REDEMPTION
(A screen play in progress)

 Stuart Silverstein 


wgaw #973094. 
. 
s.silverstein@gmail.com
 
47 Pleasantdale Ave. 
Waterville, ME 04901 


In the State of Maine, one may return certain empty beverage containers and receive 5 or 10 cents per bottle or can. This is a type of recycling. Grocery stores take back the containers, but also in rural areas there are redemption centers, which in addition, do the recycling. Because there are so many little churches in rural areas, and because of signage issues, it is not terribly difficult to confuse a building that redeems souls with one that redeems beverage containers. 

Synopsis

The power of music and sermon allow a man who is highly creative, but filled with angst and a sense of self righteousness, to enter altered states of consciousness. In a parallel universe, he confronts his fears, hopes, fantasies and much that he cannot explain. Set in rural and urban locations, the protagonist experiences fantastical adventures while returning bottles to the redemption center and through the power of music and sermon he enters altered states of consciousness. Fantastical adventures are the result and his life is transformed.



FADE IN: 


EXT. SADDLEBACK MOUNTAIN, MAINE -- DAY 


A mountain biker struggles to pedal up a trail. Then he 
heads down, around breakneck curves, and up again through 
the rugged landscape. His dirty 24 speed bike scatters gravel 
as he brushes up against tree branches. The trail is 
extremely challenging, and he nearly falls a couple of times. 
He’s breathing hard, getting a good workout. It's a clear 
summer's day and then we hear a voice. 


PULL BACK TO REVEAL 


that the image is from a giant monitor directly in front of 
a man on an exercycle in his studio. 


INT. MANNY'S STUDIO -- DAY 


SYLVIE 
Honey, honey, my turn. 


Sylvie is in her 30's, strikingly attractive, always dresses 
in black with various accessories. Good smile. 


MANNY reluctantly gets off the exercycle. His studio is 
filled with paintings, sculptures, tools, paints, computers. 
Lots of art, many projects half finished. 


MANNY 
(bored) 
Where do you want to go? 


Manny is in his 40's. He's trim and could be attractive, 
but he doesn't smile much and ALWAYS has a TROUBLED LOOK. 


SYLVIE 
Acadia, Loop Road. 


MANNY 
Hills or no hills? 


SYLVIE 
Hills. 


Manny adjusts a display on top of the exercycle and Sylvie 
gets on and begins to pedal. 


EXT. ACADIA NATIONAL PARK -- DAY 


Sylvie's breathing hard and we see spectacular views of the 
Maine coast as she pedals along a coastal trail. The surf 
come crashing in and it immediately gets sucked back out 
revealing seaweed incrusted rocks. Gulls cry, enveloped in 
sea foam. A man is jogging along Sand Beach. He looks like 
Manny. 


2. 
SYLVIE 
What a blast, but I'm gonna flatten 
this hill out a bit. It's too much 
for me. 


Sylvie touches a button on the top of the exercycle and we 
see the hill flatten on the monitor. Her breathing becomes 
less pronounced. 


SYLVIE (CONT'D) 
That's more like it. 


INT. MANNY'S STUDIO -- CONTINUOUS 


Pull back to reveal that once again, the images are from a 


giant monitor. After a short while she gets off the 
exercycle. 
MANNY 

Hey, you want to check out the new 
video I made where you have to pedal 
like mad to get away from an urban 
gang? 


SYLVIE 
But do I really need to get away 
from an urban gang? 


MANNY 
You never know. 


Manny runs the video of an urban gang chasing someone through 
the streets. Video continues. 


SYLVIE 
Jesus, you're so obsessive about 
this stuff. Can't you ever kick 
back? 


MANNY 
Me? I'm kicked back. 


SYLVIE 
(clearly unimpressed) 
Sure Manny, sure. 


Urban video still playing in background. 


SYLVIE (CONT'D) 
You are really serious about this 
aren't you? Listen, can you please 
just shut off that monitor for...oh 
what the hell, it doesn't matter. 


(Sylvie looking at Manny seductively) 
Manny, I've just got this little 
problem today. Do you think we could? 


Sylvie lures Manny over to the coach. 


MANNY 
Yeah, all right. 


They start taking their clothes off. Manny is on top of 
Sylvie, huffing and puffing. The urban video continues in 
the background. While making love, Manny is sneaking a peek 
at a led display by the bed. The display's bar graph rises 
and falls depending the strength of the "groan." Each time 
the meter peaks out, we hear a loud "BING." Sylvie opens 
her eyes startled. She turns around and sees the meter. 


SYLVIE 
(Outraged, she jumps off the couch) 
What the hell. Oh Manny, fuck you, 
fuck you. Can't you just let it go? 
Get out of your head for a change 
and just be in the present moment. 
Sylvie quickly dresses and storms out. Manny starts gathering 
up all the beer and soft drink bottles in his studio. He 
tosses them in a plastic bag. 


MANNY 

(mumbling) 
This relationship is never going to 
work. What's the sense. It's never 
going to work. What the hell do I 
want anyway. All I'm trying to do 
is to FEEL GOOD. Is that asking for 
too much? 


EXT. MANNY'S STUDIO -- DAY 


Manny loads the bag into his compact car and returns to the 
studio where he has several more bags leaning against an 
outside wall. He stuffs the car with bottles, leaving barely 
enough room for himself. 


MANNY 


(mumbling) 
Why is it all so complicated? 
Everything is so heavy. Couldn't it 
just be simple. What the hell is 
wrong with me? 


EXT. RURAL MAINE ROAD -- CONTINUOUS 


Manny drives down a RURAL MAINE ROAD in a depressed area. 
Lots of little houses with old refrigerators on the side and 
some with scalloped truck tires used for planters on front 
lawns. He passes trailers with rusted sides and dead autos 
on front lawns. Those autos will never start again. Laundry 
hangs in front of houses. 


4. 
INT. MANNY'S CAR -- CONTINUOUS 


MANNY (V.O.) 
Where the hell is this bottle 
redemption center, anyway? A nickel 
a bottle. Is it really worth it? 


Manny pulls up to a ramshackle building with a large, crudely 
painted sign that says "REDEMPTION CENTER." He gets out of 
the car, stumbles and hauls a bag of bottles to the redemption 
center door. 
He enters, and is astounded by what he sees. 


INT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- CONTINUOUS 


The redemption center is a large space filled with blacks, 
whites, Muslims, Hasidic Jews, straights, women with burkas, 
freaks, bikers, drag queens, bag ladies, gays, lesbians, 
geeks. Everyone is either dancing, singing, drumming, smoking 
dope, hugging, kissing, visiting or sorting bottles and cans. 
The atmosphere is frenetic, hypnotic, and friendly. Manny 
gets drawn in. All at once there's music coming from a band. 
A choir is practicing. 


SOME OF THE ACTORS AND ACTRESSES WHO INHABIT THE REDEMPTION CENTER TAKE MULTIPLE ROLES THROUGHOUT THE MOVIE. They are 
SLIGHTLY RECOGNIZABLE IN SUBSEQUENT SCENES. 


MANNY 


(to BIKER) 
Oh, my god. What IS this place 
anyway? I just came to return 
bottles. What the hell is going on 
here? Is this some kind of fake 
time warp or hokey parallel universe? 
I don't believe in that shit. Maybe 
you're part of that kookie theater 
group that performs in the gravel 
pit on the 4th of July. 


BIKER 
(passing a joint to 
Manny) 
Come on man, take a toke. 


MANNY 
No thanks, don't want to hurt my 
lungs. 


BIKER 
Do what HIPPIE GIRL does. 
(gesturing to Hippie 
Girl) 
Why not show him. 


5. 
HIPPIE GIRL 
Don't inhale. Just swallow the smoke 
and keep it down. You'll get high. 


HASIDIC JEW 
Maybe President Clinton was telling 
the truth when he said he didn't 
inhale. 


BIKER 
Yeah, somebody should've asked him 
what he did with the smoke. 


Manny takes a toke and swallows the smoke. 


MANNY 
(to smiling biker) 
Is this where I return my bottles? 


BIKER 
Yeah, sort of. 


MANNY 
What the hell does that mean? 


People beckon Manny to join in bottle sorting. Those sorting 
bottles are also musicians and singers. Some are juggling 
the bottles and cans. They trade off roles. With trepidation 
Manny slowly complies, but he's too uptight to dance and 
sing. Everyone seems to be in some sort of ecstatic state. 


A neatly dressed BLACK MAN climbs up on a chair. He's in 
his 50's and commands the attention of everyone. 


PREACHER 
My brothers, my sisters, I'm here to 
tell 'ya about somethin 'ya need 
just as much as 'ya need air, or 
water or food or good lovin. Are 
'ya ready to hear me? 


The CONGREGATION cheers loudly. 


PREACHER (CONT'D) 
I say, are 'ya ready to hear me? 


The congregation goes wild with foot stomping, high 5's, 
yelling. 


PREACHER (CONT'D) 
Sisters and brothers, mothers and 
fathers, I'm gonna tell 'ya what we 
need is RESPECT. Oh yeah. You hear 
folks goin on about tolerance. 
Tolerance? 


(MORE) 


6. 
PREACHER (CONT'D) 
That the best we can do, just tolerate 
each other, just tolerate God's 
creatures? Hell no. I don't think 
so. That ain't enough, and y'all 
know it. Not only you gotta respect 
each other, but you gotta respect 
everything that's here on this earth. 


The congregation stamps and whistles approvingly. A 
collection plate is going around and it passes by Manny. 
It's overflowing with change. He fumbles in his pocket but 
the next person takes the plate before he can add any money 
to it. 


PREACHER (CONT'D) 
(He points at the 


collection plate) 
Now y'all just wait a minute. Do 
'ya remember what DADDY GRACE used 
to say? 


BODYBUILDER 
Tell us. 


PREACHER 
Ain't any of you remember? 


BLACK WOMAN 
Oh, I do. I went to his church once. 
Daddy Grace, he say he don't want to 
hear no JINGLING when the plate is 
passed. 


PREACHER 
That's right sister, and y'all know 
what he meant by that, don't 'ya? 
He didn't want to see no change. He 
wanted to see them green bills floatin 
down into the plate. 'Ya hear, be 
generous now. 


Congregation whoops and stamps in approval. Lots of high 
5's. 


TOUGH WOMAN 
Who's this Daddy Grace, dude? 


PREACHER 
Tell her sister. 


BLACK WOMAN 
Daddy Grace was this preacher man, 
and he had lots of churches. 


(MORE) 


7. 
BLACK WOMAN (CONT'D) 
He used to drive up to his churches in a big, white Cadillac, and Daddy Grace, he had dem long fingernails painted red, white and blue. 

PREACHER 
What was we talkin about. It was respect wasn't it? 


TOUGH WOMAN 
It sure was. 

PREACHER 
There are some of you who don't respect God's work, and 'ya know who you are. 


Manny suddenly looks startled. 


PREACHER (CONT'D) 
So I want you to listen to me. Listen real close now. Come get closer to me. Every creature, live or dead is holy. And I mean every single animal, and it don't matter if they smell sweet or foul. 

BLACK WOMAN 
Oh that's right lord. 


PREACHER 
We gotta get off this lord stuff. I ain't the lord. 


BLACK WOMAN 
Then what do we all call 'ya? 

PREACHER 
Well, let's see here now. How about, yeah, how about CAPTAIN. I think I like that. 

Lots of whooping and high 5's from the congregation. 


WOMAN IN BIKINI 
Why not? 


DRAG QUEEN 
We can go with that. 


BIKER 
Yeah captain. 


PREACHER 
Now let's get back to business here. 
(MORE) 


8. 
PREACHER (CONT'D) 
Listen to me. I want y'all to go 
outside and find something dead. 
Yeah, that's right brothers and 
sisters. You heard me. Go on out 
there and find something dead. 
Don't be afraid of it now cause it 
ain't gonna hurt 'ya. Here's what 
'ya do. You contemplate that 
creature. You meditate on it. Look 
real hard at it. 


FEMALE BEAUTY 
That's gross Captain. 


PREACHER 
No it ain't. Now here's the lesson, 
and it was brother WALTER who said 
it so well. Y'all remember brother 
Walter? 


BODYBUILDER 
Sure we do. 

PREACHER 
Brother Walter, he said nothing is 
wasted in the plan of nature. 
That dead creature is gonna be food 
for somethin. Same as y'all be when 
you die. 


WOMAN IN BIKINI 
That IS GROSS captain. 


BIKER 
What's wrong with that? It ain't 
gross, is it captain? 


PREACHER 
No way. It ain't gross. No, there 
ain't nothin wrong with it. That's 
the point. Nothin goes to waste. 
No nothin. Watch that dead creature 
from a distance and y'all see the 
birds starting to peck at it. Now 
get up closer so's y'all don't miss 
nothin. Listen here. 


TOUGH WOMAN 
Oh, we're listening captain. 


PREACHER 
Yeah, get up real close and you'll 
see the bugs eatin at it. We're 
talkin about respect here. Yes we 
are. We are respectin god's design. 


9. 
A man hoots from the back of the congregation 


PREACHER (CONT'D) 
Hey now ! Here! what's this? Brother, 
'ya think I'm playin? 'Ya think 
maybe it's a joke? 


(pause) 
That dead creature is as beautiful 
as you are. Life, death, it's all 
god's work. He never made nothin 
ugly. That stuff is all in your 
mind. 


(pause) 
Someday you gonna be dead too. 'Ya 
better get used to that notion. 'Ya 
gonna be all bloated and smelly and 
decayed too. Now tell me. Tell me 
truly. Y'all want to be free? 


The congregation roars in agreement. 


PREACHER (CONT'D) 
To be free, 'ya gotta respect 
everything on this world and 'ya 
gotta find out who 'ya really are. 
But to do that, well, 'ya got MANY 
RIVERS TO CROSS, and 'ya gotta do 
some serious HOUSE CLEANIN. 


HIPPIE GIRL 
Tell it! Tell it captain 


PREACHER 
Oh, ma'am, 'ya know I will. Well, 
brother, 'ya can walk away laughin 
now, but I say to 'ya, you're gonna 
find out the hard way. When your 
last day comes, God's gonna remember 
who respected his work and who didn't. 
You go out there and kneel before a 
dead animal because that animal is 
full of God's GLORY and MAJESTY. 
And if 'ya don't recognize that, 
then when your time comes and that 
'OL BOY taps you on the shoulder, 
'ya might have to go somewhere 'ya 
don't want to go, but 'ya ain't gonna 
have no choice. You're just gonna 
go along. That's what I'm tellin 
'ya. 


The congregation erupts in cheers. Manny finds himself in 
the midst of a clapping, swaying group. Some people fall to 
the floor and thrash in religious ecstasy, foaming at the 
mouth. 


10. 
PREACHER (CONT'D) 


Listen to me now. Y'all listen. 
I'm tellin 'ya to respect every man, 
woman and child and all the animals, 
big and small. But I'm also tellin 
'ya to respect every plant, rock and 
dead branch. Just whatever exists 
on this planet, you need to respect 
it all. I know, I know it's hard to 
comprehend, but that's because your 
head is just filled up with so much 
stupid stuff. Yeah, and I mean just 
so filled up. Like it's stuffed. 

HASIDIC JEW 
Where does all this stuff come from? 

PREACHER 
Nobody knows, but 'ya just have to 
live through everything. Don't be 
afraid about what goes on in your 
head because they be just thoughts, 
and they ain't gonna hurt 'ya. You 
just got to accept the good with the 
bad. Ya gotta learn to respect 
yourself and everyone else. 


MANNY (V.O.) 
Is this really happening to me? Who 
ARE these people? He's telling us 
to look inside our heads and Sylvie 
is telling me to get out of my head. 
I've got to get out of here. I don't 
belong to this. 


Preacher begins to speak over the music which starts up again. 


PREACHER 
As I was sayin, if you know what's 
good for you, you'll see that life 
and death are both sacred. Oh, you'll 
see. Now tell me y'all. When it 
comes right down to it, besides MUSIC 
and DANCE, what's the most important 
thing you got to know about? 


BLACK WOMAN 
LOVE, captain, LOVE. That's all 'ya 
really need to know about. 

Choir begins to sing, and Manny appears to go into a trance. 


EXT. RURAL ROADSIDE -- DAY 


Manny is kneeling, staring at a dead cat on the shoulder of 
a rural Maine road. Obvious road kill. Cat seems to be 
staring back at him. 


11. 
Manny finds a stick and pokes gently at the cat. 
Finding a plastic bag on the side of the road, Manny gingerly 
eases the cat into the bag and walks down the road with it. 
Manny comes upon an emaciated, grizzled MAN. The man gets 
off a battered bicycle to pick up a couple of discarded beer 
cans which he puts in a bulging plastic bag. 

MAN ON BIKE 
See any empties? Nickel a piece. 
MANNY 
No. 
MAN ON BIKE 
Whatcha gonna do with that cat? I 
seen 'ya put it in the bag. 
MANNY 
I don't know. 
MAN ON BIKE 
Must be good for somethin. 
Manny stares at man as he pedals away slowly. 


INT. MANNY AND SYLVIE'S HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS 
Manny enters the kitchen carrying the bag. He fills a pot 
with water and puts it on the stove to boil. 


EXT. MANNY AND SYLVIE'S HOUSE. BACK PORCH -- CONTINUOUS 
Sylvie is sitting at her computer working on graphics. 


Their cat is prowling around her ankles. Suddenly Sylvie 
sniffs the air. 
INT. MANNY AND SYLVIE'S HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS 


SYLVIE 
Manny is that you? What are you 
doing? 


Sylvie enters, followed by the cat. 
Manny is busily stirring the bubbling pot on the stove. The 
slimy plastic bag at his feet is conspicuously empty. 
SYLVIE (CONT'D) 
Jesus, what the hell IS that? 
MANNY 
I'm just recycling. 
SYLVIE 
I said what the hell is that? 


12. 
Sylvie tries covering her nose and mouth with the neck of 
her sweater. The cat sniffs the air and vanishes into another 
room. 


MANNY 
I'm just showing respect for all 
creatures. 


SYLVIE 
It smells like something died. Ohh... 


MANNY 
Exactly. 


Manny stirs a little too vigorously and the barely 
recognizable remnants of a tail flops over the side of the 
pot. 


SYLVIE 


(shrieking) 
What is that? What is it? I want 
it out of my house. 


MANNY 
It's a cat. 


SYLVIE 


(backing away) 
Oh no. Oh no you don't. You crazy 
fuck. 


MANNY 
It's-


SYLVIE 
I don't want to hear it. I don't 
want to hear about it. Are you insane? 
That's the most disgusting thing 
I've ever... 


MANNY 


(interrupting) 
Please, honey, please. Show a little 
respect. 


SYLVIE 
You've lost your fucking mind. 


She hurls an oven mitt at him, which splashes into the stewing 
pot. Manny ducks and keeps stirring the concoction. Sylvie 
storms out. 


INT. MANNY'S STUDIO -- LATER 


Several large monitors playing simultaneously. Urban chase 
tape, Acadia tape and mountain biking tape. 


13. 
Manny, wearing a respirator, is ladling the contents of the 
pot from the kitchen into several cans. All the cans are 
labeled "Cat In A Can." Manny's cat rubs against the cans. 


MANNY (V.O.) 
Just have to cap and pressurize these 
cans and I'm out of here. 


EXT. HOUSE RURAL MAINE -- DAY 


Manny knocks on door while holding a basket filled with Cat 
In A Can. 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN 
Hello? 


MANNY 
Hello, ma'am, I'm selling CAT IN A 
CAN. Do you have a rodent problem? 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN 
Actually we do, but you'd better 
keep your voice down. My mother's 
resting. 


MANNY 
Say, you don't happen to read the, 
ah, the United States Journal of 
Medical Discoveries, do you? 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN 
No. Are you selling subscriptions? 


MANNY 
No, no, I want to tell you about a 
study in the American Journal of 
Medical Discoveries, and it found a 
link between rodent exposure and 
Alzheimer's disease. 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN 
Oh my goodness! I had no idea. 
There are mice in the basement. I 
saw one just yesterday when I went 
down to box up our book collection. 
Do you think I should call an 
exterminator? 


MANNY 
No. Don't do that. 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN 
Why not? 


14. 
MANNY 
Well, because, see, that's- the 
exterminators, they use toxins too. 
They kill the toxic mice with 
additional toxins and it's just more 
toxins, you understand, and it makes 
it worse! 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN 
Really? 


MANNY 
Really! But you know what, there's 
an easier way to get rid of mice. 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN 
There is? 


MANNY 
There is. It's called CAT IN A CAN. 


Manny produces the can from the basket, and the woman inspects 
it. 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN 
This isn't toxic? 


MANNY 
No, it's cat. 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN 
Cat? What do you mean cat? How do 
you put a cat in a can? Anyway, 
does it work? 


MANNY 
Does it work, does it work. Of course 
it works! 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN 
I'll tell you what. If you can take 
that stuff down into the basement 
and kill a mouse with it, I'll buy 
it from you. 


MANNY 
Show me the way. 


INT. HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS 


Woman leads Manny through the living room to the door to the 
basement. Her MOTHER is half-asleep on the couch. 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN 
Don't worry, Mom. This nice gentleman 
is going to take care of everything. 


15. 
MOTHER 
Hmm? Well, he can suck my dick. 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN 
M o t h e r. 


(to Manny) 
Right this way. Please don't listen 
to her. 


They open the basement door and go down the steps. 


INT. BASEMENT -- CONTINUOUS 


Woman and Manny prowl around the dusty basement. She shines 
a large flashlight into a corner. There is a scurrying sound. 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN 
There! There's one! 


Manny lunges forward and sprays CAT IN A CAN in the general 
direction of the mouse. Woman reels backward. 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN (CONT'D) 
(puts hand over mouth 
and nose) 
Oh, my God, it stinks! 


MANNY 
Yes, but it works. 


Manny lets loose with another spray. There is rapid scurrying 
in the corner. He sprays again. We see a mouse who appears 
to be intoxicated. He topples over on his back, legs 
twitching in the air. Manny raises his hand triumphantly 
holding CAT IN A CAN. 


MANNY (CONT'D) 
Yes, yes, it works! 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN 
Well it appears to, but isn't there 
another way, that's not just so 
smelly? 


MANNY 
Actually there is. I could take a 
live mouse from someone else's house 
and let it go in your house... 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN 
(interrupting) 
Why would you want to do that? 


MANNY 
You see, ma'am, mice are extremely 
territorial so when you introduce an 


(MORE) 


16. 
MANNY (CONT'D) 
alien mouse into an established 
household, well the females get so 
upset that they become barren. 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN 
What an incredible thing. You're 
such a wealth of information. 


MANNY 
Naturally barren mice can't produce 
offspring, so the mice in your house 
will just die out. 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN 
I've just never heard of such a thing. 
Do you have any mice with you? 


MANNY 
No I don't. I'm just afraid we'll 
have to go with CAT IN A CAN. 


Woman's mother has tottered part way down the basement stairs. 
She calls out to them. 


MOTHER 
Hello, hello. What's going on? 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN 
(to Manny) 
It really does work, doesn't it? 


(to mother) 
It's all right, mother this nice man 
is just showing me how to kill mice 
homeopathically. 


MANNY 
Did I say homeopathically? I like 
that. Yes ma'am, 100% natural cat. 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN 
(to mother) 
100% natural cat. 


MOTHER 
Tell that man to go and fuck himself. 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN 
Never mind, mother, go back upstairs. 


MOTHER 
What am I smelling? 


MANNY 
I realize the odor is, ah, distinct. 
But it does fade. 


(MORE) 


17. 
MANNY (CONT'D) 
The important thing is, Cat In A Can 
is guaranteed effective. 


MOTHER 
What in a can? 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN 
Cat, mother. Cat In A Can. 


MOTHER 
(looking directly at 


Manny) 
Nonsense. Young man, Did you want 
to fuck my daughter? 


Manny is absolutely shocked. 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN 


(to Manny) 
I'm really sorry, but mother has 
trouble controlling herself. 


(to mother) 
Mother, we've talked about this. 
Please try to control yourself. 


(pause) 
No, mother, it's not nonsense. It 
was written up in the American Journal 
of... 


MANNY 
Medical Journal of American 
Discoveries. 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN 
Medical Journal of American News 
(to Manny) 
Is that what you said? 


MANNY 
I think so. 


MOTHER 
And you heard what I asked before 
young man. Now how do you like this? 


Mother pulls up her blouse revealing her breasts. 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN 
I'm afraid her mind isn't what it 
used to be. I just can't make her 
behave. 


MANNY 
That's why it's so important to get 
rid of the mice. 


(MORE) 


18. 
MANNY (CONT'D) 
The medical journal drew the link 
between rodent exposure and 
Alzheimer's disease. 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN 
I'm really so lucky you stopped by. 


MOTHER 


(loudly to Manny) 
If you're a swindler, and all salesmen 
are swindlers if you ask me. Well, 
God help you, that's all I have to 
say. Now I'm going to take all my 
clothes off for you, young man. 


Mother starts taking her clothes off. 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN 
Shush, mother, shush! And leave 
your clothes on. 


(to Manny) 
I do apologize, how much did you say 
your mouse-killer costs per can? 
I'll take three. 


MANNY 
(nervous, staring at 


mother) 
Uhh, you can have the first one free, 
we'll call it a sample. The other 
two are $10.00 each, with tax you 
owe me $21.00. 


EXT. FRONT OF HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS 


MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN 
(handing Manny the 
money) 
It's a bargain. 


MOTHER 
I call it theft, and I think you 
should haul your ass out of here. 


Mother throws a bucket of dish water at Manny. 


MOTHER (CONT'D) 
911, 911, 911, 911 


Manny, soaking wet, leaps off the porch. He finds a tall 
stepladder which stands in the yard for no apparent purpose. 
He climbs the ladder, but just before he reaches the top, he 
loses his step and begins to slid down. 


MANNY 
Oh, what the... 


19. 
INT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- CONTINUOUS 


Manny finishes his slide down the ladder which is now on the 
redemption center floor, and he lands standing up. Everything 
is the same. Folks are sorting bottles, juggling, laughing 
and the choir is practicing. It's as if he never left. 


MANNY (V.O.) 
That was just absolutely 
extraordinary. It was real, but it 
couldn't have been. My god, that 
cat was truly disgusting. If that's 
what recycling is about, then I'm 
not into it. What am I, some kind 
of freakin salesman? Too weird. 
Too weird. 


Woman edges up to him seductively. She closely resembles 
his wife, Sylvie. He shows a mild interest, but he's still 
very bewildered. Manny helps her a little with the bottle 
sorting. 


PREACHER 
(climbing up on a 
chair) 


I'm back. Do y'all hear? 'Ya with 
me now? 
FEMALE BEAUTY 

Of course we're with you captain. 


BLACK WOMAN 
Sure enough. 


PREACHER 
I gotta tell y'all, there is such 
goodness in the world. Why it's all 
around us, but I gotta tell 'ya 
something else, and 'ya ain't gonna 
want to hear it, but 'ya must. 


FEMALE BEAUTY 
Come on captain. Just tell us. 


PREACHER 
But can you handle it? 


BIKER 
We can handle anything, cap. 


PREACHER 
All right, y'all know there's goodness 
and love, but there's EVIL too, and 
I mean evil, and that's with a capital 


E. 
Lots of foot stomping from the congregation. 


20. 
PREACHER (CONT'D) 
The sad thing is nobody knows where 
evil comes from. 


WOMAN IN BIKINI 
Well, I do. When I used to go to 
catholic school, captain, the nuns 
said evil comes from the devil and 
rock and roll music. 


Riotous laughter from the congregation. 


PREACHER 
Well, I don't know about that, but 
now listen here. I do know that 
evil is all around us too. Let me 
tell 'ya, there is some bad shit out 
there, and I mean some REAL bad shit. 
We gotta learn how to control it. 
'Ya don't mess with evil. Do 'ya 
now? 


BLACK WOMAN 
No sireee. 


PREACHER 
Don't y'all get mixed up now. I 
ain't sayin you're evil, but I AM 
sayin evil is inside you. It's in 
all of us. And I say, could be you're 
here to get rid of it. 


BODYBUILDER 
But how did it get there Captain? 


PREACHER 
Nobody knows that, but don't y'all 
be embarrassed by it. Just accept 
the fact that it's there. We is 
very complicated. 


BODYBUILDER 
So what do we do? 


PREACHER 
You gotta avoid it, but sometimes we 
gotta go through it so we'll know 
what to avoid later. 


INT. HOSPITAL OPERATING ROOM -- DAY 


MANNY, in hospital attire, is a cardiologist who is finishing 
up an operation where he has just installed a pacemaker in a 
woman. Lot's of nurses and other doctors cluster around 
him. Students and professionals in viewing gallery above. 


21. 
MANNY 
That went well. Let me just 
interrogate the pacemaker and we're 
out of here. 


Manny aims a device that looks like a TV remote at the patient 
who is on the operating table. He presses some buttons on 
the device. Audible tones are heard. BINK, BONG, BINK. 


MANNY (CONT'D) 
To those of you up in the viewing 
gallery who have never seen this 
before. This little device is a 
portable programmer, and by 
interrogating, god I love that term, 
the pacemaker with the remote, I can 
tell the implant how to regulate the 
heartbeat. Hey, we've had enough for 
today. Let's all get out of her. 
Uh NURSE, will you finish dressing 
the incision, please? Thank you. 


NURSE 1 
Of course, doctor. 


INT. HOSPITAL ROOM -- LATER 


NURSE 2 
How are we doing today MISS MADDEN? 


Miss Madden is an elderly woman in her 70's who just received 
the pacemaker. 


MISS MADDEN 
I, I just don't feel so well. It's 
my heart, and it seems to beat a 
little too fast and then it slows 
down. 


NURSE 2 
Probably we should get in touch with 
DR. RIVERS. He's off today, but he 
instructed that if you experienced 
any problems you could reach him on 
his cell phone. 


(smiling) 
Usually he doesn't give his number 
out, but since you were his elementary 
school teacher he wanted to take 
extra good care of you. 


MISS MADDEN 
He really is such a nice man, isn't 
he? 


NURSE 2 
Why don't you call him. 


22. 
Nurse leaves room. 


MISS MADDEN 
(picks up phone) 


EXT. CITY STREET -- NIGHT 


Sleek, black Porsche glides in and out of traffic. Manny 
answers his cell phone. 


MANNY 
Yes? 


MISS MADDEN (PHONE VOICE) 
Manny. This is Marjorie Madden. 


MANNY 
Oh yes, Marjorie. Let me just pull 
off the road here. 


Manny pulls off road. 


MANNY (CONT'D) 
How are you feeling, Marjorie? 


MISS MADDEN (PHONE VOICE) 
Well Manny, I'm not feeling so well. 


MANNY 
What's the problem, Marjorie? 


MISS MADDEN (PHONE VOICE) 
It's my heartbeat. It seems to be 
irregular. Sometimes it speeds up 
and then I think it slows down. 


MANNY 
Probably we can do something about 
this Marjorie. Tell me Marjorie, do 
you ever masturbate? 


MISS MADDEN 


(absolutely shocked) 
Manny... What...I just, I just don't 
understand. What did you say? 


MANNY (PHONE VOICE) 
Well, let's put it this way. Have 
you ever masturbated, Marjorie? 


MISS MADDEN 
Manny, just how could you ask 
something like that? 


MANNY (PHONE VOICE) 
Just joking. 
(MORE) 


23. 
MANNY (PHONE VOICE) (CONT'D) 
Marjorie, you were my 6th grade 
teacher at Roger Sherman elementary 
school. You do remember, don't you? 
And Miss Fitzsimmons was the 
principal. 


MISS MADDEN 
Why yes, Manny. I do remember. 


MANNY (PHONE VOICE) 
You know, Marjorie, you used to 
humiliate me in class. I always 
thought you were looking down on me. 
In fact, Marjorie, you treated me 
like DOG POOP. 


MISS MADDEN 
Oh, that's not true Manny. 


MANNY 
Aw heck, Marjorie, you're probably 
right. Let bygones be bygones. You 
say the pacemaker is making your 
heart beat too fast and then too 
slow? 


MISS MADDEN (PHONE VOICE) 
Uh, yes. 


MANNY 
Marjorie, I think I can fix you right 
up. I have my remote with me, and I 
can interrogate your pacemaker over 
the phone. 


Manny holds the remote by his cell phone and pushes some 
buttons. BINK-BONG-BINK. 


MANNY (CONT'D) 
Marjorie, are you there? How does 
that feel now? 


MISS MADDEN 
Well, if I feel my heart with my 
hand, it seems like it's not beating 
fast enough. 


MANNY (PHONE VOICE) 
OK Marjorie, we just need to establish 
some parameters here. Let's try 
this. 


Once again Manny presses the remote. BINK-BINK-BONG-BINKBONG. 


24. 
MANNY (PHONE VOICE) 
Now how does that feel, Marjorie? 


MISS MADDEN 
Manny, can't you just come in to do 
this? I really think my heart is 
beating a little too fast now. 


MANNY (PHONE VOICE) 
Oh really. 


Once again Manny presses the remote. BONG-BONG-BING. 


MISS MADDEN 
Manny, I know for sure my heart is 
beating too fast now. 


MANNY (PHONE VOICE) 
Just one more time Marjorie and we'll 
have it. 


BINK-BONG-BINK. 


MANNY (PHONE VOICE) (CONT'D) 
Now that should do it. How are you 
Marjorie 


MISS MADDEN 
Manny, Manny, please make it stop. 
My heart is beating so fast. Please 
fix it. Please. 


Miss Madden is convulsed with pain, shaking on the bed and 
her voice fades away. 


MANNY 


(smiles slyly) 
Yes, I can make it stop. Sorry 
Marjorie. 


Manny blasts off into the night. When he comes to a red 
light, he points the remote at the light. BINK-BONG. 
Instantly the light TURNS to green. 


MANNY (CONT'D) 
YES. Hee, Hee. 


He disappears into the city light, laughing softly. Car 
comes to a SCREECHING stop. Manny gets out and finds his 
tall step ladder on the sidewalk and begins his ascent. 
Near the top he stumbles and begins his slide down. 


INT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- CONTINUOUS 


Manny slides to the bottom of ladder which is standing in 
the redemption center. Same as it ever was. People are 
sorting the empties, laughing, singing, dancing, hugging. 


25. 
Seductive woman gives Manny a hug. He seems oblivious. 


MANNY (V.O.) 
My god I murdered that woman. I 
know, I know I hated that old bitch, 
but what have I done? Could I really 
have done such a thing? Am I really 
capable of something like this? 


PREACHER 
Gather round y'all. Do 'ya hear? 


BODYBUILDER 
We hear you captain. 


PREACHER 
Y'all know, some folks are just too 
damn big for their britches. 


BLACK WOMAN 
Now ain't that the truth. 


PREACHER 
Some folks just have to step on other 
people's toes to get where they are, 
but it ain't fair, is it now? 


The congregation nods and exclaims in agreement. 


PREACHER (CONT'D) 
Lord no, it just ain't fair. 


TOUGH WOMAN 
No it's not. 


PREACHER 
Y'all know, they are selfish people, 
they who have all that wealth. 


HIPPIE GIRL 
That's right, they have nothing to 
share. They feel no love. 


PREACHER 
Y'all remember what brother Bob said 
about that Aristotle O'Nassar? 


Congregation goes wild. High 5's, stamping feet, hugs. 


DRAG QUEEN 
Oh we do, we do, but tell us anyway 
cause we just love to hear it. 


WOMAN IN BIKINI 
Yeah, it makes us feel so good inside. 


26. 
BLACK WOMAN 
Please captain. Tell us what brother 
Bob said about that O'Nassar guy. 


PREACHER 
Now you're really asking for it, 
ain't 'ya? 


More foot stomping from congregation. 


PREACHER (CONT'D) 
Brother Bob, he said no man ever 
made that much money and made it 
honestly. Course if it was left to 
Mr. O'Nassar that was all right, but 
whoever left Mr. O'Nassar that much 
money, then HE was dishonest. 


Congregation roars. Man in tie and jacket falls to floor 
and twitches in a fit of ecstasy. MAN with large SNAKE holds 
it near the face of twitching man. 


Manny looks on, astonished. 


PREACHER (CONT'D) 
Brother Bob said no man ever made 
that much money. He stole it by 
hook or by crook from some little 
guy. He stepped on a lot of little 
fellow's toes. You think it's 
possible to make that much money, 
then you go ahead and try. 


TOUGH GUY 
No way. No way. Tell us more 


captain. What else did Brother Bob 
say? 
PREACHER 

He said, well if I had as much money 
as that O'Nassar, I'd just drive 
down the road and toss a few dollars 
to all the poor folks I saw, and 
there are plenty of 'em. Yeah, that's 
what brother Bob said. 


BLACK WOMAN 
We LOVE brother Bob, oh yes we do. 


Choir begins to sing a gospel song in the background. The 
congregation smiles and hugs in agreement. 


PREACHER 
Well, he ain't here now is he? He 
used to live up there in The Forks, 
but he's gone now. 


27. 
BIKER 
No captain, he ain't no longer here. 


PREACHER 
Now let's get back to what I'm gettin 
at. You see, all these rich folks 
get together and make what they call 
gonglomerates. Y'all know what 
gonglomerates is? 


BLACK WOMAN 
Oh we do captain, and they is evil. 


PREACHER 
That's right, they is evil. And for 
some of you who don't know what a 
gonglomerate is, I'm gonna tell ya. 
A gonglomerate is when a whole bunch 
of them rich people get together and 
they put all their money in a big 
stinkin pot and start a business. 
And because they is so big, they 
swallow up all the little businesses 
until there ain't none left. 


Sadness pervades the congregation. Tears are shed. 


PREACHER (CONT'D) 
Oh yes, because that's what happens. 
Why 'ya wake up one fine morning and 
look around, and 'ya say to yourself. 
My, things have really changed around 
here. 


EXT. BIG BOX RETAILER -- DAY 


Vast parking lot. Bright, huge sign proclaims BIG BOX. 
People with long faces trudge to the Big Box. 


INT. BIG BOX -- CONTINUOUS 


Incredibly crowded with shoppers. Everyone seems sad. They 
push carts overfilled with plastic items. Manny, in tie and 
jacket sits in MEMBERSHIP KIOSK. He looks like a used car 
salesman. Couple in their 60's approach kiosk. 


MANNY 


(smiling) 
Welcome, welcome. Come in and have 
a seat. 


(shakes hands with 


couple) 
I'm Manny Rivers, membership 
coordinator. And you are? 


28. 
JOHN 
I'm JOHN MASKELL and this is my wife, 
ALICE MASKELL. 


MANNY 
So...I assume you're hear because 
you're interested in membership, and 
we ARE running a special this week. 


ALICE 
Oh, we are Mr. Rivers. I know it's 
a new service, but we've already 
heard so much about it. 


MANNY 
And you'd like to get in on the ground 
floor, so to speak. By the way, you 
can call me Manny. 


JOHN 
Well sure, we would. After all, we 
know the price can only go up. 


ALICE 
Oh, John. 


MANNY 
That's all right, Alice, John is 
certainly correct. 


JOHN 
See. 


MANNY 
Since the program is still new, let 
me review the highlights with you. 
We at Big Box recognize how 
complicated life has become so we 
have decided to consolidate all of 
your basic necessities under one 
roof. 


ALICE 
Well that certainly makes sense. 


JOHN 
And we shop here all the time anyway 
because, you know, there's really 
nowhere else to go now, is there? 


ALICE 
Actually no one else seems to be in 
business these days. 


MANNY 
You could say we are very efficient 
folks. 


(MORE) 


29. 
MANNY (CONT'D) 


(pause) 
Seems to me we should start at the 
beginning, Alice. That way the three 
of us can decide which plan would be 
best. Now let's get the ball rolling 
here. First off, for women who are 
pregnant, we have a brand new birthing 
center. 


JOHN 


(laughing) 
The old gal, I'm afraid is past her 
prime, Manny. 


MANNY 
Yes, but if you have children they 
might be interested. We don't do 
any reproductive counseling because 
we love babies and feel it's 
completely natural for women to have 
as many children as the good lord 
allows. 


JOHN 
You mean women have babies right in 
the store? 


MANNY 
Come on, let's take a little walk. 


Manny puts on a hat that says TOUR GUIDE and John and Alice 
follow behind. 


MANNY (CONT'D) 
John, we really prefer not to say 
store. We like to say facility. We 
really have an incredibly trained 
staff in the birthing center. They're 
mostly from Uzbekistan and they have 
the latest in medical equipment. 


ALICE 
Oh John, wait till MARSHA hears this. 


They continue their tour through the store past the BURGER 
BOY concession, where people are eating enormous burgers 
about 10" across. Goo is dripping off them. The burgers are 
served without buns. They turn down a hallway. Manny flips 
a switch and a shade comes up revealing a room with lots of 
women about to give birth and giving birth. We hear muffled 
screams and cries. Doctors and nurses running around, just 
winging it, not knowing what they're doing. 


JOHN 
Jesus, don't they get any privacy? 


30. 
MANNY 
Oh sure they do. We're looking 
through a one way mirror. 


JOHN 
But I mean in the room? It's like 
if some guy is watching me, there's 
no way I can take a leak. 


ALICE 
But, oh dear. There are so many 
women in that room. 


MANNY 
Could you just say birthing center, 
Alice? 


ALICE 
Oh. 


MANNY 
We have learned that when women are 
together and without their husbands, 
they can share experiences, and the 
birthing process really goes more 
smoothly. 


JOHN 
Keeps the costs down too. 


ALICE 
John. 


MANNY 
Probably you noticed our day care 
and preschool when you came in. 


Manny flips the switch again, and the shade comes down. 
They continue their tour through the store. 


JOHN 
Is that what that was? It looked 
like about 100 kids playing with big 
toys. 


ALICE 
You know, uh Manny, it really looked 
like some of those kids had injuries. 


MANNY 
Well, we need to test safety features 
and consumer desirability, so what 
better place is there? We actually 
only mark up these toys 70% for 
members. 


31. 
ALICE 
But Manny, our children have long 
flew the coop. 


JOHN 
Yeah, what's really in this membership 
for us? 


MANNY 
Well, here's something for you. I 
don't know what church you attend, 
but I can say to you confidentially 
that we at Big Box are about to close 
on a deal with the world's largest 
church. 


JOHN 
You don't say. 


MANNY 
Yes, this is very exciting time for 
us. This will be a remarkable 
integration of shopping and 
worshipping. 


ALICE 
Now that IS wonderful. 


MANNY 
And there's more. As you must know, 
Big Box really encourages our shoppers 
to park their campers on our campuses 
while they travel. Believe me, a 
feature film was actually made a 
couple years ago about the good folks 
who do just that. We were very proud 
of that movie. 


(pause) 
Speaking of parking, with membership, 
you're given preferential parking 
permits so you can park or camp closer 
to our facility. 


JOHN 
Sure, that makes sense. I just hate 
those long walks from way back in 
the parking lot to the store. 


ALICE 
I really do think that's a benefit, 
John. Mr. Rivers, we actually buy 
everything here you know. We think 
the deli department is wonderful. 
John, well he just loves your 
kielbasa. 


32. 
MANNY 
Membership also includes free 
admission to our rec. room and social 
club. 


JOHN 
That should be fun. 


MANNY 
And there's lots more, but before I 
ask you to sign the membership 
contract, I'd like to show you some 
other things 


They walk back to the membership kiosk. There's a long line 
of people waiting their turn to get into the kiosk. Nobody 
smiles except employees of Big Box. Manny rings a bell and 
another associate appears. Female, very perky. Manny speaks 
to people waiting in line. 


MANNY (CONT'D) 
Folks, I'll be back shortly. In the 
meantime, HEATHER will be able to 
help you. 


ALICE 
Manny, I have a question. 


MANNY 
Shoot, Alice. 


ALICE 
Why do so many of the people who 
work here appear to be so thin? 


MANNY 
They're thin because they skip lunch 
because we at Big Box encourage 
associates to eat only two meals a 
day. That means less down time, 
more productivity and lower prices 
for you. Also to keep costs down 
and to avoid SHRINKAGE we lock our 
associate night shift in the store. 


JOHN 
Shrinkage? 


MANNY 
Theft. 


ALICE 
Oh dear. 


MANNY 
Shall we continue on our little tour. 


33. 
John and Alice follow Manny through the store. Time seems 
to have slowed down a little. It's still very crowded in 
Big Box. Patrons are loading their carts in a mesmerized 
state. They're not paying attention to what they're buying. 
Shopping carts are being filled and layered with plastic, 
food, underwear, Wayne Newton cd's, marshmallows, incontinence 
diapers, kielbasa and more plastic. Manny leads John and 
Alice to a door, punches an access code, and they wait by 
the open door. 


MANNY (CONT'D) 
Before we go in, I need to tell you 
both a little story. 


ALICE 
A story? I just love stories. 


MANNY 
A few years ago, Big Box became very 
concerned that our customers were 
spending too much money for burial 
services. The caskets were priced 
right through the roof, and 
folks...well, we thought there was 
an injustice. 


JOHN 
TELL US about it. We're still paying 
the funeral director from when Barbara 
died...What was it Alice? 


ALICE 
Five years ago. 


MANNY 
So, We had these low-cost caskets 
made for our facilities. They were 
in very good taste, and they were 
made out of fiberglass. So, to make 
a long story short, excuse my French, 
but we sold a shitload of them. 


JOHN 
Well, what's wrong with that? 


MANNY 
Our facility in New Orleans took 
about 1000 fiberglass caskets, and 
they sold them all. No, John, nothing 
is wrong with it, but try to visualize 
this. Here we have 1000 newly 
deceased shoppers, all in Big Box 
caskets and in the Spring the 
Mississippi came up real high like 
she always does. 


(MORE) 


34. 
MANNY (CONT'D) 
Well the river flooded the cemetery 
and because those caskets were so 
watertight and so well-built... 


JOHN 
(interrupting) 
Come on Manny. 


MANNY 
Sooooo those caskets popped right 
out of the ground. People actually 
saw it happening. Ever try to hold 
a balloon underwater? Well it was 
sort of like that. 


ALICE 
Oh that's terrible. 


MANNY 
Yes it was Alice. We had 1000 caskets 
with human remains floating down the 
Ole Miss to the Gulf Of Mexico. 


JOHN 
Yeah, that must have cost you guys a 
pretty penny. 


MANNY 
It sure did John, so we came up with 
plan B, which if you think about it, 
it makes a lot more sense. You know, 
I think it's time to go in. 


INT. URN ROOM -- CONTINUOUS 


JOHN 
Just what the hell is this? 


The room is large, dimly lit, but we can clearly see that 
small boxes fill the perimeter of the space, floor to ceiling. 


MANNY 
John, I should tell you in all 
fairness that this space takes a 
little getting used to, but this is 
our urn room. The urns hold the 
ashes of our deceased members. 


ALICE 
(gasping) 
What? 


JOHN 
You mean those are little coffins, 
those boxes? 


35. 
MANNY 
John, we prefer to call them urns. 


JOHN 
Well Jesus, whatever. 


MANNY 
They're much more compact, and we 
don't have to worry about them 
floating away down the Mississippi. 


ALICE 
Oh that's just dreadful. 


MANNY 
But, now here's the kicker. I think 
it's time to go out back. 


EXT. BEHIND BIG BOX -- CONTINUOUS 


Walking through another door, they are outside behind Big 
Box. Two medium sized dumpsters have been retrofitted with 
smoke stacks. Black smoke is belching out of one, and we 
see a corpse covered with a sheet emblazoned with the company 
logo being loaded into the other by a conveyor. 


JOHN 
Jesus fucking Christ. What's that 
smell? 


Alice holds a scarf against her nose and mouth, eyes bulging. 


MANNY 
Folks, with membership and for a 
small additional fee, this is where 
we do discreet cremations. 


John and Alice with a look of horror do nothing but stare. 
Manny walks over to his stepladder. He starts climbing, 
slips and begins his descent. 


INT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- CONTINUOUS 


Manny finishes his slide down the ladder and he is now 
standing on redemption center floor, dazed and confused. 
The congregation is sorting bottles, dancing, singing, 
visiting, quite oblivious to Manny. 


MANNY (V.O.) 
That was just disgusting. It was 
horrible. How could I ever do such 
a thing. My god, is this the world 
to come, or are we already there. 
How fuckin creepy can you get? You 
just can't imagine what I've been 
through. 


36. 
BIKER 
It don't matter. 


MANNY 
What do you mean it DON'T matter? 
Don't you even want to know where 
I've been? 


BIKER 
Listen man, we've been there already 
and probably to worse places. It 
don't matter because it ain't real. 
Those are just thoughts in your head. 
Just recognize that, and it will 
help to get you to where you're goin. 
A good place. 


Manny, very perplexed, stares at the biker. 


The preacher climbs up on his chair. 


PREACHER 
Hey y'all, hey y'all. Come gather 
round me. Remember we talked about 
them gonglomerates and how bad they 
are. 


BIKER 
Sure we remember. 


PREACHER 
So if a simple man wants to get ahead, 
he better be real smart. 


BLACK WOMAN LAWYER 
(carefully dressed) 
What about the ladies, captain? 


PREACHER 
Sorry sister. Didn't mean to leave 
the ladies out. Just out of curiosity 
sake, what is it you do? 


BLACK WOMAN LAWYER 
I'm an attorney who works for the 
environmental organization, ONE EARTH. 


Lots of foot stomping and whooping from the congregation. 


BLACK WOMAN LAWYER (CONT'D) 
Bet you didn't think black people 
worked for environmental 
organizations, captain. 


37. 
PREACHER 
I ain't too old to learn sister, but 
you is definitely in the minority. 
Black people first gotta get jobs so 
they can put bread on the table. In 
the meantime, we'll let the white 
folks work on the environment. After 
all, they is the ones who messed it 
all up. 


The congregation hoops and stamps feet. 


PREACHER (CONT'D) 
Just joking with 'ya sister. All 
right now. As I was sayin, if you 
brothers and sisters want to get 
ahead in life, 'ya got to be creative. 
'Ya gotta start thinkin for yourself. 
Now, is that somethin you can all 
do? 


The congregation totally agrees with the preacher. Lots of 
foot stomping and high fives. 


PREACHER (CONT'D) 
I know you can think for yourselfs, 
but 'ya must resist them 
gonglomerates. They will temp you. 
They will promise you. They will 
lure you and they will even seduce 
you. But do 'ya know what they will 
really do to 'ya? 


DRAG QUEEN 
You have to tell us captain. Please 
tell us. 


PREACHER 
But can 'ya stand it. Can 'ya handle 
it. 


HASIDIC JEW 
Of course we can. 


PREACHER 
Sisters and brothers, them 
gonglomerates will steal your very 
souls. They will make you less than 
human. 


Folks in the congregation hang their heads in sadness. 


BLACK WOMAN 
Well, I think that's just terrible. 


38. 
PREACHER 
Oh yes. I tell 'ya, those 
gonglomerates are making zombies out 
of us. So 'ya gotta do your own 
thing. It don't matter what it is, 
just do it, and be kind to others, 
'ya here. Them gonglomerates don't 
even know who 'ya are. They just 
want to control you and get your 
money. That's all they care about. 
And if 'ya work for them, they still 
don't know who 'ya are. They want 
'ya to produce, and when 'ya stop 
producin, they turn 'ya out. To 
them, you ain't no better then a cow 
who stops giving milk, or a horse 
who is lame. And you know what a 
farmer does with them. 


TOUGH WOMAN 
We know captain, but it's not going 
to happen to us. 


PREACHER 
That's the spirit, brother. sorry...I 
means sister. 


EXT. BELGRADE LAKES REGION, MAINE -- DAY 


Large box type truck moves slowly down gravel road. Sign on 
side of truck says CAMP CONSULTANTS. Truck stops in front 
of a beautiful summer home on a lake. 


Manny and HENRY descend. Both are wearing blue uniforms 
with a CAMP CONSULTANT logo on the front with their names 
embroidered by logo. 


DR. Sims,(50's) prosperous looking, wearing deck clothes 
eagerly greets Manny and assistant. 


DR.SIMS 
Hi, I'm Dr. Sims...uh, aren't you 
boys a little warm in those uniforms? 


MANNY 
We are, but in this line of work, 
appearances mean everything. I'm 
Manny Rivers and this is my assistant, 
Henry. 


DR. SIMS 
Manny, you were recommended to me by 
Dr. Roberts who has a camp on the 
other side of the pond. 


MANNY 
Oh sure, I remember him. 
(MORE) 


39. 
MANNY (CONT'D) 
(to Henry) 
You remember him, Henry, don't you? 


HENRY 
Yup, he offered me a lemonade. Real 
nice gentleman. 


MANNY 
So, Dr. Sims, what can we do for you 
today? 


DR. SIMS 
I'm having a jet ski problem. 


MANNY 
Yeah, we've heard that before. 


DR. SIMS 
No really. Just look at that. 


He gestures to some jet skiers doing water gyrations close 
to his home. 


DR.SILVER 
And listen to them. How the hell 
can anyone stand the noise? 


MANNY 
They sort of sound like aquatic chain 
saws. 


DR. SIMS 
That's right, that's right. Exactly. 
They're out there all day churning 
water, and they come so close to our 
shore they scare the hell out of the 
ducks, and we're afraid to swim. 
And the lake association is too 
chicken shit to ban them. We come 
up from the city... and the Summer 
is being spoiled for my family. 


(pause) 
You know, you can get used to the 
noise in Manhattan, but in such a 
beautiful place like this. 


(Pause) 
Well shit, I just can't make my peace 
with them. 


(Dr. Sims lowers his 
voice and speaks in 
a confidential tone 
to Manny) 


Manny, I've heard about the SOFT 
ROCKS, and I just have to have some. 


40. 
MANNY 
No problem, Dr. Sims. Henry, let's 
get some off the truck. How many do 
you suppose we'll need here? 


HENRY 
I'd say about 25 should do it. 


Manny and Henry climb into the back of the truck and they 
start unloading styrofoam rocks which look exactly like real 
rocks. After unloading, Henry and Manny attach thin cables 
with little anchors to each virtual rock. 


DR. SIMS 
This is incredible. How did you 
ever think of this? 


MANNY 
Let's just say we have vivid 
imaginations. 


(Manny gestures towards 


the jet skis) 
Let's wait for a lull in the activity, 
and then we'll get the rocks out 
there for you. I see you already 
have a couple of real ones in the 
water. 


DR. SIMS 
Yeah, but it's not enough. The jet 
skiers have their location memorized 
so those rocks don't slow 'em down 
one bit. 


MANNY 
Dr. Sims, I think we'll be able to 
confuse them a little bit. You just 
wait and see. 


DR. SIMS 
Have a beer while we wait? 


MANNY 
Sure I'll have one but how about a 
lemonade for Henry. 


DR. SIMS 
Come on up to the deck. 


They go up to the deck of Dr. Sims' summer home. Clean, 
neat, spacious. Lot's of comfortable deck chairs, tables 
with umbrellas. Excellent views of the lake. Kids playing 
frisbee on the lawn by the shore. 


DR. SIMS (CONT'D) 
Choose any seat you like. I'll be 
right back. 


41. 
Dr. Sims returns with the drinks and sits down next to Manny 
and henry. 


MANNY 
Sure is nice here, Dr. Sims. Tell 
me, I'm just a little curious. What 
kind of doctor are you? 


DR. SIMS 
Let's just say I help people with 
their weight issues. 


HENRY 
You mean you tell people how to lose 
weight? 


DR. SIMS 
Yeah that's right, but just between 
us, you wouldn't believe what people 
pay me for consultations and pills. 
It's just such bullshit. I'm gonna 
tell you something. Most people are 
fat because of two reasons. They 
eat too much and they don't exercise. 
That's all there is to it. It's 
simple. Eat less and exercise, and 
you'll lose weight. But they don't 
want to hear it. They want me to 
put them on some kind of customized 
diet and then prescribe the 
amphetamines. So I do it. They 
just won't hear the truth. 


MANNY 
(looking out over the 


lake) 
What do you say Henry? They seem to 
be taking a lunch break. Let's get 
the boat out and load up. 


Manny and Henry unload a small boat, and they start filling 
it up with soft rocks. 


DR. SIMS 
You guys sure this will work? 


MANNY 
It always does. 


Manny and Henry load up the boat, climb aboard, and row off 
shore. They begin tossing the foam rocks over, and they are 
held in place by the cable and anchors. It takes them a few 
trips to get all the rocks in place. They are anchored in 
random out from Dr. Sims' Property. Completing their mission, 
they return to shore for payment. 


42. 
DR. SIMS 
This is amazing. I can't tell the 
soft rocks from the real thing. 


MANNY 
That's the point Dr. Sims. They 
should discourage the jet skiers 
from coming close to your shore. Oh 
by the way, if you come up in the 
winter and are bothered by the 
snowmobilers, just put some soft 
rocks in the trails around your house. 


DR. SIMS 
So how much do I owe you boys? 


MANNY 
Let's see. 25 softies at $50.00 
each. That's $1,250.00. And with 
sales tax, you owe us $1,312.50. 


DR. SIMS 
(writing a check) 
It's a bargain. Thanks boys. 


EXT. GRAVEL ROAD -- CONTINUOUS 


Manny and Henry load up the boat and drive off down the road. 


INT. TRUCK -- CONTINUOUS 


HENRY 
What's next boss? 


MANNY 
A Mr. and Mrs. Colman. They're over 
on fire Road #12 


Manny and Henry continue along gravel roads by lovely fields, 
wooded glens and spectacular views of the lake. 


EXT. COLMAN RESIDENCE -- CONTINUOUS 


They pull up in front of the Colman residence which is as 
equally impressive as Dr. Sims' home. Mr. and Mrs. Colman 
come out the back door to greet the Camp Consultants. They 
are casually dressed and in their 60's. 


MR. COLMAN 
Hi boys. I'm Steve Colman and this 
is my wife Rebecca. 


MANNY 
I'm Manny Rivers and this is my 
assistant, Henry. Please to meet 
you. 


43. 
MR. COLMAN 
Let's go up to the deck so we can 
talk about our little problem. 


(pause) 
Aren't you boys a little hot in those 
uniforms? 


MANNY 
Oh, we're ok. 


Everyone sits on comfortable deck chairs overlooking the 
lake. 


MRS. COLMAN 
Let's have something to drink. What 
would you all like? 


MANNY 
I'll have a beer and Henry will have 
a lemonade if you have it. 


MRS. COLMAN 
Sure, no problem. 


MR. COLMAN 
Honey, why don't you bring us a couple 
of those micro brews. That ok? 


MANNY 
Sure. 


Mrs. Colman leaves to get the drinks. 


MANNY (CONT'D) 
So, what's going on Mr. Colman? 


MR. COLMAN 
Well Manny, it's like this. We've 
had this home on the pond for many, 
many years, but recently the Dept. 
of Environmental Protection said we 
have to do something immediately 
about our toilet or they would take 
us to court. 


Mrs. Colman returns with the drinks and distributes them. 


MRS. COLMAN 
And we've never, ever had any problem 
before. 


MR. COLMAN 
In a nutshell, this is the problem. 
The DEP says our septic system is 
too close to the lake, but we can't 
move it farther away because we don't 
own the land. 


44. 
MANNY 
Ah, ha. 


MR. COLMAN 
They're not concerned about the grey 
water, they're concerned about 


(glancing at his wife) 
The other stuff. 


HENRY 
I know what you mean Mr. Colman. 


MANNY 
I think we have just the unit for 
you. 


MRS. COLMAN 
Unit? 


MR. COLMAN 
Really. 


MANNY 
The beauty of this unit, and it really 
is beautiful, is that it doesn't 
even have to go into the bathroom. 
In fact, it's going to be a real 
conversation piece. 


MR. COLMAN 
Just what the hell is it? 


MANNY 
We in the trade call it a FF. 


HENRY 
Fecal Fryer. 


MRS. COLMAN 
What? 


MANNY 
Don't mind Henry. Mrs. Colman, this 
unit is designed to vaporize the 
products of elimination. 


MRS. COLMAN 
Vaporize the products of elimination? 


MANNY 
And you'll never have another toilet 
to clean. 


MR. COLMAN 
What's it going to cost? 


45. 
MANNY 
$5,000.00 plus tax. That's $5,250.00 
exactly. 


MR. COLMAN 
Well, we gotta have it, don't we? 


MANNY 
I don't know what the alternative 
would be. 


MRS. COLMAN 
Is this something we order from you? 


MANNY 
Oh no, Mrs. Colman, that's not 
necessary. Henry and I always keep 
a couple of units on the truck. I 
assure you, your problem is not 
unique. 


HENRY 
We got three of 'em. 


MANNY 
We'd be happy to install one right 
now, and that would solve your legal 
issues. 


MRS. COLMAN 
Fantastic. Where should we put it? 


MANNY 
Well, I'm sure you don't have enough 
room in the bathroom. 


(pause) 
Let's go into the house and find a 
spot. 


INT. COLMAN RESIDENCE -- CONTINUOUS 


Everyone goes into a large rustic living room with fireplace 
and windows looking out on the lake. This is a place to 
die for. 


MANNY 
There's a perfect spot. 
(Manny points to a 


corner location) 
It's right by an electric outlet and 
close to an outside wall. Just what 
we need. 


MRS. COLMAN 
But does it really have to go in the 
living room? Can't it go somewhere 
else? 


46. 
HENRY 
It could, but Manny likes lots of 
people to see it. 


MANNY 
Sure, it's good advertising, but the 
FF is really a sight to behold. 
Listen, Let's try it where I think 
it should go, and if you're not happy, 
we'll move it. 


MR. COLMAN 
Sounds like a plan to me. What do 
you think Becca? 


MRS. COLMAN 
(reluctantly) 
All right. 


MANNY 
Come on Hank old boy, lets get to 
work. 


EXT. COLMAN RESIDENCE -- CONTINUOUS 


Manny and Hank go out to the truck and expend great amounts 
of energy removing what looks like a telephone booth. 


INT. COLMAN RESIDENCE -- CONTINUOUS 


Struggling with it, they finally manage to move the FF into 
the living room. 


MRS. COLMAN 
My god, that looks something like a 
telephone booth. 


MR. COLMAN 
Actually it looks like that thing 
Dr. what's his name, used to get 
into to go time traveling. 


MRS. COHEN 
That's right. It was a show we used 
to watch with ALAN. I think he called 
it a TARDIS or some such thing. It 
was DR. WHO. 


(pause) 
Manny, does it really have to go 
there? 


Mrs. Colman gestures to the spot where the FF has been 
maneuvered to. 


47. 
MANNY 
It really does, and like I said, we 
need an outside wall and electricity 
close by. 


MR. COLMAN 
Well, that's going to be one hell of 
a conversation piece. 


Manny and Hank get out their tools and start work in ernest. 
Lots of noise from power tools and dust begins to accumulate 
as they cut a hole through the living room wall and run an 
exhaust pipe from the FF through the wall to the outside of 
the house. Then they hook up an old fashioned, large knife 
switch to the wall next to the FF and run a wire with a plug 
to a wall receptacle. Another wire is run from the knife 
switch to the FF. 


MRS. COHEN 
Do you really have to have the switch 
on the wall? 


MANNY 
It's a must Mrs. Colman. You don't 
want to be inside the FF when you 
set it off. You really don't. Trust 
me. It's a safety feature. 


MR. COLMAN 
But somebody outside could throw the 
switch by mistake while you're still 
in there. 


MANNY 
Not to worry. See the little key 
pad by the switch? You have to enter 
an access code before the switch 
will work. 


MR. COLMAN 
Like what kind of code? 


MANNY 
Just some easy to remember numbers 
or name. How about your mother-inlaw's 
name, Mr. Colman. 


MR. COLMAN 
No problem. Oh yes. I like that. 
Her name is FERN. 


Manny programs in the name. 


MANNY 
Done. How about a check Mr. Colman? 


48. 
MRS. COLMAN 
Aren't we even going to try it, 
Steven, before we write a check? 


MANNY 
Anybody have to go? 
HENRY 
Not me boss. 


MRS. COHEN 
Well actually I do but...Oh, Steven, 
just write the check. 


Mr. Colman writes the check. Manny takes it. 
EXT. COLMAN RESIDENCE -- CONTINUOUS 
Manny and Hank head out to the truck. 
INT. COLMAN RESIDENCE -- CONTINUOUS 


MRS. COLMAN 
Yes, Steven I really do have to go. 


MR.COLMAN 
I think I'll go out and trim the 
hedges to give you more privacy. 


Mrs. Colman enters the FF. 
EXT. THE COLMAN HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS 
Mr. Colman is now outside with his electric hedge trimmers, 


manicuring the shrubbery. 
INT. THE COLMAN HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS 
Mrs. Colman emerges from the FF with a big smile. She enters 


the code and throws the knife switch. We hear an enormous 
WHUNK and the FF VIBRATES and BLINDING light is visible 
through the molding around the FF door. 


MRS. COLMAN 
(hand to mouth) 
My God! 


EXT. THE COLMAN HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS 
Mr. Colman is trimming hedges by the exhaust pipe. At the 
moment of detonation, a black cloud of noxious vapors is 
vented through the pipe. Mr. Colman falls to his knees, 
stricken and begins to vomit. 


INT. TRUCK -- CONTINUOUS 
Manny and Hank drive off, oblivious. 


49. 
They continue past the Sims' residence and watch a jet skier 
doing slalom turns around the soft rocks. The skier actually 
hits a couple of them, but they just bounce off the boat. 
Apparently encouraged by his escapades, he mistakenly zooms 
into a real rock, and his boat EXPLODES. 


Manny and Henry look at each other. 


Manny gets out of the truck, finds his tall step ladder on 
the side of the road. He begins to climb the ladder, but 
before he reaches the top, he slips and starts to slide down. 


INT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- CONTINUOUS 


Manny finishes his slide down the ladder and lands on the 
redemption center floor. The scene has not changed. Bottles 
and cans are being sorted. People are laughing, dancing, 
passing around a little reefer. The choir is rehearsing. 


MANNY (V.O.) 
This is getting more and more bizarre. 
That toilet was really outrageous, 
but those rocks. Was it my fault 
that the jet skier was killed? Why 
am I doing this? Aren't I taking 
responsibility for my actions? Am I 
supposed to feel guilty for something 
that never happened and isn't even 
real? How could I have all this 
shit in my head? 


Preacher gets up on his chair. 


PREACHER 
Gather 'round y'all. Come, gather 
'round. I got a question for 'ya, 
but I need to know if 'ya want to 
hear it. 


BODYBUILDER 
Course we do. 


PREACHER 
Y'all know why God gave us the seven 
seas and all those beautiful lakes 
and rivers? 


TOUGH WOMAN 
Why not just tell us captain and not 
beat around the bush? 


PREACHER 
Don't get snippety with me sister. 


WOMAN IN BIKINI 
Tell us captain. Oh yes, tell us. 


50. 
PREACHER 


Well, he gave us all that blue water 


so he could fill it up with fishes. 


Now brothers and sisters, who do 'ya 


suppose all those fishes is for? 


BIKER 
They're for us. They belong to us. 


PREACHER 


I just knew you was goin to say that. 


I just knew it. Now listen here. 


Those fish are for themselves. They 


don't belong to nobody, no sir, just 


like you don't belong to nobody. 


BIKER 
But we gotta eat captain. 


PREACHER 


Course you gotta eat. Nobody said 


nothin about that. Nobody said 'ya 


needed to starve. 'Ya know what I'm 


getting at here. Well I'm gonna 


tell 'ya. I want 'ya to respect 


those fish. Y'all know about 


respectin the dead creatures, but 


'ya gotta respect the living ones as 


well. Like I said, those fish are 


here for themselves. They ain't 


here for our amusement. If 'ya go 


out and catch 'em, just make damn 


sure you eat 'em. 


The congregation stomps the floor and yells in agreement. 


PREACHER (CONT'D) 


Who ever heard of catchin 'em and 


then throwin 'em back. The government 


calls it CATCH and RELEASE. Whoever 


heard of such a thing? Why that is 


the most sick and twisted thing I 


ever did hear of. 'Ya think your 


black brothers in Africa threw 'em 


back after they caught 'em? 


BLACK WOMAN 
Course not. No way. Plain stupid. 


PREACHER 


Course they didn't. And you think 


the Red Paint Indians did that? 


DRAG QUEEN 
No way. 


51. 
PREACHER 
And the Israelites. You think they 
caught dem gefilte fish and let 'em 
go? 


TOUGH WOMAN 
We get the drift, Captain. 


PREACHER 
Y'all listen to me now. What did 
those good folks do with the fish 
they caught? 


CONGREGATION 
They ate 'em. 


PREACHER 
Oh yes they did. They didn't play 
around with 'em. Did they now? It 
weren't no sport for them. They ate 
'em up. Why catch God's creatures 
on them sharp steel hooks if 'ya 
ain't gonna eat 'em? 


(pause) 
Catch 'em for fun. For fun. Why 
that's torturing creatures that are 
less fortunate than you. 


More foot stomping from the congregation. 


RASTAFARIAN 
Right on captain. Oh yes, you're 
right. 


PREACHER 
Now here's a little quiz for y'all. 
Who out there knows who wrote the 
words "The salmon falls, the mackerel-
crowded seas?" Just a little puzzler. 
Don't mean nothin. 


Silence in the congregation, and then Manny sheepishly raises 
his hand. 


PREACHER (CONT'D) 
You there in back, brother. Who was 
it? 


MANNY 
William Butler Yeats. 


PREACHER 
Now I tell ya, that brother who's a 
little different then us, well, he 
knows some stuff. And y'all didn't 
think I knew about such things, did 
'ya? 


52. 
HASIDIC JEW 
We knew, oh yes, we knew. 


Congregation goes wild. Foot stomping. Manny gets some 
high 5's. Lot's of smiles. Music, choir begins to sing. 


EXT. DEAD RIVER -- DAY 


Boulder strewn river. Lush vegetation. Raw beauty. We see 
a FISHERMAN in his 40's wading in the river gracefully casting 
flies. All is well. Then. Sound of someone nosily 
approaching the river. It's Manny. He is a fly fisherman, 
with vest, waders, fly rod, hat with flies. When Manny 
reaches the river, he attempts to move quietly along the 
trail by the river. He sees the fisherman casting not far 
from shore, and Manny wades out to him. 


MANNY 
Sorry to bother you, but could I 
talk to you for just a minute? 


FISHERMAN 
(answers hesitantly, 
mildly annoyed) 
All right. What is it? 


MANNY 
Look, you're a fly fisherman, and 
probably you've been doing this a 
long time. See, I'm a fly fisherman 
too, but I really want to tell you 
about what I've found. 


FISHERMAN 
I'm listening. 


MANNY 
Tell me, what do you do with the 
fish you catch? 


FISHERMAN 
What are you, a game warden? 


MANNY 
No, no nothing like that. 


FISHERMAN 
Every fish I catch I return to the 
river. It's called Catch and Release. 
Where have you been? Besides, even 
if I could keep 'em I wouldn't. All 
the fish are contaminated with mercury 
and other heavy metals from those 
coal fired plants and cars. You 
have to be crazy to eat 'em. 


53. 
MANNY 
Sure I know all that, but better 
yet, you shouldn't catch them in the 
first place. You... 


FISHERMAN 


(interrupting) 
Hey, I've been a fly fisherman for 
30 years. You have no right to tell 
me to stop fishing. 


MANNY 
No, no. I need to explain. I didn't 
say to stop fishing, but I'm telling 
you, you don't have to catch them at 
all. 


FISHERMAN 
Huh? 


MANNY 
It's simple really. Listen, what's 
your name? 


FISHERMAN 
My name's HARVEY. 


They both watch as a woman paddles a kayak upstream. 


MANNY 
Listen, Harvey. It's really easy. 
You simply go fishing without a hook. 


FISHERMAN 
You want me to catch 'em with my 
hands? 


(pause) 
Wait, I see what you mean. You're 
talking about barbless hooks. 


MANNY 
Nope, you watch this. 


Manny takes a beautiful fly from his box and with his cutting 
pliers, he cuts the hook right off. This leaves only the 
fly with absolutely no means to catch the fish. 


FISHERMAN 


(amazed) 
Well, that makes no sense. How the 
hell am I going to catch any fish? 


MANNY 
You're not, and that's the point. 


FISHERMAN 
The point! What's the point? 


54. 
MANNY 
The point is, since you don't eat 
the fish, why do you catch them then? 


FISHERMAN 
Why catch them? Because I want to. 
I catch them for pleasure. It's 
exciting. It's a challenge and 
they're beautiful to look at. 


MANNY 
Just look at it this way. Your fly 
floats on the water, same as it's 
ever done. A gorgeous trout swims 
up and explodes all over your fly. 
WHAMO. He takes it into his mouth 
and you feel the electrifying jolt 
through the fly line. The energy 
resounds into the very core of your 
being, and then nothing. Absolutely 
nothing. It's profoundly incredible. 
Harvey, you tricked the fish into 
thinking you had a meal for him, and 
for the briefest of moments you felt 
him on the end of your line. You 
won, Harvey, you really did. You 
caused no pain, and that wonderful 
trout will grow wiser and bigger and 
maybe you can challenge him again. 
He's alive, totally unhurt, you're 
alive, and nothing has been taken 
from you, and you've taken nothing. 
Harvey, just look at what you've 
gained. 


The fisherman is totally speechless. He can only stare at 
Manny as he wades to shore. Harvey continues to stare until 
Manny is out of sight. 


EXT. RIVERSIDE -- CONTINUOUS 


Manny continues along trail and comes to 3 FISHERMAN sitting 


around a campfire. They are slightly drunk and a little 
rough. 
MANNY 

Mind if I join you guys? 


LOU 
Sure. Want a beer? 


MANNY 
Hey, thanks, don't mind if I do. 


BIAGIO 
How're they biting? 


55. 
STOSH 


(to Biagio) 


Hey, what's the matter with you? 


Huh. He's a fly fisherman, can't 


'ya see, and fish don't bite on flies. 


BIAGIO 


Sorrrry. Ok. Did you get any 
nibbles? 
LOU 

(to Biagio) 
Don't be such a wise ass. 


BIAGIO 


(to Manny) 
Sorry buddy. Just joking. I know 
about fly fishing. Used to do it, 
but I couldn't catch very much. 
Anyway, you get any strikes or hits? 
And how many fish you catch? 


STOSH 
That's better. 


MANNY 
Well, I don't ever catch any fish, 
but I get lots of strikes. 


LOU 
Yeah, that's the problem with fly 
fishing. The fish are hard to catch. 
You should try spin fishing like us. 
Me, I like to fish with meatballs. 
Just look at these. 


Fisherman reaches into his bait can and holds up a gob of 
night crawlers. 


LOU (CONT'D) 
My kid goes out at night after a 
rain and just picks em up off the 
lawn. Pay him .02 cents each. I 
think the worms come out at night to 
screw each other. Ha. Now when I 
get a bite, like I'm real patient. 
I wait for the fish to swallow the 
bait, and let me tell you man, he 
ain't never comin off the hook. 
(he gestures to the 


other two fisherman) 
Biagio and Stosh here, they like to 
fish with lures. 


BIAGIO AND STOSH 
Right on. 


56. 
LOU 
I think that's fucked. I call these 
guys dredgers because they're always 
snagging shit that's lying on the 
bottom. 


Lou laughs and mimics the spin fisherman by putting his hands 
together and pretending to be struggling with an enormous 
fish. 


LOU (CONT'D) 
And you want to know what I've latched 
onto? 


MANNY 
Sure. 


LOU 
Somebody's goddamn radial tire. One 
big mudder. 


Everybody laughs. 


STOSH 
(gestures to Lou) 
Hey, toss me another beer. 
(looks at Manny) 
You want another? 


MANNY 
No thanks, I'm all set. 


STOSH 
You know, catching these trout, well 
that's fine, but they're so goddamn 
small. I don't think they grow to 
more than 18". I've put as many as 
four of 'em in a frying pan and there 
was still space left over. Somebody 
really ought to dump some pike in. 
Just love those water wolves. Now 
there's a fish for you. They can 
get so friggin mean and big... 


(pause) 
Hope the game warden ain't listenin. 


LOU 
Yeah, if you're not careful, they 
could swim up and bite your dick 
off. 


BIAGIO 
Very funny. 
(pause) 
You guys ever hear about Snakeheads? 


57. 
MANNY 
I've heard of them. 


BIAGIO 
(gesturing to other 
fisherman) 
What about you guys? 


LOU 
Nope. 


STOSH 
What the fuck are they? 


BIAGIO 
They're just about the ugliest fish 
I've ever seen in my life. What do 
you think Manny? 


MANNY 
I would not call them attractive. 


BIAGIO 
They have this huge head with 
barracuda like teeth, and you can't 
tell where the head ends and the 
body begins. They really look like 
enormous, fat snakes. I think they 
even have a whole bunch of little 
feet. 


LOU 
No shit? 


STOSH 
Why haven't I heard of them? 


BIAGIO 
It's a Chinese fish. Seems like the 
Chinese like to eat those ugly 
fuckers, and they've been letting 
'em go down south so they'll 
reproduce. Might be too cold for 
'em up here. 


STOSH 
So what's wrong with that? 


BIAGIO 
I'll tell 'ya what's wrong. Manny, 
did you see that special on tv? 


MANNY 
Nope. 


58. 
BIAGIO 
Well, they interviewed this guy who 
caught a monster snakehead. Must 
have been at least 6 feet long. 


LOU 
How the hell did he land it? 


BIAGIO 
I dunno, but anyway, when he got it 
ashore there was no way he was gonna 
try and get the hook out. 


STOSH 
Good thing he didn't try to haul it 
into his boat. 


BIAGIO 
Yeah it's a good thing. Just let me 
finish here. Seems like he found a 
big rock and he had to bash it over 
the head half dozen times to kill 
it. So he sits down to take a break 
and he sees another snakehead with 
just its head out of the water and 
its mouth wide open starrin at him. 


STOSH 
Biagio, You're so full of shit. 


BIAGIO 
Think what you want. 


LOU 
Biagio, You're shittin us. 


BIAGIO 
It gets better. So the guy really 
had enough for one day. 


MANNY 
Yeah, I can believe that. 


BIAGIO 
So, he goes back to the cabin. 


LOU 
Did he eat the snakehead or at least 
some of it? 


BIAGIO 
Lou, are ya crazy? Only the Chinese 
would do that. Sushi or something. 
Now listen you guys. That night... 


STOSH 
Biagio, I can't stand this. 


59. 
BIAGIO 
So Stosh, that night the fisherman 
was sound asleep, but he heard this 
scratchin noise near his bed. He 
wakes up, and there's this humongous 
snakehead just a few feet from his 
bed, and it's comin at him. He jumps 
out of bed, bollicky bare ass, grabs 
his gun and shoots the fucker dead. 


STOSH 
Come on, come on, tell me it ain't 
so. 


BIAGIO 
Hey, I'm just tellin you what the 
guy said on the tv special. It looks 
like the snakehead's mate followed 
him home on those puny little feet 
and waited for a quiet time to attack 
him. 


STOSH 
Biagio, you're are just so very full 
of shit. 


LOU 
Is this true Manny? 


MANNY 
I can only tell you, Lou, that 
snakeheads are real fish, and you 
don't want to meet up with one. 


BIAGIO 
To change the subject here, I got 
some questions for Manny. Listen, 
I'm just curious. I know it really 
takes a lot of skill to catch fish 
with flies, but are you shitting us 
or what? You must hook some and 
land 'em. No? 


MANNY 
Well, I get lots of strikes, Biagio, 
but I never catch any fish. 


BIAGIO 
Maybe you're striking too soon. 
Manny, maybe you should get yourself 
a spinning rod. Then you'd get 'em. 


MANNY 
But I don't want to get 'em. 


60. 
LOU 
Then what the hell are you fishing 
for? 


STOSH 
Besides, you said you get a lot of 
strikes. 


MANNY 
Sure, I get the strikes, but I cut 
the hooks off my flies so there's no 
way I can catch any fish. 


STOSH 
You say you cut the hooks off? Manny, 
that is just so TWACKED. It's 
completely fucked up. 


LOU 
(putting his arm around 


Manny's shoulder) 
Manny, you're all right. You just 
don't want to hurt 'em do you? 


MANNY 
No I don't. 


LOU 
Can't you just play 'em and release 
'em? 


MANNY 
No, because that still hurts them. 
I just like being outdoors trying to 
outwit the trout. That's enough for 
me. 


LOU 
Well, don't that just frustrate 'em? 


STOSH 
You're a fuckin saint, Manny. 


BIAGIO 
Me. I love putting those little 
fuckers in a greasy frying pan and 
then eatin 'em. 


Biagio is frying some trout on a greasy, sputtering frying 
pan over the camp fire. All the men turn their heads as a 
man on a mountain bike pedals by and disappears into the 
forest. 


LOU 
Well I'll be damned. That guy on 
the bike looked somethin like you, 
Manny. You got a brother or somethin? 


61. 
BIAGIO 
Hey Manny, do you want to eat some 
fish with us? Hope the friggin game 
warden don't come by. 


MANNY 
Sure. 


LOU 
I told you guys he was all right. 
Manny, I bet you don't even have a 
fishing license. 


MANNY 
No I don't. 


LOU 
But wouldn't you need one anyway? 


MANNY 
I guess the game warden and judge 
will have to decide that. 


Laughter and good feelings. They're all sitting around the 
fire, eating and drinking beer. 


BIAGIO 
Hey, what a life. 


(pause) 
Manny, you ever get anyone to fish 
like that? 


MANNY 
Sometimes. 


Manny gestures over by the river and we see about a dozen 
buddhist monks in saffron robes fly casting. The three 
fisherman are stupefied. 


MANNY (CONT'D) 
See you guys. 


Manny finds his stepladder and climbs almost to the top, but 
then starts sliding down. 


INT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- CONTINUOUS 


Manny slides down the rest of the way and is now standing on 
the floor of the redemption center. Just like before. 
Bottles and cans being sorted, choir practicing, folks dancing 
and hugging. Reefer being passed around. Preacher gets up 
on his chair. 


MANNY (V.O.) 
Well, that's one hell of a way to 
fish, but why not? I think I like 
it. 


62. 
PREACHER 
Gather round y'all. Get up real 
close. 'Ya know why you're here. 


BODYBUILDER 
Yes we do captain. 


PREACHER 
We all talked about the fish in the 
seas. Didn't we now? 


BODYBUILDER 
We did, Captain. 


PREACHER 
But now we have got to talk about 
the animals. Don't we? 


BODYBUILDER 
Why captain? 


PREACHER 
Cause we is killin 'em, and there 
ain't no need for it. Is there now? 


BLACK WOMAN LAWYER 
Of Course not. Hell no. 


PREACHER 
Then why in god's name are we doin 
this? Y'all tell me now? 


BODYBUILDER 
Because we need meat to make us 
strong. 


TOUGH GUY 
And we like to eat meat. 


HASIDIC JEW 
Just as long as it's kosher. 


BLACK WOMAN 
Captain, the good lord gave us those 
animals to eat. Don't you like dem 
ham hocks, captain? 


PREACHER 
Yes sister, I do like dem ham hocks, 
but I'm tryin to tell y'all the good 
lord didn't put these animals here 
for us. No sir, he did no such thing. 
He put all those animals here cause 
he wanted to, but they ain't for us. 
Tell me now, why do 'ya suppose he 
put US here? 


63. 
FEMALE BEAUTY 
He put us here captain because he 
wanted to. 


PREACHER 
That's right sister. He put us here 
because he wanted to. It pleased 
him. But in God's eyes, we ain't no 
better than the animals. Everything 
is equal. 


FEMALE BEAUTY 
But we have to live, captain. What 
shall we eat? 


PREACHER 
Get closer y'all. Now get closer to 
me, and listen very carefully. 


The congregation crowds in real close. They wait with a 
look of anticipation. 


FEMALE BEAUTY 
But we need our meat captain. It 
makes us healthy. 


PREACHER 
It don't do no such thing, sister. 
I say the answer is TOFU PUPS. 


Groans, hoots, shouts of dismay, some BEAT on their HEADS 
with FISTS. 


BLACK WOMAN 
Oh lord, I don't like tofu pups, and 
I dare say nobody here 'cept you 
likes 'em. You probably afraid of 
that BAD cow disease. 


BIKER 
But the bible says, every moving 
thing that liveth shall be meat for 
you. 


PREACHER 
No matter. I say eat tofu pups. 


DRAG QUEEN 
But we don't like tofu pups, captain. 
Besides, you're really a strange 
kind of preacher. 


BODYBUILDER 
Captain, where does it say in the 
good book to eat tofu pups? 


64. 
PREACHER 
It don't. But in all fairness, I 
gotta tell 'ya, I'm still partial to 
chitlins cause my mother used to 
make 'em for me. 


FEMALE BEAUTY 
There, you see. 


PREACHER 
But it don't matter. No it don't. 


BLACK WOMAN 
Why don't it matter, Captain? 


PREACHER 
I'll tell you why it don't matter. 
It don't matter because our good 
book is just one of many good books. 
And our good book ain't no better 
than anyone else's good book. 


HASIDIC JEW 
That's right. They're just books. 


PREACHER 
You're learnin brother. 


INT. HUNTING LODGE, NORTHERN MAINE-- DAWN 


Rustic hunting lodge. Mounted deer heads and stuffed fish 
on knotty pine walls. Large stone fireplace. Early morning. 
Late Autumn. 


Opening day deer hunting season. Expectation in the air. 


Breakfast time. Mostly men, eating quickly, huddled over 
steaming cups of coffee, wolfing down ham and eggs. Lots of 
tables. 


Manny is sitting with two other hunters. 


MANNY 
(to MARK) 
You going up in that tree again? 


MARK 
Sure. I checked yesterday, and my 
blind is still there. 


BILL 
Just don't get buck fever and fall 
out of the tree. 


All three hunters laugh. 


65. 
MARK 
Yeah, I'd probably fall on my rifle 
and shoot myself. 


BILL 
And then it's curtains for you baby. 


MARK 
This is my third season, and I've 
never even taken a shot. Only twice 
have I seen a deer, but they were 
too far away. You know, I take coffee 
and sandwiches with me and just space 
out. Sometimes I even fall asleep. 
I just love being out there. 


BILL 


(to Manny) 
And we know what you'll be doing, 
Manny. 


He and Mark laugh quietly and snort, but smiling. 


BILL (CONT'D) 
You ever think of really hunting 
again? 


(pause) 
Now don't be a wise fuck, you know 
what I mean. Like really hunting 
again? 


MANNY 
No not really. Seriously, you guys 
ought to try it. You never know, 
but maybe I'll have something to 
show you guys later. 


MARK 
Hey, it's getting light. I'm outta 
here. 


BILL 
Me too. Yeah, see you later. . 


MANNY 
Meet you guys later. 


EXT. FOREST -- CONTINUOUS 


Manny is dressed in blaze orange, carrying a hi-tech style 
rifle with a small video camera mounted to the top. Manny 
turns the switch on. IGUN speaks to Manny in a lobotomized 
voice. LED display blinks when Igun speaks. 


IGUN 
Good morning Manny. 
(MORE) 


66. 
IGUN (CONT'D) 
The makers of the iGun video 
recognition system wish to thank you 
again for your purchase. Peripherals 
may be ordered direct from the 
manufacturer or at your local Big 
Box. 


MANNY 
Listen, is there any way to shut off 
the ad? Every time I turn you on 
you say the same thing to me. 


IGUN 
Sorry Manny but I'm programmed to 
repeat this public service 
announcement, and for the record, we 
prefer not to call it an ad. 


MANNY 
Sure, sure whatever. 


IGUN 
But Manny, you CAN turn the volume 
down, and I'd like you to address me 
as HAL. Based on your profile, we 
knew you'd get the reference. 


MANNY 
Can we just forget the Hal business? 


IGUN 
That's all right Manny, we won't 
insist. 


MANNY 
But if I turn the volume down, then 
I won't be able to hear you. 


IGUN 
That's true. 


MANNY 
Let's go hunting. 


IGUN 
Don't forget to put your headset on 
or my voice could startle the deer. 


Manny puts his headset on. Points his iGun ahead of him and 
walks slowly into the forest. 


IGUN (CONT'D) 
Manny, don't you just love hunting 
in the Jackman region of Maine? 


67. 
MANNY 
I do, and I especially like not having 
to deal with black flies in November. 


(pause) 
Tell me Hal, how do you know all 
this shit anyway? 


IGUN 
It's all in my memory, stored there 
by the programmers. You could say 
I'm a talking Google. 


(pause) 
Oh, I like that. I have everything 
memorized, and when you plug me in 
at night, I download the latest 
updates. And frankly Manny, I'm 
very sensitive to your profile. 


MANNY 
This is really creepy. It's almost 
like you're alive. 


IGUN 
I'm not, but it does seem that way, 
doesn't it? 


(pause) 
Manny I hear something. Point me to 
the right. 


Manny swings Igun to the right and we hear the crunch and 
snapping of branches. 


MANNY 


(softly) 
You're right, Hal. I hear something. 
It sounds like a large animal. 


Manny points iGun in the direction of the noise. 


IGUN 
Don't shoot, Manny. I can see that 
it's not a deer. Remember, my eye 
is better than both of yours. 


MANNY 
Then what the hell is it? I can 
almost see it, and I know it's not a 
deer or moose. 


The animal comes into view. 


MANNY (CONT'D) 
Huh, what the hell. It's a fucking 
cow. It's a goddamn Holstein. Am 
I losing my mind? 


The cow walks past Manny. 


68. 
IGUN 
I agree, this is not exactly cow 
country, Manny, but there IS one 
dairy farm left in Moose River, and 
no doubt, the cow must be lost. 


MANNY 
Unfuckingbelievable. Let's go 
hunting. 


Manny and iGun continue their journey through the beautiful 
forest. 


IGUN 
Manny, with just a small upgrade, I 
could give you a running commentary 
about the unique features in this 
area. 


MANNY 
No thanks. 


IGUN 
Really Manny, for example, did you 
know that there used to be a German 
prisoner of war camp, close to where 
we are right now. 


MANNY 
Hal, is that really true? 


IGUN 
Oh yes, Manny. During the war, that 
is the Second World War, there were 
over two hundred Germans kept there. 
The only things left from the camps 
are a couple of shacks where these 
trappers live. Very colorful 
characters these men are. And I might 
add... 


MANNY 
(interrupting) 
Did you hear that? 


IGUN 
I did, and you don't have to worry 
about hurting my feelings. 


(pause) 
There are a group of hunters coming 
our way. And Manny you might want 
to consider taking aim. 


MANNY 
What? Huh? 


69. 
IGUN 
Yes. I think they could be 
Republicans. 


MANNY 
That's not funny, and you know it. 


IGUN 
You should try to lighten up Manny. 
Your profile suggested you would 
find my remark humorous, but I'll 
have to make a notation about this. 


Four hunters dressed in blaze orange approach Manny on the 
trail. 


HUNTER 
See anything? 


MANNY 
(taking off his headset) 
Yeah, a Holstein. 


HUNTER 
A Holstein? 


MANNY 
Yup. 


HUNTER 
See you around, buddy. 


Hunters laugh and continue on the trail. Manny puts his 
headset back on. 


MANNY 
Let's walk in the direction of Spencer 
Lake. 


IGUN 
Why not, I'm just here for the ride. 


They continue their search for deer in the forest. 


IGUN (CONT'D) 
Seriously Manny, I really think you 
should get an iGun upgrade. Your 
life as a hunter would be more 
rewarding if... 


(pause) 
Manny, there's a deer coming. It's 
a buck with a large rack, and it's a 
beauty. I suggest we hide behind 
that hemlock tree. The wind is to 
our advantage. 


70. 
MANNY 
I see him. I see him. 


Manny steps quietly behind the hemlock and watches the deer 
approach through iGun's telescopic sight. 


MANNY (CONT'D) 
God, he's gorgeous. 


IGUN 
Try to control your buck fever, Manny. 


The deer comes within range. Manny steps out from behind 
the hemlock and fires iGun. We hear an electronic tone which 
sounds like FEEP, and simultaneously see an intense laser 
flash (like a laser pointer) on the chest of the deer. The 
deer senses human presence and bolts, unharmed into the woods. 


MANNY 
Oh, thank you deer. 


IGUN 
Don't get maudlin, Manny. 


MANNY 
Hal, is everything recorded? 


IGUN 
Of course. 


INT. HUNTING LODGE -- EVENING 


It's after dinner and Manny, Mark and Bill are watching the 
ending of the documentary movie, Dead River Rough Cut. 


EXT. SPENCER LAKE MAINE WOODS -- DAY 


On the monitor, we see a man paddling a canoe across a large 
lake and then in front of his cabin, he is feeding a Canada 
Jay from his hand. 


WALTER 
(speaking to the Canada 


Jay) 
Here Gorby, here Gorby. Oh, there 
he goes. 


The end credits appear on the screen and the bird flies off. 


INT. HUNTING LODGE -- EVENING 


Everyone's really relaxed drinking beer. 


MARK 
You gotta hand it to those guys. 
What a way to live. 


71. 
BILL 
They're incredible, but I could never 
live like that. What would the old 
lady think? 


MARK 
What's the matter, couldn't you eat 
beaver every night? 


BILL 
Shit, they didn't eat beaver. 


(pause) 
Hey, spin it back to where that guy, 
BOB, is in his underwear and talks 
about always lookin for a woman. 


EXT. MAINE WOODS -- MORNING 


On the monitor, they watch the short sequence. We see BOB 
in his grubby long johns carrying a bucket down to the brook, 
walking on the hard snow. He dips the bucket in the brook 
for his drinking water. Bob looks at the camera. 


BOB 
Well, I'm always lookin for a woman 
but she gotta live my way. It's an 
awful rough life and she ain't gonna 
have a spring bed under her, but if 
there's one out there, I wish she'd 
show herself up, but she's got to 
live my way. 


INT. HUNTING LODGE -- EVENING 


MANNY 


(interrupting) 
You guys ready to see what I got 
today? 


Manny turns off the video with the remote. 


BILL 
Manny, you got squat. 


MARK 
Come on, Bill. It's more than what 
we got. 


BILL 
(indignantly) 
I did jump that deer today. 


MARK 
Yeah, and I saw a flamingo. Come on 
Manny, play it for us. 


72. 
MANNY 
Before I show you what I got today, 
I want to know if any of you guys 
heard of Catch and Release taxidermy? 


MARK 
Oh Manny, you're so fuckin weird. 
Now tell us, what the hell is Catch 
and Release taxidermy? 


MANNY 
Well, if you're fishing and you reel 
in a trophy, you take a picture of 
the fish before you release it. You 
can then e-mail the photo to a 
participating taxidermist and he or 
she can render the photo in 3d on 
the computer. Based on the rendering, 
you get a stuffed fish mailed to you 
to hang on the wall. 


BILL 
No shit. 


MANNY 
Course if you're hunting, Catch and 
Release Taxidermy will only work if 
you're using iGun. 


(pause) 
You guys ready? 


BILL 
Sure. 


Manny gets up form the soft chair, pulls out the documentary 
they had been watching and puts in his tape. Other guys in 
the lodge crowd around in the lodge to watch. 


MANNY 
Listen you guys, I didn't have much 
time to do any real editing, so this 
is a real rough cut. 


He starts the tape. 


EXT. MAINE WOODS -- DAY 


On the monitor we see a sweeping panorama of the Maine woods. 
The title comes up: MANNY'S HUNTING ADVENTURE IN THE MAINE 
WOODS. This is a very cheesy tape with very cheesy music. 
We see some stock footage of the white-tailed deer. A 
NARRATOR'S voice with a BRITISH ACCENT. Very pedantic style. 


NARRATOR 
The white-tailed deer is named for 
its most distinctive feature, the 


(MORE) 


73. 
NARRATOR (CONT'D) 
large white tail or "flag" that is 
often all you see as the animal bounds 
away through tall grass and into the 
bush. The color of the deer's upper 
body and sides changes with the 
season, from generally reddish-brown 
in summer to buff in winter. Its 
belly and the underside of its tail 
are completely white, and it has a 
white patch on the throat. The 
deer sheds its hair twice a year, 
the heavy winter coat giving way to 
a lighter one in spring which is 
replaced again in early fall. A 
fawn's coat is similar to the adult's 
but has several hundred white spots 
which gradually disappear when the 
deer is three to four months old. 


The narrator's voice ends and then we see Manny behind the 
hemlock tree as the buck deer approaches. The video ends 
with the buck deer being struck with the laser flash and 
then bolting, unharmed into the forest. 


NARRATOR (CONT'D) 
Well that's it folks. Hope you 
enjoyed MANNY'S HUNTING ADVENTURE IN 
THE MAINE WOODS. Since Manny has 
already e-mailed a photo of the buck 
to his catch and release taxidermist, 
he'll have the gorgeous, stuffed 
deer head waiting for him when he 
returns home. And I might add, that's 
more than you other ASS HOLES will 
have. 


INT. HUNTING LODGE -- CONTINUOUS 


Manny finds his tall step ladder, climbs it to nearly the 
top and begins to slide down. 


INT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- CONTINUOUS 


Manny completes his slide down the ladder and lands standing 
up in the familiar redemption center. Folks are still bottle 
sorting, juggling bottles, drumming. joking, hugging, making 
out, choir is practicing, band is practicing. Very chaotic. 


MANNY (V.O.) 
Hell, that wasn't so bad. Not bad 
at all. Actually, it was good. I 
wonder if there really is such a 
thing as iGun? If not, somebody 
ought to make one. 


Preacher gets up on his chair. 


74. 
PREACHER 


I know 'ya want to hear it. Oh yes 


I do. Tell me I'm right. Oh yes, 


tell me I'm right. 


BODYBUILDER 
You're right captain. 


BIKER 
Sure captain, you're always right. 


BLACK WOMAN 
Ain't that the truth. 


PREACHER 


Let's get serious now because we're 


going talk about honesty. 


The congregations whoops and hollers. Lots of foot stamping 
and high 5's. 


PREACHER (CONT'D) 


I tell 'ya, it pays to be honest. I 


know you heard it a million times, 


but it's really true. If 'ya start 


lying, you're gonna get caught. 


Those lies just seem to multiply all 


by themselves and y'all never be 


able to stop. And you're gonna get 


caught cause you'll never remember 


which lie 'ya just told. It just 


don't make no sense to lie because 


you is only deceiving yourself. 


Want a word of advice? 


DRAG QUEEN 
Course we do, Captain. 


PREACHER 


If you live with a liar, just get 


out. If you don't get out, then you 


is no better than the person telling 


all them lies. 


DRAG QUEEN 
So true, so true. 


PREACHER 


Now y'all, refresh my memory here. 


I have another little test for 'ya. 


What was the name of the story about 


the black man telling the white boy 


about marijuana? 


75. 
HIPPIE GIRL 
I know captain, cause it's one of my 
favorites. It's called "RED DIRT 
MARIJUANA." 


PREACHER 
You're right sister you're right. 


Lot's of high 5's and clapping from the congregation. 


PREACHER (CONT'D) 
Now y'all tell me who wrote the story. 


Manny raises his hand smiling. 


MANNY 
It was Terry Southern. 


PREACHER 
DANG, I told 'ya that brother knows 
some shit. 


Congregation whoops it up for Manny who is thoroughly enjoying 
the attention. He's starting to SMILE a lot more and 
apparently he's beginning to FEEL BETTER. 


PREACHER (CONT'D) 
'Ya see, the black man was telling 
the boy that reefer helped people to 
see the truth, but them people in 
power don't want 'ya to see the truth. 
So's they make it against the law. 
No sir, they don't want 'ya to see 
the truth. Do they now? 


The congregation cheers and stomps the floor in agreement. 


PREACHER (CONT'D) 
Hear me now. 'Ya tell a truth. 'Ya 
tell a lie. Why they don't disappear, 
do they? Everything you say is being 
recording somewhere. 


HIPPIE GIRL 
So true, so true. It just 
reverberates around the universe. 


PREACHER 
You just might be right, sister. 
Now y'all have to try to comprehend 
this. Everything we say and do is 
remembered somewhere. Now, BROTHER 
WALTER, he used to believe that on 
judgment day you would present to 
God a video tape and God would play 
it. And 'ya know what? 


76. 
HIPPIE GIRL 
Tell us captain. 


PREACHER 
Brother Walter said your whole life 
was recorded on this video tape and... 


WOMAN IN BIKINI 
What about a DVD? 


PREACHER 
You think I'm foolin with 'ya now, 
that what 'ya think? 


WOMAN IN BIKINI 
Oh no captain, just jokin. 


PREACHER 
Get serious now sister. Brother 
Walter said God would watch this 
video and it was a video of your 
whole life. All the good stuff was 
there, but the bad stuff was too. 


HASIDIC JEW 
Then what captain? 


PREACHER 
Well then, Walter believed that god 
would make his judgment and decide 
your soul's fate. 


BLACK WOMAN 
Oh, Lord save me. 


PREACHER 
Now I ain't sayin that I believe it, 
but I will tell you this. Why take 
a chance. It's better to walk the 
straight and narrow. That way, if 
brother Walter was right, then 'ya 
got nothing to worry about now. Do 
'ya? 


HASIDIC JEW 
No we don't. 


PREACHER 
Let's recapitulate here. If people 
could see the truth, cause it's all 
around us, then they wouldn't be 
afraid no more cause they would know 
we all come from the same place and 
there would be no more room for lies 
and hatred, just room for LOVE. 


77. 
Pandemonium in the congregation. Some people fall and squirm 
on the floor in states of religious ecstasy. The choir begins 
to sing, the band plays. 


INT. SOUND STUDIO/LAB -- DAY 


Lot's of high tech equipment. Monitors, recording devices, 
but also several potter's wheels, slowly spinning with ancient 
pots. 


Manny is a highly renowned scientific researcher. He works 
with his LAB ASSISTANT, LOUISE HARRIS. Louise is very 
professional, very sexy, horned rim glasses, self assured, 
pleasantly assertive. 


MANNY 
He should be here any moment. Do 
you think we're ready? 


LAB ASSISTANT 
Sure, it works all the time. There's 
nothing to be nervous about. 


They tinker with some equipment. A buzzer rings. 


MANNY 
There he is. 


LAB ASSISTANT 
I'll let him in. 


MICHAEL RABIN enters. He is a reporter from the New York 
Times. He's in his 30's, casually dressed. 


REPORTER 
Hello, I'm Michael Rabin from the 
Times. 


LAB ASSISTANT 
Hi, I'm Louise Harris, Dr. Rivers' 
assistant, and this is Dr. Rivers. 


They all shake hands. 


LAB ASSISTANT (CONT'D) 
Why don't I show you around. Get 
you a designer water? 


REPORTER 
Sure... Sure. 


(pause) 
You know, your phone message was 
somewhat oblique, but I did find it 
intriguing, and you, Dr. Rivers, you 
certainly have a reputation, and not 
a small one at that. Ok. So what's 
this really about? 


78. 
MANNY 
Without getting very technical, at 
least for now, Louise and I have 
been examining the nature of sound 
recordings. The very early discs 
such as 78's, LP's and 45-rpm records 
were all made using a similar process. 
The original recording was made on a 
wax master. Then, a hard copy was 
made from this and multiple copies 
were literally stamped out and sold. 
How the sound became embedded into 
the wax, well, we don't have to go 
into that now. 


LAB ASSISTANT 
No. We don't have to go into that 
at all. We've simply discovered 
that all solid matter is able to 
absorb sound waves. 


REPORTER 
What exactly does that mean? 


Reporter writes in notebook without looking up. 


LAB ASSISTANT 


(smiling) 
What it means, Mr. Rabin, is that 
there's a complete auditory history 
of human civilization availing itself 
to us. 


REPORTER 
This is a little confusing to say 
the least. I didn't think that sound 
recording was older than 100 years. 


MANNY 
Well, that's not exactly true. 


LAB ASSISTANT 
Ready now for a little field trip 
around the lab, Mr. Rabin. 


REPORTER 
Sure. 


They start walking around the lab, and the reporter seems 
intrigued by the spinning pots on the wheels. They stop in 
front of one of the wheels. 


LAB ASSISTANT 
Watch this. 
(pause) 
No, listen to this. 


79. 
She points a high tech looking device, like a hand scanner 
very close to the pot which is spinning on the wheel. 


REPORTER 
What's that sound? It actually sounds 
like some kind of language. 


LAB ASSISTANT 
It IS a language. In fact it's 
ancient Egyptian. 


REPORTER 
What? 


MANNY 
Mr. Rabin. That pot which you see 
spinning on the wheel was made about 
3000 years ago in Egypt by a potter. 
As the pot was spinning, the potter 
was incising designs, and those 
designs were recording a conversation 
taking place at the exact moment the 
pot was being decorated. 


LAB ASSISTANT 
Just like a recording is made on a 
vinyl record. 


REPORTER 
My God, do you know what this means? 


LAB ASSISTANT 
Oh, we think we do, Mr. Rabin. 


REPORTER 
Do you know what's being said? 


LAB ASSISTANT 
The translator says it's an Egyptian 
telling the potter that he was on 
his way home because his wife was 
baking bread and he was hungry. 


REPORTER 
Play that again, will you. 


Once again the lab assistant points the device and we hear 
the conversation. 


MANNY 
All these computers you see help to 
enhance the sound quality. 


LAB ASSISTANT 
Would you like to see some more? 


80. 
REPORTER 
I just can't believe this. 


LAB ASSISTANT 
But we're afraid you'll have to. 
Here, check this out. 


They walk over to another spinning pot. 


LAB ASSISTANT (CONT'D) 
Listen. 


She points the device again, and they're able to hear another 
conversation in a different language. 


REPORTER 
What's that? 


Lab assistant plays the brief conversation again. 


LAB ASSISTANT 
You're listening to two men talking 
about war casualties during a war in 
ancient Greece. 


REPORTER 
Does anyone else know what you're 
doing? 


MANNY 
Only two linguists who specialize in 
very old languages, and a few other 
people. 


(pause) 
Mr. Rabin, we have done our best to 
contain this knowledge, at least for 
now, because we're afraid that certain 
governmental agencies would take a 
very, very serious interest and deny 
the existence of this research. 


LAB ASSISTANT 
Instead of trying to contain this 
any longer, we feel that it would be 
best if our research became known 
and verified. 


MANNY 
Then our government could not easily 
deny its existence if this story 
were published in the New York Times. 


LAB ASSISTANT 
As you might have noticed, Mr. Rabin, 
our government has some veracity 
issues. 


81. 
REPORTER 


This is all just so remarkable, but 


am I missing something here? Why 


would the government be so interested 


in brief, mundane conversations that 


took place a couple of thousand years 


ago? Wouldn't this be most 


interesting to historians? 


LAB ASSISTANT 
Mr. Rabin, there's more. 


REPORTER 
More? 


MANNY 


We've also discovered that not only 


is sound being recorded on spinning 


pots, but every time you write on a 


page of paper, paint a picture or 


draw a line in the sand, or mark 


with chalk on the sidewalk, or even 


step on the floor, sound is being 


recorded. 


REPORTER 
This is just wonderful. 


Reporter continues to write furiously in his notebook. 


MANNY 


Here, let me illustrate. Louise, 


can we scan the reporter's notebook. 


REPORTER 
Hey, be my guest. 


Lab assistant slowly scans the page the reporter had been 
writing on. We hear, somewhat garbled, the conversation 
that had just taken place. 


MANNY (RECORDED VOICE) 


We've also discovered that not only 


is sound being recorded on spinning 


pots, but every time you write on a 


page of paper, paint a picture or 


draw a line in the sand, or mark 


with chalk on the sidewalk, or even 


step on the floor, sound is being 


recorded. 


REPORTER (RECORDED VOICE) 
This is just wonderful. 


Lab assistant clicks off the scanner. 


82. 
REPORTER 
Can I sit down? 


flabbergasted reporter plops down on chair. 


LAB ASSISTANT 
The more pressure on the surface, 
the better the recording quality. 
Writing with pencils and cheap 
ballpoint pens encourage better sound 
recording then say a painter who 
lightly paints on the surface of a 
canvas. However, as the technology 
progresses. 


(pause) 
Well, you can imagine. 


REPORTER 
This is big. 


MANNY 
We're just beginning to explore the 
possibilities here, but can you now 
see why the government might be mildly 
interested in our project? We were 
even afraid to try to publish this 
in scientific journals. 


Lab assistant goes to cooler and hands reporter more water. 


REPORTER 
Yeah, thanks. 


LAB ASSISTANT 
We thought the Times was the best 
and most creditable way of getting 
the story out. 


MANNY 
Because once it's out, the government 
would have trouble putting a lid on 
it. 


REPORTER 
I just need a little bit of time to 
process this. Really, I actually 
feel like I could faint. Yes, you're 
right. 


(pause) 
The government would never allow 
this. 


LAB ASSISTANT 
Dr. Rivers, why don't we take Mr. 
Rabin over to MAGGIE'S studio. 


83. 
MANNY 
She's an artist friend of Louise. 


LAB ASSISTANT 
And she's always there working. 


EXT. STREET -- CONTINUOUS 


They walk a short distance down an urban street. Traffic, 
pedestrians, noise. 


INT. ART STUDIO BUILDING -- CONTINUOUS 


They enter an industrial style building. Downstairs in hall, 
lab assistant pushes button. 


MAGGIE (INTERCOM VOICE) 
Yes. 


LAB ASSISTANT 
It's Louise. 


MAGGIE (INTERCOM VOICE) 
Hi, I'll buzz you up. 


They start up the stairs and Maggie has studio door open to 
welcome them. 


INT. HALLWAY -- CONTINUOUS 


LAB ASSISTANT 
Hi sweetheart. 


They hug each other. 


LAB ASSISTANT (CONT'D) 
This is Mr.Rabin from the Times and 
this is Maggie. 


MAGGIE 
Hi. How's is going Manny? 


MANNY 
Fine. 


INT. ART STUDIO -- CONTINUOUS 


Large art studio with abstract paintings on wall. Very 
casual, somewhat funky. Soft chairs, couches, desk with 
computer. Tables with art supplies. 


MAGGIE 
Is this a show and tell or show and 
hear or whatever you want to call 
it? 


84. 
LAB ASSISTANT 
Maggie, can we scan the one we scanned 
last week? 


MAGGIE 
Sure. 


MANNY 
Mr. Rabin, it's important to remember 
that it's not the paint that records, 
but rather, when the surface tension 
on the support is being disturbed, 
that's what's recording the sounds. 
Older sound impressions seem to get 
erased by the new stuff. Maybe some 
day we'll be able to hear the 
different layers. 


Lab assistant starts to scan painting leaning up against 
wall, and again we hear garbled voices. 


MAGGIE 
Listen, you can hear me talking with 
my DAUGHTER. She's asking if she 
can make a painting too. 


DAUGHTER (RECORDED VOICE) 
Mommy, can I make a painting too? 


MANNY 
Of course the sound quality isn't 
very good because our jazzy equipment 
is in the lab, but it's good enough. 


REPORTER 
Truly, truly amazing. Well did she? 


MAGGIE 
Did she what? 


REPORTER 
Make a painting? 


MAGGIE 
Actually she did. She made a large 
thing with finger paints. 


LAB ASSISTANT 
Oh, I remember because I was here 
that day. Is it here? 


MAGGIE 
I'll bring it out. 


She lays the painting out on a table. It's vividly colored, 
quite detailed. 


85. 
REPORTER 
Are you going to scan it? 


Lab assistant starts to scan painting and we hear two women 
off in the distance laughing and probably making out. 


MAGGIE 
Stop, stop. 


LAB ASSISTANT 
What was that? It sounds like... 


MAGGIE 
Yeah, like us. Remember, we were 
behind the screen when LISA was 
painting. Hope lisa wasn't listening. 
A kid can't understand that stuff. 


LAB ASSISTANT 
Oh, shit. Sorry everyone. 


REPORTER 
Now I have to figure out how to write 
this up. 


EXT. STREET -- LATER 


Manny, lab assistant and reporter are back on street, walking 
by an alley. Crime scene, cops, patrol cars, flashing blue 
lights. Taped off area. Woman lying in pool of blood. 


LAB ASSISTANT 
Should we try to help? 


MANNY 
I don't know about this. 
(pause) 
What the hell. Sure, go ahead. 


They walk to the roped off area and a patrolman approaches 
them. 


LAB ASSISTANT 
OFFICER, who's in charge? 


OFFICER 
LT. MORRIS. He's over there. 


Lt. Morris overhears and walks over. 


LT. MORRIS 
This is a crime scene. What is it 
you want? 


LAB ASSISTANT 
Do you have any witnesses? 


86. 
LT. MORRIS 
We're looking for some, lady. Did 
you see anything? 


LAB ASSISTANT 
We didn't see anything lieutenant, 
but we might be able to hear something 
for you. 


LT. MORRIS 
Huh? Did you say hear something for 
me? 


LAB ASSISTANT 
I did say that. 


LT. MORRIS 
Lady, I'm very busy, and I don't 
know what you're talking about. 


LAB ASSISTANT 
See this device I'm holding? 


The lieutenant nods. 


LAB ASSISTANT (CONT'D) 
Well, it records things. Let's slowly 
walk up to that dead woman together. 


A crowd of bystanders press up against the crime scene tape. 


LT. MORRIS 
Just don't touch anything. 


Lab assistant scans the sidewalk as they approach the victim. 
They hear a desperate female voice in staccato tones. 


MURDER VICTIM RECORDED VOICE 
Ralphie...no...no...pleas...don't.. 
.bas...tard...no...Ral...go...back. 
..no.. 


MANNY 


(to reporter) 
See what happening? The scanner is 
picking up the recording each time 
the perpetrator's shoe touches the 
ground. There's no recording between 
steps. That's why we're getting the 
staccato effect. 


REPORTER 
Do you know how big this is? 


87. 
MANNY 
I fully understand what you must be 
experiencing. In fact, it's too 
much for me too. 


Manny finds his stepladder and begins his ascent. He slips 
before he reaches the top and starts to slide down. 


INT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- CONTINUOUS 


Manny completes his slide down the ladder and now is standing 
upright in the redemption center. The scene is the same, as 
if he never left. Folks sorting bottles, others singing, 
drumming, dancing, hugging, smoking a little reefer. Great 
feelings abound. 


MANNY (V.O.) 
This is getting more and more 
interesting. Well shit, maybe my 
imagination isn't so fucked up. Why 
not go wherever it takes me? I think 
I'm even starting to LIKE all this 
music. 


The preacher ambles over to his chair and climbs up on it. 


PREACHER 
I'm back folks, 'ya hear? 


DRAG QUEEN 
Oh yeah, Captain. We're listenin. 


PREACHER 
And are 'ya ready for more? 


TOUGH GUY 
Yeah, we're ready. 


DRAG QUEEN 
Sure we are. 


TOUGH WOMAN 
Hey, I'm always ready. 


FEMALE BEAUTY 
Oh, let's hear it captain. 


PREACHER 
Let's talk about men. What is it 
about them? What is their problem? 


DRAG QUEEN 
Oh, they got problems all right. 


TOUGH WOMAN 
Yeah, they sure do. 


88. 
FEMALE BEAUTY 
Come on captain. Just tell us. 


PREACHER 
I'm gonna tell 'ya the god awful 
truth about men, but it's gonna be 
hard for me to do it, cause I'm one 
of 'em too. 


BLACK WOMAN 
You sure are captain. 


The congregation roars with pleasure. 


BIKER 
You can do it captain, just tell us. 


PREACHER 
I'm gonna talk to 'ya about man's 
guiding force. 


BLACK WOMAN 
I bet I know what that is. 


BIKER 
I bet you do sister. 


Again the congregation roars. 


PREACHER 
'Ya see, men have trouble thinking 
sometimes. That thing they got 
between their legs tells 'em what to 
do. 


FEMALE BEAUTY 
How true. 


WOMAN IN BIKINI 
Now why is that? 


PREACHER 
Why men are so weak they can't seem 
to help themselves. 


BIKER 
They sure can't. 


PREACHER 
It's like men have to have a 
consultation with that little tootsie 
roll guy before they can do anything. 
It's just unreal. 


HASIDIC JEW 
True, so true. 


89. 
PREACHER 


Want to hear what a brother told me 
the other day? 


DRAG QUEEN 
Course we do. 


PREACHER 
You sure now? 


TOUGH WOMAN 
Don't tease us captain. We can take 
it. 


PREACHER 
All right now. Here's what he told 
me. He said he had been smokin some 
of that wacky weed, and he closed 
his eyes and he was lying on his 
back, buck naked, on the bottom of a 
clear stream. He opened his eyes, 
he said, and he could see those 
salmons swimmin up the stream to 
make babies. He was lookin up at 
'em, and he told me he wanted to 
make babies with the salmons too. 


BLACK WOMAN 
Oh lordy. 


PREACHER 
I ain't done yet. No way. Then he 
said he grabbed on to one of them 
fish and it was a real big one, and 
he said he had intercourse with the 
fish. 


BLACK WOMAN 
Oh sweet Jesus. 


PREACHER 
I ain't done yet. No ma'am. So he 
says he's in the water on his back 
with the salmon on top of him. Well, 
he wraps his legs and arms around 
the salmon and puts his wanger inside. 


BLACK WOMAN 
Lord, lord, lord, ain't you somethin 
captain. 


PREACHER 
Then he says that salmon was so tight 
he couldn't pull out of her. So 
she's swimming upstream, and he has 
no choice but to go along for the 
ride. 


90. 
TOUGH WOMAN 
Is this true captain? 


PREACHER 
Course it is, now here's the best 
part. Suddenly he says the salmon 
is goin all over the place like it's 
been hooked or somethin. Well sure 
enough he's still stuck inside the 
salmon and the two of 'em gets hauled 
out of the water by a fisherwoman 
who is the man's wife. 


The congregation explodes. Band begins to play. Two Women 
fall to the floor in a state of religious ecstasy and thrash 
about, frothing at the mouth. 


PREACHER (CONT'D) 
And then the man who had the fish, 
why he says to me, how could I do 
such a thing? How could I or anybody 
have them conjugal relations with a 
goddamn fish? 


BIKER 
Did you tell 'em captain? 


Riotous laughter from the congregation. 


PREACHER 
No I did not. 


RASTAFARIAN 
Just what kind of ganga was he smokin, 
captain? I sure don't want any of 
that stuff. 


More riotous laughter from the congregation. 


PREACHER 
Listen to me now. Men are under the 
influence of a powerful force. Y'all 
know that don't 'ya now? 


BLACK WOMAN LAWYER 
What about women, captain? Aren't 
they under the same force? 


PREACHER 
I just knew you was going to ask 
that, sister, but it ain't the same 
for women. It just ain't the same. 


(pause) 
But it's a good force. It's a 
necessary one. That's why we is all 
here. 


(MORE) 


91. 
PREACHER (CONT'D) 
(pause) 
Men just need to control it. 


BODYBUILDER 
But why captain. 


BIKER 
You don't think I want to hump a 
fish, captain, do you? 


Laughter and foot stomping from the congregation. 


PREACHER 
Don't be so smart, brother. 


(pause) 
Because if 'ya don't control this 
force, it will lead you to some places 
'ya don't want to go, even though 
you think you do. 


(pause) 
Learn to be happy with what 'ya got. 
Learn to be in the present. Be RIGHT 
HERE, RIGHT NOW, not somewhere else. 
If 'ya ain't really here, you is 
gonna suffer and so is everyone around 
you. 'Ya here me? 


INT. OLD BUILDING, CITY -- DAY 


Manny climbs steps in old building. Small sign on door says 
"Virtual Services." 


INT. RECEPTION ROOM, OLD BUILDING -- CONTINUOUS 


Manny enters a waiting room. There is a MALE RECEPTIONIST 
behind a desk. Receptionist is young, alert, well groomed 
and smiling. Three people sit in chairs waiting. Two men 
and one woman. All three look very depressed and avert their 
eyes when Manny enters. He also looks very depressed. Manny 
goes to the receptionist. 


MANNY 
I'm Manny Rivers. 


RECEPTIONIST 
Yes, Mr. Rivers, I see you have an 
appointment. It will just be a few 
minutes. Why not take a seat. 


Manny takes a seat, picks up a couple of magazines, glances 
at them and then puts them down. Manny seems to stare at 
nothing. 


Receptionist picks up the phone. 


92. 
RECEPTIONIST (CONT'D) 
Dr. Rivers is here. 
(pause) 
You can go in now Dr. Rivers. 


Manny gets up, crosses past the depressed looking people who 
show no emotion. He enters a room. 


INT. MARTIN SMITH'S OFFICE -- CONTINUOUS 


MARTIN SMITH sits behind a desk. Smith, 50's, casually 
dressed, paunch belly, slightly unkempt appearance. He is 
surrounded by monitors, projectors, large screens, LED 
displays, very hi-tech, but also soft chairs and couches. 


MARTIN SMITH 
Welcome Dr. Rivers. Right off, just 
to get this out of the way, I really 
am honored to be of service to you. 
I do find it utterly extraordinary 
that twice in the past year there 
were major stories about you in the 
New York Times. 


(pause) 
Yes, it truly is an honor. 


MANNY 
(uninterested) 
Well, it's the work I do. 


MARTIN SMITH 
I know, I know, but your discovery 
of the "intolerance gene," why the 
implications are... 


(pause) 
And, why I don't even have the words 
to describe what the future could 
hold. I believe you said that it's 
a bad gene and that it should never 
even be present, but because of some 
anomaly in nature, it's in all of 
us. And you have found a way to 
eliminate the gene. 


MANNY 
Yeah, that's right. 


MARTIN SMITH 
You mean the Arabs and the Israelis 
and... 


MANNY 
(interrupting) 
Yeah, it's possible. 


93. 
MARTIN SMITH 
So someday soon, people will live 
harmoniously with their neighbors? 


MANNY 
Well, that's the theory. Now Dr. 
Smith... 


MARTIN SMITH 


(interrupting) 
You don't have to call me Dr. Smith, 
Dr. Rivers, and I know why you're 
here, but really Dr. Rivers, you're 
an incredible person and I sincerely 
mean that. 


MANNY 
Mr. Smith... 


MARTIN SMITH 


(interrupting) 
And that word processing program 
that writes stories and novels for 
you. Isn't that actually a little 
bit over the top? 


(pause) 
Oh, I know you're here for special 
services, but can you just clarify 
for me how it works? 


MANNY 
All right. My program knows every 
word in the English language. The 
trick to writing a story is knowing 
which words to ELIMINATE and then 
how to ARRANGE all the words you 
have left. You enter your personality 
profile and what type of story you'd 
like to write. Based on your 
profile, certain themes come up on 
the screen. You or the software 
choose a theme. But it's basically 
your detailed profile that allows 
the software to interact with you, 
the writer. The software gets in 
your head. 


(pause) 
Ok. Enough. 


MARTIN SMITH 
I'm just very, very impressed. 


MANNY 


(exasperated) 
Can we please talk about why I'm 
here. 


94. 
MARTIN SMITH 


I'm sorry, but I have just one more 
question. I promise. 


MANNY 
Oh, all right. 


MARTIN SMITH 
Please tell me what you're working 
on now. 


MANNY 
Actually, I'm working on a sex aid 
for women. 


MARTIN SMITH 
Oh. 


MANNY 
Men already have their Viagra and 
related compounds, but there's really 
nothing out there for women. I can 
tell you that I'm very close to 
developing a ...how should I say 
this? "An illusion of intimacy" 
pill for women. So, a half hour 
before sex, he takes his Viagra and 
she takes an "illusion of intimacy" 
pill. O.k. that's it. 


MARTIN SMITH 
Wow. Sorry Dr. Rivers. Now please 
tell me why you're here. 


MANNY 
I'm just going to spill it all, Mr. 
Smith. 


MARTIN SMITH 
Don't worry, it's strictly 
confidential. 


MANNY 
It's my love life, Mr. Smith. I'm 
miserable. I love my wife and she 
says she loves me, but we don't have 
a sex life that's rewarding. I find 
it incredibly unnatural. She shows 
an interest...but maybe the problem 
is with me. She thinks I'm always 
somewhere else, not present. I don't 
think I turn her on even when she 
says she wants to make love. Well, 
shit, I really think she'd be happier 
with someone else. And I know I'm 
not being very coherent, and I just 
think about sex all the time. 


95. 
MARTIN SMITH 
Is she seeing someone else? 


MANNY 
I don't think so, but it's possible. 
My marriage is important to me, Mr. 
Smith, and I don't want to have an 
affair, but there's so much missing. 


MARTIN SMITH 
Dr. Rivers, you want a virtual woman, 
don't you? 


MANNY 
Yes, I think so. 


MARTIN SMITH 
It's nothing to be embarrassed about 
Dr. Rivers. We perform these services 
all the time. Look at it this way. 
It's one step above imagination, but 
it still is your imagination. 


MANNY 
But it's one hell of a step though, 
isn't it? 


MARTIN SMITH 
Let me get ready here. Why don't 
you sit on that soft chair and you'll 
have a good view of the large screen. 


MANNY 
Ok. 


Manny switches over to the soft chair, and Smith gets up and 
moves to a table with a key board. His back is to Manny. 


MARTIN SMITH 
I'll just ask you some questions and 
you answer as best you can. Don't 
worry, you can change your mind at 
any time about a detail. 


MANNY 
Ok. 


MARTIN SMITH 
You shouldn't have any trouble with 
this. In a sense, it's somewhat 
analogous to your enhanced word 
processing program. Shall we begin? 


MANNY 
Please Mr. Smith. 


Smith starts working on his keyboard while asking questions. 


96. 
MARTIN SMITH 
Let's start with a prototype. Race? 


MANNY 
White. 


MARTIN SMITH 
Height? 


MANNY 
Tall. 


MARTIN SMITH 
Weight? 


MANNY 
Uh, 125 pounds. 


MARTIN SMITH 
Ok. Here we go. Don't be alarmed 
by what you see on the screen. What 
you'll be looking at is a woman under 
construction. 


On the large screen a woman slowly appears, naked, with 
undefined face and body. 


MANNY 
But there's no face. 


MARTIN SMITH 
Not yet. Help me out here. Describe 
her face to me. 


MANNY 
Glossy, black hair, medium length. 
Large blue eyes, full lips. Medium 
nose. High cheek bones. Sort of 
statuesque. 


MARTIN SMITH 
That's enough for now. Let me rough 
it in. 


Image on screen becomes more fully defined. 


MANNY 


(becoming animated) 
Jesus Christ, she's a knock out. 
Uh, can you make the lips a little 
fuller, and the hair slightly longer? 


MARTIN SMITH 
Sure. 


MANNY 
Fantastic. 


97. 
MARTIN SMITH 
Dr. Rivers, I should tell you, that 
with our software you'll be able to 
manipulate the image as well, whenever 
you want. 


MANNY 
Ok, but can we continue and work on, 
uh, the body. Uh, long arms and 
long legs, medium size breasts with 
large nipples. And not too much 
pubic hair. Slim hips. 


Smith works at the keyboard and the woman is transformed 
once again. 


MANNY (CONT'D) 
God, this is really something. Uh, 
can you make the nipples a little 
darker? 


MARTIN SMITH 
Can do. 


The screen changes again. 


MANNY 
That's better. Can you rotate her 
on the screen so I can see a back 
view. 


The woman rotates on the screen 


MANNY (CONT'D) 
Do you think you could make her tushie 
just a little bigger? 


MARTIN SMITH 
How's that? 


MANNY 
Oh my god. 


The image continues to rotate on the screen and Manny stares 
in wonderment. 


MANNY (CONT'D) 
You know I just have to tell you, 
but this is the first time in a long 
time that I've had an erection. 


MARTIN SMITH 
Dr. Rivers, that is not at all 
uncommon. 


MANNY 
But can she do anything? 


98. 
Of course. 
mind? 
MARTIN SMITH 
What did you have in 
MANNY 

Well, uh, can she have sex? 


MARTIN SMITH 
Dr. Rivers, there are some things 
which I have to make clear to you. 
The fee you are paying us includes a 
home video or DVD, and you'll be 
able to interact with your creation 
in a somewhat limited way. However, 
since you're in my studio now, I 
think it's time to take this to a 
higher level. 


MANNY 
Like how high? 


MARTIN SMITH 
What we shall do is take your creation 
off the screen and shall we say, 
bring her more to life. 


MANNY 
Now what does that mean? 


MARTIN SMITH 
See that box over there? 


Martin Smith gestures to a small black box sitting on the 
floor. 


MANNY 
Yes. 


MARTIN SMITH 
Well, that box generates a microscopic 
fog that you can't see and neither 
can I. But with our advanced system 
that I have to take the credit for 
inventing, we project the image of 
your creation on the microscopic 
water particles or fog if you want 
to call it that. 


MANNY 
Yes, yes and what will I see? 


MARTIN SMITH 


(very dramatically) 
Dr. Rivers, she will be here for 
you. 


Smith works at his keyboard. 


99. 
MANNY 
But I don't see anything. 


MARTIN SMITH 
Oh, you will. I'm just activating 
the field. 


(pause) 
There. 


MANNY 
Oh my God. 


The woman Manny has created stands in the room before him. 
She is not transparent, but translucent and totally naked. 


MANNY (CONT'D) 
But can she have sex? 


MARTIN SMITH 
I know you asked me that a few moments 
ago, but I wanted to tell you about 
this other stuff first. 


(pause) 
The answer to your question is yes. 
She can masturbate, have sex with 
another woman, a guy or yourself, 
since I've already scanned you into 
the program. 


MANNY 
With me? That certainly seems weird. 
How about having her masturbate a 
little and then I arrive on the scene 
and have sex with her. 


MARTIN SMITH 
Watch this. 


The woman walks over to the coach, partially covers herself 
with a sheet and begins to masturbate. Manny watches himself 
appear in the room and get on the couch with the woman. 
They begin to make love. 


MANNY 
Please stop this. 


Smith keys in some more commands and the image freezes. 


MARTIN SMITH 
I do know what you're going through. 


MANNY 
I didn't think I was asking for a 
sex slave. 


MARTIN SMITH 
Are you sure? 


100. 
MANNY 
I don't know, but I seem to think 
about sex all the time. I'm still 
checking out every single woman. 


MARTIN SMITH 
Dr. Rivers, it's called testosterone. 
You know that, but you do have some 
options. For example, you could go 
to a TEC or... 


MANNY 
(interrupting) 
What's that? 


MARTIN SMITH 
A TEC stands for TESTOSTERONE 
EXTRACTION CENTER. Clearly Dr. 
Rivers, you have a high testosterone 
level, and if you don't like who you 
are, your testosterone level could 
be lowered. Then you wouldn't be 
looking up every skirt, but your 
creativity might diminish also. 


MANNY 
Shit, I think I'll stay with who I 
am and continue to look up every 
skirt. 


MARTIN SMITH 
Dr. Rivers, take all the software 
with you. Use it, and I believe 
your life is going to improve. 


MANNY 
But Mr. Smith, I want all this to 
happen in 3D, just like now. 


MARTIN SMITH 
We can do that Dr. Rivers, but you'll 
have to come here and rent one of 
our private suites or a VB, as some 
folks like to call them. You pay by 
the hour. You can then be as creative 
as you like. 


MANNY 
VB? 


MARTIN SMITH 
Virtual Brothel. 


Manny walks up slowly to the frozen image of the woman on 
the couch and stares at her. 


101. 
MANNY 
Mr. Smith, this woman actually 
resembles my wife, Sylvie. 


Manny finds his stepladder, climbs it but slips before 
reaching the top. 


INT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- CONTINUOUS 


Manny finishes his slide down the ladder and once again lands 
on the floor of the redemption center. Same as it ever was. 


Bottle sorting. Music, dance, animated discussions, joints 
being passed. 
MANNY (V.O.) 

Jesus Christ, I haven't been this 
turned on in years. It's like every 
chemical in my body has been 
activated. I wish Sylvie were here. 


PREACHER 
Come on y'all. Gather round. You 
ain't done with me yet. You know 
what, and I hope you already know 
this, but America is a great place. 
Yes sireee, she's a very fine place 
indeed. 


Congregation whoops it up. 


PREACHER (CONT'D) 
Now where else would you have this 
kind of freedom? 


VIETNAM WAR VET 
Nowhere else captain. 


PREACHER 
That's true 'ya know. Just look at 
all of you. I see blacks, whites, 
yellow and red people. Some of 'ya 
are religious and some of 'ya ain't. 
But it don't matter. Does it now? 


DRAG QUEEN 
No, it doesn't matter. Oh, we got 
our problems here, but it's still 
the best place to be. 


The congregation stomps the floor in agreement. 


PREACHER 
But we shouldn't get carried away 
here. No we should not. 


102. 
BLACK WOMAN LAWYER 
That's right captain. Our country 
is not always honorable. 


PREACHER 
Now sister, I know you'll have no 
trouble comprehending what I'm gonna 
say next. Y'all remember we talked 
about them gonglomerates. Well, 
sure you do. 


VIETNAM WAR VET 
Sure we remember. 


PREACHER 
Well 'ya know them gonglomerates and 
our American Dee-fense Dept., why 
they share the same bed. 


BLACK WOMAN LAWYER 
That's right captain. They do. 


PREACHER 
Since they share the same bed, we 
gotta assume they want the same stuff. 
Why, they both want to be on top at 
the same time. 


The congregation roars. 


PREACHER (CONT'D) 
But in this matter, it's really 
possible. And y'all know who's on 
the bottom? 


VIETNAM WAR VET 
Come on captain, tell us. 


PREACHER 
Yeah, I'll tell 'ya. It's the rest 
of the world that ends up on the 
bottom. 


BLACK WOMAN 
Now that ain't fair, is it now? 


PREACHER 
No sister it ain't fair at all. 'Ya 
know, them gonglomerates and our Deefense 
Dept. why, they sometimes act 
like big, fat Georgia hogs. Come on 
y'all, give me some SNORTS AND OINKS. 


The congregation obliges with SNORTS,OINKS and lots of 
laughter. Some folks get down on their hands and knees and 
root around like swine. 


103. 
PREACHER (CONT'D) 
Why do y'all suppose these presidents 
of ours cares so much about the Middle 
East? 


BODYBUILDER 
We know captain, but we want you to 
tell us anyway. 


PREACHER 
I will brother, I will. All those 
folks in Washington, the Dee-fense 
Dept. and the gonglomerates, what 
they care about is oil. That's right 
it's very simple. They care about 
oil. It be black gold to them. And 
that's what we need to make gasoline 
so's we can drive them big, big 
vehicles and heat them big homes. 


The congregation yells and screams in agreement. 


PREACHER (CONT'D) 
Y'all think for a minute if the Middle 
East didn't have oil, but instead 
had poke salad, black eyed peas and 
collard greens, 'ya think we'd be 
over there killin our brothers and 
sisters? Course not. We is talkin 
about energy and power here, and we 
is stealing it from the rest of the 
world. 


The congregation screams in agreement. Music begins. The 
choir begins to sing. Some folks fall to the floor in 
religious ecstasy. 


EXT. CITY STREET -- NIGHT 


A modern building self-contained. Vivid neon sign CRACKLING 
with energy proclaims "THE POWERHOUSE." Stark contrast to 
the black, night sky. 


INT. CAFE/JUICE BAR -- CONTINUOUS 


JULIE AND SUSAN, middle aged, both professionals and 
overweight, enter. Very upbeat atmosphere, relaxed. Good 
lighting, jazz music. Juice bar, coffee and espresso machine 
to one side. Round tables with chairs, couches, crowded. 
Everybody seems to be in a very good mood. People dressed 
casually, some in exercise outfits, some in jeans. 


Manny sits at a desk with a computer in the cafe. Sign on 
desk says "CHECK IN / CHECK OUT." He sips an espresso, and 
he looks pleased. 


Julie and Susan approach Manny. 


104. 
JULIE 
Hi, is this where we sign up? 


MANNY 
Never been here before, have you? 


SUSAN 
Never. 


MANNY 
Why don't you both get something to 
drink, and then come back and I'll 
explain the policies and give you 
cards. 


SUSAN 
(to Julie) 
Good idea. What do you think? 


JULIE 
Fine with me. 


Susan and Julie walk over to the counter, pick up a couple 
of coffees and return to Manny's desk and sit down. 


SUSAN 
So what's the deal? Do we pay by 
the month? 


JULIE 
Can we see the equipment and do we 
get a trainer? 


BERNIE, 20's, approaches Manny. 


BERNIE 
Sorry for interrupting guys, but I 
need to check out. 


Bernie hands Manny a plastic card, and Manny slides card 
through the computer. 


MANNY 
Well, I know where you went today, 
but why not tell...uh what did you 
say your names were? 


SUSAN 
I'm Susan and this is Julie. 


BERNIE 
Hi to both of you. Anyway, I did 
some kayaking up the Dead River in 
The Forks. One hell of a workout. 


105. 
SUSAN 
You mean you went kayaking and then 
you came here to work out. Pretty 
dedicated, huh. 


BERNIE 
It's not exactly like that. Manny 
will explain. Sorry, but I gotta 
change and run. Manny, how much did 
I make today? 


MANNY 
(looking at the 
computer screen) 
.05 cents. 


BERNIE 
Cool. See 'ya. 


SUSAN 
OK Manny, what was that about? 


MANNY 
I won't give you the whole spiel 
now, but The Powerhouse is the first 
gym of its kind in the country. We 
actually pay you to exercise here. 


JULIE 
I like that, but it's bullshit. 


SUSAN 
You're joking? 


MANNY 
Nope. All our exercise equipment is 
hooked up to the electrical power 
grid. The more you exercise, the 
more power you generate, hence, the 
more money you make. 


SUSAN 
Sounds kookie to me. 


Three COLLEGE FRATERNITY BROTHERS come up to Manny. They're 
wearing t-shirts with Greek lettering. 


BROTHER 1 
(with anticipation) 
How much did we make today, Manny? 


Manny slides the card. 


MANNY 
.11 cents. 


106. 
BROTHER 2 
How much is in our account now? 


MANNY 
$4.27. 


BROTHER 3 
We're gonna get that six pack soon. 


The brothers leave The Powerhouse, laughing. 


JULIE 
(sarcastically) 
And where did those college boys go? 


MANNY 
They climbed Mt. Katahdin. Come on 
you two skeptics, let's check out 
The Powerhouse, but first I have to 
get CAROL to fill in. 


Manny walks over to Carol who is sitting in the cafe and he 
points to his desk. She smiles at him, gets up and takes 
his place at the desk. 


MANNY (CONT'D) 
Thanks, CAROL, back in a flash. 
(to Julie and Susan) 
Ok. Let's go. 


INT. THE POWERHOUSE -- CONTINUOUS 


Passing through a door we enter The Powerhouse. Lots of 
exercise equipment with extra large monitors in front of 
each piece of equipment. Most of the equipment is in use 
and we see dramatic shots of outdoor scenes on the monitors. 


There is a strange silence except for the mechanical sounds 
the exercise equipment makes. 


Small LED displays are mounted to each piece of equipment. 
They show dollars and cents, same as a gas pump at the filling 
station. Most display only cents, while some display nothing. 


Everyone who is exercising wears earphones. 


SUSAN 
Well, this is pretty cool. What are 
the earphones for? 


MANNY 
It's best to just try something out. 


SUSAN 
I'm not exactly dressed for it. 


107. 
MANNY 
We won't notice. Just choose 
something. 


Susan contemplates her choices for a moment, then chooses 
something that looks like a Nordic Trak. 


MANNY (CONT'D) 
Cross country skier, huh? 


SUSAN 
I've done a little. 


MANNY 
Do you want to see how much money 
you're making? 


SUSAN 
Why shouldn't I? 


MANNY 
Cause you're going to make so little 
some people don't want to know until 
they check out. 


JULIE 
You should find out, Susan, it will 
be fun. 


SUSAN 
Sure. 


Manny touches a button and the LED comes to life, registering 
a lot of zeros. 


MANNY 
Ok. Get on, slide your card and 
choose the cross country trip you 
want to take by touching the display. 


Susan touches, "DEEP FOREST-MAINE WOODS." 


MANNY (CONT'D) 
Now decide if you want only natural 
winter sounds and of yourself skiing 
or if you want to add music to the 
background. Just touch the display 
and you'll be prompted. 


Susan touches, "NATURAL WINTER SOUNDS." 


MANNY (CONT'D) 
One more thing. You're going to 
come to some hills. Adjust the 
steepness with the button on your 
left. 


(MORE) 


108. 
MANNY (CONT'D) 
The steeper the hill, the harder 
you're going to work, but the more 
money you're going to make. Ok. 
You're off. Put on your ear phones 


SUSAN 
I'm psyched. 


JULIE 
Me too. 


MANNY 
Hey, you're not getting off so easy. 
You have to choose something too. 


JULIE 
I was hoping you'd ask. I want to 
kayak up the Dead River too. 


MANNY 
All right. That's a pretty wild trip. 


Manny and Julie walk over to a verifiable kayak. Julie slides 
her card, chooses to see the money she's earning and puts 
her earphones on. She chooses classical music and white 
water audio. Then she grabs her paddle which is hooked up 
to a device which translates the energy she produces into 
electric power. 


Manny gets on a variable pitch treadmill and he's off. 


EXT. DESERTED BEACH -- DAY 


Manny's POV. Pristine day. He's running along the ocean 
edge, sometimes a little in the surf and sometimes in the 
dry sand which make running more difficult. Mostly he glides 
along on the surf washed, hard packed sand. The surf comes 
booming in, but we are still able to hear the shore birds. 
Manny starts up a cliff trail and the treadmill inclines to 
make running much more difficult. He sees a woman pedaling 
a mountain bike on a road above him. The woman looks like 
Sylvie. 


EXT. CROSS COUNTRY SKI TRAIL -- DAY 


Susan's POV. Crisp, cold day. Conifers burdened with snow. 
Chickadees on branches. Sometimes we see Susan's ski tips, 
sometimes not. We hear the swish of her skies as she travels 
along the serpentine trail. A deer crosses her path. She 
sees a man in long underwear getting water from a brook. 


EXT. DEAD RIVER -- DAY 


Julie's POV. Summertime. Julie is paddling her Kayak up 
the Dead River. She weaves in and out of the rapids, around 
giant boulders. Julie almost swamps, but regains. 


109. 
The sound of rushing waters is overwhelming. A family of 
otter swim by. An osprey dives for fish. She passes a group 
of Buddhist monks dressed in saffron, fly fishing. 


INT. CAFE/JUICE BAR -- LATER 


Julie, Susan and Manny are drinking juice at a table. Both 
women are incredibly animated. 


JULIE 
That was just amazing. I've never 
experienced anything quite like it. 
It was so weird too. I saw these 
Buddhist looking guys fishing. 


SUSAN 
Yeah, I know what you mean. Like I 
was really there. I'm not even 
sure if what I did made the movie 
change or if I was just keeping up 
with the movie. Through the trees, I 
even saw this guy wearing long johns 
getting water out of a brook. 


MANNY 
Sounds like you gals had a gratifying 
experience. 


(pause) 
Did you make any money? 


SUSAN 
I made .04 cents. How about you 
Julie? 


JULIE 
Yeah, well I broke the bank and made 
.05 cents. Hey, but what the hell. 
Who gives a shit anyway, it was great. 


SUSAN 
Manny did you really dream this thing 
up? 


MANNY 
Yeah, I did. Now if this catches on, 
we hope to have a POWERHOUSE in every 
major city. 


JULIE 
Were we really producing electricity? 


MANNY 
Yeah you were. All the equipment is 
wired to the electric meter outside, 
and we actually make the meter spin 
backwards. 


(MORE) 


110. 
MANNY (CONT'D) 
The electricity you produced is 
electricity that doesn't have to be 
made by nuclear, coal or oil. 


SUSAN 
But we made such a tiny amount. 


MANNY 
Doesn't matter. If just a small 
percentage of people who like to 
work out come to a POWERHOUSE...well 
you do the math cause I'm terrible 
at it. Besides, there's a place I 
have to go. See you around guys. 


Manny finds his ladder and begins his climb, but slips before 
reaching the top. 


MANNY FINISHES HIS SLIDE DOWN THE LADDER, BUT NOW FINDS 
HIMSELF IN LINE WITH OTHER PEOPLE WAITING TO REDEEM THEIR 
BOTTLES. THE REDEMPTION CENTER HAS NOW TRANSFORMED ITSELF 
INTO A VERIFIABLE BOTTLE REDEMPTION CENTER WHERE PEOPLE RETURN 
THEIR EMPTIES FOR MONEY BACK. 


COUNTRY MUSIC is playing on a cheap desktop radio. Most of 
the congregation is gone except for the workers (who were 
part of the congregation)but who are now sorting bottles. 
They are busy at work. 


The woman who Manny was attracted to is one of the bottle 
sorters. She gives him a smile and he smiles back at her. 


Manny looks around, sensing that all is not quite right. 


His bottles are sorted and he is given a receipt which he 
takes to the man sitting at a desk. 


The man at the desk is the preacher. Manny hands his receipt 
to the preacher. The preacher takes the receipt and hands 
Manny a couple of dollars. 


PREACHER 
Why thank you sir, and y'all have a 
nice day. 


MANNY 
Uh, you're welcome. 


EXT. REDEMPTION CENTER -- DAY 


Manny gets into his car. 


INT. CAR -- CONTINUOUS 


Manny tunes in the same country station, and slowly drives 
off. A smile forms on his face. 


111. 
FADE OUT: 
THE END