptics, let's check out
The Powerhouse, but first I have to
get CAROL to fill in.
Manny walks over to Carol who is sitting in the cafe and he
points to his desk. She smiles at him, gets up and takes
his place at the desk.
MANNY (CONT'D)
Thanks, CAROL, back in a flash.
(to Julie and Susan)
Ok. Let's go.
INT. THE POWERHOUSE -- CONTINUOUS
Passing through a door we enter The Powerhouse. Lots of
exercise equipment with extra large monitors in front of
each piece of equipment. Most of the equipment is in use
and we see dramatic shots of outdoor scenes on the monitors.
There is a strange silence except for the mechanical sounds
the exercise equipment makes.
Small LED displays are mounted to each piece of equipment.
They show dollars and cents, same as a gas pump at the filling
station. Most display only cents, while some display nothing.
Everyone who is exercising wears earphones.
SUSAN
Well, this is pretty cool. What are
the earphones for?
MANNY
It's best to just try something out.
SUSAN
I'm not exactly dressed for it.
107.
MANNY
We won't notice. Just choose
something.
Susan contemplates her choices for a moment, then chooses
something that looks like a Nordic Trak.
MANNY (CONT'D)
Cross country skier, huh?
SUSAN
I've done a little.
MANNY
Do you want to see how much money
you're making?
SUSAN
Why shouldn't I?
MANNY
Cause you're going to make so little
some people don't want to know until
they check out.
JULIE
You should find out, Susan, it will
be fun.
SUSAN
Sure.
Manny touches a button and the LED comes to life, registering
a lot of zeros.
MANNY
Ok. Get on, slide your card and
choose the cross country trip you
want to take by touching the display.
Susan touches, "DEEP FOREST-MAINE WOODS."
MANNY (CONT'D)
Now decide if you want only natural
winter sounds and of yourself skiing
or if you want to add music to the
background. Just touch the display
and you'll be prompted.
Susan touches, "NATURAL WINTER SOUNDS."
MANNY (CONT'D)
One more thing. You're going to
come to some hills. Adjust the
steepness with the button on your
left.
(MORE)
108.
MANNY (CONT'D)
The steeper the hill, the harder
you're going to work, but the more
money you're going to make. Ok.
You're off. Put on your ear phones
SUSAN
I'm psyched.
JULIE
Me too.
MANNY
Hey, you're not getting off so easy.
You have to choose something too.
JULIE
I was hoping you'd ask. I want to
kayak up the Dead River too.
MANNY
All right. That's a pretty wild trip.
Manny and Julie walk over to a verifiable kayak. Julie slides
her card, chooses to see the money she's earning and puts
her earphones on. She chooses classical music and white
water audio. Then she grabs her paddle which is hooked up
to a device which translates the energy she produces into
electric power.
Manny gets on a variable pitch treadmill and he's off.
EXT. DESERTED BEACH -- DAY
Manny's POV. Pristine day. He's running along the ocean
edge, sometimes a little in the surf and sometimes in the
dry sand which make running more difficult. Mostly he glides
along on the surf washed, hard packed sand. The surf comes
booming in, but we are still able to hear the shore birds.
Manny starts up a cliff trail and the treadmill inclines to
make running much more difficult. He sees a woman pedaling
a mountain bike on a road above him. The woman looks like
Sylvie.
EXT. CROSS COUNTRY SKI TRAIL -- DAY
Susan's POV. Crisp, cold day. Conifers burdened with snow.
Chickadees on branches. Sometimes we see Susan's ski tips,
sometimes not. We hear the swish of her skies as she travels
along the serpentine trail. A deer crosses her path. She
sees a man in long underwear getting water from a brook.
EXT. DEAD RIVER -- DAY
Julie's POV. Summertime. Julie is paddling her Kayak up
the Dead River. She weaves in and out of the rapids, around
giant boulders. Julie almost swamps, but regains.
109.
The sound of rushing waters is overwhelming. A family of
otter swim by. An osprey dives for fish. She passes a group
of Buddhist monks dressed in saffron, fly fishing.
INT. CAFE/JUICE BAR -- LATER
Julie, Susan and Manny are drinking juice at a table. Both
women are incredibly animated.
JULIE
That was just amazing. I've never
experienced anything quite like it.
It was so weird too. I saw these
Buddhist looking guys fishing.
SUSAN
Yeah, I know what you mean. Like I
was really there. I'm not even
sure if what I did made the movie
change or if I was just keeping up
with the movie. Through the trees, I
even saw this guy wearing long johns
getting water out of a brook.
MANNY
Sounds like you gals had a gratifying
experience.
(pause)
Did you make any money?
SUSAN
I made .04 cents. How about you
Julie?
JULIE
Yeah, well I broke the bank and made
.05 cents. Hey, but what the hell.
Who gives a shit anyway, it was great.
SUSAN
Manny did you really dream this thing
up?
MANNY
Yeah, I did. Now if this catches on,
we hope to have a POWERHOUSE in every
major city.
JULIE
Were we really producing electricity?
MANNY
Yeah you were. All the equipment is
wired to the electric meter outside,
and we actually make the meter spin
backwards.
(MORE)
110.
MANNY (CONT'D)
The electricity you produced is
electricity that doesn't have to be
made by nuclear, coal or oil.
SUSAN
But we made such a tiny amount.
MANNY
Doesn't matter. If just a small
percentage of people who like to
work out come to a POWERHOUSE...well
you do the math cause I'm terrible
at it. Besides, there's a place I
have to go. See you around guys.
Manny finds his ladder and begins his climb, but slips before
reaching the top.
MANNY FINISHES HIS SLIDE DOWN THE LADDER, BUT NOW FINDS
HIMSELF IN LINE WITH OTHER PEOPLE WAITING TO REDEEM THEIR
BOTTLES. THE REDEMPTION CENTER HAS NOW TRANSFORMED ITSELF
INTO A VERIFIABLE BOTTLE REDEMPTION CENTER WHERE PEOPLE RETURN
THEIR EMPTIES FOR MONEY BACK.
COUNTRY MUSIC is playing on a cheap desktop radio. Most of
the congregation is gone except for the workers (who were
part of the congregation)but who are now sorting bottles.
They are busy at work.
The woman who Manny was attracted to is one of the bottle
sorters. She gives him a smile and he smiles back at her.
Manny looks around, sensing that all is not quite right.
His bottles are sorted and he is given a receipt which he
takes to the man sitting at a desk.
The man at the desk is the preacher. Manny hands his receipt
to the preacher. The preacher takes the receipt and hands
Manny a couple of dollars.
PREACHER
Why thank you sir, and y'all have a
nice day.
MANNY
Uh, you're welcome.
EXT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- DAY
Manny gets into his car.
INT. CAR -- CONTINUOUS
Manny tunes in the same country station, and slowly drives
off. A smile forms on his face.
111.
FADE OUT:
THE END
